Len

The next few weeks passed by quickly each day was a balancing act waking up at four am to go for a jog through Hyde park where I would meet up with Lexi we would have an amazing run where we talked about everything from our favorite foods hers were simple things like Pizza, Salad, Pasta she loved her pasta which is why she said she spent so much time in the gym but as far as I was concerned she had an amazing figure. My favs were caviar, Salmon, general taso's chicken, pies, fruit.

We talked about our favorite music she preferred punk/ Gothic while I liked pop/ dance music, our favorite shows she liked action shows like Xena the Warrior Princess, The elephant Princess which was an Australian show. "I see you have a thing for Princesses" Her smile lifted me as she leaned in and whispered "What can I say I have an affliction for Beauty" Of coursethat earned her a kiss.

After our jog which usually lasted an hour I went home excised for another hour took a shower joined my family for breakfast than had school, which was crazier with each day but exhilarating we were learning so much I already learned two different acting types Method, Stanislavski, what the difference between he two were, we learned about stage acting how to approach scripts, be directed in scene work, create a character and be confident and imaginative in rehearsals.

In music I was learning more piano technique I could now play three different styles than I could before I started here. Life was a juggling course in school I held Damian's hand we kissed I played the role of his daunting girlfriend. We giggled over shared jokes, we worked closely on projects. I seemed to have him fooled but there was a part where I felt him pulling away. After school I had rep rehearsal for hours than I went to the studio to work on my martial arts where I had the sexiest smartest teacher who gave me private lessons.

By December I had risen two belts I was feeling stronger. I had learned how to use a sword, how to work with a staff. Fridays were my date nights with Damian where we went bowling, the movies had dinner, we went to games rugby, football, we cheered our hearts out I fell into his arms when our team lost where he comforted me or teased me, it always ended with a full on make out session.

Damian was always coming up with new ideas, anything from ice skating, roller blading, Miniature golf with friends or Amusement parks. Saturdays he always had to work at his mum's restaurant they seemed to be having issues so he said it would keep the peace in truth it worked out perfectly cause than on Saturdays Lexi and I had dates nights we went to the remote locations in London she always seemed to have friends in every corner who threw the funniest parties in warehouses, garages, parties on top of roofs when we weren't in the party mood we went for walks along the countryside, we took the train to Paris where we had dinner on top of the Eiffe tower we walked along the Champs-Elysées where we meet up with some of my friends, we went to parties in the fanciest of mansions and clubs.

Everything seemed to move so fast but I was learning so much about her she really was a beautiful soul she volunteered every Monday, Wednesday at two homeless shelters for LGBTQ youth. She hated flowers cause she was allergic, she loved kitties, I liked dogs but they were both adorable, she loved to garden even though it made her eyes itch, she was a great sister always helping her brothers out even though they teased her.

It was hard to find time to be together besides Saturdays so some nights I started sneaking her inside the palace through the secret tunnels to my room. I would be in so much trouble if I was ever caught showing anyone the tunnels never mind having someone over on a school night.

Still it was a risk worth taking we would sneak inside and if we didn't make it to the main palace there was a secret room in the tunnels I had set up there we would cuddle by a fire watch Xena kiss and whisper about what we wanted for our futures.

My quest to get a LGBTQ club started was hitting some snags but I wasn't quitting I went to the headmaster but that got me laughed at. So I took to the streets along with my crew Damian, Unity, Kit, Solan who was this quite kid in our acting classes who had a talent for production editing, him and Damian got along well so they took turns one would hold the camera one day while the other would be the first assistant as well as the gaffer, Unity was usually our gripper.

While Kit and I would interview the subjects we took to the streets to get public views on gay straight alliances in schools, we interviewed kids, teens parents, we asked random strangers we took to the Internet made videos reaching out to kids to get signatures videos sent in asking people to say why they thought this club was a great idea. We talked to kids, workers in LGBTQ centers. It took months but every night I was editing together material.

Exhaustion was really starting to ware on me besides all this I had performances every week with rep we traveled all over. Which was fun I got to see so many different lifestyles cultures we went all over England to different events we went to France, La, NYC, Tennessee, Chicago, Seattle in each city Kit and I would manage to sneak off and venture to their cities hottest gay clubs of course we were always disguised. I learned quickly that Kit was so talented he could master any dance style with just seeing it once also he was a true friend he never uttered a word to Damian about my other love interest. I started to see that there was so many ways to live NYC was a true eye opener so many different people living life in their own way gay, straight, bisexual, transgender in all different jobs no one cared who they were they all just lived their lives. It gave me hope someday maybe I could be like one of those people.

Still when I was home alone sitting behind a computer screen trying to compose a document that I could present to the school board meeting in a few weeks, listening to all the stories from my interviews, I felt that hope die a little. How could I feel hope when I listened to 15 year old Gabriel talk about how his own dad burned him with a fire poker when he came out to him as homosexual, how his mum threw him out instead of taking his side. How he wondered the streets for months becoming prey to all the pimps, drug dealers before he was picked up for prostitution and taken to a halfway house to detox before he could even get into a shelter.

He was a baby faced milk chocolate cutie who should have been in school playing with his mates but he was worrying about where he would lay his head down at night how he was going to eat if anybody would ever love him. For every Gab there was another story even more sad 13 year Cynthia who was beaten everyday, molested by her step-dad and brother till she ran away when she was eleven she spent only weeks on the streets before being snatched up by an older woman who promised her she would love her protect her and all she did was use her to pass drugs when she didn't make the delivery on time or if anything happened she would get beaten. She stayed for months before she got the courage to leave now she was living alone on the streets with a group of other runaway/ throwaway kids she had a partner Mindy who was 14 who had been tossed out when she came out to her parents months before.

My eyes blurred as I tried to focus on the task ahead but I had been at it for hours, Gemma's pills had no effect on me anymore. A soft knock on my door made me look up weary calling out

"Who is it?"

"It's your dad darling may I come in?"

"Sure I could use a break"

My dad came in grinning as he held out a slice of apple pie covered in whip cream.

"Sweetie you need to take some time away from all this work your killing yourself"

"Daddy I have a deadline I need to get down but I am at a loss, as powerful as these stories are their missing something"

He patted my couch sighing I got up going over to where he was sitting pulling me close he kissed my forehead.

"Sweetheart you know I am proud of you but as hard as I always tell you to work for what you want I also encourage you to take time for yourself"

"I know daddy but some things are bigger than ourselves you taught me that" His laughter rung out as he ruffled my head "Yes I did my own words biting me in my bum back, what seems to be troubling you Leni?"

It's just I have all this power daddy and I can't seem to find a way to make it work to help anyone maybe Mum's right maybe I just am too stupid too young"

"What?" shit I slipped I looked up at my dad his big eyes were cast in worry now as he pulled me closer lifting my chin.

"What did you say baby girl?"

"I didn't mean to say anything but when we were coming home from Russia mum told Rachel I was too dumb to know what I was fighting for that she was just using me in her game maybe she's right maybe this is too big for me to understand"

I could see my dad tense up his facial muscles tightened as his grip on my shoulders did to. "Listen to me darling what your mum said was wrong you are not dumb you my darling daughter are one of the brightest young ladies out there you have a vision you have ambition you just need to find some peace than you will be able to listen to your heart the answers you are seeking are there" "Right now my dear you need to eat this awesome pie and go to sleep the questions will still be there in the morning but hopefully so will thee answers you seek"

"Okay but daddy promise me you won't tell mummy I heard her"

"I promise my dear now promise me you will sleep" "Promise daddy"

Well he was right the questions were still there when I woke up they plagued me all day keeping me distracted which proved to be a good thing.

I could block out the name calling which was worse now than ever. The only things that changed were I was quicker on my feet so I didn't get tripped as often I had started to learn to fight back now, Lexi was rubbing off on me she was teaching me to stand up for myself she was changing me because of her I was seeing I had worth I was special I wasn't the names they called me. It didn't stop them from hitting me shoving me against lockers Courtney took so much pleasure in shoving me down spitting on me, I was lucky when Gemma seemed to show up each time right before Courtney would kick me in my head. Helping me up she always dusted me off cleaned me up. "Gemma you have done so much for me but I need something stronger these pills aren't working for me anymore" She sighed going into her purse handing me another baggie. I didn't ask what they were so long as they worked.

Commotion seemed to fill the halls as I went to my main locker kids were lining the halls chanting "Die faggot die! Die homo die! Death to the homo's!" I shoved my way through the mess of kids swallowing against the fear as I saw why they were all chanting who they were chanting at Kit was standing at our locker his face beat read the door was ripped off the wall our books thrown on the floor ripped up pictures from our personal collections were thrown on the ground spray painted with bright pink color fagot, across the lockers in big white was the word Dyke, the word sent shivers through out my whole body I felt sick.

Bryan, his side kicks Ryon and Cian were shoving Kit around passing him like a used rag doll he fell to his knees tears welling up he was begging them to stop but they only laughed kicking him spitting on him. I wanted to help him but how? I was small I was … no I wasn't weak I wasn't the same girl that I was a few months ago I didn't waste time I didn't stop to think I just reacted I wasn't the only one Unity was by my side as we charged the boys who laughed at us but I didn't let their laughter get to me.

Instead I grabbed Bryan's shirt how I found the strength I didn't' even know I had. Throwing him against a locker shock filled his face but he charged throwing up my left arm I blocked his punch as I spun my left leg out tripping him than I spun and kicked him in his back. He flew across the hall. Unity pulled out her pepper spray and used it on Cian and Ryon who squealed in pain quickly she helped Kit up. I ran over but not in time before a few classmates tried to push Unity down calling her a fag lover grabbing at her she fought them but one of them ripped her skirt leaving us all gasping as the fabric came down.

Revealing Unity's silky black panties and their surprise unity was frozen in fear trying to cover her private parts but there was no covering it up. The bulge made it obvious she was really a he.

In seconds I was by her side wrapping my arms around her "Tranny" Someone hissed "Freak" Shoving my way through the crowd I hit a few with my elbow trying my best to cover her as Kit scurried up taking her other arm, a few students cleared the way helping to form a wall around us so we could get her to the school nurse. Collapsing on one of the benches I held her as she shock tears falling in rapid succession while I rubbed her back. Nurse O'Connor fixed Kit's cuts cleaned his blood off gave him some ice. A few minutes later Mrs. Sparks was by us taking Unity in her arms she couldn't stop crying running my fingers over Unity's face; I tried to make her feel better.

"I don't love you any less Unity your still my best friend don't let these stupid ignorant kids get you down keep fighting keep being you"

Her parents arrived twenty minutes later furious raising hell her mum was by her side hugging her thanking us for sticking by her, while her dad went charging into the head masters office.

The events from that day left me shaken my books were ruined spray painted with hateful remarks like Dyke, Homo lover, Slut, Bitch. The looks on my friends faces as they were humiliated hit spit at. I skipped Rep practice my head was pounding so hard I couldn't stop shaken. I was vomiting again it was hard to hold back the tears as I ran to my waiting car the paparazzi were horrible flashing their cameras at me as I tried to fight them off. Thankfully my parents were out because I was able to go straight to my room slamming my door as the tears fell. Why did these comments hurt worse than physical blows? I know the people making them are inconsiderate, arrogant, uneducated fools yet they cut me so deeply.

Dyke the word slammed into my skull painfully the punch was so deep it went to my stomach the nausea left me hunched over the toilet over and over.. it's not like that's the worst I had ever been called but the problem was most of those words were untrue. This one it wasn't a lie it was true I was one of them I was what they called me a Dyke. I've accepted it I was even somewhat proud of who I am not an easy thing given that I was raised in such a conservative family but they made it sound so dirty.

All weekend I lay in bed feeling sick my stomach cramping head pounding Damian was so sweet bringing me flowers he didn't try to kiss me he just laid next to me stroking my hair, of course mum and dad made me leave the door open. We talked for hours until he had to leave. Texting Kit and Unity I tried to see if they were okay but I fell asleep before I got any answers only to wake up in extreme pain. Food didn't set well with me pain relievers weren't helping. It was a restless night so I gave up and wrote in my journal.

Dear Envy

Well once again another week of pure hell has passed. I've learned a few things though Secrets are their own prison, they seldom do any good. My friend Unity has been keeping a big one she was born with the assigned gender of a male but I guess she never truly felt at home as a boy so she made the transition to female. Except she never told any of us which is fine it's her life her choice but some aholes made it their business now she is humiliated. I'm worried I haven't heard from her in over a day. I hope she is okay. Kit was keeping his own secrets now their all over the school. He didn't want anyone to know not because he's ashamed but because he knows that kids are just too immature to handle how fabulous he is. I want so bad to help him to help her but how can I when I feel so lost so trapped myself? I really like Lexi she's kind pretty funny clever and she's a bad ass. Yet I know it's wrong I know lying to Damian is wrong, I feel so dirty there's no one I can talk to. No one except you I wish I could be a bad ass like Lexi or like Xena she's so tough she'd never let anyone see her cry even her bff Gabrielle. It's hard keeping a secret like this but I have to no one can ever know about me. Maybe people would be better off without me but than they'd win I won't give the bastards that satisfaction.

Mum came in Saturday morning to take my temperature and try to talk to me but what could I say why would I? When I already knew she thought I was stupid if she knew I was gay to? Win win for her than. I didn't have a fever but these cramps wouldn't let up.

She convinced me to get up and go for a walk in the gardens with her. I won't admit it out loud but it was peaceful. We didn't say much we just enjoyed the beautiful flowers the Christmas decorations, I can't believe it's that close.

"Sweetheart I know your troubled trying to get this project off the ground I can see your busting your butt to get this going but sometimes you need help"

"What kind of help mum?"

"May I remind you that you are thee princess Eleanor you have resources no one else has"

"Like?"

"Like friends in high places why don't you try reaching out to some of your industry friends see if any of them will be willing to spread the word"

Why didn't I think of that? Pain over took me "Aw mum I need to pee" She simply laughed rubbing my back hurrying me to the pool house which was closed for the season but still had a working bathroom. Relief flooded through me for a few seconds than I looked down and freaked out blood was pouring out I couldn't get it to stop whipping didn't help, panic made my heart race as I screamed seconds later mum was inside as I freaked out screaming I was dying I was going to bleed to death. She didn't freak though she just laughed took my hand and told me to calm down. I was breathing so hard I felt dizzy, but she was so calm helping me to clean up dress and wash myself up. It was the last thing I remembered before passing out.

When I woke up my head was pounding but I was in my own bed with a heating pad on my stomach a cool cloth on my forehead. Mum was by my side confusion left me drained as she squeezed my hand. "What happened Mummy?" "Sweetheart you remember when you asked me when you would become a woman?" "Yea we were in Russia" "Well baby congrats your a woman now" "What do you mean? Because I passed out?" "No sweetie you got your period" I groaned falling back into my pillow she laughed harder helping me to sit up placing two pills on my tongue giving me some water. "Sleep sweetie the pain should ease in a day or so" "A day or so I'll die before than!" "No you won't my love you think this is bad try giving birth" "NO way!" "Remember that next time you think I haven't done anything for you guess I have the last laugh now"

Next time I woke Lexi was there laying next to me I noticed my door was closed her lips were pressed against my forehead. "I brought you something to help you relax it'll help with the nausea as well" Helping me to sit up she handed me a joint "It's medically proven to help with nausea" She showed me how to use it passing it back and forth in between stealing kisses. I fell asleep in her arms no mum you don't have the last laugh because if you only knew what I was doing in my bed and who I was doing it with you wouldn't be laughing.