Chapter Thirty-Six: All's Fair

I awoke, a week later, still in custody of the General of Thyrea, one Ascanius y Pergama, who had at one time bounced me upon his knee, delighting in my infant giggles as he discussed trade with my father. Now, older, grayer and significantly less disposed toward me, he kept me sequestered in his tent night and day, while he spoke with the ambassadors that came daily from Anselme and Tännon. I was bait, I gathered, or at least a bargaining chip. He rarely bothered to speak to me directly, and so my scant knowledge as gathered from the tidbits I overheard from those who served me my meals. The servants, for Ascanius had brought his lifestyle along with him, were somewhat in awe of me, but for the most part, they, too, ignored me unless absolutely unavoidable. It was a lonely existence, to be sure, but a week wasn't too long to bear.

Two weeks later, I sat day after day, restless and bored, as my predicament did not change. It appeared that neither Tännon nor Anselme was willing to sacrifice much for me. Disheartening as that was, I wasn't too displeased; I still had a chance, then, to make a new life on my own. Perhaps I would finally escape the mess that had become my life. I heard from the servants that Daryan had finally succeeded his father as king of Tännon and that he would have a newly wedded (and most assuredly bedded) royal bride to go along with it within six months. According to the Ascanius' servants, the chosen beauty was a reticent woman from one of Thyrea's neighbors, a girl who would have married one of the y Pergama sons had not Daryan got her first.

I felt sorry for her and silently wished her well, knowing that her way would not be easy. I certainly did not envy her the situation she was in, though once I would have. Instead, I dreamed of my new life.

Sometimes, though, when I woke up, there would be tears on my cheeks and my arms would be slippery with their misery. I would have dreamed of Thom those nights, and of the love we once shared. Those mornings were the hardest, but the dreams of the future helped me along. I tried to put him out of my mind, but was rarely successful.

As the weeks passed, I cried and dreamed and wished, watching the days pass me by.

By the fifth week, I knew something was wrong. The servants spoke of war and battles fought. Men were dying and I could daily hear the noise of injured men and a pitiful sound that was. Still, I was kept sheltered in the tent of Ascanius y Pergama, hidden from view and kept away from the world.

As the sixth week of my boredom passed, I noticed something else wrong. Though I was eating far less than usual, my dress did not fit. It had even been loose before, but now, it was beginning to stretch taut across the middle. I attributed it to my sedentary lifestyle, for all I did was sit all day in the tent. As of late, General y Pergama had brought me books to read, understanding my boredom and turning more sympathetic as the days passed. We saw each other almost daily and the proximity began to breed some sort of fondness.

One evening, after the sounds of the skirmishes ceased for the day, Ascanius y Pergama brought company.

"Kelryian, oh God."

"Thomhas." I was numb with shock, with surprise, with whatever emotion could fully encompass everything that flooded my body at that moment. "Why are you here?"

"You have five minutes," the General said before taking his leave of us.

"What happened to you?" Thomhas stood across the tent from me, his arms crossed. "Arielle told me you left, but she didn't tell me you were with child."

"What?" I glared at him, resenting his very presence, pushing all of the dreams of him out of my mind. "I simply left, nothing else."

"Of course." His remark was snide, a sneer curling his lips. "Because I can't see when my own wife is obviously pregnant."

I stalked up to him. "You are seeing things, Thomhas dy Cattalo. Now, why are you here?" Hand on my hips, I angrily bit back tears.

"I was going to offer you a way out, but you seemed disinclined to take it." Thom reached out as if to brush my face but let his hand fall at the last moment. "Whose is it?"

"Don't start that." My mouth turned down with the suppressed tears. "I wish I could leave." A tear slipped out. "I miss…"

"For you, Kelry, I would have done the impossible. Once, but now…" He kissed my cheek, then my lips, softly. "Don't come home." He pressed something hard into my hand, and then stalked out of the tent. When I opened my hand, I found his wedding ring folded into my palm.

That was a night I cried myself to sleep, my wet palms slick against my cheeks. I dreamed of Thomhas, of the way it was, and when I woke up, my hands were cradling my stomach, wrapped tight around its new found bulk.

Again, Ascanius y Pergama returned with company. "Kelryian, Morian, Morian, Kelryian." And thus, introductions were made and I met the physician. He was thin, with deep green eyes that proclaimed knowledge without a doubt. His hands, though not large, were steady as he adjusted the spectacles that perched on his nose. When he smiled, his face melted into compassion.

"Kelryian," he said, his voice soft. "The General tells me that you are having some difficulties."

A single eyebrow arched. "I wasn't aware I was having difficulties."

"Your belly says otherwise." A slender finger pointed delicately. "It appears that you are with child."

I nearly scoffed, but held it in. I couldn't be with child. I would have been rendered to Arielle's condition, surely, as weak as a newborn kitten that couldn't see. "Ah." I managed, my voice strangled.

"Pardon me," Morian offered before placing his hand on my stomach. "The General y Pergama has requested that I examine you. I must warn you, I am far more used to dealing with soldiers, who most certainly do not get pregnant, but at times, their women do come to me as well. So I know something of that." He smiled at me again, kindness suffusing his expression. "Mostly, I'm just checking to see that you're in good health."

A pause, then I managed to get out another brief, "Ah," before sitting very solidly down on the floor.

"Kelryian?"

"I'm going to have a baby?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Oh, God."

Within two months, with warfare still plaguing the city despite the intermittent snow storms, my stomach had swollen to enormous proportions. Morian figured that I was just entering the third trimester. My precious bundle of joy, as one of the serving women had taken to calling my baby, would be a spring child.

Winter was kind to Anselme; though I wrapped the catskin cloak close around me, the winds did not sap my face of all warmth or chill me to the bone. Although there was snow, it didn't stick, instead melting into the brown grass as soon as it rested upon the earth. I snuggled deeper into the catskin cloak, watching the snowflakes flutter to earth outside.

In the months that had passed, Thomhas had not come to see me again. Arielle had, twice, though her visits had stopped as she, too, had blossomed hugely with child. Ascanius y Pergama told me that she had birthed a boy not a week ago, though how he knew that, I will never know. I was grateful for the news, no matter where it came from. I missed Arielle. For truly, I was alone here, save for Morian's weekly visits and Ascanius' often dour, brooding company, if he showed up at all. It was a lonely existence.

As I lay awake one night, with the cold winter wind making the tent billow and roll like the sea I had never seen, I longed for home, for my mother again. She would certainly make everything fine again. I yearned for the days when she would come home from one of her long journeys and take me into her arms, surprising me with some new delight she had happened across in her travels. I remembered the smell of spiced teas that she had steeped for me, the aroma of the foreign spices tickling my nose and making me sneeze. The soft cashmeres that she would bring me rose in my memory and I recalled how they felt as the slipped across the bare skin of my childish arms.

Most of all, though, I wished for the feel of her arms around me as she wrapped me in the special cloth and spooned sweet delights into my mouth as she held me on her lap. As I cradled my own child in my lap, my arms wrapped close around my bulging midsection, I realized that I wanted the same for my child. I would travel, or Thom would, and we would bring back our baby such wonders! And we would hold our offspring, our child, made together in love, between us and give it as much love as we could.

My lips curved into a chapped smile as I thought of this image, conveniently forgetting that Thom had told me not to come home and that I had his wedding ring on a chain around my neck, keeping it close to my heart even though he did not keep it close to his. In the middle of the night, with naught but the wind as my companion, I dreamed of the life I really wanted and, in that moment, gave up all thoughts of ever leaving Ansemle. It was my home; I would stay.

With this realization came the understanding that for this perfect life I dreamed of, the present war would have to cease. Unfortunately for my hopes and dreams, I had no way of doing such a thing. I was a political prisoner, and a woman without a country at that. Instead, I was forced to sit and to wait, to see what lot befell me rather than making my own fate. It was frustrating, but in the middle of the night, there wasn't much else to do.

So, that night, I slept, waiting for fate to come and find me. I would deal with it when it got there.

Fate came on swift feet.

Author's Note: Once more, I must apologize. I meant to get this up quite a bit earlier, but unfortunately, my hard drive decided that it didn't need to work anymore. Luckily, I managed to salvage a few things, including this, so here, finally, from a working computer, is the chapter! Hurrah. So, please enjoy and happy holidays to all!