Hazel

"New skin amazes me. New skin is a miracle. It is proof we can heal."

Today is a good day, I can feel it. Last week the gang and I went on a late night adventure to some strange new city. It was a good day… night? I don't know, I don't care. Today we're planning our trip to Florida, we've decided to get our tattoos two days before we leave. I told Mrs. Di Angelo and my dad that I'm getting a tattoo, they said there were much worse things I could do.

I know what you're wondering about… But Hazel, what about your mom?! You just told her off! I know, my dad offered to help me file for a restraining order against her. Ultimately I decided that she's still my mom, and someday I might want to forgive her.

I have forgiven her mostly; I can't choose her life for her. While I'm still firm in my belief that she's making a huge mistake by marrying… him. I can't keep her from marrying him, if it's a mistake she'll figure it out soon enough.

What I can do is remind myself that tomorrow is the first day we're going back to the stables. Mrs. Di Angelo has planned a full family outing later next month. Right now the study hall gang and I are sitting in a café planning our spring break. Piper tells us all about the different tattoo artists at this place she's picked. Frank has just finished showing me the design choices he has in mind.

Annabeth is enthralled with everything Piper has to say, I remember when we all first met. How she couldn't stand Piper, and now, look at her. An easy smile breaks the harshness of her features, making her look gentle, she's wearing short sleeves, showing off the scars on her wrists. Seeing the new pale skin covering the old cuts gives me hope. Maybe she wasn't so severe, when we first met I mean, maybe she was just in a dark place. I like to believe that we helped get her out of that place.

I glance at Percy, he also seems to be admiring the view of his friends, smiling, laughing as we try to build a week's worth of adventures. My eyes fall on Jason he's making an argument for some restaurant that he wants to visit. Finally, I look to Leo, the poor kid has been through more than any of the rest of us in the past weeks. With this group of friends that's saying something, you know.

What amazes me about him is that he is here, present in the moment. I can tell by looking at his eyes, there's a light inside of him that can't be faked. He's engaged in our conversation, smiling and laughing. He finally understands that he doesn't need to act around us, I've never been more honored.

"Hey I've got to get home, spring cleaning starts tomorrow." Frank rolls his eyes, "I've got to move all the furniture so that grandma can vacuum under them."

"Aw cute." I snicker at him.

"Piper can you drive me?"

"Sure, Hazel, boo boo, let's go." I stand up to leave with them. Jason quickly kisses her before we can exit.

"Hey! Where's my kiss?" Leo asks, and the three of us, Piper, Frank, and I, kiss both of his cheeks and the top of his head. "And now that I feel like a child." He dramatically wipes his skin before slumping in his seat, a tentative blush creeping up his neck.

"Bye, guys." I lead the way out of the shop and to Piper's car. The ride to Frank's place is hushed, with light teasing conversation. When he gets out of the car I climb into the front seat, before I can start a conversation, Piper begins to pester me.

"So are you going to grow a pair and ask him out or what?" She asks.

"I'm… What?"

"Ho don't play."

"I'm not… How'd you know?"

"I'm just perceptive." She tells me with a hint of teasing in her tone.

"Oh… Well, what do I do?"

"I don't know, it's your life not mine."

"I'm scared."

"Of him?"

"Of me." I snort, "Both of us I guess, he's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Neither am I, I'm unsure if I can handle him. Or maybe I'm scared he can't handle me."

"I'd leave that up to him. I mean, him being able to handle you."

"I mean, you're not wrong."

"I'm usually not wrong." She smirks. "So, I recently realized that I have no idea where Jason applied to school, and I'm too embarrassed to ask him, so I guess I'll find out what Ivy League my nerd got into."

"What are you guys going to do? If you go to different colleges."

"Break up." She says curtly, "I wouldn't force him to stay for me-"

"You're staying?"

"I already got accepted, I'm waiting for my other schools to come in… And if he stayed just for me I'd break up with him anyway."

"Why?" I ask incredulously.

"Because your dreams should be worth more than a person." She says, "People come and go, but you always need a dream. Dreams keep people alive, people kill enough, I'd never kill a dream of his."

"You love him. Don't you?"

"Whoa there tiger, love's a little strong. I wouldn't go there."

"You wouldn't." I snort. "But you're blushing."

"I'll know love when I see it." She claims.

"And?"

"And shut up."

"You love him! What a cutie!"

"I'm not cute and I don't fall in love." She parks the car in front of my house and huffs dramatically.

"You're right, you don't fall in l love." I let a harsh laugh hiss between my teeth. "You learned to love, that's better than falling any day." She scoffs at me, rolling her eyes. I keep talking, because I love having power over the girl who's as unshakable as god himself. "It hurts to fall, and you have to get back up eventually. Learning is slow, methodical, and forever."

"You think I'll love him forever? Do you even know me?"

"I think you could, if you let yourself." I tell her. "You know what we're learning about in English?"

"You? Learning in a class?"

I roll my eyes, "Whore… Anyway, we're learning that knowledge is like a glacier, we only know what's on top but what is beneath it is what we can't know."

"Frankenstein?"

"Yeah. Frankenstein." I snort, "Now let me finish. You were a frozen lake and he melted you awake."

"If it's melted it's gone."

"No it isn't." I argue. "What does ice become when it melts?"

"Water." She chuckles.

"And water is just a fact." She stares at me with a smirk.

"You gonna get out of my car?"

"I'm not blind enough to think you're not healing too." I say with an unfamiliar sincerity in my heart. "I may not know why you're loose as liquid, but I don't care. Whatever happened to you, you're healing, no different than Leo, or Annabeth, even Jason, Percy, or Frank. You're healing too."

She gives me a bittersweet smile as she says, "Just like you."

"Just like me." I give her a two finger salute and walk into my house.

I hear the TV playing in the living room, loudly… Is that Divergent? I walk to the open living room door, and see Nico straddled on top of… Some boy. I grit my teeth as a cunning smile fights to slip onto my face, and walk into the kitchen out of view from the living room. I make myself a glass of iced tea, sitting at the breakfast bar and drown out the moans of my brother having sex on the couch via earbuds. I get a text from Mrs. Di Angelo telling me to heat up some frozen food for lunch. I take out my earbuds to hear the familiar chatter of after sex banter.

"Good?" A soft yet deep voice I feel like I know comes from the living room.

"Usually." Nico sighs playfully. I imagine the smirk on his face.

"Aw, come on, babe. You know you love it."

"I love you. There's a difference."

"Not a big one." I imagine they kiss in the silence.

I can't keep my joy at how sly I am inside of my much longer. I shout, "Hey, Nico, does your friend want some chicken nuggets too?"

"Shit!"

"Yes please!"

"Will!" Will, like the Will I know?

"What? I'm hungry."

"You're so stupid." I start making the frozen chicken nuggets, they're shaped like dinosaurs which makes me chuckle. The two of them come out of the living room, flushed, mussed up hair, and still fumbling with their clothes.

"Hey, Will. Thought I heard you." I tease.

"Yup, it's me-"

"You tell no one." Nico says firmly interrupting Will.

"If anyone can keep a secret, it's me." I remind him. "You guys want some ketchup, a condom?"

"Hazel-"

"Yes, please to both of those." A bright warm smile covers Will's face with joy.

"Calm yourself, Nico. You think I haven't slept with girls before?" I say with a hint of sass.

"You did what?" He asks.

"Yeah, it was… not my best moment, mostly because she was my best friend… and hella gay… and I was mostly just high. But still."

"So… you're not a lesbian?" He asks.

"I mean, I haven't fallen in love with any girls yet. I'll keep you posted."

"Please do." Will leans on his elbow look at me with a fascination in his eyes. He's got pretty eyes, I will admit.

Nico rolls his eyes and smacks Will's ass. "Kiss up."

"That's not kissing up, this is." Will rips Nico towards him and kisses him almost violently.

"Dude!"

"What? She doesn't care."

"It's true. I don't." I chuckle.

"You don't? Really? You're serious." He's really skeptical and I don't know why. "I mean this in the least offensive way possible, but you're from Alaska."

"I'm sorry?" I chuckle.

"Alaska, where you're famous for hunting, the cold, and Sarah Palin." The three of us laugh for a moment.

"I was born in New Orleans, you know."

"Okay, well, A, no… And B that's Louisiana. Like so southern they were the last state to illegalize slavery." It's like he's determined to not believe me.

"There are much worse things you could be, darling." I say. He could be m-… He could be so many worse things. But he couldn't be me, I am not worse. I am not worse than him, I have done things that are wrong, I have made mistakes. But that doesn't mean I can't be better than I was yesterday.

"Really?" He asks one final time, his hand wrapping itself around Will's, like it naturally belongs there. Like they are natural together.

"Chaos killed the dinosaurs. Let's go get a slushie."

"What?"

"It means that chaos made a new world. For better or worse, we're here, the world is ours and not theirs. So we celebrate."

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

"The world is ours, Nico. Always has been, we just have to open our eyes to see it." He still doesn't get it so I explain. "Some people kill, some people hate. But all you're doing is loving someone. There are so many worse things you could do than love someone."

He cracks a smile, not a smirk or a teasing toothy grin. A genuine, small, happy smile, and I think this is the first time I've seen it. I hand Will the ketchup when I take out our chicken nuggets, and the three of us… We kill the dinosaurs to make room for ourselves.