When the Drones returned they took up their same stations: Door Drone stood by the door, Drone Three sitting at the table. Earlier Loki had been sitting on the bed, but in his short stint alone he had become too restless to read and had flung his book aside. Now he was pacing.
Drone Three looked up from his reading at last. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
Leave his safe place? Not likely. He shook his head, and stopped pacing. He glanced at the empty chair.
"Go ahead," Drone Three said, gesturing. "It's your room."
So Loki sat down opposite at the table, stealing glances at the Drone's upside-down book, wondering what it was. But he could make no sense of it at all. "What language is that?" he said at last.
"Ours." The Drone grinned. "It can't be rendered into the Alltongue. If I spoke in it or even said the name, you'd only hear gibberish."
"Oh."
A moment later: "Did you want something else?"
"Hm?" He had been staring. "Oh-... no, thanks. Sorry."
The Drone went back to his reading. Relaxed. At ease.
…Approachable. It occurred to Loki that he might as well take advantage of the situation where he could. "Excuse me," he said, steeling his heart not to pound when they made eye contact. "Could I ask a favor?"
Three put the book down. "Of course."
He had considered several possible wordings, but there was none that did not sound pathetic, so at last he just spilled it all out at once. "Since I left here I've been having some difficulties with nightmares and panics, and I've sometimes been able to control it by remembering your telling me to focus, or control yourself, or the like. So: might I ask you to say a few more calming things for me? In the hopes that I can remember them later, when I need them."
"Ah." Three was quiet a moment. Then he nodded slowly... and then popped to his feet. "Certainly – come with me, I'll take you somewhere else. You don't want me barking orders at you in your safe room."
Reasonable enough. And it would get rid of Door Drone, who was starting to make Loki nervous by staring straight ahead in silence all afternoon. So Loki went with him, followed him down the hall. He tried not to feel like the corridor was pressing in on him, tried not to remember the sound of bare feet slapping on these floors. It helped to look down and see clean tiled floors, no bloody footprints, himself in boots.
"How about in here." Three pushed a door open and gestured Loki in. The room was pitch-black, and Loki's heart beat a little harder as the door closed behind them.
"Where's the-"
CLICK.
The sound of the door locking was deafening in the darkness, and he choked on the rest of his sentence. -lights?
"The lights?" Drone Three guessed coolly. "Ah... here they are."
A soft click of a switch, and then, the lights flickered to life and Loki blinked and looked around and-
A wall of whips and pincers. Wooden frames with metal shackles. A single chair, bolted to the floor.
"No-" he choked out, but his throat was closing and the word was totally inaudible. He backed up, into the wall, into the door that was locked, and his chest was heaving but he couldn't breathe.
"Loki?"
He tore his eyes from all the equipment and looked desperately to the Drone – just barely hanging on, not quite together enough to manage speech. The sight is too much, he wanted to say, and I'm falling apart, and Can we go somewhere else and Help.
"Mm-hm, good." It was crisp and businesslike. "Here we are. Now: take off everything you're wearing, and cross your wrists behind your back."
Cross your wrists. Cross your wrists cross your wrists cross your wrists. Take off everything you're wearing, and cross your wrists behind your back. Cross your-
He pressed harder into the wall behind him. His hands were scrabbling against it, looking for something to hold on to, anything, but the wall was smooth and his throat was closed and he couldn't move or speak but only
Cross your wrists, cross your wrists cross your wrists. Strip naked. Loki. Loki. Loki-.
"-Loki!" A sharp jarring pain got his attention and suddenly the Drone's face was right in front of his. "Focus. You aren't going to be hurt. Not touched at all. Come out into the hallway. That's right – this way."
The door opened, the fresh air helped but still Loki was falling against the wall.
"Here: chair. Sit down. You're safe. Nothing is going to happen to you."
Loki sat – almost fell.
"Elbows on your knees, hands on your head, there."
Someone was manhandling him into position; he let it happen.
"Now listen to me, and do as I tell you." Cool and commanding. "I scared you on purpose and you can get angry later, but first, you're going to practice calming down now. Pay attention: first you need to breathe. Are you breathing?"
He was – but shallowly. He shook his head and tried to fix it, filling up his lungs hard.
But after a moment the Drone said: "No." His terror spiked – again. "You're not breathing out all the way. All the way out,Loki." He did as he was told, desperately. "Now suck in, and hold it. Good, now out. In... out. Forget everything else for now. Focus: in. Out. Like that, all the way. Keep going."
In... out. He could hear it. He nodded.
After a bit the Drone explained: "When you fall apart, that can help you come back. Are you breathing,now?"
"Yes."
"Oh, and talking! Aren't you ahead of the curve." Loki could hear a smirk. "Good. Next, know what's going on – what's really happening around you. Tell me where you are." After a moment he repeated it, sharper. "Where, Loki?"
Loki pulled his scattered wits together. He'd been ushered out, put in a chair in... "Hallway." It was a hiss of air, almost a gasp... but still.
"Good. And are you safe right now?"
"Don't know."
"Yes you do – what did I tell you?"
"Don't know."
"That's a lie, Loki."
His throat closed.
"Ooh, didn't like that," the Drone chuckled, and Loki was distracted a moment with a stab of hate. "Don't worry, you're safe. Are you breathing?"
He had stopped. He managed to start again: In... out.
"Well done. Focus on that a minute, take your time. Nod when you're lucid. I'll wait."
In... out. Was he lucid? He was lucid. He knew he was sitting in the hallway falling apart, at least. He nodded.
"Now: I told you, you're safe. Say it."
"'m safe." It sounded strangled and horrible.
"So put your head back together: what's your mother's name?"
"My- Frigga," he said, mind tripping over itself. "Well but she's who I thought was my mother, I don't-"
"Right. Do you like raisins?"
"Ah- yes, in pastries at least, I don't often eat them by-"
"Fine. Do you have pets, now?"
"Pets- now?" he repeated. "No, I had a- a bird once when I was-..." Not an answer, he realized, and finished in a rush with his heart in his throat: "But I, I don't have any pets now. No. None, no pets."
"You don't need to babble, Loki," the Drone drawled. "Just answer. What's the name of Thor's hammer?"
"Mjolnir." He said it at once, and didn't say anything else.
"Perfect. Can you sit up and look at me?"
Loki realized for the first time that he was still sitting braced on his knees and staring down at his boots. He jerked up, surprised.
The Drone was standing a ways in front of him, and squatted down to put himself at eye level.
"How do you feel now?"
"Fucking sick." But fully himself again, at least.
"That will pass." The Drone's look was flat and appraising, and Loki was suddenly aware that he was bathed in sweat and his hair was sticking out every which way because he'd been grabbing at it. He sat up straighter and started to put himself to rights, beginning to hate that he was being watched.
"Did you hear what you needed?"
Suck in, and hold it. Now out. He let out a deep breath and nodded. Hated the watching even more. "Though being terrorized into incoherency first was an unexpected bonus," he snarled. "Thank you so much."
Three just shrugged. "Falling apart sometimes is nothing to be ashamed of," he said. "It's expected, really, given the severity and nature of your sessions."
He'd forgotten: the Drones were not Thor. Thor would have met anger with anger when snarled at, and they could have had a nice loud argument instead of ever discussing his embarrassing overreaction. "Nature?" he said, to change the subject.
"It's one thing to pressure someone for information he's deliberately withholding," the Drone explained. "But you were cracked open – wide open – so that people could poke at your insides. That is different."
"Ah, I see. Thank you for the visual." Especially horrible because it was true.
"Not to mention, of course, that it was your own father who sent you here."
Loki tossed his head. "Perhaps a minor complication," he agreed. He had to tease, otherwise he might cry. Self-pity was engulfing him out of nowhere: he did have it hard. When members of the dungeon staff start expressing sympathy...
"Indeed. So please believe me when I tell you that your condition is not at all shocking. Now: can you answer one more question?"
No. But of course he couldn't say that. "Of course."
"What did I say to you in there to panic you? Repeat it."
Loki shook his head, hard.
The Drone heaved a huge sigh. "Am I going to have to patronize you, Loki?"
That actually made him laugh. He was being silly – superstitious and ridiculous. These weren't the words of a magic spell; they should have no power to instantly render him terrified. He swallowed. "You told me to take off everything I'm wearing and to- and to cross my wrists." He tripped just once. Not bad.
"That's right. Stand up." Loki did it, warily because he knew what was coming. Three kicked the chair away and he flinched at the sudden banging scrape over the floor. "Here it is again; listen."
No. But he nodded.
The Drone said it again, polite and professional. And then other things, things he remembered. Ordered him to sit and stand and pay attention. Reminded him it was policy to go naked to the dungeon, to be prepared, to be interrogated. Asked a few questions, pressed him to think, accused him of lies.
More than once he needed to stop and regroup himself – but he managed not to plead for encouragement, or teasing, or anything other than: "Moment." And then the Drone would stop, and wait in silence while he told himself In... Out...until he felt less dizzy.
Eventually the Drone retrieved the chair. "Have a seat, please."
He sat, and it made his heart hammer, looking up at the Drone, or staring straight ahead at its buttons. But he could do it. In fact, he could do more. "One moment," he said, and in the silence took a long deep breath and then folded his arms behind the chair.
Ah... Perhaps he had overreached. Because now suddenly he was suffocating, and frozen, in a wide-open and vulnerable position he absolutely could not-
"Open your eyes, Loki," Drone Three said firmly, and then raised his hand.
Loki flinched hard, closing his eyes again, hiding his face in his shoulder.
"Loki." And then touching him, fingers under his chin, turning him to face front.
He remembered that, remembered it hard, and grit his teeth. As long as he could see it wouldn't be too bad...
But the Drone withdrew a step and did not touch him again. "Remember to breathe. Full name?"
"Loki Odinson." The words came from nowhere.
"Color of the walls around you?"
He checked, just to be sure. "White."
"And where are you now?"
"In the hallway." They had been over that just a few minutes ago.
"All right. Who typically falls asleep sooner at night – you or Thor?"
"Thor – always. I hear him snoring."
"Are you breathing?"
Loki nodded – he was, this time.
"Then, enough." He waved his hand carelessly. "Let go. At ease, sit how you like. We are finished."
Loki clutched at his elbows tighter and didn't move.
"Truly, honestly finished," he insisted. "Promise. I won't say another word."
Loki swallowed and tried to summon the spirit to sass. "Looming silently is... hardly more reassuring... than actually reassuring me."
Drone Three laughed outright. "And, there is the Loki we know and love. Good to see you." He looked a little more carefully. "How are you feeling?"
Loki stood, and rubbed his hands to get rid of the annoying tingling. "Still unsteady." He shook his head. "I'll never be back to normal, will I." Was he ever normal? "To... how I was."
"You'll never not have suffered, no." Thank you so much for pulling your punches, he thought, and maybe the force of his sarcasm made the thought carry, because the Drone added: "But it's to be hoped that all this will become rarer, and milder, and easier to recover from. You're on the right track – the last time you came here, you fell apart when I said hello."
A bizarre thing to take comfort from, but Loki did his best.
Back in the room, they had an hour of silence before Drone Three set down his book. "Loki, why are you here? Out of curiosity," he added, quickly. "You don't have to answer if you don't want."
Loki shrugged. "Ask Thor."
"Unhelpful. We know why Thor asked you to come. But why did you agree?"
He shrugged again.
"That's interesting."
"What?"
The Drone's turn to shrug. "We've heard the reason you gave your brother; that's not a secret. Yet now you are being secretive. So, that means there is another reason, and you're hiding it. What is it?"
Loki shook his head.
"Fine – I'll guess."
"I will not confirm or deny a single thing." He was proud of his answer, sharp and immediate. Even though his voice was shaking.
"You won't need to, Loki. I'll know." Drone Three folded his hands on the table and leaned forward. "I'll start with the most outlandish theory: your reason is political; you really are working against Thor, and coming here is part of some elaborate preconceived plan between you and your allies."
"That's ridiculous. Do you really think-"
"Please." The Drone held up a hand for silence, looking overly grave. "As I said, your input is not required."
"So now you're going to interrogate me without actually allowing me to answer questions." Loki sat back in his chair. "That should be entertaining. Is it generally a successful strategy for you?"
"You tell me. I'll skip to the most likely explanation, which is that Thor unknowingly cornered you where you couldn't refuse to come without revealing a secret you didn't want to reveal. I find that frankly fascinating – you were one of the most cooperative subjects I've ever worked with; there was almost no information you would struggle to hold back, no matter how unflattering, or embarrassing, or dangerous. So what secret are you now so desperate to protect?"
"I'm not-..." Loki made a face and gave up. "It's not a secret; Thor is going to find out anyway," he said at last. And then he glared. He had been avoiding that thought scrupulously; avoiding the realization that coming here was only a temporary solution. The look on Thor's face – that miserable, betrayed look – was coming eventually.
Or maybe not.
His skin prickled and a sudden wave of horror choked him as he realized that Thor might not come. Perhaps the discovery of the monster family Loki had hidden would be too much to tolerate, and all his promises about safety and rescue would fall to the wayside because who keeps promises to a traitor monster anyway.
"Loki?" The Drone prompted. "Breathing?"
"I'm fine," he choked out.
"You're not; you're on the verge of breaking down again," he said coolly. "What's the problem?"
"The problem is-... Moment." Loki took a deep breath and then another. "Thor is going to find out," he said at last, when he felt able to talk. "And I'm concerned that when he does he'll disown me or-, or worse." He had to know: "Now that I'm here... how easy would it be for him to...?"
"To...? Ah." The Drone shrugged. "If your king wanted to make modification to your papers, he would come and inform us. Don't worry; we would have a careful conversation with him and he would not... make rash decisions." That was reassuring; Thor was really only dangerous when he acted rashly. But still.
The Drone cocked his head. "Do you really think there's a chance your brother would do you harm? What exactly is this soon-to-be former secret?"
Soon-to-be former indeed. Why delay? "I'm the brother of the frost-giant king," Loki said shortly, "And I've passed from neglecting to tell Thor about it, to outright lying. Thor calls my brother it; he won't like learning about the kinship. He'll like even less that I kept it from him. Heavens know what conclusions he'll draw from that."
"I see." And then nothing more.
"Well?" Loki snapped. "Do you have anything helpful to say? Or how about you?" He turned to Door Drone, who was still just standing silent.
"The kinship is not your fault," Door Drone said in a tone of complete boredom. "The lying is, but King Thor will not likely punish you for that; he has known you for a liar his entire life."
Drone Three hissed with annoyance. "Thor isn't going to punish anyone. Think, Loki. Calm down and think."
Loki thought. If the Drones... did what Drones do... and demanded to know do you think Thor is going to punish you... he would have to say no. So... what are you really afraid of?
"I'm afraid that I've done serious damage to our relationship," he spat out, not realizing until afterwards that he had been answering a question no one else could hear. "I came here because I was dodging the consequences."
"Mm." Drone Three didn't sound surprised. "Is this the first serious betrayal between you?"
Loki shook his head.
"What generally happens afterwards?"
"Generally I do damage control afterwards," he snapped, "But I can't do that from here." He glared. Now it was all out in the open and he hated, hated Drone Three more than ever. He couldn't pretend not to know: "I need to talk to him before he hears it from anybody else. That's the only chance I'll get for him to listen with an open mind." He stood up. "I need to leave."
"Impossible." Door Drone shifted to stand more squarely in front of the door.
Can't leave, Loki remembered, and can't send messages. But he needed to get Asgard's attention now.
Ah. The answer came to him after just a moment of thought. "Asgard compensates you in some way for your services," Loki guessed. "Yes?"
Door Drone nodded at him.
"And I imagine the compensation depends on how many prisoners you take on, what you do with them, how much of your equipment they wear down, that sort of thing. Yes?"
Door Drone nodded again. "More or less."
Loki grinned at both Drones in turn. "In that case, I would like to deface your floor. Have some paint brought for me, if you would. And just add the damage to Odin's bill."
The Drones exchanged glances, and shrugged, and within a few minutes Door Drone had brought him a pot of paint and a paintbrush.
HEIMDALL: Loki painted in big bold letters the size of his hand. THOR MISUNDERSTOOD; "SON OF LAUFEY" MEANT PRINCE HELBLINDI, NOT ME. I CAN PROVE IT.
Could he? He thought hard. THOR AND HIS FRIENDS HAVE ALL HEARD HELBLINDI CALL ME "CHILD," he remembered at last. THAT IS WHAT A JOTUN CALLS HIS YOUNGER SIBLING. Surely someone, somewhere in Asgard could confirm that fact? The library surely must contain one old volume about Jotun culture? Or surely one person had had cause to meet an enemy family during the War?
Well, he had to hope. Since he'd been so careful to keep the relation a secret, this was all he had. THE KING CAN RESCIND A CONTRACT AT ANY TIME, he reminded in conclusion. SEND HIM NOW TO GET ME OUT.
Loki regarded his work, satisfied. Heimdall would check in on him before too long, would see the message, would pass it to Thor. It would take some time to verify his words; at the very least Thor would have to speak to a librarian, get help poring over scrolls in languages he was too slow to read, but… Surely it would not be too hard to convince him. Helblindi had said in Thor's hearing that all he needed to ascend the throne was to lead the people to war.
There. So, release was now only a matter of a little time and patience. Loki apologized insincerely for all the mess, and sat down to wait.
TBC.
As always, lemme know what you think. And thank you all so much for the feedback so far!