A/N: About a week has passed between this chapter and the previous one. I know that it's painful to read right now… but I promise that the light at the end of the tunnel WILL be worth it. Here's the chapter you've all been dreading...

PLEASE listen to Fix You by Coldplay when you read this chapter. THanks! OR the secondhand serenade cover which is equally fitting.

~3rd Person POV~

After Sam had finished yelling at Dean about not killing Emma, he just stared out of the front window. He knew that if he said anything else to Dean, he'd lose it.

"Is there anything else you wanted to say to me?" Dean provoked. Shit.

"Yeah, actually there is," Sam said. All or nothing.

"Fine. Let me have it. I deserve it and you and I both know that," Dean said back.

"Yeah, you do, Dean! How are you going to tell Meredith? And don't even tell me you're not because if you don't, I will," Sam warned.

"What, is that a threat?" Dean asked, defensively.

"No that's a promise, Dean!" Sam exclaimed. "When you married her, you promised her that you were done with all of this nonsense. You said you would grow up! I guess we all see what promises mean to you."

"I-," Dean started.

"I'm not done yet, Dean. Did you even think about what you were doing? What about your sons? Dean, I'm about to have a son myself and I couldn't imagine doing that to them. Did you ever think about the effect that it would have on them? I mean, how could you do that to your family, man? Family used to mean so much to us," Sam scoffed.

"It still does!" Dean interjected.

"Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it. God, Meredith is going to be heartbroken! If it's not enough that you keep leaving without a word. Yeah, she told me all about that. You're jealous about that Nate guy at the benefit? You left her there to go talk to some professor about Dick Roman! If you're blaming anyone, you should be blaming yourself!"

"I'm sorry, okay? You don't think I feel bad enough? I know it was wrong and I regret it!" Dean yelled back.

"Good," Sam said. He shut his moth after that so he didn't say anything worse to his brother.

~End 3rd Person POV~

"Hello?" I asked, answering my phone.

"Hey, Mer," Molly said back.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked back.

"I just wanted to check up on you," Molly replied.

I sighed, "I appreciate it, Molly. I do, but I'm okay. I know all of you are kind of freaking about Dean and I's… fight but it's become normal now so I'm fine. But thank you. You don't need to worry about me! Shouldn't you be worried about that beautiful five month old baby of yours?"

Molly chuckled, "Well, yes, but I wanted to check up on my best friend. I know you don't need checking up on but I guess I need reassurance that you're okay."

"I see. Look, I've gotta get going though. I'm heading to the park and-," I started

"The park! That's a genius idea! Mer, you don't know how much I need to get out of the house. Do you mind if I come with you? Please?" Molly asked, desperately.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so. Sure, that's be great actually," I replied. It would be good to be with Molly. I just hoped Nate would be fine without me at the park today. Molly didn't even know who Nate was. I had been keeping Nate a secret for the most part… oh no. That just made it even worse.

"Great! And then do you think we could stop by The Falcon? I promised Andrea I'd bring Renee by at some point today," Molly asked.

"Of course. I'll see you then," I said before hanging up. I sighed, before rallying the boys so that we could get ready and go to the park.

I met drove over to Molly's and she and I took her car to the park with our kids all in their car seats in the back. Molly had a bigger car with more appropriate seat belts so it was pretty good. Molly had put Renee in her stroller while John was sitting on my lap as the two of us sat on a bench and talked at the park. Jude was playing on the playground with some of the other kids while we were there for a good thirty minutes.

"Hey, I see that you already have company," a voice said.

I looked up and my eyes widened as soon as I saw Nate. Oh God… Molly didn't even know about Nate. I had talked to her about 'my friend' but never about Nate specifically. Now that I thought about it, the fact that we were meeting here every day would seem awfully odd.

"Oh, hey, Molly this is um, uh, Nate," I introduced.

"Hi," Molly said warmly.

"Yeah, uh his son comes to play at the park a lot so we end up running into each other quite often," I replied, as if it were a coincidence that we had been meeting up every day. Nate shot me a funny look and Molly seemed to be picking up on it. Shit…

"Nice to meet you," Nate said politely.

"You too," Moll replied.

"I'm sorry, Nate. You can uh, sit. We were actually just leaving. We promised a friend of ours that we'd stop by. It was good to see you though," I said, eager to leave the park. It was all starting to sit with me. Dean had a right to be jealous. I had been spending an awful lot of time with a man that wasn't my husband. We just had… this connection… once again, with a man that wasn't my husband. It made me feel so uncomfortable but I wasn't quite sure if I was uncomfortable with the feeling or uncomfortable that I had feeling.

"Oh yeah. I agreed that we'd stop by to see my mother in-law. Sorry about that, Mer, but uh, we really should get going," Molly said, picking up on the hint.

"Oh it's alright. I didn't even bring treats today," Nate said.

"Oh, that's fine. That's really fine! I'm so sorry to rush out like this but we really do have to go," I said back.

"It's no problem," Nate said, nonchalantly.

While Andrea was fawning all over her beautiful granddaughter, Jude and John were playing on the floor in area designated for young kids in the café. It was just a small corner that was like a play pen overlooking the front of the store. Andrea had put a play area for kids in ever since Molly got pregnant with Renee. I guess she realized that she was about to have a large amount of children around.

I sipped my coffee while Molly continued to give me strange looks, "What?"

"Mer, are we even going to talk about the weird thing that happened today with hot park guy?" Molly asked.

"He's not-, please don't call him hot park guy," I sighed.

"I was just kidding, Mer. It's just… weird. He seems to know you pretty well," Molly said, fishing around for information.

"Yeah, well our kids play at the same park so we've ended up talking a lot. He's a really nice guy, Molly…" I trailed off.

"Obviously. He brings you treats?" Molly asked, raising an eye brow.

"What? No! I mean, it was only a couple of times but he's brought coffee and frozen yogurt but it's not like it's a frequent thing, you know?" I asked back, defensively.

"Meredith has a boyfriend! Meredith has a boyfriend!" Molly sang.

"Stop it! Please, Molly. I don't-, he's not-, we- I'm married, okay? He knows I'm married. I'm married! I declared, almost needed to hear it out loud to believe it. "I'm married…"

"Oh God," Molly gasped. I averted my gaze. She had finally caught onto it. "Mer, did you sleep with him?"

"No! God, no! Of course not. Look, he sought me out… I'm… he's Bobby's nephew on Bobby's wife's side and… well one day we just started talking. He gets it, you know? He gets what I'm going through because he went through something like this a couple of years ago with his wife who passed away and, he just gets it. He listens to me and through all this Dean stuff… it's kind of nice to have someone to talk to," I confessed.

"Meredith," Molly started.

"What?" I asked, remorsefully.

"You're having an emotional affair," Molly said, seriously.

"I know," I sighed.

"Look, Mer, I know things with Dean but you're marriage is not worth throwing away for this guy that you barely know," Molly started.

"Don't you think I know that, Molly? I wish that I talk to Dean about this and I wish that it was Dean that sat in that park with me but every time Dean and I talk we fight. And every time we fight, he leaves. It hurts…" I trailed off, looking down.

"Aw, Mer. I'm so sorry that all of this is happening at the same time. I really am," Molly said.

I nodded, "You know what the worst thing is? Nate and Dean met and didn't really like each other… I was afraid that that'd happen so I didn't tell Dean who Nate was. We lied and said he was a history teacher at the school but Dean still didn't like him…"

"Mer, I know you have a lot going on, but I think you need to be honest with Dean about who Nate really is. If he finds out and it wasn't from you, you and I both know that he's not going to take it well," Molly advised.

"You're right… I need to tell him, don't I?" I asked.

"You at least owe him that much. I mean, I know he's being a dick right now, but he deserves to know at least that. Look, the rest of the stuff can wait. You don't have to tell him about you're confusing, weird, feelings for hot park guy. Not yet, at least," Molly replied.

"Molly, I don't have feelings for him," I protested but part of me questioned whether or not that was actually true.

"Well regardless, it's obvious that hot park guy likes you," Molly pointed out.

"You think?" I asked, instantly regretting how hopeful I sounded.

"Yeah… the guy practically worships the ground you walk on," Molly replied.

"Molly!" I exclaimed.

"I'm kidding! Sort of," Molly shrugged. I laughed a little. "What I'm really trying to say is that it's obvious that this guy is into you."

"Is it really that obvious?" I asked, groaning.

"Yeah," Molly replied.

"Oh shit! Dean must've… he must've known then. That's why they didn't get along. Shit," I sighed.

I was up late that night reading a book that night when I heard the front door open. I put my book down and my jaw dropped a little as soon as I saw Dean. I was surprised that he had even come home. We had talked a little earlier in the week about the fact that he was on a hung with Sam but after they got to the town, he stopped calling. I looked him over. He just looked tired, sad, and regretful. I hoped everything was okay… then it hit me that nothing really felt okay anymore.

"Hi," I said as he stood there.

"Hi," Dean said.

There was a long pause where neither one of us spoke.

"I'm sorry," we both said at the same time.

"Look, Dean, I'm so sorry about the last time you were here. I shouldn't have called you John. It was really harsh and it wasn't fair of me and… it's just that Jude was really upset the night when you didn't come home and I know that it was only one time but you just kept leaving and it hurt so much that I couldn't stop myself. You're not John, Dean. You're an amazing father, Dean and I love you for that. I was mad, and it was stupid, and I feel like an ass for saying those things… I didn't mean them. I mean, yes, I want you here with me and we do need you but all of the negative stuff, I didn't mean it," I said, the words just tumbling out of my mouth. I couldn't stop myself. I needed to get those words out because I had wanted to say them for so long.

"Meredith, I need to-," Dean started, roughly. He sounded like he had been yelling for a while and his voice was rough and tired. It looked like he was struggling to say something that he didn't want to say and that frightened me.

"No, wait. Please, just… here me out. There's something I need to talk to you about. There's uh, there's something I haven't exactly been completely honest with you about," I started. Dean looked up, meeting my eyes with his and there was just so much pain there.

"Oh," Dean said back, speechless.

"Do you remember the guy that you met at the teacher benefit thing?" I asked.

"Yeah," Dean mumbled, nodding slowly. There was almost some kind of quiet desperation in his eyes. It was like he needed to know but he needed something specific from me about Nate.

"Nate is… Nate's not who you think he is. Nate came to me when you left for Frank Deveraux's. The police station called him when Bobby passed away because-, well- because he's Bobby's nephew on his wife's side. He sought me out and we talked and he has son that plays at the same park that Jude does so we've talked a lot. He wanted to meet you but he was afraid that you had had enough drama and that if he just tried to walk into our lives, it'd be too much so I told him that we could wait to tell you who he really was… I know it sounds crazy, but, I don't know. I was afraid that you'd react badly and, well, you know our family. We have a lot of baggage and a lot of drama sometimes and I guess I wanted to know if he could even get along with everyone. I'm kind of assuming that he didn't…" I trailed off. "But what I'm really saying, Dean, is that I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you. I don't want to keep fighting with you and lying I just… I want us to get back to normal and-."

"Meredith, stop. Please just… God, you're going to make this so hard," Dean said, his voice trembling. I could feel the blood rushing through my body. What was I going to make hard?

"Dean, is everything alright?" I asked, nervously.

"No," Dean replied.

"No? Well, Dean, you can't just leave it at that. We have to talk about this. You, I don't even know what's-," I started.

"I slept with someone," Dean finally blurted out, monotone.

"Oh," I said, speechless.

"It happened… on the hunt. I went to a bar… it was a one night stand, or at least it was intended to be. I don't know what I was thinking but… it just happened, Mer. I uh, I left my flask so I went back over there the next day to get it and she had a kid. Turns out the girl was a part of this whole Amazon warrior thing that have kids in 36 hours. When I went back over there, she had a daughter that wasn't there the night before. The kids of the Amazons grow up in about a day and-," Dean began to explain.

"Wait, are you telling me that… you have a daughter out there somewhere?" I asked. My worst nightmare was coming true and I felt like someone had stabbed me and continuously turned the knife over and over again in me.

"Wait. Let me just- no, I don't. Please, just listen to me and let me explain," Dean begged.

"Okay," I said back.

"The girl grew up. The children stop at adolescence and then age normally after that but when they become adolescence, they're supposed to kill the fathers. She came to the motel room to kill me and uh, Sam killed her. Meredith, I'm sorry and I know that no matter how many times I say it, it won't ever make up for it, but I need you to know that I'm truly sorry and that I love you – only you. It's just… it was a mistake," Dean replied.

I could tell that he felt awful but as he said those words, I could feel my entire world crashing down. Dean had slept with someone else… My husband slept with someone else… I couldn't think straight anymore so I said this: "Is that all?"

"Yes," Dean replied.

"Okay," I said back, not knowing what else to say. "I'm going to go to bed. I'll uh, see you tomorrow, I guess." I turned around and began to walk upstairs.

"Meredith, wait," Dean begged.

I shook my head and couldn't even look at him, "I can't. Not tonight. Not right now. I just… I can't." I continued going up the stairs and into the guest room. I turned on the lamp next to the bedside and shut the door. I got an extra blanket from the closet and curled up in the bed, my knees pressed to my chest. I let out a quiet sob and just let myself cry.

I honestly didn't know how to feel anymore now. I wasn't even quite sure how I was supposed to feel. Part of me blamed myself for driving Dean away. Every time had come home, we had fought and I felt if I had just accepted his way of grieving and his obsession than none of this would've ever happened but the other part of me said that I had a right to be mad about that stuff. I was angry at Dean for doing this and for hurting me. He had had a child with another woman! Sex was one thing but for me and what I thought for Dean as well, having a family really meant something. For me and Dean, it was something special to us. Family was special to us. But apparently not anymore. I felt like my heart had just been ripped and trampled over. Just then, I heard the door open a little. I wiped away my tears and wished it wasn't Dean. I couldn't be around him right now.

"Mama?" I heard a small voice ask. The door opened a little wider and Jude came into the room. "Mama, are you okay? You're crying."

"I know, baby. I'm alright. Your daddy came home and uh, we had another argument. This one hit pretty hard and uh… I'm just a little sad. It's okay," I said, trying to comfort him. Jude came over and hopped up on the bed. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

"Daddy loves you very much. I don't want you to be mad at each other anymore. I love you too," Jude reassured.

I smiled, sniffling a little, "Thank you, baby. Hey, Mama is going to get some sleep, okay? And you should get to bed as well, Mr."

"Can I sleep in here?" Jude asked.

I sighed. I really want Jude to be roped into any of this and I definitely didn't want him to feel like he had to take sides at all.

"Sure, if you want to," I finally said. This didn't mean he was taking sides though.

"Okay," Jude said back, curling up in bed and falling asleep before I did. I tossed and turned in bed and finally ended up falling asleep after a good three of hours of just laying there. Dean's words echoed in my head, piercing me each time I repeated them to myself. Why were we falling apart?