Chapter 37: Alice–We Would All Get Burned
I was never more appreciative for Carlisle's compassionate and forgiving nature than the days after I had crossed over into Quileute land. On our way back, Carlisle hadn't decided if he was going to talk with me about my action, so there was nothing to see. Looking into his future indicated his decisions had been on smoothing things over with the Quileutes, comforting and reassuring Esme, and making sure Edward wouldn't do anything untoward. Once those things became settled, especially after the three days that Bella spent at ours, the chance that he would seek me out increased. He rarely decided before hand what he would say to an individual, as he preferred usually to hear the other person out first. Whatever he would say and, thereby, decide was the price I would pay for breaking the treaty and blatantly disregarding his edict. First, though, I had to face other consequences.
My conclusion, as I had watched Bella and Edward at the meadow, was that they were making significant steps forward. That had been the point of my nudges and failed interventions, so their process pleased me. My gift had showed it to be fairly certain that Bella had wanted to confront me, so when she had asked for a bath it had seemed like the perfect time to get the conversation behind us.
"I know you're upset at me, Bella," I had told her. "Go ahead and make up your mind what you want to say."
"Why did you lie to me, Alice?" she had accused without any preamble. "You said you were my best-friend." She had sounded so sad, rather than angry like she had been with Edward.
"Before I went to tell you the truth, I peeked into the future and saw that you wouldn't take it well. I wanted to prevent that, to make it easier for you, so I told you a partial truth," I had told her sheepishly.
"Alice," she had asserted, "no matter when you would have told me, I wouldn't have taken it well. But keeping it from me feels like a type of betrayal, that you don't see me as your equal, as your friend. So, finding out this way I would imagine was worse than it could have been. There are just some things that are not pleasant to learn no matter what."
I had looked at her being careful not to have direct eye contact. "I know that now. You're my first human friend. I'm learning and I'm sorry that my mistake caused you pain. You're right. I should have given you the full truth when you asked about your scar. Did you know that before you got that scar Jazz and I had taken you south to protect you and you had managed to evade us both? It was pretty impressive. None of the family could believe you had done it." I had smiled sadly at her remembering how I had failed her then too.
She had smiled back at me. "No, I didn't know that."
"And when you came home with a broken leg I helped you shower and do all your morning stuff for weeks because neither you nor Charlie wanted Charlie to have that job."
"No, I didn't know that either."
"Did you know that when you jumped off the cliff I was so distraught that I defied the family's vote and came back to Forks even though the family had agreed to Edward's demand that we not do so?"
Her smile had turned contemplative.
"I know I can be an acquired taste, Bella. My gift means that I'm often talking about the future as if it were the present. You used to tease me that I was losing out on just enjoying the day and would roll your eyes at me. Not just are you my first human friend, but also sometimes I haven't known what to do since your accident. Things between us aren't the way they used to be and I've been even more unsure. Perhaps I've over compensated by relying on my gift for our interactions too much. Jazz thinks I have anyway."
Her eyes had gotten big. "You've talked to Jasper about this?"
"He's my husband, Bella," I had explained nonchalantly.
She had sat there looking lost in thought for a few moments before she spoke. "Did you know I went to the cliff where I jumped two days ago?"
"Yes," I had answered sheepishly.
She had stared at me hard. "What aren't you telling me Alice?" she had demanded.
I had looked at her arm that was resting on the bath above the bubbles. "I had a vision of you at those cliffs and I was terrified that you were going to jump again, so I raced there to stop you, only to watch you sit down beside them instead," I had told her softly.
"I thought Edward had said once that Cullens weren't permitted on Quileute land. I had assumed that had to do with the land dispute Carlisle told me about."
"You're right, we're not. There's a treaty between us and the tribe. One of the conditions is that we stay off their land," I had explained.
"You broke a treaty?" she had gasped.
"Yes," I had answered guiltily.
"For me?" she had asked shocked.
"Of course," I had told her dismissively. "I love you Bella; I want you to be a part of our family; I want you happy; and I definitely don't want you dead."
She had looked at me concerned and whispered, for her, but certainly not soft enough to stop the whole house from hearing, "Are you in trouble?"
"I will be."
"What will Carlisle do?"
"He hasn't decided," I had told her matter-of-factually.
Bella had shaken her head. "You shouldn't get into trouble because you were worried over me."
"I still violated his trust and broke the treaty."
"Why?" she had asked as if her brain was unable to comprehend.
"Because I would risk that and more to keep you. You have brought life to this family that is priceless. And you are my best-friend. If it's in my power, then I'm going to do what I need to do. That's what friends do for each other."
"Wow." She had paused. "But Alice, I want to live my life. I'm not sure I like the idea of you tempering with my future just because you don't like the outcome, and you don't want to lose me. If I had thought about jumping, even if I wanted to do so to die, isn't that my choice?"
There were so many things I had wanted to tell her in that moment, things about how we're all connected, bound in fact to one another, how whether she liked it or not her choices could make or break Edward and thus this family. I didn't. I would give her time to let her have the illusion that her life was her own and she was free to choose whatever she wanted. She would enter our existence better if she did so under her own terms. I already knew this.
"I just want what's going to make you happiest," I had told her as a way of explaining.
"You know you're not God or anything, right? I mean, come on, Alice, it's not like it's your job to make me happy. On top of that, it's not like you can't control the future. Maybe my past advice was good. Live in the moment and trust that I can handle things instead of relying on your visions. I'm not made of glass you know, and it's my life."
There was so much I wanted to say and couldn't. Maybe one day decades from now when she understood our existence a little better we could have this conversation again.
Instead I had kept to the subject at hand and had apologised. "I know. I underestimated you when you first got out of the hospital. I'm sorry, Bella."
"I forgive you this time, Alice. But no more," she had demanded looking at me cross.
Would she think the same of me if I, at some point in the future, needed to fake her death and changed her against her will? My gift told me that it would cause long-term damage to our friendship. Like every vision of Bella dead, since she first entered my visions on her first day at Forks High, I worked hard at keeping the bad stuff from happening to her, and never told her how many times I had seen her die, how close to death she had come repeatedly, and all the things I had done in the past two years to keep her alive. It was the grim reality I lived in. There was no need to sully her worldview with mine.
After that, our conversation veered onto easier comments, and she seemed to have let go of her ire. It was one of the best qualities of Bella–that she forgave easily.
So far my Jazz approved nudges had been pushing things in the right direction. Bella and Edward had seemed to have a more open discussion with each other, Bella had spent a few nights without us needing to pretend to be human, and she had actually seemed more comfortable with our true nature than with the façade.
The last night she had been over, we had been in my room looking over magazines and behaving sisterly. The boys had been out hunting or wrestling or some other boy thing, as I had demanded to Edward that I get some time with alone Bella for she went back to Charlie's. Rosalie and Esme had been working on some project.
"Hey, Alice?" she has said suddenly.
"Yes, Bella."
"What do you see for my future?"
"My visions are only as sure as your decisions," I had told her leaving out how other people's choices could change things.
I was more certain of this than when she had asked me this question the last time. The clarity of the vision did indicate their likelihood, but I had learned the hard way, that even if the vision looked certain, things could change and there was a certain truth to the adage seize the day.
"Oh."
"Were you hoping they would help you decide what you want your future to look like?"
"Yes," she had admitted guiltily.
"Many people feel that way," I had sympathized.
"I was certain, before?"
"Yes."
"I wonder why I'm not anymore."
"I think it's because the accident took from you the memories of what had made you certain. For instance, you know that Edward saved you from certain death two years ago."
She had nodded.
"But you don't remember what it meant to you to be saved by him. Did you know that after that event he didn't talk to you for six weeks because he was so afraid that if he talked to you that you wouldn't keep our secret?"
"No," she had shaken her head. "I didn't know that."
"See, so you don't remember how it felt to have a glass wall placed between you. And you know that he saved you from some horrible men in Port Angeles?"
She had nodded.
"But you don't remember the feeling of being in danger and having him rescue you. In fact, I might have never told you this, but you had already decided about Edward when he saved you from the van."
"I had?"
"Yes, that was the first day I saw you as one of us."
She had looked confused. "I'm lost, Alice. If you already saw it, then why did Edward leave me after my birthday?"
"Because my brother is a colossal idiot!" I had shaken my head. "He didn't want you to become one of us. He thought, wrongly, that if he left, you would change your mind. He was wrong and we all paid heavily for it."
After a few minutes Bella added thoughtfully, "So the accident did what Edward couldn't?"
"I guess you could see it that way."
"I'm not sure like I once was."
"That's true."
"I wish I could be, Alice. I wish it was clear to me."
"You'll figure it out. I like to think that I had a choice, that I saw what was coming, and chose this life. I'll never know, but I like the idea."
"It feels really overwhelming. I just wish my lives here and on the rez weren't mutually exclusive."
"Yeah, I can't see Jacob becoming a permanent member of our family. Sorry, Bella."
"Well, a lot to think about."
"True."
Then she had steered the conversation back onto lighter topics.
I had resumed watching Bella closely, after she went back home, through my gift, even when Edward had been with her. Jazz had begun to tease if I would ever come back to the realm where he dwelt.
On Thursday, Bella's first day back at Charlie's house, my gift had showed a phone conversation indicating that Bella would be going over to the dog's house on Saturday. At which point her future disappeared again, so I had promised Jazz my full attention then.
Friday was when Carlisle decided to search me out, while Edward was at Bella's house tutoring her. In typical Carlisle fashion, he waited until it was only Esme, Jasper, him, and I in the house.
"Alice, would you come to my office please?" he asked.
I had been watching Edward and Bella, but not actively searching anything so, I had heard him and immediately went to him. In those seconds before I reached Carlisle, Jazz sent me courage and love.
I stood in front of his door waiting to be called in wondering if this how teenagers felt to be in trouble with their parents.
"Come in, Alice."
I steadied myself and opened the door.
"Sit down please," he invited kindly.
I did as he requested.
"Alice, I wanted to talk to you. I'm worried about you. Last March you went against the family decision and came to Forks, and then without consulting anyone got on a plane to Voturra with Bella. As we've already spoken about those events, we don't need to revisit them, but you had guaranteed me that it was a one off, due to those events and a necessity to save Edward's life. My concern is due to the fact that seven months ago you broke protocol and called Billy directly, which I overlooked at the time, given, the emergency. And now recently when you acted crossing into their lands. Obviously each time has been an emergency situation where time was of the essence, but I thought we had agreed, even if you believed you needed to act quickly, that you would inform the family as you acted. Promising one thing and not following through isn't like you, Alice. What's going on?"
I looked down at my hands. "Do you know how many times unique ways I've seen Bella die, Carlisle?"
"No," he told me shaking his head.
"One thousand four hundred and eighty one. Most are very obscure like she trips and falls down the stairs and breaks her neck, so there are a only a few that really have gotten my attention."
He contemplated that. "Does Edward know?"
"No, since James I've worked hard at keeping every one that I can from him."
"I assume Jasper knows."
"He knows there's a lot, but I don't waste my time talking about anything other than ones that have a good chance of coming true."
"Why haven't you told me?" His tone was a mixture of curiosity, hurt, and disappointment.
I shrugged. "Usually I can tell Edward something small, he trusts me, and it's taken care of. It's not a big issue, unless it's like the army or something. I didn't see the need to burden everyone else. It's hard work to keep Edward unaware of the bad stuff so he doesn't freak out. It seemed like an unreasonable burden to ask anyone else to carry."
He sat for seven point two nine minutes thinking, and then he looked at me gently. "That's a heavy burden you've carried."
I shrugged.
"But, Alice, I might have been able to do a better job as the leader of our family if you had clued me in. I might have thought of a solution that you hadn't, like working out an emergency protocol with Billy. Your gift is powerful, but it is only as good as the options available at that moment and without telling me, you were reducing the possibilities. This is why our family works best without secrets, although I can understand your hesitancy given Edward's mental state and his gift."
"I really wasn't trying to cause you or the family more problems, Carlisle," I told him earnestly.
"I know that, Alice. I never doubted that for a second."
"Thank you for defending me to Billy."
"You're welcome."
He looked at me how I could only imagine and hope that a father would look at their daughter–with warmth and unconditional love. "I believe the treaty and our growing cooperation with the Quileutes to be in the best interest of the family, but Alice, please remember that you matter more to me than all of that." His look grew stern. "If we need to make exceptions to the rules and work that out, we can, but no breaking the rules Alice," he warned.
"Yes, sir. Thank you." Then I got up and threw my arms around him.
"Jasper, why don't you come join us, and Esme if you wish," he told them.
Jasper came immediately and Esme a few seconds later.
"So, Alice tell us what concerns you see that stands a good chance of coming true," he instructed.
"She might not choose Edward," I told them downcast.
They both looked shocked, Esme much more so.
"Then, that would be her choice," Carlisle pointed out.
"That's the problem, sir, if she makes that choice it will destroy the family. Accident or not, when she chose to get on that plane to Italy there was no going back. I told her so, and she still went. Whether she can remember or not, she can't undo her choices without severe consequences including our deaths."
"I have contended that things will work out, Alice. Your visions, although powerful and helpful, are limited. They don't show everything."
"No they don't," I agreed. "And maybe your God will intervene Carlisle in a way I can't see. Her accident happened outside of my visions. So it's possible. But it's also possible that your God gave me visions so that we could do our part." I looked down at Jazz's hand that I had taken into my own.
Carlisle and I had never discussed things like this and I was nervous. I could feel Jazz taking my nervousness and giving me quiet contentment with slight assuredness.
Carlisle pondered my words. "If you were to be correct, Alice, what would you do? You have an incredible gift, but you a fallible creature as much as the rest of us."
"I know my limitations, Carlisle," I said trying to keep my irritations under wraps. "Nudging her in the right direction has helped thus far."
"By what measurement are you determining what's right?" he asked challengingly.
"By what doesn't destroy this family."
"So, self-preservation?"
I thought about that. "I suppose so, in a way."
"This is a big thing, Alice. It's one thing to defend ourselves from invaders who wish to destroy us and will kill every man, woman, and child to do so in their wake. You've used your gift to keep the secret and decrease accidents. But this is something else entirely. You are suggesting that we should influence other people's choices by our own definitions of what's best. Who is to know what's best? Bella's accident was tragic and Edward's reactions have been hard on this family. At the same time, I see them coming together as a couple in a new way that pleases me. Which was better? The old way or the new? Should I allow a tragic accident if I knew the positive changes that would happen as a result? And who am I to judge what is a positive change?"
"Would you rather we all be destroyed?" Jasper challenged.
"No, of course, not, Jasper. I'm not suggesting such a thing. I'm merely trying to point out the dangers in what Alice is describing. The responsibility and dangers of such a thing is immense."
"Yes, that's true," Jazz agreed the heaviness of what we have carried these past months coming through.
"I'm not dismissing your concerns, Alice. And I know, above all, you are looking for the path that keeps us a family. But I need time to ponder the implications of what you're suggesting and how we might best go about things into the future. Is that agreeable to you both?"
"Not around Edward," I warned him.
"I do by best thinking at the hospital anyway," he deadpanned while his eyes sparkles and a smile threatened.
We had yet to speak of that conversation more, but both Jazz and I agreed that it had been productive.
Jazz and I had taken some time together while Bella was at Jake's. Unfortunately we were in the middle laying in some ferns talking about silly things when we were interrupted by a vision of Bella driving to our house tears streaming down her face.
Quickly redressing I focused on my regret while bolting to the house. Within Edward's range I started broadcasting Edward, Bella's on her way. Something happened. I didn't see what. Tell Carlisle. By the time I arrived with Jazz close on my heels, Bella was pulling up in the drive. Suddenly a vision of Edward leaving the house and running into the woods filled me.
EDWARD STOP! Bella needs you here. What's going on?
"Emmett, Jasper Jacob is coming towards the house from the south about a mile away. Will you please go intercept?"
They both immediately began running in that direction. Shortly after the thud of paws could be heard. Is there more than just Jacob?
"Just Jacob."
Bella turned off her engine.
Calmly, Edward.
He nodded slightly, as I came into the house via the back, and he exited out the front.
"Hey, Bella," Edward called his voice sounding concerned and nervous. He walked over to the driver's door and opened it. "What's wrong?" he asked full of emotion.
"I need Carlisle," Bella answered.
"Hey, Jake," Jazz greeted with razors in his tone. "What are you doing here?"
"Sure, Bella," Edward responded.
Carlisle went, got his bag, and came into the living room.
Edward walked in next to Bella.
Carlisle greeted them shortly past the entranceway. "Hey, Bella, you okay?"
Edward said in our fast sub-human mumble, "He wants to know why Bella came here."
"No," Bella told him irritation on her features. More tears.
"That's none of your business, Jake. You need to go home now," Jazz instructed. Even though he sounded collected there was an undertone telling me that he was having a hard time resisting our instinctual call to attack.
Edward looked at Bella with a yearning to fix whatever was causing her pain
I didn't like that the dog's proximity to Jazz meant he had disappeared from my visions, and I had a feeling that with just the boys there things could get out of control.
"Jazz needs me for a second, Bella. I'll be right back," I told her.
She looked at me and nodded in understanding.
In our fast sub-human murmur I said, "Rosalie, the boys need us. Esme can you come help with Bella? I'm going with Rosalie." Rosalie quickly caught up to me while Esme came downstairs along with Carlisle.
"See, I was over at Jacob's and we got into an argument. He didn't mean it. It was an accident," I heard Bella explain.
Rosalie and I joined Emmett and Jasper facing Jacob. I stood on the left of Jazz while Rosalie stood on the right of Emmett. No way were we going to let this dog get near Bella, especially if he just hurt her. I focused on my love for Bella and desire for peace hoping that would help Jazz.
"What was an accident?" Carlisle asked gently.
Relief spread from my centre. Carlisle would calm Bella and Edward.
It sounded like Esme had gotten Bella a tissue.
"My arm hurts," Bella stated.
"He wants to know if Bella's fine," Edward let us know in our quick murmur.
"Would you mind taking your jacket off, so I can see, Bella?" Carlisle asked. There was no sound that I could hear indicating a response, but then Carlisle continued. "Esme, would you please take Bella upstairs and find her a loose short sleeved or no sleeved shirt. I'll wait here." Carlisle instructed.
Jazz leaned over towards me and took in a deep breath. "Jake," Jazz explained calmly but there was an authoritative edge to his voice, "Bella is seeking medical treatment from Carlisle. She is safe and well taken care of. Now please return home."
Shortly after, I heard Esme turn to Bella. "Come on, dear." And the two of them ascended the stairs.
The pup looked appraisingly at each of us and then nodded slightly. Shortly after, he turned and ran in the direction he had come.
We waited until we couldn't hear the thudding of paws anymore.
Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand and they both ran off. "Come on, Em, I need you," was the last thing I heard before they fell out of range.
I checked to make sure we were in the clear. Seemed like it.
"You did real well, Major," I complimented Jazz wrapping my arms around him and kissing him.
I could feel his aggravation. "You need to hunt. Want company?"
He pondered that. "Yes, but not too close." Then he ran off and I made sure to keep the distance he needed. I found a deer and had already buried it when Jazz found me.
"Better?"
"As long as I have you." He picked me up and wrapped me around him. "Can we just get to the wedding already? These moods are killing me." Then he smiled.
I gawped. "Are you suggesting I interfere even more, Major?" I smiled wickedly. The dog must have really taken something out of him for him to react like this.
"No, just ready to have this stage done for."
I smiled. "It's getting close. Bella still hasn't made up her mind, though."
"Alright, June bug, I'll go back, but I'm staying out of the way."
I grinned. He knew me too well. "Sounds fine to me."
We ran hand in hand back through the forest.
"Looks like it's just a bruising," Carlisle declared right as we came into range.
I verified to make sure she would be fine. It looked like it would disappear in a week or so.
"Esme, would you mind taking Bella into the kitchen and getting her something warm to eat?" Carlisle asked.
"Edward's livid," Jazz whispered in my ear.
I nodded. That was to be expected. I was upset as well.
Searching with my gift, Edward leaving made his future disappear, probably because he found a wolf. "Please, don't go, Edward. I don't like seeing you disappear like that. Let's try to see if there's another solution."
"Anything in particular that you would like, Bella?" Esme asked.
Hopefully by speaking out loud I would get some assistance in stopping Edward.
"I could go with him," Jazz offered.
I searched for the results of Jazz's offer. Now they both disappeared. I shook my head no emphatically. Certainly Jazz felt my fear.
"Okay, June bug."
We came into the living room.
"No. I'm not really that hungry." Bella answered Esme.
"Actually, I was thinking that I should call Billy and let him handle it." Carlisle explained to Jazz and I as we interrupted their obviously silent argument.
There was no way my gift could show me the outcome of that.
"Honestly, Edward, I think that Bella needs you right now, not you running off. And any punishment from Billy would have a stronger impact that any words from you," Carlisle stated gently but with a fatherly tone.
"Assuming he punishes Jacob," Edward argued back.
"Well, Carlisle probably would still want you to eat something, dear. How about if I warmed up a can of soup?" Esme encouraged Bella.
"I will stress the inappropriateness of him showing up here uninvited and the seriousness of his harm to Bella," Carlisle said softly yet firmly. "We also have to remember that they were quite lenient with Alice breaking the treaty. We wouldn't them to regret that decision."
Edward relented. "Fine. We'll do it your way, but only because of how they treated Alice."
"Yeah, that sounds good Esme," Bella answered.
"She'll need a cold press of some kind on her arm to help reduce the chance of swelling," Carlisle informed us.
"I got it, Dad," Edward replied curtly as he moved to go into the kitchen.
The smell was repulsive. Catching Jazz's eye he led me upstairs and into our room. "I assumed that you would want to stay nearby, just in case." His eyes showed such admiration.
I smiled sweetly. "Yes, please. I am lucky you showed up, Major."
"Only for you, June bug."
We lay in the bed so that we could snuggle together while we listened to the house and I searched the future.
"Here you go, Bella, enjoy" Esme told her.
"Is this enough or do you want me to get an ice pack?" Edward asked.
"I think what happened means something," I whispered to Jazz.
He searched out with his gift to test our theory about significant events being tied to strong emotional adjustments.
"That's just right. Thank you, Edward. Thank you for the soup, Esme," Bella said.
He started naming what he picked up into my ear. "Affection, contentment, resentment, resignation, jealousy, pleasure …"
That must be Rosalie. They had come back but stayed in the garage while Jazz and I had come up here.
"Anytime, dear," Esme replied to Bella. The sound of her kissing Bella, probably her cheek or forehead knowing Esme, could be heard right she left the kitchen.
"Contentment, happiness, joy, lust, concern …"
Emmett most likely.
"What would you like to do, Bella?" Edward asked.
"Love, adoration, joy, worry, peace …"
Probably Esme. It sounded like she had entered Carlisle's office.
"Calmness, compassion, concern, sadness …"
Carlisle. He rarely had anything but calmness first.
"Could we watch a movie?" Bella asked.
Carlisle and Esme were talking in whispered tones too quiet to be heard.
"Anxiety, worry, anger, frustration, concern, adoration, lust … "
Edward, but there wasn't anything really new there.
"Of course. Want to bring your soup with you?"
"Confusion, uncertainty, sadness, longing, appreciation, adoration, contentment …"
"Contentment is new?" I checked.
"That would be great," Bella answered Edward.
They moved into the living room.
"Yes, since the accident. She used to have it near the top before."
"Know what that means?"
"I'm not sure, June bug."
I checked the future. "It doesn't look different to me."
"Well, if we are course correcting, then perhaps it indicates that we're close to getting back on track?"
I smiled widely having a wicked thought. If Edward and Bella were watching a movie, then perhaps I could get that time with Jazz that we needed.
My emotions must have been speaking for me because no words were uttered before Jazz grabbed hold of me and pulled me closer to him.
"Come here, darling."
My smile widened. And we were lost in our world. A small part of my brain registered that Esme had left Carlisle's office and Carlisle had called Billy. It sounded like Billy was apologetic. But none of that really mattered in comparison to the beautiful creature next to me.
Without cause Jazz began to hunger for me in an almost frantic way. He moved quicker and more forcefully, his usual care to my pleasure and body gone.
"Jazz," I said forcefully. He didn't seem to respond. "Major Whitlock, stop right now," I commanded.
He looked up apologetically and a little confused.
"Where's that coming from, Jazz?"
He searched out with his gift. "Edward's room."
"It must be pretty strong."
"Strongest ever that's been from him," he replied.
Watching Jazz evaluate things I considered searching the future, but I really didn't want to watch my brother in that way.
Edward? I paused. "Edward?" "Any difference?" I whispered to Jazz.
"I've been trying to get his attention as well, but with no success."
"Edward? Are you sure?" we both heard Bella ask. We waited for a response. There wasn't one.
We looked at each other.
"Well, this will be awkward," Jazz said as he stood and put on some clothes.
I did the same.
"Are you good?" I asked right before we went out our door.
We went to Edward's room holding hands. Jazz knocked on the door. There was no answer. We looked at each other and he nodded.
I opened to door. The scene before me astounded me. Bella was on the bed lying very still while Edward was over her propped up by one hand. He was kissing along her body frantically moving at a speed that I doubted Bella could see clearly. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful, while Edward's eyes looked like he was warring with himself.
Certainly Jazz would use his gift to stiffen off Edward's emotions and draw them into himself while sending a cocktail to calm him. Edward began to slow down.
Edward?
He moved his head in my direction. The franticness was almost gone, but whatever Jazz was sending him made him seem disorientated.
Please get off her.
He propelled himself off of Bella, then the bed, stopping when his back found a limit to the room. Fortunately he had controlled his movement enough not to go through the glass.
Giving Jazz a look I went over to Bella while Jazz went to Edward.
"Hey, Bella, you okay?" I asked her.
"Edward." Jazz looked into his eyes while he held his shoulders again the glass wall.
She opened her eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. Did Edward change his mind?"
"Something like that," I answered.
"Edward," Jazz said again but more firmly.
She squinted her eyes at me. "Alice Cullen, I am not a porcelain doll. What is going on?" She buttoned up her shirt and sat up.
I balked, but quickly smoothed my features. Well, this was a new one since the accident. Perhaps things were getting back on track. "I'm not sure, Bella. Jazz and I were concerned about Edward and you."
"Oh, no!" Edward finally muttered.
I relaxed.
"What about Bella? Is she okay?" Edward sounded frantic now.
"Yes, Bella's fine," Jazz and I said together.
We both smiled and Bella looked at Edward. "I'm still on the bed."
"I'm so sorry," Edward proclaimed.
"Please, don't be, Edward, it was my fault."
Jazz tasted the atmosphere and decided that Edward was enough of himself to be released.
Then Jazz came over next to me and breathed me in. He would need me alone soon.
Edward came over to the bed and stood at the end.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he declared again.
"Stop it, Edward. It's not your fault. It's mine."
Jazz and my eyes met with looks of exasperation.
"What happened?" Jazz asked Bella.
Her cheeks became full of blood and her heart rate increased. I moved so that I stood between Jazz and Bella and held his hand.
"I asked him a question about the years that he stopped being a vegetarian. It obviously upset him, and I wanted to comfort him because I felt bad."
He looked at Edward.
Edward was looking at the duvet. "The memories came back when I was trying to answer her question." He shook his head. "Her scent felt overwhelmingly powerful drawing me in and then she touched me and I seemed to lose rational thought. I just wanted her badly."
Jazz nodded seeming to understand. Jazz looked like he was conveying something mentally to Edward. Then Edward's face changed and he didn't look so guilty.
"Bella," Jazz's tone was stern. "I know you don't fully understand how we work and you and Edward are just beginning to be fully honest with each other, so I can appreciate your question and your wish to take the pain you saw away. Nevertheless, please don't ever ask about those years unless one of us is present or you're changed. When we remember something all the sensations of the moment come back to us, taste, smell, sound, feel, all of it. For those of us like Edward and I who hunted in the normal way for our kind we try not to think about those years because it makes abstaining more difficult. Do you understand?"
Her eyes were wide. "I'm so sorry." Tears rolled down her face.
"You couldn't have known. It's okay," I said trying to comfort her.
"Lesson learned," Jazz said. He turned to Edward. "I need to go hunt. Would you mind if you and Bella stay in the living room till Alice and I got back please?"
He must have added something mentally because Edward nodded.
"Come on Bella," I offered.
As soon as they were settled on the couch watching another movie, Jazz and I sprinted out the door.
"It's okay, Jazz."
"Are you sure, June bug?"
"Yes. It'll be something new." I winked at him. Seize the day, right?
He grimaced. "Promise you'll say stop if it gets to be too much."
"Yes. I promise."
When we got further than Edward's range Jazz turned and grabbed me. He poured into his movements all the emotions that he had collected from Edward. That Bella was still alive was impressive. But it was when Jazz bit me that I realized how close Edward had come to turning her.
There was no venom in Jazz's bite. It didn't sting and it wouldn't scar. It had happened on occasion between Jazz and I. Each time it had been erotic in its own way. Like Jazz had tried to explain to Edward and Bella, it was a natural part of our nature. But Bella wasn't a vampire yet. They were playing with fire and if something didn't happen soon we would all get burned.