A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to get up. I know I left you are a cliff hanger/sad/frustration part so I hope you will forgive me. Either way, this in the next chapter. I threw in another person's POV as well. They will only appear though in this chapter and the next until further notice. I just think that it's necessary to help bring things together for these two.
Anyway, Ciao for now.
LEVI'S POV
Before the door to my room shut closed, I couldn't help but cast one more glance at the chained up mess of a woman on my bed. Her head was hung low as she laid there, the fighting spirit that dwelled inside her gone without a trace. I had hoped to find some sort of amusement seeing her like this, seeing how far I had driven her after caving into the desire that had haunted me for the last few weeks. Instead, I felt a throbbing pain in my chest.
I rested my head against the closed wooden door, eyes shut tight as I took a heavy breath. What have I done? I shouldn't have done that; at least not like this. But do you regret it? I asked myself. Honestly, I didn't know the answer to that yet. I had crossed a line, that much was for certain. But what was I to do now? Could I go back and face her later? Could I actually finish what I started and without drowning in regret later on? She probably resented me, especially right now.
I shook the heavy thoughts from my mind, painfully aware of how heightened my senses still were as I walked away. I had to get away to clear my head. But the lingering thoughts would still remain. If I had to describe what I felt at the moment in the most accurate sense, only one word stuck out to me. Primal.
My mind swam in a sea of dense clouds while my body felt more and more like lead with every step I took. Somehow I found myself in the mess hall, receiving wary glances from the various kitchen staff as I fetched a cup of black tea. I figured that they were still on edge from my display in the hallways earlier so I shrugged it off without a second thought.
Retreating to my office, a familiar figure strolled into view, stopping me in my tracks. It was none other than Petra that stood between me and my temporary sanctuary.
"Petra? Where are the others? And why aren't you with them?" I questioned, taking note of how stiff her posture was in front of me.
"I needed to speak with you about something, Levi Heichou."
"Can it wait? I have things to do." I muttered in an annoyed tone, attempted to brush past her and into my office. She stepped in front of me, blocking my way again with a unwavering and pleading eyes.
"Heichou, please. Just a moment is all I want of your time." She insisted. I sighed and shook my head softly.
"Fine, just make it quick. But first, move." I ordered, fishing my key from my pocket and unlocking the door before finally entering. I made a beeline for my chair and set my cup of tea down before plopping down and pinching the bridge of my nose as I leaned back.
"Now, what is it you want exactly?" I asked, reaching down for my tea to calm my strung out nerves.
"It's about Celica." Of course it is. That damn brat will be the death of me, I swear it. "I heard you found her."
"And? What of it?" I pestered, determined to keep my annoyance at bay for now. So far, I was doing a poor job at it. Perhaps leaving the job only half finished left more than just Valkihar flustered.
"I wanted to know if she's okay. She was acting pretty strange last night. And after all the commotion this morning, I'm worried."
I set down the tea cup with an audible clink on the saucer before lacing my fingers together in thought.
"You never did tell me what it was she said to you last night that was so strange." Her brows furrowed together as her fingers started to fidget at her sides. She refused to speak for another moment, caught up in her own indecisiveness.
"May I speak freely, sir?"
I sighed internally, narrowing my eyes at the cadet standing before me.
"Go ahead."
Petra let out a small huff of breath, collecting her thoughts before she continued.
"Heichou... I know it's not any of my place to question the things you do or why, but I fear that whatever you've done to her... I fear that you've gone too far."
I quirked an eyebrow up at her and gently bit the inside of my cheek. She knew something. Thing was, how much did she actually know? How much did she figure out?
"You're right, it's not your place to question what I do. So then, why do so?"
"Because like I said, I'm worried. Granted, I haven't known her that long, and I don't know much about her either; but I haven't seen her this cold and closed off since the first day I met her."
So, Erwin was right. This was beginning to back fire. Valkihar's taking out her frustration and anger out on the others now.
"All I know..." She continued. "All I know is what little she DID tell me last night."
"And that was?"
She set her eyes hard, shining as she openly glared at me. Normally I would take this as a challenge of authority if it were any other circumstances, however I knew my soldiers; and they knew who was really in charge. Petra was a good soldier, a good subordinate, a good person in general. But the fire that glazed over her eyes in pure unspoken anger would speak well beyond any words that were liable to fall from her mouth next, and set in stone a very real potential threat to anyone who dared cross her. I wondered if I was about to be her next victim before waving the thought away like a pestering insect.
I'm the one making the victims, not becoming them.
"That she will be damned before she allows you to fuck with other people's feelings for kicks; especially her's, she mentioned."
I... don't understand why... he says what does... looks at me like that... I'm scared... of misreading him... and myself.
The memory sparked alive within me, the initial shock of her words from back then washing through me as if for the first time again.
"She actually said that?" I questioned, dipping my head down to rest against my laced hands. The question was aimed not just at what Petra had said but also the memory as well. I could have dreamed it. I could have misheard her. However, Petra erased all the doubt in my mind with just four little words.
"Yes, sir. She did."
Damn it, I cursed internally. Looks like she's falling for you big guy. Just like you wanted. Yeah, exactly what I wanted but, this changes things; complicates them.
"What the hell are you rambling on about now?" My conscious argued. "You and I both know that from the moment she arrived that something was different about her. Yet you refused to listen and chose to lay low just like always. The day Erwin told you that he wanted you to evaluate her secretly, you all but jumped at the chance. It doesn't help that you haven't been laid in forever either; or really at all. Are you really surprised that things turned out this way?"
Somewhere in my inner conflict, Petra had spoken up again though her word fell on deaf ears.
"Heichou?" She repeated, forcing me to attempt to clear my head once more before clearing my throat from the uncomfortable tension that had begun to wind up with me.
"Sorry, Petra. I'm listening."
"Uhuh..." She muttered, sarcasm slick in her voice as she crossed her arms and shifted her weight slightly. "If I may be blunt, I never would have taken you as the type to manipulate a girl's feelings. Much less for any kind of "punishment", corrective or not. I thought you were a better man than that."
I paused for a moment, stricken silent by her brashness. I lifted my head to glare up at her yet, unlike usual, she didn't flinch.
"Petra, enough. I think you've said your share."
She openly glared back at me, though I could see the slight fret in her face as I warning tone reached her ears.
"I only have one thing left to say Heichou, then I will take my leave." She stated, her resolve reforming under pressure. After another of moment of silence, she took her chance to continue. "I know Celica doesn't see eye to eye with many people; myself, the squad, you. But there is one thing that she and I at least do."
"Which is?" I persisted.
Petra's eyes were filled with hurt and a little sadness suddenly, her hands dropping to her sides as a small blush ran across her face.
"Our feelings for you."
Immediately turning on her heels, she headed for the exit. I stood from my chair and slammed my hands down on the desk, shouting at her.
"And how the fuck do you gather that?! You said it yourself, that she's still as cold and closed off as the day you met her, so I highly doubt that she would just spontaneously pour her heart out for you like that!"
She stopped and glanced over her shoulder to look at me, her hurt openly showing in her face and eyes.
"Not in so many words but, in a manner of speaking she did." She turned to face me, her face dropping slightly. "Celica is proud and stubborn and would never openly say things like that aloud. But last night, it was obvious that the past few weeks had gotten to her. She didn't want to talk or think about you in the slightest and when she finally did, it was obvious what her feelings were..."
It took all I had not to shove her out of my office with the promise of mucking the stables for a month. The only reason I didn't was because my ears were training onto every word she spoke. Hoping, pleading, that what I thought she was about to say wasn't the reality.
"I know heartache when I see it. As I'm sure you know as well, Heichou. She may not want to admit it or believe it, but I doubt that actually she detests you as much as she is letting on. In fact, I could say it's right the opposite."
She continued, without missing a beat.
"And judging from your reaction, I would say the feeling is mutual between you two."
My chest ached as my heart couldn't decide if it wanted to hammer away under my rib cage or stop together entirely. Petra left the room without another word as I stood there frozen to the very spot I stood. My brain was wracked around with the idea of Valkihar falling for me. Was I, also falling for her as well?
No, I can't. I'm not capable of things like love and affection; nor am I deserving of them even if I was.
"Then why did you kiss her that first time?" Because I swore that I would take her after I mislead her.
"Why did you insinuate that you two had slept together to begin with?" I thought that if she thought we had a relationship of that sort, she would somehow listen and obey when I asked something of her. I thought she would be like any other stupid girl. I thought wrong.
"Why didn't you stop this before it got out of hand?"
Because... I found someone that I could relate to, could sympathize with. I didn't stop or back away because... I just didn't want to.
"You know what you have to do now, don't you?"
I sighed and reached down into my bottom desk drawer to pull out my stash of alcohol and cigarettes. Quickly lighting one and taking a quick puff of the toxic cloud, I told the nagging voice in my head, 'Yeah and I don't need you to remind me either, at least not yet.'
ERWIN'S POV
I leaned back into my chair moments after I allowed Hanji to leave my office. She had divulged enough information to sate my curiosity and questions however, that only raised more concerns my way. Things were starting to get complicated and there was only so much leeway I could give Levi to do as he saw fit. Soon I would have to put my foot down; there was no two ways about that.
I glanced at the small clock on my desk and my stomach growled audibly. Lunch was almost over and I still hadn't eaten a thing yet, not that I really had a chance with all the commotion that was stirred up this morning by a missing soldier and an unruly and thoroughly pissed off captain. A loud crash at my door snapped me from my train of thought and I heard a low groan of pain on the other side.
Well, speak of the devil.
My door handle shook and was jarred around quickly and loudly, not budging from it's locked state though.
"Erwin, what the fuck! You never lock your door!" Of course, it was Levi. "Open up, I need something from you!"
I groaned and reluctantly left my chair to go unlock the door. As soon as the bolt was turned, Levi shoved the door forward and barged in, slamming the door behind himself.
"Rude much?" I snapped, eyeing him as he stood there glaring up at me.
"Do me a favor and let me into your liquor stash." I looked down at him with a bewildered expression as he walked over to the cabinet that held the precious liquids.
"Excuse me?" I retorted curly, following behind him as he shook the handles of its locked doors.
"You're excused. Now hand over the key." He stated, holding out his hand. I stared down at him for moment before the smell of liquor and cigarettes assaulted my nose.
"Damn, you smell like a bar." I remarked, covering my nose briefly to emphasize the point.
"Just shut up and hand it over." He threatened, reaching for the key that I kept in one of my jacket pockets. Grabbing his wrist, I shoved his arm away as he looked at me with a stern look. "I'm serious, Erwin."
"And so am I when I say you're not getting any more liquor from me. Why the hell are you drinking during the day, anyways? Has Celica really-?"
"DON'T." He cut me off abruptly, his eyes turning down to the floor, hands clenched into tight fists. "Don't say that brat's name right now."
Pulling his arm back, he suddenly turned for the door.
"If you won't hand over any, I'll get it from Hanji. Don't know why I didn't think of her first to begin with." He muttered.
"I'm afraid that won't be possible." At that, Levi stopped and turned back to look at me. "Hanji's under house arrest for the remainder of the day for helping cause this morning's mayhem. No visitors are allowed."
He huffed a breath and shook his head softly, running a hand through this hair.
"It's kind of ironic." He stated before returning to one of my office chairs, stretching out and throwing his leg over one arm rest while his back leaned against the other.
"How so?" I questioned, taking note of the small dust of pink that covered his cheeks. He sighed heavily and tucked his chin to his chest, pinching the bridge of hi nose for a moment.
"Come on. I'll pay you back Erwin, just give me something else to drink before this buzz starts to wear off." He pleaded, dodging my question.
"So you actually are intoxicated?" He glared at me before rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, Eyebrows. I am, for once."
Well strike me down and call me titan fodder. Levi was drunk. Here I thought that was impossible but apparently I was wrong. I crossed my arms as I looked down at the buzzed officer.
"How much exactly have you drank Levi?" He shrugged his shoulders and slumped into the seat of the chair.
"Does it really matter? I finally got drunk and I'm enjoying it." He reasoned. "Now about those spirits of those..."
"Levi." I warned, those half lidded eyes of his finally reached mine again. To my surprise, they weren't nearly as harsh anymore but instead, they actually looked sad to me.
"I'm only going to say this once... Please, Erwin." He pleaded once more.
I sighed again and moved back to my own chair, taking a seat before reaching into one of the desk drawers. I threw a flask towards him, his hands failing a get a firm grip on it the first couple of tries. Good thing it was shatter proof. He didn't question me but instead unscrewed the lid and down about half of the container in one go. Pulling it back from his lips, he forwent replacing the cap and instead just held the flask as his hand rested in his lap.
"Thanks." He muttered, his cheeks turning a slight brighter shade of pink.
"Now then, what's so ironic about Hanji being house arrest today?" I questioned, forcing our conversation back on track.
He leaned his head back across the head rest and stared up at the ceiling for a moment. I would practically see the words dancing on the tip of his tongue as he struggled to get them out. It was amazing how different drunk Levi was from his sober counterpart.
"Because I have Valkihar chained up in my bedroom right now." If I had been drinking anything at the moment, I'm pretty sure that I would have spat it out when Levi said those words. "If she hasn't tried to run away again."
"You..?" I tried speak but he cut me off again.
"I fucked up, Erwin. I went too far, I crossed a line I shouldn't have. I got wrapped up in her and now I don't know what to do." He took another swig of the drink in the flask. "Even Petra chewed me out earlier. The nerve of that brat. Of both of them. I'm the one fucking with her feelings? Look at what that brat's done to me. I'm still only human. I still have a heart despite what they think."
I had to reset my slack jaw before I could compose a sensible sentence to speak but Levi just kept talking while my words kept failing me.
He was right. A line had been crossed and I was afraid, probably just like he was, that there was no turning back now. He was falling for her, hard. And judging from what I had heard from Hanji over the past few weeks, especially this morning, it seemed that she thought more to him as well. Things were getting complicated for those two and now, they stood at a cross roads.
"I figured something like this was bound to happen eventually." He clicked his tongue in annoyance at me.
"No need to rub it in Old Man." He snapped but I ignored him.
"I told you that your plan could backfire but I don't think you actually expected that it would in the way it has." He huffed out a small breath and took another large drink from the container. "Let me ask you something Levi."
"Oh great..." He drawled.
"Answer me seriously." I warned, forcing a harsh and stern look on him. His eyes met mine before narrowing slightly and returning to the flask.
"Okay." He agreed.
"I'm not going to ask you what your intentions are towards Valkihar but... What are you feelings towards her?" His eyes grew wide as he looked back at me.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, and don't go saying that you don't feel anything towards her or that she's just a brat to you. We both know that's a lie."
He hung his head, twirling the liquid in the flask around methodically as he thought about his answer. Or simply refused to give one quite yet.
"And if I can't find the words to explain it?" He questioned back. I shrugged and leaned back in my chair.
"Just, try your best." I encouraged.
He sat there for another moment in silence. I could almost see the gears grinding in his head as he thought about her. The look in his eyes changed again, the corner of his lips quirking slightly upwards for only an instant.
"She's frustrating, a stupid brat that can somehow get under my skin so easily. There's no other way to really put it but... I see part of myself in that girl. Before she was brought to us, she wore a mask that was almost impenetrable by those around her. She laid low and humble but was still strong in her own way. After everything that's happened in the short time since then, I slowly started seeing her for her real self. And it hurt, seeing her like that. I didn't want her to end up like me. Shutting out everything and becoming a shell of the person you once were. I had to save her from herself, if nothing else...
"Before I realized it, I had monopolized her. I'm selfish, I know that. But the girl who didn't fawn over me from the moment she saw me, who dared to try to hold her own against me, who looks at me with such defiant eyes, ones that blaze with fire when she's angry... I wanna protect her. Keep her safe from herself. I just want... her."
So, the truth finally comes out. No one he had actually managed to get drunk. He's having trouble coping with his feelings towards her.
"But what does she want?" I asked cautiously. He sighed again and took the last sip of liquid from the container.
"Before I left her this morning... me. At least physically. But as for her real feelings, I don't know. You can kiss someone without having feelings for them, obviously, but I wonder..." He trailed off.
"If she felt the same thing?" I finished his thought for him, knowing how he would possibly cringe from how sappy he was sounding right now. He didn't respond but just nodded his head.
Maybe I needed to make sure he got drunk more often, he sure was a lot more open now. However that would have to be on rare occasions. The amount of money needed to by that much alcohol just from him would be outrageous. That reminds me, I probably need to take inventory of the barrels in the basement later to. Hopefully the have remained mostly untouched.
"How long ago has it been since you've checked up on her by the way?"
"Not since I left her at the end of breakfast." He stated blankly. I looked at the clock again and shook my head.
Standing from my seat, I took the cabinet key from my jacket pocket and toss it to him before heading for the door.
"Help yourself Levi, but you will pay me back for every ounce that you drink. Either out of you pay stipend or the Corp's tea funds. You're choice."
He looked at the key in his palm, then up at me, and back down to the key.
"Where do you think you're going?" He asked.
"Lunch. Or at least what's left of it. Don't get carried away while I'm gone." I said, closing the door behind me and locking it from the to make sure he didn't start wandering out drunk and bothering the cadets. Sina knows what that man is capable while intoxicated. Soon enough though, we would find out.
But first, I think I needed to check up on one certain cadet before I headed to the mess hall.