The Common Room was a crowded and noisy affair. It was expected, since exams were officially over and that meant there was no reason not to party. Sometimes I wondered if Gryffindor's defining trait should be a love of parties, rather than bravery. End-of-exams parties were a whole House affair – even the little first-years were running around, although the contraband alcohol had to be watched with rather more caution than usual.

I picked up a bottle of butterbeer and headed toward a relatively quiet corner of the Common Room. I was just happy to watch the merriment and revelries for a while. Whilst the Arithmancy exam hadn't been particularly difficult, the entire exam period had taken its toll, and I was feeling a little exhausted.

I curled up on an empty couch not far away from the fire and fondly watched the antics of my fellow House mates. I was going to miss this, I realised. The ridiculous dancing, the dubious firewhiskey, the laughing chatter. I remembered McGonagall's words to us that first night at the Hogwarts, so many years before. As we waited to be Sorted, standing close to each other in shivering clumps of trepidation, her speech helped to allay some of my fears. My House was to be my family. Despite the spark of hope, I hadn't quite believed her words then. And right now, I didn't quite believe that I was going to leave my family behind in a few short weeks.

"What are you thinking about in this corner by yourself?" Remus asked, coming to sit next to me on the couch. He had a cup of the spiked punch clutched in his hands, and like me, his eyes watched the scene in front of us.

"Nothing really," I replied, smiling. There was something about Remus' company. It was always so calming, so reassuring. I'd wondered how he could've been friends with people like James and Sirius, but as I'd gotten to know him over the years, I was glad that he had become friends with them. I strongly suspected that he acted as a counterbalance to their mischievous and nefarious ways.

"Just thinking about what it'll be like once we leave?" he asked astutely.

I looked over at him, and couldn't help grinning. "Something like that, yes. I hadn't realised how much I loved this place until now."

Remus nodded, and took a thoughtful sip of his drink. "I'm really going to miss this place," he murmured after a moment.

I nodded in agreement. "Hogwarts is…" I paused, searching for the right word.

"Home," Remus replied. "Hogwarts is home."

I smiled. Yes, that's what Hogwarts was. Home. It was safety, and comfort, and knowing what to do. It was childhood, and friendships, and laughter. It was everything that the outside world was not.

And nothing had quite highlighted that more than the Death Eater attack on Hogsmeade a few weeks before. Thankfully, no one had been any more seriously injured than me; the last of us to recover had all been discharged from the Hospital Wing together, and all of us had been quite happy to leave.

But I wondered about the impact this attack had had on us mentally. My nightmares hadn't become any better – if anything, as the weeks had gone on, they'd become worse. My friends were more quiet and thoughtful, getting far-off looks as news of more attacks on muggles and muggleborns were reported in The Prophet every day. Trips to the owlery were always frantic scurries, and the sight of the post in the morning caused more worry than happiness these days.

No, no one had been seriously hurt physically, but the attack had taken its toll on us all mentally.

"I'd better get back to the refreshment table," Remus sighed, breaking our contemplative silence.

I shot him a quizzical look.

"I'm on don't-let-the-first-years-near-the-punch duty," he explained.

I gave a little laugh. "Have fun, then."

He smiled and waved goodbye as he left, and I settled back into seat, wiggling a little to make myself more comfortable.

As time went on, other friends came past my couch in the corner. James and Lily dropped in for a while, before Lily dragged James off to dance with her to some muggle song that was blasting through a wireless. Sarah came back with Remus and another butterbeer in tow, and we spent a good while just talking and laughing. Even Peter popped by for some time, although our combined quiet natures kept the conversation to a minimum. But when we did speak, the conversation was pleasantly witty and engaging.

As the party began to wind down in the early hours of the morning, after the second time Professor McGonagall had stormed in and yelled at us to go to sleep in all her tartan glory, I found my thoughts wandering in the direction of chocolate frogs.

And the person who seemed to have an infinite supply of them.

We hadn't "spoken" since last night, and I found myself missing Sirius' company. He was always the centre of attention at parties, and I'd caught glimpses of him throughout the night, sometimes on punch duty, sometimes dancing wildly on top of tables, sometimes winning a round of Exploding Snap with a bunch of sixth-years with ill grace.

Not once had I seen him look over in my direction.

Not that I expected him to, of course. It wasn't as if my couch was in the middle of the Common Room, visible to all. And nor should there be any reason as such that he'd want to search me out. Even when we were… together, parties had always been time which we'd often spend apart.

But there would sometimes be some sneaking into empty classrooms, or to dimly lit corners, mostly just to talk.

Okay, also to snog.

And now I was thinking about snogging. Great.

I felt the sofa shift under the compressing weight of someone sitting down next to me, and I desperately hoped that my expression did not give away that I was thinking about snogging Sirius.

I glanced over to see who it was, and then really wished that my expression did not give away that I was thinking about snogging Sirius.

Sirius' cool grey eyes looked back at me, and a prickle ran through me. Heat flushed my skin, and I shifted uncomfortably at the inexplicable hot-and-bothered feeling.

Alright, I was feeling hot and bothered because the object of my snogging fantasy was now looking deep into my soul, and it was rather embarrassing.

"I don't have any chocolate frogs," he said as a conversation starter.

The hot and bothered feeling eased a little. Perhaps my expression demanded chocolate frogs rather than a snog.

Before I could reply, he continued, "They're up in my dorm. I could go get them right now –"

"No," I surprised both of us into a momentary silence with that one word.

"… No?" His gaze was a little wary, and his tone was carefully void of any clue as to what he thought I meant.

"No," I shook my head to emphasise the point.

His expression remained wary and confused.

"You don't need the chocolate frogs," I clarified.

"Oh. Okay, then. I don't have anything else, though."

"That's fine."

His eyebrows puckered faintly, not helping to lessen his austere handsomeness. "Then how am I supposed to talk to you?"

"With your mouth," I replied without thinking. Once again, I shocked us into silence. My gaze flicked down to his mouth, and then quickly back up to his eyes, hoping that he hadn't noticed.

I flushed to notice that he, in fact, had noticed. It was a little consoling that he'd been doing the same.

I really shouldn't have mentioned his mouth. How was I supposed to stop thinking about snogging him now?

I turned away, embarrassed, and stared very intently at the distant punch table, a collection of firewhiskey and butterbeer bottles shrouded in shadow under it.

The awkward silence drew out.

Sirius sighed.

I glanced in his direction again, and expected him to get up and leave, but instead, he just took a sip from his almost-full butterbeer bottle.

"Since I have permission to speak without resorting to bribery, why are we sitting in silence?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied a little peeved. "You are the one who came and sat down next to me."

He looked over at me and smiled. I felt my bones melting like chocolate left on a sunny window ledge. "Mills, why are you always right?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Flattery? Really?" Some of the tension in my shoulders eased as I fell into the familiar rhythm of our conversations. I'd missed more than just the snogging.

I mean, I didn't love him just because he was a good snog.

"You compel me," he replied simply.

"I… compel you?"

"Yes."

"To flatter me?"

"Yes."

"That makes no sense."

He sighed dramatically. "Many things about speaking with you make no sense, but in all the best ways."

I laughed at his silliness. "There's good ways not to make sense?"

He nodded, "There's good, there's better, and there's best. And then there's you."

My smile faltered. I don't know why. Maybe it was the sincerity in his voice. Maybe it was the intensity in his gaze. Maybe it was because I was still in love with him, and I was actually okay with that.

I wondered when I'd come to that decision. Was it whilst I was lying against a building, my leg twisted and my head throbbing? Was it during those long sleepless nights in the Hospital Wing? Was it somewhere after the fifty-seventh chocolate frog? I didn't know, and I found myself not caring.

I loved Sirius Orion Black, and despite what a colossal idiot he was, I wouldn't – couldn't – stop loving him.

"Mills…" he began, snapping me out of my thoughts. He always called me Mills. I didn't know why I liked it so much. It was a ridiculous name. I did not grind flour with my magic turbines.

I clutched my empty bottle of butterbeer to my chest, and turned toward him.

"I realise that my behaviour over this year has been… unforgivable."

I opened my mouth to say something, but he held up a hand, forestalling my words.

"Let me finish, please," he said softly.

I hesitated, but then nodded for him to continue.

"I don't just mean that kiss with Marissa. That was definitely unforgivable, and despite whoever had kissed whom, there certainly was kissing, and that's what counts."

I wondered at where this new Sirius was coming from. Distance from that night had given me some perspective. I'd been hurt and angry, and as he'd said, no matter who'd initiated it, there had been kissing, but I couldn't hold Sirius solely accountable. Despite it all, I did trust him, and now that I'd had some time to think about it, his version of events did hold the ring of truth. But Sirius wasn't done talking.

"It wasn't fair to you that I coerced you into pretending to be my girlfriend."

"You didn't exactly force me, Sirius. I could've easily said no," I interrupted.

"I know that, but there was no reason to keep making you do it as long as I did," he said with an impatient shake of his head. "But the truth is… do you remember when you asked me if we could end it, just before Christmas?"

I nodded slowly, wondering where he was going with this.

"I didn't let it end because I didn't want it to end."

Ah, he was going there. Towards feelings.

"I didn't want to stop spending time around you. I didn't want to let you go. It took me a lot longer than it should have to realise that. After that… it stopped being pretend for me."

He looked at me, and sighed, running a hand through his slightly dishevelled hair. "You don't believe me, do you?" Before I could reply, he muttered, "I wouldn't believe me. But it's the truth, and I want you to know that. I can't change if you believe me or not. And I know that showering you with chocolate frogs is not going to make you forgive me. But I really am very sorry for all of it."

I gave him a moment to see if he'd finished. "Are you done?" I asked.

He thought about it, and sighed. "Yes, I think so."

"Okay. May I say something now?"

"Of course."

"It was real for me, too," I said quietly, clutching my butterbeer bottle tighter. The words were hard to say, but I felt as if I owed it to him – to me – to say what I felt. "It's why it hurt so much. You – you broke my heart, Sirius."

Something close to pain flashed through his eyes, settling into remorse. "I really am very sorry, Mills. I'm a stupid, idiotic… idiot. You're right about that – again."

I gave a small smile at his attempt at humour. "So what are we going to do?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. He put his bottle down on the ground next to the sofa and moved a little closer to me. There was very little space between us; our knees almost touched where they pointed to one another.

"Maybe…" I began, loosening my death grip on my empty bottle. My palms were a little sweaty at what I was about to say, so I thought it best to put the bottle down, before it just slipped out and smashed to the floor. "Maybe we could start… over?"

He looked up from where he'd been staring between the floor and the middle distance. "Start over?" he asked, a thread of confusion sparking in his face.

I nodded. "Start over. You know, from the beginning."

"Like we don't know each other?"

I smiled. "More like two acquaintances who wish to further their friendship."

He thought about it for a moment, then gave me a winning smile. My recently reformed bones melted into a puddle of bony goo once more. His smile was not doing wonders for my posture, for sure. "Hello," he stuck out his right hand to shake. "I'm Sirius Black."

I looked at his hand. So this was how he wanted to do this? I took his hand in mine, and gave a shy smile in return. "Hello. I'm Millie White."

He quirked his lips. "Our names match."

I laughed. "Funny, that." He still hadn't let go of my hand. Despite its familiar warmth, I pulled away.

"So tell me about yourself, Millie White." He lounged back into the sofa, and I followed suit, relaxing into the worn comfortableness of the backrest.

I shrugged. "There's not much to tell, really. I'm seventeen years old, my parents died during a Death Eater attack near Diagon Alley last summer, I'm about to graduate from Hogwarts, and I want help with the war any way I can." My words gave me pause. Was that true? Did I want to help in this war? But then Lily's pale face flashed before me as she waited for Sarah to finish reading about the most recent attack on muggles near where her parents lived. Another image of a second-year Ravenclaw sobbing quietly in the third-floor girls' bathroom as her friend tried to console her flashed. Eavesdropping, I learnt that the girl's father was missing, possibly because of Death Eaters. Yes, I wanted to help.

Sirius nodded. "I'm eighteen years old, I ran away from home when I was sixteen because my family are crazy pureblood fanatics, I'm about to graduate from Hogwarts, and I want to fight in the war."

I smiled wistfully. Look at us, sitting here side by side, seemingly safe from the harsh realities of life. But Hogwarts couldn't protect us forever. It was our turn to protect it. "We have a lot in common, then," I murmured.

"Yeah," he grinned. "I guess we do."

"Besides wanting to fight in wars, what do you like to do?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood again. The tightness in my chest that had plagued me for the past several weeks had almost completely eased away.

"I love you."

My chest tightened again, my eyes widened, and I'm quite sure my mouth was hanging open. My drowning fish in shock impression hadn't reared its ugly head in a while. Sirius hadn't said something so outrageous in a while either.

"What?" I squeaked.

"Sorry," Sirius squeezed his eyes shut, in embarrassment or something else, I couldn't tell. "Can we start again? I'm not very good at this."

"You think?" I asked incredulously. What would possess him to say something like that?

"I'm sorry," he said again. "Sort of just… slipped out. Didn't mean to say it."

My heart fell into my stomach. "You didn't… mean it?" Of course he didn't mean it. Sirius Black did not fall in love, least of all with me.

"No," he shook his head. My heart plummeted to my knees. "I didn't mean to say it. I definitely meant it."

"What's the difference?" I asked, feeling slightly breathless. Was talking with Sirius always such an emotional rollercoaster? Yes. Yes, it was.

He took my hands in his, holding them gently. Both of us looked down at them. It was easier than looking at each other. "The difference is that I love you, but since we're going to try being friends first, I shouldn't have said it," he replied. "Could you forget that I said it, and we can try this again?"

"How do you expect me to forget something like that?"

He grinned faintly. "I don't really. But it was worth a try. Truth is, I don't really want to be your friend. I love you, and I want to be yours."

I was silent for a long time. "I – I don't know what to say." And I didn't. I should be happy, really. I loved him, and he loved me. But our relationship was so… fragile. Could it withstand something like the force of love? I didn't think so.

"I understand," he murmured, rubbing the pads of his thumbs across the back of my hands. A shiver ran down my spine. "We'll be friends for as long as you like, but consider this fair warning – I don't know how good I'll be at it."

"What do you mean?" He was still rubbing his thumbs across the back of my palms, and I tried to ignore the warmth that was spreading from where we touched.

"Well, if you start dating another bloke, I'm going to be insanely jealous," he began conversationally. "And if he hurts you, he may never walk again, of course. And you might find me staring at you quite frequently. You're so beautiful to me, and even now, I can't stop thinking about how badly I want to kiss you. Fortunately, this also means that I'll always be up for a good snogging session if you ever want to." The heat in his eyes was scorching. If that ever happened, I didn't think we'd be able to stop at just the snogging. And to be honest, I didn't want to stop at the snogging. An answering heat pooled deep in my belly at the thought.

"That's… quite the offer of friendship," I replied carefully.

He smiled, dimples and all. "Is that a yes, then? To my terms of friendship?"

"I… have to think about it." And I did. I suddenly felt the need to get away from Sirius and his large, charismatic presence. My feelings about us before didn't hold a candle to the confusion I harboured now.

He sighed. "Okay." He didn't let go of my hands.

"I have to go now," I blurted out.

"Alright." He still didn't let go of my hands.

I waited three very long heartbeats. "Could you let go of me, please?"

The look in his eyes was a bolt of lightning. They clearly said no, but his mouth said, "Okay."

He brought my hands to his lips, and gave each one a kiss, his touch butterfly soft. And then he let go.

I shot to my feet, and wobbled a little unsteadily, but managed to right myself before I could fall over. Or need Sirius' help.

Sirius remained seated, looking up at me where I gazed uncertainly back down at him. What now?

"Goodnight, Sirius," I mumbled. I couldn't just leave without saying anything.

He smiled, mischief sparkling in his eyes. I got the unsettling sensation that he knew exactly what was going through my head. That made one of us. "Goodnight, darling."

Before I blurted out something I would later regret, I turned abruptly and headed for my dorm.

Was Sirius Black, whom I loved, and who loved me, worth the risk of a second chance?

I didn't know.