SAM POV
I lay outside Old Teala's house listening to my Bella's heartbeat. Every instinct I had was screaming at me to go inside, pick up her sleeping form and carry her home. It has been a week, one long painful week since I have held her in my arms. I pushed down those instincts forcing myself not to move. It would get easier; it had to get easier. I had done this for her; I would do anything for her.
When Paul had come outside and told me Bella was ok I had practically run to the house. I fought down the instincts to grab her to me, to hold her tightly in my arms and show her how much I loved her, show her she was mine. My control was hanging on a thread though and she quickly snapped it. I knew I was rough with her but she had matched me, our passion feeding into each other. I needed to claim her but just as badly, I needed her to claim me. When she had flinched from me, it had felt like someone had punched through my lungs and removed them. She wouldn't let anyone but the girls near her and logically I knew it all went back to that bastard David. I wanted to go and tear him apart, this time I wouldn't leave him breathing. I couldn't though. She didn't want that, she was to good to want his death on our hands. So I had lain outside, shaking even as the wolf, the pack lying on either side of me, watching the house, hating him.
I was grateful when Paul's thoughts drifted to Rylan. He had been there for her, meeting her just after all this had happened, he had seen her through the dark, that's what she had told us. I thought one word at him but he understood, go. He phased and called Rylan. We both wanted to be the one to comfort her, I wanted to take away all her fear and pain but right then she didn't want me. I couldn't be rational about this. I had been terrified when her scent was caught along the borders, coming from the Cullen property. I could so easily have lost her. I needed her to be ok, I needed her to be safe, it was killing me not to have her wrapped securely in my arms but I couldn't scare her. I couldn't see her flinch from me again.
I had never been so grateful to anyone as I was to Rylan when he showed up. I saw through Leah that he sat on the floor, leaning his back against the couch, not touching her. He just talked to her, about nothing, his voice, his calm seeped into her and she came back to us. Just for a moment but I knew then he would make it ok. Whatever had snapped in her, whatever my harsh words had snapped in her, he brought her back.
As I had lain with her in my arms while she slept I thought about all the things I wanted to protect her from, she had suffered to much to ever feel pain or fear again, I had to be sure she was always protected, always safe. It was more than protecting her, I had to make sure she was happy, that she had everything she could ever want and somehow I had to balance that out with keeping her safe. Vampires were not safe.
I knew I couldn't keep her here though. If I tried to she would leave me or she would fear me and grow to resent and hate me. It seemed so easy with Jared and Paul. Kim had loved Jared for years, she had accepted the imprint and claimed him as hers. Jared didn't need to mark her, he wanted to but he was content with how happy she was with him. Why couldn't Bella be happy with me? Why couldn't I seem to make her happy? Even Paul, it was harder for him and Emily then it had been for Jared, we all lived with a small piece of the pain he felt at having scarred his imprint, but Emily had forcefully stated her case and claimed her mate. Bella accepted the imprint, she was even trying to embrace it but it wasn't what she wanted, being with me wasn't making her happy, not like Kim and Emily were happy. Deep down she didn't want this life, didn't want me and eventually she would hate me for tying her here to me. If I loved her I had to do what was right for her and if she didn't want this life I knew I had to let her go.
In the morning I had woken up to an empty bed, I listened and heard her talking about the wedding with Rylan. I had wanted so badly to pretend that everything was ok but it wasn't. We still had to talk about the Leech. I had to keep her safe. As soon as she said La Push was a cage, I had known my fears were right. Bella would grow to resent and then hate me for trapping her here. I had to let her go. I knew she wouldn't leave me. She was to good, to compassionate and loving. She knew what the imprint was, what it did to us, not just me but the whole pack, so she would never leave me. It nearly killed me to walk away from her but I did it. I did it for her, so she would have the life she wanted. I would find a way to protect her, to keep her safe and to satisfy the imprint as long as I could. I would do my best to keep the pack from feeling my pain.
I slept outside, curled near the tree line where I could still hear her heartbeat. In the morning, I ran to Paul's to shower and get ready for work. Everyday this week it had been the same. Work, run patrol, deal with any pack shit and watch Bella.
This morning was different though. I got back to Paul's and showered. Emily, bless her, forced me to eat. I knew I had to. If Bella saw me and I was to thin she would worry about me and blame herself. I had to be strong for her. Once she was sure the pack and I would be ok, she would leave. She would be able to do whatever she wanted; I would find a way to be sure she was safe and happy. The thing that made this morning different was that as I ate I heard Bella's truck. I slipped out the back. If I saw her now, I'd beg her to come home, to stay with me. I had enough love for the both of us. If she would let me love her I would take care of her, keep her safe and give her anything in my power to give. Except what she wanted was her freedom and it was in my power to give that to her. I had to give that to her. So I left through the back and disappeared into the woods.
My heart stopped when I heard Paul's anguished howl a little while later. He had been with Bella, with my Bella and something was wrong. I burst into my wolf and ran towards where I knew Paul was, my only thought my imprint. A second later and he was barreling into me, his jaws snapping at my neck. My sole focus on Bella fell away and I registered his thoughts, each one twisting a knife in my heart.
You bastard! How could you do this to her? You fucking asshole! How could you purposely hurt her like this? His mind shouted at me as he snapped at my hind leg. I dropped to the ground as his mind ran over and over again the conversation he'd had with my Bella. I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder.
Paul Stop! The latent Alpha timbre tinged Jacob's voice and Paul dropped to his haunches, growling at me as his mind repeated the broken look in her eyes as she told him I had hurt her more than David had. As she told him, I was punishing her. She told him she would rather I beat her than this.
I whimpered and dropped my head. Leah came over and licked the blood from the bite marks Paul had left. Her voice gentle, Just go to her Sam. Go get her and take her home. You can work it out together.
No. I responded with a growl.
Why not! Jake demanded, the Alpha timbre still coating his voice, he shook his head as though to clear away the almost command, Please Sam. You are both hurting. We are all hurting. Just go and take her home.
Take it Jake. You were born to be Alpha. I told him instead.
No. He growled You are Alpha.
Bella. Paul growled at us. This is about Bella. I don't care which of you is Alpha. I care about my sister! Her sad eyes flashed through his mind again.
You know I am not trying to punish her Paul. I would do anything for her. This is for her. She wants her freedom and I am giving it to her. She feels responsible for our pain because of the imprint. She feels imprisoned by it. La Push is her prison cell and we are her captors. I will not watch her come to resent us, to hate me. I would protect her from anything, even from us. I could see the thoughts running through a few of their minds as they thought about going to her, they knew I would give in to her if she called for me and they wanted to ask her to. I let the power of Alpha fill me as I spoke my next words, turning what had been a request the week before into an order; None of you are to go to her. None of you are to contact her.
You want to command me away from my sister! She is my imprint Sam, maybe not the same as you, but still an imprint. You can't do this! Paul growled at me, ready to attack again.
She is part of the pack Sam; you can't order us to abandon her. Leah spat at me.
If she wants the pack in her life she can come to you. It has to be her choice. I will not allow you to attempt to influence and guilt her into forcing herself to embrace this life. She has to want it, to want us. I turned my focus to Paul, Satisfy the imprint, watch over her as I do, she came to you today, if this life is her choice she will come to you again.
She'll feel like we don't want her. Sam, Bella will feel like we're abandoning her. I know her; it will hurt her if we just cut her out of our lives. Jake argued.
Take command if you don't like it Jake but Bella is my imprint not yours. Jake growled, we all knew how much he had wanted her to be his, just like we all knew he would not take the Alpha, not yet. He wasn't ready and if you asked Jake, he never would be. I figured he'd take it after he finished high school, so sometime in the next two years. I looked from him to Paul, Leah and then the others. I will not force her into a life she doesn't want. I will not allow all of you to guilt her into staying. You know her and she will suffer so that we don't feel any pain. Bella doesn't want this life. I replayed the argument in my mind; Bella telling me La Push was a cage. All of the wolves were lying low to the ground now. You will leave Bella to live her life. It has to be her choice to come to the pack.
And when she does? Leah demanded.
If she does I corrected then you are not to pressure her about staying, do not make her feel guilty because the imprint hurts me. I can deny her nothing. If this life is her choice, if being with the pack is her choice then I would not forbid you from being with your pack sister.
Make it her choice! Leah spat at me, Fight for her dammit!
Enough! I ordered her. Collin, Seth patrol. The rest of you, get to work or whatever you have today. Paul, Jared I expect Emily and Kim to abide by this as well. Both of them let out a low growl.
This is a mistake Sam.
Enough Paul.
No. He spat. If I ever see my sister the way she was today again, I will make it my goal to tear you apart. No baby Alpha order will stop me.
Jake growled at the reference to himself and then turned to me, I ever see Bells like that again and I wont try to stop him.
I'll fucking help him. Leah spat. The three of them disappeared into the woods. Leah's parting shot kicking me while I was down. Don't worry about me guilting her into taking you back. If she forgives me for not being there for her and shows up at my doorstep I wont try to get her to make this easier for you, you deserve it to hurt, you should be fighting for her, fucking coward. I felt her mind disconnect from mine as she chose to go the rest of the way back on two legs. I wondered if she as right or if our own past issues were clouding her thinking.
After a moment Jared's thoughts from beside me filtered into my mind, We've been in each others heads a long time now Sam, much longer than the others except Paul who's been with you almost as long. I get where you are coming from, I do, but I think you're wrong. Bella has a lot of damage left over from that prick and part of me still wants to hunt him down and finish the job, but underneath all that pain and fear, she loves you. She already chose you Sam. She made that choice before you told her about the imprint. I'm only going to say this once because Kim wasn't there and it isn't my place, but I can imagine it being Kim and I'd have been pissed with her for it, but I can understand why she went. Paul can to and that's why he's forgiven her for taking Emily out there. Bella has the biggest and kindest heart I've ever known; she loves more fiercely and fully than most people. It's a weakness in some ways but also her greatest strength. She instills loyalty and the power of her heart heals us, not just Paul. Look closely at the pack; in the short time she's been here she's touched all of us in some way, I see it the most in my Kim she was a little lonely before Bella came and now her life in La Push is one that she is more than content with, she is happy. I see it in Leah too; she is much more at peace with being a wolf. We were all bitter about the change, being trapped here, well all but Seth but kids a little strange, we heard him growl a little and then laugh, he loved being a wolf. Jared just continued his thought, she has helped take away that anger from Leah, made her proud of what she is, made her feel loved and accepted. The pack is sort of a boys club and she didn't fit but she didn't fit with the imprints either. Now she feels special instead of a freak. Now she feels like she fits with the girls and has embraced her place with us.
I knew he was right. It wasn't just that Bella had trusted her with her darkest memories; Bella had included her with everything the imprints did, made her a friend. Emily and Kim were friends, connected by the pack but they had never really spent much time together without the pack. I had not even considered how lonely she might have been separated from other friends.
Jared cut into my thoughts again, getting to his point. With a heart like Bella's she'd want to know her family, she has a right to it, Leech or not and if she wants to go talk to him again I'll take her to the lines to meet them myself. Jared got up and disappeared through the trees, his mind disconnecting with mine quickly after.
His absence was quickly filled with the thoughts of Jake from in the woods near his house. He's right Sam. I might be pretty new to your mind and Bella and I might not be close like we used to be but she has always had this amazing capacity to accept people and love them with all that she is. Family is important to her, both her blood and the one she's built around her. She just had her whole messed up life shot to pieces and then stomped on. It's more than just wanting to know who she is and where she came from. Bella is selfless, she loves with all that she is and she will suffer to keep anyone she loves from feeling any pain. She puts us all miles ahead of herself and she was just told that some big bad hunted down her aunt and it killed her mate and brother. As an infant she was in danger from that same big bad and now she's been told it could be hunting her like it did her aunt and that puts her mate and her brother and all of the rest of us that she loves at risk. Knowledge is power and if knowing who she is and where she came from can help, even the smallest bit, to keep us all safe, then she would walk through the fires of hell to get that information. I hate those damn leeches, I didn't ask to be a wolf but because of them my life was hijacked and I was turned into a mythical freak. I don't want to be Alpha or chief of the tribe, I want to be a teenager, but I am a wolf and if you ever back down I'll be forced to become Alpha. I would just as soon rip and burn the fuckers before anyone else in this tribe gets sucker punched with this fate, but for Bella I'll roll over and play nice and go with Jared to take her to talk to the blood sucker. For two reasons, one she might just go alone again anyways and two because Jared is right, she has a right to know him. Just like she has the right to still be a little fucked up over what that fucking asshole in Phoenix did to her. She's already chosen you man, now you need to be there for her, to help her heal. With his last thought his mind also disconnected from mine, leaving only the minds of Collin and Seth connected to mine as they ran patrol.
I let Jared and Jake's words flow through my mind again, Bella's sad eyes haunting me from Paul's memory. I got up and ran around the perimeter, ordering Collin and Seth to go home, needing to think and to run. When I was sure La Push was secure, I headed back to Old Teala's place. When I was young and my mother had been working I would come here and she would tell me the legends of our people, I was grateful I knew our histories the day I first found myself on four paws, or I was after I stopped freaking out and started thinking clearly. I wondered then if our old wise woman didn't have some kind of gift for knowing what would be important in the future. In any case, I was grateful she had taken in and was caring for my Bella.
I could smell Paul in the trees and knew that before he had gone home to Emily he had checked on her. I also knew that as much as he might have wanted to the Alpha order kept him from going to her. I felt bad for that. I knew I was making Paul suffer and he was the last of my brothers to deserve more pain in his life but Bella came before him, she came before everything. I knew if the pack went to her she would force herself to stay, for their happiness. To take away their pain she would stay here and let the resentment build until her sweetness, her warm heart and her beautiful smile drowned in it
I lay outside the house thinking about everything I had learned today. I heard Old Teala moving about inside and the steady heartbeat of Bella in her room. It was only mid-afternoon but all the emotions of the day had tired her out. They had exhausted me. I curled up next to the tree truck nearest her room and let the gentle thrum of her heartbeat fill my senses.
Jake and Jared were right. Bella had every right to know her uncle, he was a vampire but I would be sure she was as well protected as possible when they met. If they could talk on the phone all the better but I would not try to stop her from spending time with him, out in the open, on the border of La Push lands and with a minimum of two pack members, more if his family were with him.
They were wrong about one thing though; Bella didn't choose this life or me. She accepted it after we had already closed the cage doors around her. She has such a warm heart that she did her best to embrace all of it so that none of us would have to suffer from the imprint. It made her desire me, even through her fears but I had let my desire for her, my love for her cloud me to the fact that while she felt the imprint, she didn't want to be with me. She just gave in to the imprint and then was trapped by her own soft heart once she learned about what imprinting was.
The days of summer began to pass, each day the same as the one before, each day painful with missing her. I did my best to keep my aching heart and the hole in my chest from affecting the pack. I made sure everything was running smoothly with patrols, kept the Elders up to date, worked, ran patrols and when I had time I watched my Bella. I always slept in my spot under the tree near her room just to be near her but some mornings, I also got to watch her working in the garden. She seemed to enjoy it. I stayed wolf more often then not, either running patrols or sitting in the woods near Old Teala's cottage to be near Bella.
Sometimes Paul came; I could smell him in the trees. He'd sit and watch her a while, always while I was not there, while I was not phased. Paul never ran patrol with me and always phased back as soon as he felt my mind connect with his. He ran patrol or went to Bella while I was working. We still worked together and talked during breaks but Paul had not and would not forgive me for hurting Bella, not until Bella herself did and was back in both our lives.
Leah forgave me. After a few days of angry thoughts, she showed up outside the cottage and sat next to me. I knew she still didn't agree with me but she knew I was only trying to give my imprint what she wanted most, her freedom. Instead of talking or fighting, she lay down next to where I sat and hummed softly in her head. After a while, she got up and left. We ran patrols together and her thoughts always stayed on the trees we passed, the scents of the forest and whatever song she was gently humming in the background. Underneath I could still feel her anger and bitterness as well as sorrow. We didn't talk about it, we rarely talked, just ran the borders together. When we weren't phased we kept everything to surface conversations. I knew it would be a while before Leah was able to fully forgive me and while she knew why I was doing this, she still didn't understand why. She didn't understand that I couldn't make Bella love me, I could make her mine but I wanted her heart, I wanted her to give it to me, to want to stay.
Jake was still angry with me but like Leah he did his best to understand. He knew how selfless Bella was and he didn't want her to feel like we trapped her here. He could understand how much I wanted her to choose me, not because she felt like she should so no one else had to suffer the pain of the imprint but because she wanted me. None of us wanted our imprints to feel like they didn't have the choice, they did. Just because we didn't, didn't mean that they shouldn't and we wanted them to. We just wanted their choice to be us.
Jared was not angry with me, he was supportive in his usual unassuming manner and yet at the same time he would let his own opinion flow through his mind in a way that made you think Jared knew exactly what he was talking about. He made you think he was right while you were not thinking clearly, usually this was a side thought that passed from his mind into mine. Jared felt that I should get Bella, take her home and work things out. He was also upset that Kim was unhappy, missing Bella and I think he might hate me a little for that. Our imprints always came first and I was inadvertently hurting his. His mind would flash to memories of Kim's laugh when she was with Bella and the sad smile she had now. Bella belonged here with us. All the pack thought it every time I was phased with them, they all missed her. They were equal parts angry with me and sorry for me. It wasn't a nice feeling to be in their heads but not bad either. None of them seemed to want to be in either Paul's or my mind. I scheduled Jared and Jake to run with him. Leah, Jared and Jake ran with me when I didn't run alone and the others ran in mixed pairs depending on their commitments. It wasn't the best schedule but I made it work for us.
I ate, worked, ran patrols, took care of any Alpha duties, slept and watched Bella. Each day passed one to the next with little notice and nothing to break the pattern. If Bella and Old Teala talked it was somehow always when I was not around. They seemed to say very little most days. A few comments about the garden and what the plants needed or other day to day things and every night they would sit outside and Old Teala would tell Bella all the old histories and legends she used to tell me as a boy. They never seemed to talk about the future or the past. I never heard them talk about the pack or anything outside this little plot of land set back into the woods. Each day passed with little to distinguish one from another, at least, not until the night Bella went home.
I was running patrol with Jake and we had split up, he was near my house when he heard music. I had hoped no one had broken in. When his one word thought, Bella, slammed into me I went running.
I stopped in the woods edging the property, Bella's truck was parked in the front and all the windows were open, the lights on with the music turned up. I could distinguish Bella's sweet voice blending with the vocals of the song. I sank to the ground watching the house; my Bella had come home. Why? Had something happened? What did it mean?
I'll finish running the lines. There hasn't been trouble in a long while. Jake thought taking off into the woods. I just lay there, listening to my imprints voice as she sang along with the radio; my Bella had come home.
I know she was just on the other side of the res but it wasn't the same. Having her here helped to ease something inside of me and I felt a little more relaxed. I rested my head on my paws, I wasn't sure why she had come back, what it meant that she had or how long she would stay.
If she wanted me, if she called for me I would go to her but if she didn't I would be content to watch over her from the woods, protecting and loving her however she would let me. Tonight, though I wouldn't think about the future and all its questions, just for tonight I would listen to her move about our home, singing to the radio and let myself be happy, my imprint, my Bella had come home.