A smile spread across Rick's lips as the crew crossed the border into North Carolina. In a way it was a meaningless victory. They still hadn't arrived at their destination. Negan was still presumably coming after them. It wasn't as if getting out of Virginia put them outside of Negan's jurisdiction. State lines were relatively meaningless at this point. And Rick was pretty sure that Negan considered the whole world to be his jurisdiction. Still, it felt good to cross that border. It felt as though they had accomplished something.
He took his eyes off the road for a moment to glance down at his clothes. He was covered in blood and filth. He had ended the lives of three men since the sun came up and he was painted in their blood as a reminder. He had handled several walkers. He had their blood on him too. Although he almost wouldn't refer to it as blood. It was something else, something thicker, like sludge. It was like their blood was congealing in their veins as they stumbled around in a constant state of limbo, definitely not alive, but also not dead. He could smell it on himself. He smelled like death. Even so, none of the blood he wore was his own and the death he smelled belonged to someone else. That meant today was a good day.
The sun was inching down toward the horizon, casting Michonne in a backlit shadow as she sat in the passenger seat. He felt compelled to say something to her. He wanted her to know he couldn't have done this without her. He couldn't have led his team on this journey unless he knew she was there to back him up. As long as she believed in him he would be able to believe in himself.
Before he could form the words to express these thoughts he was interrupted by the click of the radio. Glenn's voice came over the airwaves. "I'm running on fumes back here. The engine's chugging. This car isn't going to make it."
Rick raised his own radio to his mouth. "Alright, let's pull over and rearrange the cargo. We'll have a tight squeeze the rest of the way, but we're almost there."
The caravan cruised to a slow halt and everyone got out to stretch their legs. It had been a long and trying journey. Rick looked around and could sense that morale was low. But everyone pitched in anyway, unloading the trunk of Glenn's car and putting the contents anywhere it might fit, negotiating who would ride with whom now that they would be down one vehicle. They were a team and they acted like it, even at the end of a long day. A sense of pride welled up inside him.
The sun disappeared behind the horizon and, just like that, dusk was upon them. Rick had really been hoping to reach their destination before dark, but it appeared that ship had sailed. It didn't matter, really. Traveling in the dark wasn't that much more dangerous than traveling by daylight. It gave them less visibility, but that was as much a disadvantage to their enemies as it was to them. They just had to keep up their pace. Especially since Negan knew their destination.
How had he known? Rick had never heard of this tiny little town they were working so hard to reach. He was sure Negan hadn't either. But that Savior, the one Rick had shot in the throat, he had said the name Roxobel. He knew exactly where they were headed. What clue had they left behind? Rick may never know. He just knew they had to get there before the Saviors. And they couldn't do that if they were sitting here on the side of the road. He felt a sudden sense of urgency creeping into his bones. He couldn't sit still. He began pacing the line of vehicles, checking their tires, just to have something to do.
As he reached the back of the row of cars he found Carol sitting on the side of the road leaned up against a tree. She looked defeated, guilt ridden. This was not the Carol he knew. The Carol he knew was an unstoppable force of nature. She did what needed to be done and never looked back. He wasn't sure why she was blaming herself for Negan's actions.
"Hey," he said, taking a seat next to her. "You okay?"
Carol picked up a twig and proceeded to snap it into tiny bits. "No, I'm not okay."
"Is this about that girl, Amber? You can't blame yourself for that. You tried to help her. It's not your fault Negan is a monster."
She didn't meet his eyes. "It's not just that. It's that I could have stopped all of this before it started. Tara and I were alone in a room with that man. He put a weapon in my hands. At the time I thought it was an ego thing, but now I know it was a dare. He was daring me to kill him in that moment. And he knew I wouldn't do it. He knew it before I even knew it. He saw right into me and armed me, knowing that I wouldn't kill him."
Rick's face scrunched in confusion. "But he didn't see through you. He saw what you wanted him to see. You went in there pretending to be a non threat. That was the whole plan."
Carol shook off his attempts at reassurance. "No, he saw right through all that. He knew exactly who I was. He barely even addressed Tara. He decided from the second I walked into the room that I was the threat. I was the challenge. I didn't realize it at the time, but he knew I was a killer. He put that bat in my hands and dared me to bash his skull in. And I choked. I didn't do it. Now Amber and Mark are dead. We're homeless. We can never go back to Alexandria. We're on the run and we're putting our last hope on a flying saucer that may or may not exist. If I had just swung that bat, none of this would have happened."
"Hey," Rick said, putting his arm around her shoulders. "How many walkers have you killed?"
Carol rolled her eyes. "What is this, an interview?"
Rick was insistent. "How many walkers have you killed?"
"Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I don't know anymore."
"And how many people have you killed?"
She finally looked him in the eye, reluctant to answer the question.
"How many?" he asked again.
"Seventeen." Her eyes went back to the ground.
Rick put a finger under her chin, encouraging her to look at him again. "Why?"
She let out an exasperated sigh. "That's not an easy question. There was a different reason for each of them."
"Exactly!" Rick looked triumphant in an almost fatherly way.
Carol finally cracked a small smile at his self-satisfaction. "What do you mean 'exactly'?"
"I mean you had a reason for each of them. You have to know why you're killing someone. Otherwise there's nothing separating us from the walkers. As long as you know why you're taking someone's life, you're not one of the monsters. Negan put a weapon in your hand before you knew what he was capable of. You couldn't swing that bat because that would have made you the monster, not him."
Carol turned her gaze skyward to ponder that thought. Then she looked back to Rick, surprised by how much better he had made her feel. "Thank you, Rick. You're a good man. You're a good leader."
Rick gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Come on. We must be about ready to go." He stood and turned to offer her a hand up.
As she rose to her feet, Daryl approached. "Tara said she'd drive your car. You can ride on the bike with me since we're short on space."
Carol gave him a smile. She felt gratitude in that moment. She was grateful that in this world filled with beasts and demons she had managed to find this group of kind and caring souls. She was truly grateful for each and every one of them. As she opened her mouth to tell them as much her words were cut short. All that escaped her lips was a short, sharp breath and then a gaping nothingness. Rick and Daryl stood frozen in confusion for a moment, not understanding what was happening. Then Carol's hands raised ever so slightly, trying to make sense of the pain that ripped through her. Only then did her companions notice the tip of the spear that protruded through her belly.
Blood quickly spread down the front of Carol's shirt as she keeled forward, revealing Dwight's sinister face as he tightly gripped the other end of the spear behind her. It was a face Rick had prayed he would never see again. The faint moonlight reflected off the scar tissue covering the left side of his face, making him look inhuman.
As the realization of what just happened dawned on the two men they both raised their weapons, Rick's pistol and Daryl's crossbow. They fired simultaneously, but their ammunition found nothing but a void in the growing darkness. Dwight was no longer there. He had already been knocked onto his back. Only then did Rick and Daryl register the loud crack they had heard just a split second before they had discharged their own weapons. They turned to look over their shoulders to find Morgan standing a few paces behind them with a revolver in his trembling hand.
The group rushed forward, weapons drawn, at the sound of the commotion. Daryl kneeled down and pulled Carol's head into his lap. She was still holding onto the last thread of life. Every impulse in his body told him to pull out the spear, but he knew that would only cause her to bleed out that much faster. He wanted to believe there was some way he could save her, some way he could put her back together. But he could see by the distant look in her eyes that she was already fading.
"Don't you leave me," he choked out. It came out as a whisper, although he felt like he was screaming.
Tears streamed down the sides of her face and onto her ears as she gazed up into the face of the man who had become family to her. She and Daryl had shared a bond. They had supported and protected each other. They had helped one another grow into the warriors they had become. But now she was a fallen warrior. She reached up and placed one hand on his cheek. "I'll never leave you," she whispered. "I'm always with you. You saved me from myself. Stay strong. I'm always with you."
With those final words she slipped away. Her body went limp, finally relaxed after a lifetime of tension, of battling demons day in and day out. She finally relaxed and let out one last slow exhale. Daryl squeezed his eyes shut and leaned in closer, pressing his forehead to hers. The loss he felt was palpable. It left a cavernous emptiness inside him. She was unstoppable, indestructible. How could she be gone? He felt that as long as he held her close, faces pressed together, that she wasn't really gone. It was all a bad dream. But when he opened his eyes he saw her empty expression. He felt her body already growing cold from the loss of blood, the loss of life. She was gone. She had been taken from him and he would never be able to let that go.
He wriggled out from under her and slowly, carefully removed the spear from her body. He rolled her onto her back and gingerly closed her eyes. For just a moment he allowed himself to pretend she was sleeping. But she would never wake from this sleep. He knew that. His hand reached for the blade at his hip automatically. This is what they did for fallen comrades, for family, for friends. They made sure none of them turned. They made sure they could rest in peace.
As he pulled the knife from its sheath he felt a hand upon his shoulder. He turned and found himself staring into Mulder's piercing blue eyes. His face was somber. He hadn't known Carol long, but he could sense the bond that these two shared. He shook his head.
"You don't have to do that. She's cured."
Daryl turned back around to look at Carol's resting form. He realized Mulder was right. It seemed so foreign now after living for years in this world where the dead returned to life. She was already at peace and she would stay that way. Forever.
He returned his knife to its place and scooped Carol up off the street. She was so tiny, yet she had been so fierce. With one arm under her shoulders and the other behind her knees he turned and carried her to the RV. He would find a place for her, crowded as it might be. He needed to bury her, to give her a final resting place. But he knew they had no time for that now. If Dwight had found them, the others wouldn't be far behind.
He stepped into the RV and placed her on the bench in back. Daryl felt as if his tears may spill over, as if his sadness might consume him. He wasn't sure he could go on. But he snapped right out of it as he heard a cry outside. It was a familiar voice, but he couldn't quite place it. It came from a woman. And she had just screamed "Look out!"