"Mom?! Mom, I know we're not supposed to bother you while you're at work, but you HAVE to come home. Mom, please come home. It's… It's Jo, mom. She's not okay…" Shane is hysterically babbling on the phone to his mother while Leah, Steph and Heather all try to get me to calm down. I can't calm down. I can't calm down knowing what I just did to Lucy and her friend. I swear I didn't want to fight. I said that. How many times did I say it? Why wouldn't they just listen to me? I never wanted to fight. They made me. "She's freaking out right now and I can't get her to stop. Can you at least talk to her?" Alex has his ear pressed against Shane's phone, trying to listen in on the conversation. I never wanted to fight. I was perfectly fine with letting them leave… but her friend hit me. What was I supposed to do?

"It's over, Jo. The fight? It's over… it's over." Steph kneels down in front of the couch that I'm sitting at and holds my hands. "You can calm down now. Let us go clean you off. You're all bloody and gross. You can calm down."

"Get off me, please. Steph, lemme go." My level of anger is still way too high for her to even be touching me right now. Leisurely, Steph lets go of my hands like I asked. I conceal my face inside my hands and rock slowly back and forth. I cannot calm down. I just can't. I'm still exceedingly irritated with everything that just went on and I just really don't want to hurt Steph next. Completely against my own will, my hands just start quivering and I can't control them. Somebody puts their arm around my shoulders and I shrug it off. I grab a handful of my hair and squeeze it. This is not my fault. It's totally not my fault. I said that I didn't want to fight. I said that over and over and over again. I didn't even provoke them. I didn't get smart, I didn't get loud, I didn't argue. I was even going to let them leave. I said that I didn't want to fight… I let the clumps of my hair go for a moment, and then grip them up again. I'm trying so hard to get ahold of my emotions but I seriously can't.

"Let us clean you up. It's okay… you won." Leah's voice is dead inside my ear. I snuffle and take a deep breath. I slightly move my hands over my eyes and the tears come emitting out of my eyes. Winning is the last thing I'm worried about right now, Leah. I could care less if I won or lost that fight, even though I know for a fact that I won. The fact is that I already have charges pressed against me for fighting and I just went and fought again. I'm already doing community service to pay off a fine that I have. What if Lucy presses charges against me again? I'd press charges on myself. I STOMPED ON HER FACE! I inhale a jagged breath and my chest hiccups with the fact that I'm crying big, crocodile, frustrated tears. "Are you crying? Don't cry, Jo… don't cry… it's okay. It's not your fault. She was asking for it."

I can't just keep losing control like that. I swear I didn't even want it to go that far. I didn't mean to hurt her that badly, but I was just so mad. And you don't even feel sorry for it. You don't feel any remorse. You're not sorry. You're just worried you're gonna have charges pressed against you. You're not even sorry. I feel bad that I stepped on her face like that, don't get me wrong. But she really was asking for it. She came over to MY house, asking for a fight. The way I see it, I was well within my right to fight with her. She came to my HOUSE, for crying out loud. I feel bad for standing on top of her and stomping down on her face. I feel bad for not stopping when I clearly knew that she was done fighting me back. But I don't feel bad for actually fighting her. But the whole thing is that you didn't want to fight. You stood at the total opposite end of the porch. You even backed away when she stepped towards you. You said you didn't want to fight. But her friend just HAD to hit you… "She's gonna press charges on me…" My jaw quakes uncontrollably and my voice is just so hoarse and filled with tears. "I'm gonna get in so much trouble…"

Heather tries to hand me a sandwich bag full of ice but I refuse it. "You shouldn't get in trouble for anything. She came to your territory and called you out. And her friend threw the first punch and then they tried to jump you. You had every right to beat her up like that. If she couldn't handle it, she shouldn't have started it with you."

Leah takes the bag of ice off Heather and tries to press it gently against my jaw but I smack her hand away. "Heather's right. You can't just show up at somebody's doorstep and expect them to just be chill when you decide to throw punches. It's not your fault and you shouldn't get into trouble for that. She came and got what she asked for."

"SHE DIDN'T ASK FOR ME TO STOMP ON HER FACE!" I throw my hands out in exasperation and just shake my head at the three of them. They can't condone what I did. I run my fingers through my hair and hold my head with my hand. "That's not even the point." Snickering, almost full-blown laughing, I shake my head some more. "I can't control myself when I get mad like that." My laughter is purely out of nervousness and slight cluelessness. I have no idea what else to do besides laugh. "And I knew that. I fucking knew that. That's why I told her that I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to fight… I swear to god I didn't want to fight. But I'm not a fucking punk. I'm not just gonna let somebody punch me in the face and get away with it…"

"You did what you were supposed to do, Jo." Steph holds my hands down while Heather forces a bottle of water to my lips. "…We were all about to jump in, but we saw that you didn't need any help. You took them both down." Steph's mouth curves up into a soft smile. "The way you dragged her off the porch, though. You dragged her off the porch by her hair! Jo, you're cutthroat."

"And I swear you never stopped punching her in her head the entire time. You had her crawling on the ground like a dog and you were punching her in her head." Heather tilts the water bottle upwards and I take a sip of it. Ew… it tastes like blood. "You're so ruthless. This is why we're friends…isn't it, guys?"

"Hell yeah." Leah holds the ice against my jaw. "I'd hate to be your enemy. You'd whoop my ass in a heartbeat and I wouldn't even try to fight back. Look on the bright side…" She peels the ice away to have a look at the bruising. "Nobody will fuck with you again after they see what you did to Lucy. You're the shit."

"I don't want people to be afraid of me, guys. That doesn't solve anything." I tilt my head to the side so Leah can put the ice where my jaw really hurts. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but it doesn't change the fact that I just brutally beat the girl up." I look up at Shane and Alex. Shane's still on the phone and Alex is still trying to listen. Heather tunes her nose up at the blood all over my sweater and starts the process of taking it off of me. I cooperate with her by sliding my arm out of the arm hole and helping her weave my hair through the head hole. My hair topples down in waves to cover my chest.

"The whole time she was pulling your hair, I just kept praying to god that she wouldn't rip it out." Steph stands up and takes all of my hair into her hands. "Ask Leah. The whole time, I was just sitting there like 'Don't rip her hair out. Don't rip her hair out. Not her hair.'" She starts brushing through it with her fingers.

"Blood stains are hard to get out. You should probably throw this shirt away. It's ruined." Heather bawls up my sweater and tosses it to the side. "…Did she bite you? On your boob?" She pulls at the cup of my bra and exposes a circular mark that definitely resembles bite marks. It's starting to bruise already. "What is she… a vampire? Jo, she bit your boob!"

"Oh, would you look at that?" I look down at it and poke it with my index finger. It doesn't hurt or anything. "I didn't even feel it. It was probably when I was on top of her and she was trying to get me off. I didn't notice." I shrug my shoulders and look down at my feet. My big toenail is bleeding pretty profusely because I fought her barefoot. "I'm actually going to go take a shower guys. Hand me my shirt, Heather."

"Why? It's ruined…" She picks up the ball of sweater and hands it to me. I unravel it and start shoving my hands and arms back through it to put it on. "I thought you were going to take a shower…"

"I am."

"So then why are you putting clothes back on if you're just getting ready to take them back off?"

"Because nobody wants to see me topless." I pull the sweater down so that it's aligned with my body and stand up from the couch. "I'll be back in a few minutes." I wrap my hand around the railing and start going up the steps. It's like Heather wants Alex to see my secret. She takes my shirt off right in front of him and then she questions me about why I put it back on? It's like she wants him to see… I huff out a deep breath of relief and jog up to the top of the steps. I go straight into Shane's room and shut the door behind me. I go over to his bathroom door and go inside. I lean with my back against the wall and slide down until I'm sitting in a knees-up position. Okay, you're alone. Go ahead.

I lean up and take my back up off the wall and pull my shirt back over my head. I slam my head against the wall and close my eyes. What just happened? What really just went on? It was amazing, at first. I was about to take it to the next level with Alex and then just… it got all bad. I don't think I was fully over being pissed at Alex. Maybe that's why it was so easy for me to go off on Lucy the way I did. But I did try to restrain myself. I really did try. I tried to let her go… but it just didn't work. You have to stop blowing up like that. Start taking your anger pills again. Start taking your pills. I bring my wrist up into my vision and stare at the busted-open cuts on it. I'm not sure when the cuts got broken open but I don't really care. They're bleeding like I just cut them and they won't stop. I'm glad nobody noticed through the fact that my entire body was bloody, though. I stand up and walk over to the mirror. My face is a bloody mess. I can't really see much of anything through the blood so I'll assess the damage after I get out of the shower. I walk over to Shane's shower and start the water.

I grab a fresh towel and a fresh washcloth out of his cupboard and put them on the sink. I peel the rest of my bloody clothes off my body and throw my old towel and my old washcloth into the hamper. That's exactly the reason I blew up so bad on Lucy and her friends. I was still pissed at Alex for being late and for the whole bus incident, I was even more pissed off that Shane interrupted us in the middle of something, and I was pushed over the edge by her comments about my family. It's not like I wouldn't have blown up anyway, though. As everybody already knows, I have a pretty foul temper. I pull the shower curtain open and step inside the hot water spray.

I tilt my head backwards to I can get my hair wet. As I run my hands through it, it's coming out. From her pulling it, probably. I put my head down so the water can touch on the base of my neck. The water that's rushing down the drain is a bright shade of pink from all the blood that's coming off my body. I turn around so the front of my body is facing the spray. I cup my hands together and gather some water up inside them, then splash it on my face. The cuts on my wrist are burning from being exposed to the water but I bear with it. I try to keep them pretty clean, for the most part. Isn't it strange how I can be disgusting enough to actually take a blade to my skin, but I care enough to keep the cuts clean so they don't get infected? Don't do it. You don't need to do it. Plus, you told Leah that you would really try to stop. Did you lie to Leah? Yeah, I think I did.

I reach over inside the shower caddy that's hanging on the side wall of the shower and pick up one of the razors that Shane's mom gave me to shave my legs. I have a feeling that if she knew what I actually do with the blades in the razors, she'd refrain from giving them to me. I wrap my fingers around the handle of the razor. I don't have enough time to actually extract the blade from the top of the razor, so I just tilt the razor at an awkward length and hold it to the wounded, tender skin on my left palm. I'm at the point that I don't have anywhere to cut that doesn't already have more than a few slices on it, so I'm going to have to cut over pre-existing ones. I've never cut with an actual razor before… I'm scared, but the feeling of desperation that I have in the pit of my stomach is far more consuming than the fear I'm feeling.

I close my eyes and feel a tingle race up my back and all the way to my temple. I push the top of the razor down with my index finger and drag it downwards. Oh god, it stings. It stings… it stings bad. It's never hurt this bad before. I drop the razor into the pink water below and bite my lip. I open my eyes and look down at the mess I just made. Oh my god, there's so much blood! What did you just do?! Panicking, I hold my stinging wrist underneath the water so the blood will wash away. It's coming out quicker than the water can wash it away though. I pull my palm away from the spray and push on it. Stop bleeding… stop bleeding… stop bleeding. The whole shower reeks of my blood right now. It smells like rust and salt. I take my fingers away from pushing on it. A deep, dark crimson red bubble emerges. The bubble gets bigger, bigger, bigger… pops. I grab my washcloth and push it against it. Why won't it stop?! It usually stops by now! Oh god, what did I do? What have I done?

I reach up with my healthy hand and grab a washcloth that's hanging up on the ledge of the shower curtain rod. I switch out my washcloth for the random one that I just grabbed. Hurry up and wash yourself so you can get out. Tying the random rag in a knot around my wrist, I see the blood starting to seep through. I bring the wrist up to my mouth and tighten the knot with my teeth. It should hold until I wash up. I lather up my rag with soap and start washing off my body. My ears are ringing and my breathing is getting a little bit shallow. I feel like I'm wobbling around but I know that I'm standing still. I'm so dizzy and lightheaded. I lift my arms up and wash underneath my armpits. I can't wash my hair like I wanted to, but at least I rinsed it. I have to get out.

I lean forward and turn off the shower spray. I pull the curtain back quickly and grab my towel off the sink. I wrap my towel around myself and sit down on the edge of the bathtub. With my head still reeling, I take the rag I tied around my wrist off. It's still bleeding pretty badly but it's not as bad as I originally thought. I push against it with the rag some more. You're okay… you're okay. You're fine… it's okay. I don't know how many more times I'll be able to try to convince myself that I'm okay. It gets redundant after a while. I stand up with and walk, with wobbly legs over to the medicine cabinet. I grab the brown bottle and untwist the white cap. I hold my wrist over the sink and dump about half the bottle onto my skin. "Oooouch…" I grit my teeth as the peroxide bubbles and burns. I grab a box of Band-Aids out of the cabinet too, dry off my wrist and decorate it with about seven bandages. All of a sudden, when I do that, I start breathing heavy… like I ran a marathon. That… that should hold. I grip my towel and secure it around my naked body and put my hand on the doorknob. Pull it together. Nothing just happened in the bathroom. Nothing just happened in the shower. You're fine. You're gonna put on some clothes and you're gonna go hang out downstairs with your friends. You're fine. Pull it together.

I twist the knob, pull the door open and step out into Shane's room. I look up and there's a body sitting on the bed. "…Get out." I hold my towel tightly against my body and speak out with severity in my voice. I take a step closer to the bathroom door and sigh. Of all people that I could've opened up the door to, it had to be him. It couldn't have been Heather, or Stephanie or Shane. I would've loved for it to have been Leah, actually. But no. Just my luck. "What are you doing in here?"

He stands up off the bed and walks over to me. I back up further and further until finally, my back is against the wall. I keep my towel against my body and look past him. What does he want? Can't he just leave me alone? I need to be alone for .25 seconds. "I came to check on you." He mumbles and grabs the hem of my towel. Something's gotta give soon or I'm gonna lose it. Stop touching me… "Come here." He mumbles again and starts pulling on my towel.

"NO, GET OFF ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I push him away. "Get out. I'll be downstairs in a little while…"

"I'm not leaving, so shut up." He grabs my arm instead of my towel and pulls me away from the wall. I slap his hands away from my body. "Stop pushing me away." He tries to grab me again. I, of course, slap at his hands again. "STOP, OKAY?! STOP." He manhandles me and grabs me by my shoulders. "What is WITH you today? You're so weird…" He drags me over to the bed and makes me sit down. "Calm DOWN, Jo… okay? You're so on edge."

"You would be too, if…" My voice trails off as I realize what I'm about to say to him. "Nevermind." He starts pulling at my towel again. "Stop… what are you trying to do?"

"I'm trying to dry you off so you can put on clothes." He muscles the towel off my body and I'm sitting on the bed… butt naked… in front of Alex.

"I can do it myself… I can do it myself… stop it…" I cross my legs to cover up my womanhood and cover my arms across my chest. "Seriously, I don't need your help. I'm fine… just wait for me downstairs."

He starts softly rubbing the towel across my body. "It was okay for me to see you naked about an hour ago, but now you have to cover up?" He walks around to the front of me and starts gingerly drying off my face. "I think I'm starting to learn how to tell when you're lying…" His eyes don't even leave my face. I'm naked and he's not even looking at me. There's no way he's not looking. I mean something to him, don't I? For me to be sitting here naked in front of him and his eyes don't even budge… I mean something to him. "You're not fine. What happened out there?"

"What, with Lucy?" I take the towel back off him and wrap myself back up so that I can rummage and find some clothes to put on. "Nothing. I just got mad. That's what happens when I get mad. I get mad, I have to hit something…or someone, it takes me a while to calm down, I'm fine afterwards. I'm probably going to have more charges pressed against me, but I'll deal with that when it comes. I just have to suck it up." I grab a pair of clean underwear and toss them on the bed. "I'm not proud of myself, but it happened and I can't take it back."

"No more secrets, Jo." He sits back down on the bed and runs his hands through his hair, as if he's stressed. "Stop pretending. You don't have to pretend for me. I'm not letting you go. No matter how much you push me away… how much bullshit you put me through. I'm not letting you go. I made that mistake already and I'm not making that mistake again. No more secrets. Sit down and talk to me. You won't let me…" He sighs. "Just sit down."

"I won't let you what?" I step into my underwear and pull them up securely on my waist. I turn my back to him and drop the towel. "What won't I let you do?" I pick up a sports bra to put on.

"You're perfect, I think." He clears his throat. "Beautiful face, nice body, amazing personality, ladylike mannerisms, mild-mannered… you're perfect. But I know that it's not all it's cracked up to be. Stop acting so guarded. Just take it off. For a half hour, take it off and let me… see you."

"…I don't have any idea what you're talking about." I yank on another long sleeved shirt. You know exactly what he's trying to say. Stop acting stupid.

"I just want to see you. The REAL you. Stop perpetrating in front of me. I want you to sit down and let me see who you are, underneath all of that perfection. You won't let me in, and I need you to. That's the only way any of this is going to work. Every time you're with me, you fake like you're okay. I can tell you're faking…"

"I could say the same thing about you though, Alex. Sorry that I can't just tell you everything I'm thinking. Sorry that I don't trust anybody with my secrets. Look, every time I try to open up to anybody, they end up—"

"SO WHAT?!" His voice jumps up a pitch. "You have to get over it. Not everybody is going to hurt you. I'M not going to hurt you. So if you need a shoulder to cry on, if you need someone to listen, if you need someone to tell you that you're acting like a goddamn lunatic like you just did, I want to be that somebody. Kill me for wanting to be more than your friend. Because that's exactly what I feel like I am to you. I don't feel like I'm your boyfriend…"

"…You think I'm a lunatic?"

"You definitely have SOMETHING going on inside that pretty little head of yours."

"…Wow." I look down and shake my head at him. "I think you need to get out now, Alex. I think you need to get out and leave me alone… for good."

"SEE?! There you go again… pushing me away. Stop doing that!" He springs up off the bed. "I love you… so much that it makes me sick. It physically makes me sick to think about how much I love you. Dammit, I love you. And you make that so hard for me to do sometimes. When you act like this. You get so weird. One minute, I can't help but think about how deeply in love I am with you… but then the next minute, you go and act like a total crazy stranger and you push me away constantly and you make it so hard for me to love you."

"Then DON'T. Simple as that. DON'T love me, Alex. I'm sorry that you're an idiot that can't handle the fact that I'm just A LITTLE BIT messed up right now. Sorry that I'm SO hard to love. I'm sorry I'm such a freaking burden to you. But if it's that hard for you to put aside the fact that I'm a… I'm a LUNATIC, then don't love me. Stay out of my life, okay?"

"Really? Is that it? Is that what you really want to say to me right now?"

"It doesn't fucking matter!" I take a couple steps towards him. "IT'S NOT YOU! YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELIVE THE THOUGHT OF BEING… BEING RAPED EVERY TIME YOUR BOYFRIEND TOUCHES YOU. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT…THE FACT THAT…. You don't understand me… and you never will."

"BUT I WANT TO! I WANT TO UNDERSTAND! Come on… what's bothering you?" Out of the clear blue, he wraps his arms around me and squeezes. "Fight me off, I don't care. I'm not letting you go… I'm not letting you go. I'm not messing this up. I mess up everything and I'm not messing this up. Talk to me, Jo… TALK TO ME."

"I don't have anything to talk to you about! Alex, let me go!" I try so hard to push him away but he has too tight of a grip on me. "Let me go… let me go…"

"No… I'm not letting you go. Talk to me…"

"Everything is just so messed up!" I give up on fighting him and just lie still in his arms. Your head is about to explode, isn't it? It's going to spontaneously combust. Just like it did with Leah… my mouth starts having diarrhea. A little bit worse this time, though. "I don't know which way is up anymore… I don't know myself… I don't know who I am. I'm definitely not the girl I was last month. I'm so scared of myself anymore. I don't know when I'm going to snap out, I don't know when I'm going to be happy… I don't know anything anymore and it's just not fair… it's not fair." The tears that are coming out of my eyes this time are so much different than any tears I've cried in the last few months. These are angry tears, sad tears, tears of exhaustion, tears of remorse, tears of sorrow, tears of mourning… tears of every emotion I feel every single day. "It hurts so bad. I feel… I feel everything and nothing at the same time. I'm so… I'm messed up and nobody can help me. I just want to be un-messed up already. How does this even happen? How does this happen to someone? How can someone just be so… unloved by the damn universe? How many times can I break until I'm just… unfixable? I don't get it. I really don't get it… Sixteen years of being with somebody… SIXTEEN years… and that can be taken away in the blink of an eye? A house that you've lived in your whole life… a life you've had for as long as you can remember…. Something that was far from perfect… but it was perfect to me. It was perfect to me.. and it can all go to shit because of a lousy heart attack? A heart attack that wouldn't have killed her if I had been home?! I wasn't done needing her… I wasn't done… and she's gone and I wasn't done and I could've prevented everything if I was home. And the last thing she heard me say was 'You're not my mother'? I just want to know why… I really feel so alone in this whole world. I feel like I don't have anybody…" Are you done? No? Okay. Alex doesn't say a word. He rubs my shoulders, holds me and just listens. I'm not done, though. It's like he's not the one holding me. Am I breaking down? I think I am.

"And they tell me… they tell me that I'm supposed trust people. I'm supposed to trust that somebody will take care of me. I'm supposed to trust the fact that nothing bad will happen to me. I'm supposed to trust these people… but people are horrible. People are horrible…" I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and squeeze him. "How can somebody take so much from you? How is that possible? How can one single person take so many things from you? I can't sleep… I don't sleep through the night… I don't like to close my eyes anymore. I have nightmares every single night. How can one person do that to you? I don't even feel… human anymore. Nothing is in my control anymore… nothing. I can't even control when I do or when I don't have sex. How does that happen? You want details? You want the truth? Here it is." God it feels good to let all of this out. "He snuck in my room, he kissed me, he touched me… and he just… did it. I was sleeping… I was sleeping… I said no…. I said no, so many times I said no. He didn't care. It hurt… It hurt so bad and I don't know why. He was big and mean and rough and hard and… I couldn't stop him without hurting him… and I didn't know how to deal with that. And I kissed him… I kissed him. I don't know why… I just didn't want to be myself anymore. I wanted to stop hurting. I wanted to do something that I would never do… so I kissed him. And I still can't deal with that. I hurt every single day. I'm just so… I… I never thought I would be the one to… to cut myself but now I can't stop that either and I just—"

"You WHAT yourself?" He interrupts me for the first time since I've started spilling my guts to him.

"Nothing." I sniff. "Nothing… I just want to go downstairs…. I'm thirsty… I'm thirsty okay?" I wipe my face off. Jesus Christ, I swear that slipped. I didn't mean to say that. That slipped. I hope he lets that go. "Can we go downstairs?" He grabs my arm quietly, with no hesitations or sudden movements. He turns my palm rightside up and I don't even budge. I love him and he loves me. He won't tell. He said I can trust him. He won't tell on me. "…Don't touch them…" I whisper. He ignores me and peels off the Band-Aids I put on them. His eyes grow wider when he seems them. "Oww… ow….ow…."

"How… how long, have you?" His thumb grazes lightly over the cut I just made in the shower. "God…. This one's deep."

"I don't want to talk about them…"

He squeezes my body against his tighter and kisses my cheek. "I'm here, okay? I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. We're gonna talk about these… okay? We are. Not right now, but we're going to. You hear me?"

"…Sure."

"What on God's green Earth makes you think that I want to come home from work and yell at you?! What were you thinking, Jo?! Were you thinking at all?!" She's standing in front of me with her hands on her hips so I have no choice but to look her in her eye while she's scolding me. I sort of already knew that I'd be in trouble when mom came home. First of all, I knew that I would be the one to get into trouble for Shane calling her while she's at work. Shane wouldn't call her at work unless it was a dire emergency and the fact that he felt like me freaking out was a dire emergency puts my ass on the line. Second of all, she actually CAME HOME early, too. And third of all, I got into a fight. If there's anything that mom hates the most, it's when little girls fight. She thinks it's trashy and I guess she's right to a certain extent. "Don't just sit there with that dumb look on your face, answer me. What were you thinking? As if you don't already have enough on your plate, you want to add more assault and battery charges to it? What are you going to do now, Jo?"

I twist my still-damp hair around my finger and pull. I shrug my shoulders and look down at the carpet. "I don't know… I wasn't thinking." I'm ready for the groundation she's about to place on me. I'll probably be phone-less for another week. "I was just sitting upstairs in Shane's room and then he came upstairs and he told me that she was outside. So I went downstairs to see what her problem was. I didn't even plan on fighting with her. I actually told her that I didn't want to fight. And then…right before they were about to leave, the one girl punched me in my face and I just lost it." I hand her my phone because I already know that she's gonna take it. "Here. And if she presses charges, I swear I'll get a job to pay off the fines."

"Honey, I get that you got mad. Believe me, I get that. I've been around you enough to know what happens when somebody takes you to your breaking point. But there's a limit, Jo. There's a limit to how far you can go. You're not invincible and I can't protect you from everything. Shane and your three girlfriends told me that it was pretty bad, and I have to believe that. I know how you get and I'm well aware of what you're capable of doing to somebody. What if you had seriously hurt the girl? Then what do you do? Write her a sorry note and hope she doesn't press charges against you? You have to cool it, baby. Cool it. How long have we been telling you about your temper?"

"I'm sorry… and yeah, it was bad. I think I might've broken her nose or maybe even her jaw, I don't know…" I sit back against the couch and cross my legs. "How long am I grounded for? And here… you can have my phone…" I try handing her my phone again.

"You can keep your phone. Lemme see your face…" She places her fingers underneath my chin and lifts my head up. "What'd I tell you? What have I been telling you ever since you were little? Didn't I tell you that pretty girls don't fight? Pretty girls don't fight, Jo. You're too pretty to be out there rumbling around in the streets, you hear?" I nod softly as she keeps checking the little bit of damage done to my face. "I'll hold off on the fight punishment until we see if the girl's pressing charges or not. But you and Shane both are on punishment. I told you two not to have people in my house while I was at work, didn't I?"

"No, Heather and Steph came afterwards. It was just Alex and Leah at first. Heather and Stephanie only came because they thought I was going to get jumped and they didn't want me to. So…" I sigh. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that too. Can they stay for a little bit longer, though? You know, since me and Shane are about to be grounded for life anyway. One last night of freedom? Can they stay for a little?"

"…Go on upstairs and have fun with everybody." She puts my face down with a kiss to my forehead and lets me go. I stand up from the couch and head to the steps because Shane, Leah, and Alex were all sent upstairs so mom and I could talk privately. I don't know where they went, but Heather and Steph were both gone when me and Alex came downstairs. "Wait a second, Jo…" She calls me back. I stop walking up the steps and barrel my neck around to make eye contact with her. "It'd be nice to meet that Alex character. I hear he's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

"…Yeah. Um… I'll make sure he stops by to say hello to you before he leaves." I grab onto the railing and run up the steps to Shane's room. I turn the doorknob and bust inside without any warning. "Shane, we're both grounded. Mom said they can stay for a while, but only because me and you are grounded until further notice after they leave… for having Leah and Alex in the house when she was at work." I'm not sure what's going on here or what I just walked in to, but Leah is lying between Shane's legs on the bed and poor Alex is third-wheeling all alone on the floor. Loud music is playing from Shane's iHome on his dresser, too. "Awww were you waiting for me?" I plop down on the floor next to Alex. "…What are those two doing?"

"Dry humping, I think." He shrugs and puts his head against my shoulder. I can't help but run my fingers through his hair. "Are you alright?"

"I'm good… really I am." I pull one of his loose wavy curls and unravel it. His hair is actually pretty long… if I take the time to unravel the messy waves in it. Instead of unraveling every wave and curl, I just trace spirals on his head. "Don't cut your hair. I like it long and messy. You can stand to shave, though."

"It's no-shave November." He lifts his hand and starts tracing spirals in my hair too. "I'm gonna have a beard by the end of the month."

"Ew, freaking gross. Please shave." I run my hands along the stubble on his face. It's not that bad yet. "I will shave you while you're sleeping. No-shave November is so gross."

"Do girls participate in no-shave November?" He asks with a smirk on his face.

"We don't grow bea…. EW… you're disgusting!" I give him a love-tap on his cheek and turn my head to the top of the bed. "Leah… Leah, stop sucking Shane's face for a second and tell me something. Do you participate in 'no-shave November'?"

Leah stops kissing Shane for like two seconds and laughs. "I don't know. Shane… do I participate in no-shave November?"

"Definitely not." Shane answers and goes right back to kissing her.

"You two are so…" I roll my eyes at them and turn back to Alex, smile bright and wide across my face. "Well, I speak for myself when I say that I don't take part in no-shave November. And every girl that does that… is disgusting."

"Now you're judging every girl with a little peach fuzz down there?" He interlocks his fingers inside my fingers and holds my hand. "You're a little judgmental."

"I'm not judging them if they have peach fuzz, because I get that. I personally have a thing against body hair. I think girls who are overly hairy in any place of their body except for their arms are disgusting. I can't go longer than two weeks without shaving my pits and my legs. I used to be able to wait three weeks before I'd shave any other places, but that's gone out the window." I stroke his knuckles with my thumb.

"Why's that out of the window all of a sudden?" With the hand of his that I'm not holding, he starts caressing my arm with the tips of his fingers.

"…Because I'm always prepared these days." I scoot over closer to him and put my head against his chest. "Back when I got no action, it was acceptable to go weeks without shaving. I'm prepared all the time now. All…the time." He adjusts his hand inside of mine carefully, wary of the wounds on my left wrist. He's always careful anymore, ever since I told him about them a little while ago. He's cautious of the way he grabs me, cautious of how he hugs me, cautious of everything. "…Why do you insist on being a douchebag to me, though? I've been meaning to ask you that…"

"How am I a douchebag to you now? I think I've been nothing but nice to you lately."

"…How come you never take your pants off?" I lean up and press my lips against his jawline. "When I tell you to, you don't. Hiding something from me? Or are we just a little embarrassed to show what's below the belt?"

His lips draw up into that goofy smile. "Definitely not hiding anything, definitely not embarrassed. I'm just usually focused on something else whenever you ask… and when I'm focused on something else, I don't like to be interrupted for something as stupid as taking my pants off."

"No fair. Since when is that how a relationship works? You see me naked but I don't get to see you? I've seen you shirtless… and that's about it."

"I'm about to say something to you… but before I say it, tell me something." He says through a smile. I raise my eyebrows to let him know I'm listening. "Are you going to blush if I say it to you?"

"…I might."

"…For the record…" He moves his head over a little bit more so that he's directly in my ear. "If you ever kiss me the way you kissed me earlier in public, you're gonna get it. I don't care where we're at…you're getting it."

I look up at the bed, only to see that Shane and Leah are in the midst of a really heavy makeout session. "…I don't think Shane and Leah would mind if I kissed you like that again, do you?" I take my hand out of his hand and lean over to straddle him. I kiss him on his neck before I actually move to his mouth, though. "…By the way…" I start off by just giving him a light peck on his lips. "You could probably tell Jackson and Shane that you'll be nailing Princess by the end of the week."