Chapter thirty-six: Last will
It was one week after the funeral that Humility decided it was time to execute Winry's last will.
I knew why, at least I thought I did. They wanted to give the family time to stomach the sad event, at least just a little bit, give us time to come to terms with the fact that Winry was no longer. Grateful as I am for their consideration, I doubt that I will ever come to terms with it. I know I have to, for my children's sake, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough.
Nevertheless, I appreciated that the Virtues had given us at least a little break to calm down, before confronting us with more grief.
One morning after breakfast, Kindness gathered everyone who Winry had remembered in her will and sent us to the salon.
I felt like my heart was stopping, when I saw them all sit there, occupying chairs, armchairs, couches, the table and Chastity's expensive Ishvalan carpets on the floor.
On one of the wooden commodes sat Humility with a stack of paper in her hand and next to her stood Chastity with a sombre face.
"Alright everyone. Today we will handle Winry's last will. You're here because she has honoured all of you in her will."
By 'all of you' she meant me, the children, Al, Mei, Hohenheim, Selim/Pride and Mrs. Bradley, Hawkeye, Paninya, Greed and Envy.
I didn't even question why Hawkeye and Paninya were here or how the Virtues had found the tanned tomboy and managed to get Hawkeye here without Mustang.
Chastity continued: "First we would like to apologise for not doing this sooner, but we thought that you might want a few days to stomach the sad events, before we confront you with another one."
"Thank you, Chastity", Al spoke up, "We really appreciate that." Some of the others nodded.
The Virtue nodded, before declaring: "Anyway, we collected the handier items and placed them here on the counter. We will call the ones who inherit them forward to get their new possessions. Now listen closely, because Humility is about to read Winry Elric's last will to you. You have the word, older sister."
"Thank you, Chastity", Humility said meekly, before clearing her throat and reading aloud:
"I, Winry Elric,
declare that this is my last will and testament.
I hereby declare that I am of legal age to declare this will, and that I am sound of mind.
I hereby revoke, annul and cancel all wills and codicils previously made by me, either jointly or severally.
This last will expresses my wishes without undue influence or duress.
I am married to Edward Elric, hereafter referred to as my spouse.
I have following children:
Van Elric (born 17th March 1922)
Nina Elric (born 29th November 1923)
I hereby nominate, constitute and appoint Prof. Dr. Raffaela Angel as executor.
If this executor is unable or unwilling to serve, I appoint Prof. Agnes Virginia Angel, Dr. Michelle Agape Angel and Dr. Ramiel Gratian Angel as alternate executors."
She had named Humility, Chastity, Charity and Kindness as executors for her will?
"I want to thank all of my friends and family for their love and care and hope that they will be content with whatever they receive.
To my spouse I will leave our house in Resembool and my car. Furthermore, I ask him to be a good father to our beloved children and care for them until they're old enough to care for themselves. My last request to him is to keep living and to find someone new who will love him and stay with him."
My heart clenched and I bit my teeth.
Winry, goddammit!
Humility went on: "To my son Van Elric I will leave my entire workshop and everything in it, except for the pictures and the blue tool kit, which shall go to Paninya."
Van's eyes grew huge: "Mama's whole workshop? All mine?"
Humility smiled and nodded, then turned to Paninya and asked her to come forward and collect said tool kit and pictures. The former pickpocket smiled sadly, as she sat back down, cradling the kit and the photo album in her lap.
The white-haired Virtue read on: "My daughter Nina Elric will receive a bank account with the specific purpose of paying for her scholarship in alchemy when she grows up. I'm afraid that's the only useful thing I can leave to her."
The five-year-old looked confused: "Daddy, what's a bank account?"
"Not now, sunshine", I whispered and turned my attention back to Humility.
"My dear brother-in-law Alphonse Elric, who could have been my brother as well, will inherit all my note books, so he can use them for his notes on alchemy and alcahestry. My last wish to him is to be there for Ed, just like he always has been."
Al squeezed his eyes shut to keep from crying and grabbed Mei's hand.
"To Al's fiancée Mei Chang, who is like a sister to me, I will leave the light blue make-up box that I never got to use. May she be a loving companion to Al and stand by him for better and for worse."
Mei managed to nod, before she started bawling into Al's chest. I couldn't help but envy her for being able to feel something and show it so openly. Since the Xingese princess was too overwhelmed by her emotions, Diligence came over and handed her the make-up box.
"To my father-in-law Van Hohenheim I will leave the cabin that used to belong to my granny, Pinako Rockbell. May it awaken fond memories of their friendship."
Hohenheim turned away so the others wouldn't see him cry. I wished I could do the same, but all I felt was...nothing.
"To Mrs. Bradley, who was always so nice to me and my family, I will leave my self-warming covers, hoping that they will do her good against her rheumatism."
Mrs. Bradley smiled wistfully: "How nice of her. They'll do wonders for me."
Then she went to the counter to get her new covers.
"To Selim Bradley, I will leave the black notebook that used to lie next to my sickbed, hoping that he will find it useful. Furthermore I appoint him as tutor for my children in alchemy like my husband used to tutor him."
Selim collected his new notebook and sat back down on the couch, next to his mother. I couldn't help but wonder what Pride thought about this.
"The stash of wine that my grandmother left to me shall go to both my husband and his father as well as to Greed and Diligence, since they all can appreciate a good bottle from time to time. I just ask them to watch out that my husband doesn't drink too much and won't drown his sorrows in alcohol, for the children's sake."
"Yeah, sure", Greed muttered.
"Of course", Hohenheim nodded.
"We'll do our best", Diligence assured.
"Why thanks a lot, Win. Didn't you trust me at all?", I muttered to myself.
Someone behind me snorted and I turned around to glare at the person.
"No person with common sense would trust you to take care of yourself", Envy said coolly.
Greed fidgeted with his jacket. "Hate to agree with him, but y'know..."
Al scratched his head awkwardly: "Sorry, brother, but he does have a point there..."
I gaped at them. Fucking traitors!
Before I could blow up and start a fight, Hawkeye fired her pistol, shooting a hole into the window and effectively startling everyone.
"Goodness, Miss Hawkeye!", Mrs. Bradley cried. "You almost gave me a heart-attack there!"
"I'm sorry", the Leutenant apologised.
Chastity frowned: "You're paying for that window, madam."
"Of course I will", Hawkeye sighed. "I just don't think this is the right moment for a fight."
Humility audibly cleared her throat and proceeded reading out the will:
"To my friend Riza Hawkeye, I leave all my earrings, since she inspired me to wear so many and to become a braver person."
Chastity waved Hawkeye over and the woman went to get her new earrings.
"And last, but not least", Humility announced,
"To Envy, I leave my lucky wrench, the one I always used to carry around. He knows what to do with it. I want to thank him for all the nice talks we had and for the company he has kept me in my final weeks. Furthermore, I ask him to remember the promise, he knows which one."
Envy came and collected the big wrench Winry had left him. I suddenly remembered that Winry had said...oh god! She had given the shapeshifter permission to smack me with that wrench!
Greed blinked and stared at the item in his little brother/sister's hand.
"She leaves you a wrench? What for?", he asked incredulously.
"That's a good question", Pride spoke up, "And what exactly does she mean by 'nice talks' and 'company you kept her'?" Apparently he had come out just to ask that.
"Don't ask", Envy sighed, looking at his older brothers no-nonsensically.
Humility went on: "Lastly, I appoint him guardian of my children, should my husband be unable to take care of them or raise them on his own."
"WHAT?!", I screeched.
Al facepalmed: "Oh my god, Winry, why … of all the people … he shall be their guardian?! This can't be. That's just insane. What the hell has possessed you!"
Mei gaped, first at Humility, then at Envy and stuttered: "...Wh-what? I-I can't believe it!"
Hohenheim frowned and shook his head, but said nothing.
Hawkeye muttered something that sounded like: "What the hell..."
The children, who didn't know Envy very well, just looked confused and curiously.
Even Greed and Pride stared at the shapeshifter open-mouthed.
"Him", Greed said flatly, pointing at the palm tree, "Guardian of two little kids. What?"
"This is preposterous", Pride shook his head, "That human must have been insane."
Envy didn't seem to be surprised at all. Why? What the actual fuck! He just rolled his eyes, which got me even further riled up.
I stared at Humility. "You're lying" I said slowly. "That's fucking Envy! There is no way she appointed him guardian of my children. This has to be a joke!"
She shook her head. "I'm afraid not."
I looked at her incredulously: "...B-but … he … he..."
Envy sighed irritably: "Oh calm down, ex-pipsqueak. I'm not going to pull the trigger on them!"
Of all the ways, he had to phrase it that way?! He was just asking for me to kill him!
Van looked even more confused: "Pull the trigger on us?"
"He says, he's not going to shoot you", Selim translated. Pride hat retreated back into his head, probably to stomach the WTF-itude of this situation.
Van and Nina smiled. "Okay", Nina nodded.
"I WON'T ACCEPT THIS!", I yelled and jumped up. "THERE IS NO WAY SHE-"
Humility raised her hands to silence me and sighed: "That's exactly how she dictated it to us. And believe me, we were just as surprised as you. But it's part of her last will, so whether you like it or not, Envy the Jealous is from now on the official guardian of your children until they come to age. Now where was I...ah, right."
Finally, the white-haired Virtue came to an end:
"I direct that upon my death, my remains shall rest beside my parents and grandmother.
Signed, Winry Elric, née Rockbell, Angel Manor, the 15th September 1928.
Witnesses:
See executors."
Greed scoffed: "What's with your human names anyway? You couldn't think of anything better?"
"Oh shut up", Charity retorted, "At least we have legal names! Which of you sins do?"
Before they could continue their argument, Envy threw his new wrench, hitting both of them at the head. When it came back, he caught it with ease.
Diligence whistled. "Nice throw, Envy. Bull's-eye!"
He ignored her and glared at Charity and Greed: "Shut your traps! Fighting about something as stupid as human names, while we're talking about her last will? Really?!"
I was almost grateful for him doing that, since I had been getting more and more agitated during the last few minutes. Apparently I wasn't the only one, as Humility and Chastity both pinched the bridge of their noses in frustration.
"Thank you, Envy", Humility sighed and continued: "Now that this ridiculous argument is out of the way, Winry left a letter to each of you. Kindness, if you could hand them out, please."
The freckled blond complied and handed a sealed letter to everyone who had been remembered in Winry's last will.
When she arrived at me and Envy and gave us our letters, she said: "To you two she left two letters each."
"And why do we get only one?", I asked unemotionally.
Kindness shrugged: "She insisted that you should receive only one and that we keep the other letters confined till a certain moment arrives."
"Why?", Envy and I asked at the same time.
The Virtue replied: "Because she said that they contain things that you're not supposed to know just yet. She told us when to give them to you and to lock them away safely until then."
The Sin and I looked at each other and I saw that the black-haired one was close to having a fit. I decided to save the situation before the deranged palm tree blew up.
"Envy, why don't we go for a walk?"
I wanted to talk to him anyway. Him, legal guardian of my children, hah! Don't make me laugh! Over my dead body, maybe!
The homunculus looked at me with a face that screamed: Seriously?
Kindness spoke up: "Uh, you do realise that Envy is still under house arrest, right?"
"It doesn't seem to apply for when we work or train outside", I retorted, "Besides, I'm with him and that should count. I just want to talk to him in private and get some fresh air. Anyway..."
"I'm still here, y'know", Envy growled agitatedly, "Do I get a say in this?!"
"No", I snapped at him, earning myself a smacking with the wrench that now belonged to Envy. Okay, I admit, I earned myself that one.
"I'm sorry, my dear opposite", Kindness apologised, "But without the company of at least one Virtue you're not allowed out, considering the trouble you still like to cause."
"Fine with me", Envy hissed, "I wasn't going to agree anyway – I just want to be left alone!"
Then he rushed upstairs to his room, probably to read the letter and bawl his eyes out in private.
…
Winry leaves a testament behind that is hardly surpassable in its WTFitude.
Winry's ghost: Excuse you, you're writing this story!
Me: I know, I have no excuse!
Ed: WTF is wrong with you!
Me: Shut up, I do what I want.