#37 The GCPD aren't all incompetents.
It was late, so late in fact it was almost morning. The Riddler hadn't slept a wink which wasn't unusual, what was unusual was that he wasn't enjoying his insomnia in his favourite wingback by the light of monitors as he played games with Gotham, the FBI and Anonymous simultaneously - So far, the only ones to impress were Anonymous who were more than a little hacked off he made them all appear like children playing in a sandbox - he was actually twiddling his thumbs in a GCPD cell, which was not the vision of omnipotent knowledge he liked people to see. He was also just a little upset.
His capture hadn't been by Batman, for once. It had been the GCPD. Gordon and his idiot lackeys had managed to capture the greatest genius in the world. Granted he'd been asleep at the time. Granted he'd also been cuddling a teddy - Poor Epicurus was last seen in an evidence bag - and granted one of his stupid minions had shorted out the power again which left all his best and most amusing traps virtually useless - What were they in, the stone age? - but it shouldn't have been so easy to stroll into his lair and catch him asleep with a half chewed toy, drooling onto his keyboards. There was little to no doubt that there would be a picture - and if he judged that person to be smart, they would not share it with the internet.
The random, ballistic approach to spelling that several criminals had made on the walls around him irritated him further, even attempting to decipher Gurdon's a pissy wunker gave him a headache. It wasn't as though he hadn't been here before, he had once or twice. One of his most memorable was just after he'd been captured as Enigma, before the courts had ruled him insane. Ah, but the past was a bad place to be. At least it was for him. It wasn't even as if they'd left him with a conundrum book and pen. Not after that incident Joker rather liked telling that involved a pen, a hostage and lots of screaming. Perhaps for effect - or he was just a purebred bastard - he particularly enjoyed telling it at Tomato Soup Tuesday. Therefore only those with strong stomachs dared ingest the watery, oversalted dish.
Normally a patient like himself, a rogue, would be immediately transferred to Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane but the asylum had closed for business after finding a nasty surprise in Joker's pants. Hint: It wasn't that he preferred briefs over boxers. The entire island was on bomb alert lockdown so they'd brought him back to the precinct, shoved him in a cell and left him to his own devices as they waited for lockdown to lift.
Edward did not deal well with boredom. He was a genius, a progeny, a savant. He had multi-level thought processes that could go in concentric circles and always looked for fresh input. Having nothing available to him made him edgy and his insomnia made it painful to attempt to plan out any future tests of intelligence.
He had to hand it to them, the GCPD seemed to be blessed with far too much luck and they weren't all incompetents. Those traps he'd devised that didn't run on electricity had been carefully avoided with the minimum of casualty - no-one had died after all, a pity - and now they were stuck with him and likewise, he was stuck with them.
This wasn't how he'd intended his night to go. He'd envisioned something less humiliating for him, more humiliating for those agencies that had caught his attention. When he found which one of those intelligence challenged apes he owned had shorted out the power, he was going to invent a trap just for them.
I totally didn't short out the power trying to charge my iPhone. Absolutely not, that's absurd! What? I was firing off an irritated email to the faceless boob who replaced Steve Jobs about Bendgate. It's almost a shame that photo isn't on the internet. I'm rather tempted to track down the idiot that took it and threaten his wife/children so he would post it. It would give the boss something to concentrate on when he's bored, besides making my life a misery. The last time he got bored he told me he wanted a shark. Where am I meant to get a goddamn shark?
A/N: Forgive me. I'm inexcusably late. Guess who caught the dreaded writers block? Real trouble coming up with a concept for this and let me tell you - even from my eyes this one's all over the shop. Late, short AND crappy. Ah, writers block. I hate you. Still, I didn't want to rush and make it worse so apologies for the delay! Also: Epicurus isn't canon. He is however, adorable. Edward Nigma has a teddy. Shush. It's fluffy.
Also: I freaking called it! Victor Zsasz is tipped to be in Gotham, at least in a memorable appearance as well as a host of other characters. Although those of us in Jolly Old England who can't watch videos on the internet *raises hand* Have to wait to mid-October to see the first episode. Is this revenge for Doctor Who? I feel this is revenge for Doctor Who. Stitcher has a sad. She's missing something but she doesn't know what.