Chapter 38
"McLeod, I think you want to have a look at this." An image was slapped down on his desk, followed by McLeod spitting out a mouthful of Scrumpy back in his bottle, surprisingly accurate. "As you can see, there are 4 objects, 3 humanoid and one tank-thingy, heading straight for New Poland's capital-"
"WHY YE DINNAE TELL ME EARLIER!?" McLeod screamed, grabbing the informer by the throat. "EVACUATE NEW POLAND'S CAPITAL! NOW! Also, I want 1,000 Spartan-IIs, 800 with VK5Bs, 190 with rocket launchers, and 10 with the biggest, most powerful sniper rifles! All of them on the roofs, facing these four blokes! They think they can defeat me!? Well, I'll shove the truth up every single one of their sorry a-ses!" McLeod, although he was a professional drunkard (Scottish...) and had a mild addiction to anime (that would sometimes distract him), was also a professional General and strategist. His battle records show that he has lost nobody under his command and won every single battle with no costs on his side. If you sent in 1,000 Spartans under his command to conquer Russia, armed with only rifles and basic gear, he would return victorious with 1,000 Spartans in 10 months, none missing at any point, none injured in any way, and none brainwashed. Now imagine what he could accomplish with an army of hundreds of thousands, then millions.
Later...
"Sorry, sir. Comin' right through. Eeeeexcuse me!" A Spartan-III was walking by along the roof of a car parking garage (those massive ones), holding a Denel NTW-20, which is powerful enough to kill blue whales. McLeod's pelican landed on the same roof, and he walked out, holding his custom VK5B that was black on the top half and tan on the bottom half. It had a Quick Shot 1x33 red dot sight with a 3X magnifier behind it on the top, with backup MBUS sights attached. On both sides of the handguard were covers, but on the underside, he had an underbarrel rocket launcher that looked like a normal grenade launcher. On the left and right sides of the ACTUAL barrel were two bayonets. McLeod called it his "trident of doom". Some of it was a bit unnecessary, but hey, it looked cool.
"You call that a big sniper rifle, lad!?" McLeod shoved an M67 recoil-less, anti-air, shoulder-mount rifle into his hands. "Here, take this. It's 70mm wider in diameter and has no recoil. Loud as hell, though."
"Thank you, sir." The soldier unfolded its bipod and scanned the landscape through its scope. New Poland's capital, the bustling city of New Warsaw, was 100% evacuated. "Sir-"
"Drop the 'sir', lieutenant." commanded McLeod.
"Very well, sir. Anyways, I have detected.. lots of movement, directly ahead of us, thanks to the help of my trusty infrared scanner. And... it's not just the 4 subjects we saw approaching New Warsaw. It turns out they're accompanied by an army, or something equivalent of an army. That means... these snipers will be useful only for the four targets, and they are much larger than individual humans." reported LT. "I advise we-"
"CONTACT!" Screamed one of the Spartan-IV's, pulling the charging handle back on his VK5B and accidentally ejecting a round already in the chamber. "Oops, my bad!" He picked it up and put it back in his magazine, then re-inserted it in his gun. "Do we have permission to open fire, General McLeod?"
"NAY!" yelled McLeod, raising his rifle. "DON'T FIRE UNTIL YOU SEE THE WHITES OF THEIR EYES! Oh, yeah, don't fire at them unless they start attacking us first."
LT spoke up. "I believe the correct terminology is 'sclera'."
"Can it, LT! Now's not the time for human anatomy class!" ordered McLeod. All of a sudden, the William Overture (original, which isn't as awesome as the Lone Ranger one) Finale started to blare through the air. Out of the fog that rose all the way up to the gray sky was a gigantic, pink tank with 2 treads that was shaped more like a rectanglular prism with a heart for the "face". Out of its sides stuck out missile racks jammed with flutes the same size as normal missiles, and accompanying the tank was a 3-meter tall, black and orange mech, and another green mech with a yellow visor, also about the same size. It had dual miniguns on its shoulders and one on each of its forearm. Thousands of highschool students were advancing forwards with the 4 targets, the last one being some bloke with a teal, bowl haircut and blue-lensed glasses.
A missile the shape of a flute was fired from the gigantic, pink vehicle and soared over McLeod's head. The intro of the WOF was finally over.
"FIRE!" shrieked McLeod. The gunfire filled the air, both from the Spartans and the highschool students, who were armed with M14s, FN FALs, G3s, and SCAR-MK. 20s. Aiming up, shooting, and trying to take cover simultaneously was a challenge, though, so McLeod made the right choice. LT fired a 90mm slug at one of the highschool students to test out his M67's power. The instant the slug touched his head, his body exploded into a red mist, showering nearby students in guts and organs. But since the M67 was a one-shot, LT spent a lot of time opening it and placing a new slug in.
The black and orange mech aimed its arm at LT, and out shot hundreds of linen-like vines, all covered in barbed wire. LT dodged the vines as they cut through the infrastructure of the car garage. Or at least the mech tried to destroy them. They got entangled and stuck, leaving a perfect opportunity for one of the "rocketeers" to fire a rocket at its head. It just... exploded. "One down, a thousand more to go!" she proudly announced, reloading her rocket launcher.
Next up was the green mech. It turns out the things mounted on its shoulders were not miniguns, rather katana launchers. "KATANA LAUNCHERS!?" screeched the rocketeer as a katana nearly decapitated her. "WHAAAT!?" She fired a rocket at it, but it was seemingly unaffected.
"Stand back sister!" insisted a green and purple Spartan-IV, who had a jetpack mounted on his back and dual energy swords. "If he wants a swordfight, he has one riiiiight HERE!" He jumped off the ledge, dodging the grand bullet exchange with ease as he headed straight for the green mech. It attempted to decapitate him with its oversized katana, but he blocked it effortlessly, as if it was nothing. "PARRY PARRY THRUST THRUST EXCELLENT!" He grinned, parrying the swings, thrusting twice at its massive, tree-trunk like arms, and finishing it off with an ultimate swing to the visor.
He flew back, victorious. However, the highschoolers only suffered from 100 casualties so far, with 300 injured. "AIM BETTER, LADS!" ordered McLeod. "They're in no hurry, so why should YOU be in one!?" swinging his VK5B like a sword whilst holding the trigger down, he mowed down 62 highschoolers who were attempting to fire at LT. An entire line of Spartan-IIIs all unleashed their rocket launchers and watched in awe as they struck the pink vehicle... AND AS IT EMERGED WITH NO DAMAGE!
"Oh, so you want to take the fight to the same level?" asked a voice from the tank. For some reason, it sounded dangerously familiar to some of the Spartans who watched anime. All of a sudden, the tank turned its treads so the "wheels" faced straight down and morphed into thrusters as wings extended from the tank's side. In less than 10 seconds, the gigantic, pink vehicle was at the same height as the Spartans as it blared the WOF. "Very well!" It unleased a freaking overkill barrage of 500 flute missiles, and opened fire with its pink laser miniguns.
"STAND BACK!" yelled a Spartan-IV, holding a minigun. "I GOT THIS!" He fired it at the missiles, and with only 500 7.62x51mm bullets, he downed all of the missiles in 20 seconds. "See? Told ya soAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!" A laser struck him on the thigh, blowing out a good chunk of muscle. McLeod's record of nobody being hurt on missions was now lost. "B-TCH, TAKE THIIIS!" Still standing despite most of his right leg was missing, he unleashed a metal storm aimed right at the pink tank-thing. Guess what? It had no effect. "MCLEOD! Gimme a mirror! A LARGE ONE!" A pelican flew down and gave a parabolic, prism shield to the Spartan as 2 other supported him. He aimed the parabola at the pink tank-thing, just as it unleashed a gigantic, pink beam of energy at the 3 Spartans. Since a laser is just light (with a lot of power), It refracted off of the prism shield into a rainbow as it stuck the pink tank-thing. "TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHER F—KAAAAA!" Halfway through, the music abruptly stopped as the injured Spartan collapsed and was surrounded by 3 medics. The pink airship crashed to the floor, and marked the end of the unusually short defense of New Warsaw (5 minutes).
Detroit...
"WHAAAAA!?" Frank's awesome day just turned into a gift from god. For reasons unknown, kissing Tohka (more like receiving it) melted all of her purple and gold armor/dress clothing off. Her sword disintegrated to light, leaving her without any clothes as she hugged Doc tightly. Blood spewed out of his nose and fell onto her chest as he thought I THOUGHT THIS ONLY HAPPENS IN ANIME! THIS IS THE BEST DAY ANY PERSON COULD HAVE IN A MILLION YEARS! He tried to save neural images of this scene, but they were replaced with grisly scenes from operating rooms in various UNSC bases and spaceships. "S-Sarah! What happened!? Why are you-" more blood spurt from his nose.
"...don't look!" She covered his eyes with her hands, revealing a bit of herself before Doc was blinded. "When you kiss a spirit who is in love with you, you seal their powers... and that includes what they're wearing..." Oh, yeah. Rias told us earlier. Remembered Frank, but slowly removed her hands.
"Come on. Let's go find some clothes!" He offered her a piggyback ride, so he could feel her nice, slender legs-
"I'll walk." she insisted coldly. "But Frank-San! I just wanted to say..."
"Yeah?"
"I lov-"
Somewhere else...
"Oh, so Tohka confesses her love to Frank? Interesting..."
"Uh, hey, I'm the new guy... what's up?"
"Oh, you're the new guy! Hey, I'm ##### and I'll be assisting you on your internship! My job is to just monitor these two fellows here- Tohka and Frank "Doc" DuFresne. If something goes wrong, just push this button and-"
"Like this?"
SPACEQUIAKE NOW COMMENCING IN U-84 X= 413 Y= 45341 Z= 034932
"YOU A-SHOLE! THAT TRIGGERED ANOTHER SPACEQUAKE IN THEIR AREA! Move out of the way... we only form spacequakes in places BOSS tells us! After all, he's the leader of Team-"
Back in Detroit...
"Sarah... is that really true? Well, then, I'll have you know I feel the same way for you! And that comes with BENEFITS! I will show you the world... shining shimmering splendid... tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes... take you wonder by wonder over, sideways and under on a-"
WHOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH
"Frank-San, RUN!" cried Tohka. Doc was interrupted in his talented singing session by a purple vortex opening above his head. Taking Sarah by the hand, he ducked into a nearby supermarket, just as it closed up.
"Wait, whaaaa?" Frank poked his head outside, looking up into the crimson-navy blue sky. "What just happened? I swear I saw one of those space-"
"Look, Frank-San!" Sarah pulled Doc through a clothing store window as he fixed his eyes back on her. Oh, man, I wish I had Issei's ability to mentally save images! Tohka, stay right there while I go look for a camera! "I'll be right back!" She literally ripped clothes off of the displays and ran behind the counter. WAIT! I didn't savor this moment enough NOOOOO! Tohka put on the clothes she chose; short jeans, a pink t-shirt with puffy sleeves and a short, pink skirt attached on its hem, and of course, purple undergarments. "How do I look?"
"Uh... you look great no matter what you put on!" said Frank. "And I found this earlier!" he added, handing her a purple butterfly hairband... thing...y.
A loud SMASH rang through the air. It sounded like a person picked up a whale and threw it into a hotel.
"D-MNIT! What the h-ll was that!?" cried Tohka, falling to the floor in an infancy position. "Frank-San, get down!"
A few minutes earlier...
"GOD D-MNIT!" screamed Stratos, punching the wall and forming a hole in it. "Soap's dead. CABOOOSE IS F—KING DEAD. Who the h-ll is next?! 1337?" Donut was on the floor, in tears, with Akeno. William was staring at the wall and sniffling, while 1337 was repeatedly and softly smashing his head against the wall. Simmons was staring at Caboose, drifting into his "big nap" as Haruhi cradled him and sobbed over him.
"Ok, just calm down-" pleaded Agent Washington, but was responded with an unusually powerful punch to the face.
"Does it LOOK like I can calm down!?" she grabbed Agent Washington by the collar. "HE DIDN'T DESERVE TO DIE! NEITHER DID SOAP! I CAN'T CALM DOWN!" She threw Agent Washington to William, then crawled on top of him and started punching him in the face repeatedly. William, however, flipped her back over and kicked himself off of her. "He was the youngest... HE'S F—KING SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!" All of a sudden, golden light filled the air and the building William was facing flew off of its foundation and smashed through 4 hotels before crumbling to dust. On his left forearm was a...
"...uh, Rias?" Issei pointed at William, who intended to punch the wall. "...is that what I think it is?" A glowing red and gold gauntlet, that looked like a mech and dragon gauntlet fused together, was on William's right forearm. "Is that a... Sacred gear?" Rias walked over and inspected it, getting a little too close to William while Akeno slowly looked up and tilted her head in curiosity, wiping the tears away from her eyes.
Rias concluded, "Yes. One of the FIFTEEN longinus-"
"Uh, what's a longinus?" asked 1337.
"Basically," explained Issei, "a sacred gear strong enough to kill gods."
"The three factions- angels, fallen angels, and devils, predicted there were only 13 longinus in existence. But it turns out there were two more; the sacred gear of illusions and the sacred gear of infinitely powerful chaos. They are currently the strongest ones in existence, and it is said that the hosts are great rivals." explained Rias calmly as William looked at his new sacred gear. "It turns out you're one of them."
"...so just how powerful is this?" asked William, observing his new sacred gear. "And how long did I have this thing? How come I never knew about it?"
"Well, we don't know for sure." said Rias. "It all depends on the host's physical and mental capabilities, as well as what the sacred gear does, and if it is inhabited by a dragon's spirit. And right now, I'm about to find out what dragon resides in your sacred gear." She summoned her book once again, flipping through numerous pages before coming to a stop. "Oh... my god..."
"...yes?" William was getting nervous.
"...Great Red?" As soon as Rias said the two words, Issei broke his eyes from widening in surprise, Akeno gasped in terror, Koneko sighed in distress as she mourned Caboose, and Xenovia was just flat-out confused. Asia was still KO'd. "Great Red is the most poweful dragon in all of existence! He controls dreams and illusions... so that means your sacred gear can form illusions, as well as grant you extraordinary power!"
"So is that why I was able to punch this building out of the way?" asked William.
"Pretty much. Who is your greatest rival?" Rias wanted to find the user of the other sacred gear.
"Uh... Grif?" suggested Sarge. "Hey, now that I have this sacred gear, I can kill him easier!"
Grif facepalmed and groaned, "Oh joy."
"Somebody that wasn't on your team..."
"Oh! He isn't really my rival anymore, but Caboose! We hated each other with a passion!" responded William. "But now he's dead... surely there's something you can do, right? He's just sleeping, right? Or in a coma?" Stratos was curled up in the feral position, lightly sobbing the whole time as Agent Washington attempted to comfort her.
Rias reached inside her pocket and slowly opened her hand, revealing what she was holding in her palm. "If you insist he's sleeping, you may say he's sleeping. But right now, I'm about to wake him up."
Stratos slowly looked up. "The f—k?"
Turning her hand upside down, a glowing, red rook fell through the air. Shedding crimson light as it made its descent to the deceased Caboose, it finally landed on his sternum, where it sunk in with glowing, red light. "The h-ll are you doing with him!?" cried Stratos, jumping to her feet and watching.
"From this day forward, Michael J. Caboose-" Rias didn't get the chance to finish her sentence, because Caboose suddenly jerked up and slowly tilted his spasming head to Rias.
"Oh, hi, RiasOOF!" Caboose was going to die- AGAIN- from being smothered by hugs and drowning from the tears of his friends. "ACK! SHEILA! Why does my stomach hurt!? Why are they hugging me and crying!?" He flailed his arms around in an attempt to swat everybody off, but it was evident they weren't going to let go just yet. "What happened!? What's going on? Are they infected with the tickle monster virus?!"
"CABOOSE!" Stratos looked angrily at Caboose, tears pouring down the sides of her face. "Don't ever do that again, please! Rias... you have our deepest thanks! ...and that was an understatement! But anyways... thank you!"
Somewhere random...
"My prediction was right. William Block-Barrett was indeed the host of Great Red."
"Hah! I'd like to challenge him to a battle to test out his powers!"
"So... you want to fight a complete 'newbie'? I wouldn't expect you to win. Just look how powerful he is! He punched a building off of its foundation. Also, he's the host of Great Red, the most powerful dragon of all. Combine this with the fact that William is extremely physically and mentally powerful, he would kill you easily."
"No, I could just halve his powers! I could keep halving and halving them until he's no stronger than an ant, and then I'LL CRUSH HIS BRAINS OUT!"
"You don't get it, do you? I'm going to be gone for a while. I will be residing in my host. Until then, I want you to rethink your choices. Rethink them carefully.
Never underestimate your enemy."
And now...
"BORED!" whined Sister, slumping down on the wall. "There's nothing to do around here!"
"Sugiero que ir a buscar a una zona segura." suggested Lopez. "Sorprendentemente, Agente Maine no está matando a cualquiera de nosotros todavía."
"Yeah, let's go see what McLeod's up to!" shouted Sister. Lopez facepalmed, goraning about how nobody understood him. "Hey, McLeod, what's up? McLeod?"
"Uh, yeah, hey, McLeod isn't here." said a voice on the intercom. "Also, we're going to have to cut communications now, because somebody... or something... is tracing us through this. So UNSC Nagato... over and out."
Sister wailed in distress. "NOOOO! We're DOOMED! Doomed, I say-"
"Be quiet! I'm trying to sleep!" snapped Saya from another room.
WHOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHH
"Finally! The air conditioning!" cried Takashi from another room.
"Guys, I don't think that's the air conditioning." Sister stared straight into a developing spacequake. "That's the sign that WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! RUUUUUN!" She shoved Lopez into the hallway, who stumbled right into Maine. Unlike previous ones, this spacequake sounded more ghastly, like somebody threw a spice of death into it. If you combined the sound of a tornado, foghorn, banshee scream, and hurricane, that's what it sounded like.
Unfortunately, the sound would be the last Sister heard.
Somewhere else...
"YEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" His favorite song: The CSI: Miami theme, the best song to listen to when driving on a road, surrounded on both sides by a field that stretched on for miles. A desert buggy that exposed its frame zoomed through the road on the left side, the only car that he saw in miles. Adjusting his glasses, he looked at the 20-year old work badge he still wore around his neck.
BLACK MESA SCIEN-
"Oh, man, this is the favorite part of the song!" He turned the volume up on the radio, headbanging like crazy and unaware of the lone cow shambling across the road. But it wasn't just any cow! A tan headcrab was fixed on its cranium as it turned its head to face the approaching desert buggy, with a single person driving it. That person was one all of the Combine feared, and perhaps the man that would change the world. "AURGH! COW!" Slamming his feet on the brakes, the buggy abruptly jerked forwards before coming to a stop. The man took his .357 revolver that glinted in the sunlight before he popped a cap in the cow's head, and as a result, exploding it like a pinata.
Setting his smoking .357 down on the passenger seat, the former Black Mesa scientist resumed his drive. All of his 2 PHDs in theoretical physics and perfect job at one of the coolest places on Earth were partially thrown out the window, mainly due to what the Earth had become to now. But... that didn't mean he could get a new job! The question was... where? "OH! HOLY MACARONI!" The desert buggy smashed to an abrupt stop once again in front of a mysterious woman dragging a white cube behind her, and the former scientist flew out where the window should be. "ScrewyouNewton'slawsofphysics!" he cried before rolling on the floor, picking up cuts and scrapes along the way. He slowly got up, to his feet. "Miss! Miss! Oh, gosh, MISS! Are you all right? What's your name?" Her white tank top read in big blue letters:
APERTURE SCIENCE
Aperture Science was (formerly) Black Mesa's rival, before they formed agreed to finally cooperate and work on a project humanity would know as something that would devastate the world: the project to extend human life. Black Mesa was still recovering from its "incident" in 1998-1999, so with the financial support from the government, Mann. Co, and what was left of Aperture Science, they created a successful chemical agent that was tested on the mercenaries (who apparently believed they were in the late 60s). Mann Co., the project's main funder, pulled the mercenaries out and resumed their war between each other, while Black Mesa and Aperture Science decided to test the chemical agent on a metropolis in Europe.
Now, the Earth's dominant species were now zombies.
"Aperture Science!" The scientist led the woman, probably in her late 20s, into his desert buggy. "You know, I used to work for Aperture Science a little before getting hired by Black Mesa as a... 'spy' to investigate Aperture Science. What's your name?"
She signed-
"Oh, really! You know, I had a daughter named Chell, and she looked exactly like you. My name's Freeman. Gordon Freeman. It's nice to meet you, Chell! What's your last name?" asked Gordon, shaking her hand.
Chell signed "Johnson." Gordon Freeman slammed the brakes down on his desert buggy and looked at Chell in the eye, smiling and laughing like a maniac.
"CHELL!" He put his hands on her shoulders. "Did Cave Johnson adopt you!?" She nodded. "Oh my gosh CHELL! YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER! My LONG LOST DAUGHTER!" The hugging spree was commenced. "Chell, what were you doing in Aperture Science this whole time? Did you get to test out their handheld portal device or whatever it was called? Do you know what's happening?"
"I worked as a test subject." signed Chell. Gordon Freeman gasped in utter horror and kept his eyes on the road, mashing the gas pedal and gritting his teeth.
"Aperture Science, I knew something was up with you." He growled. "Fear not, my only daughter! I will avenge what's left of Aperture Science! Not only that, I'll bring an army! Chell, you look famished! I'll go find something to eat!" Turning on the radio again, he resumed his head banging and air guitaring. "Anyways... if you've been in captivity for this long... say, how did you end up here?"
"All of Aperture Science's staff is killed." explained Chell through sign language. "GLaDOS made me go through test chamber after test chamber, with nothing but the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (ASHPD, or Portal Gun) and these shock absorbing boots. It's a long story, so to sum it up, GLaDOS kicked me out and told me not to come back again."
Gordon Freeman nodded in acknowledgement. "I went through worse. Black Mesa was a mess, and I went to an alternate dimension! A gosh darn alternate dimension, for Pete's sakes! With only a CROWBAR! Next, some guy who refers to himself as 'G-Man' shows up, hires me for a 'job', and puts me in stasis. I wake up in 20 years to wake up in the middle of Earth's invasion by a so-called 'multiverse-wide' empire known as the 'Combine'. Did GLaDOS put you in the stasis sleep between tests as well?" Chell nodded in responde. "I see. Chronologically, I'm around 40, but I look 20. HEY! We can use stasis as an anti-aging solution!"
"ATTENTION, CITIZENS. PLEASE PULL OVER." A black and orange helicopter, armed to the teeth with lasers, missile launchers, and machine guns, flew up and hovered right behind the dune buggy. It was the COMBINE! Those donkeys drained the ocean, cut down miles and miles of forests, killed almost all of the livestock, and brainwashed humans to join their ever-expanding armies. Not only that, they were pretty advanced in terms of technology and genetic 'reconfiguring', which explains how they mutated insects to be the size of whales and fit lasers on their mouths, then trained them to be genocidal maniacs.
"Aaaaaaaaaand that's the Combine. GET DOWN!" Gordon screamed, taking out a rocket launcher from the back of his seat and firing it straight at the helicopter's rotors. With a sickening and incessant beeping noise, the helicopter spun and smashed into the road, hacking up copious amounts of dirt as it slid across the road, heading for the desert buggy. It stopped the instant its blades flew off, however. "Man, this is one crazy world we live in! I'm glad the next generation won't have to go through all this mess, however, 'cause by then, we'll have solved all of the problems!"
Something tells me this is going to be a long drive. Mentally sighed Chell.
However...
"Ok, guys, this is where it all started... I think." whispered Adam Jensen to the group behind him. He poked his head out of the wall, revealing a tall building with 2 guards standing in front of the entrance, both holding the flechette rifles and occasionally shooting at a passing necromorph. "Since David Sarif, our target, is on the top floor. First, we make out way to the elevator... quietly... and shut down the slipspace engine they were experimenting with." Akeno, dying of boredom, stuck her hand out and fired a ball of lightning at one of the guards, evaporating him into a red and crimson mist. AJ fired a spike in the other guard's head, skewering it like a kebab. "...and I said we were going to do this quietly..." he added at the last second, moments before the alarm went off. "Let's just play it by the book-"
"-F—k the book!" insisted Isaac Clarke, running out of cover and taking one of the guard's rifles. "I'm sick and tired of all this sh-t. What I want to do is go home to the lunar colonies, meet up with Ellie, and hope something like this doesn't happen again." He kicked down the front doors and went rambo on everybody, firing from the hip and not missing at all. 1337 poked his head around the corner and threw up all over a potted plant, disgusted at how the flechette rifle killed its targets. Rias ran in and backed up against a wall, peeking around the corner to see, like, 30 guards with flechette rifles and shotguns, all preparing for the intruders. A guy was setting up an MG42 on the desk and loading it as bullets and spikes were exchanged, with a hint of demonic powers.
Church ran inside and scoffed as the MG42 fired away. "Heh! Why are you taking cover? They can't shoot for SH-T! Watch..." He stuck his whole head outside as the MG42 completely shredded it to millions of fragments. Once again, Church's robot body was destroyed, and he had to resort to sharing Caboose's neural implant with Sheila.
"Looks like they can shoot for sh-t." remarked Stratos, taking a tan-colored shotgun, a Widowmaker TX, from the dead receptionist, and firing it down the hallway. Rias formed a magic circle shield a few meters in diameter and stood in the middle of the hallway, with the shield absorbing more and more bullets. Once she accumulated enough, she fired them back at the guards. Blood exploded everywhere like mentos thrown into diet coke.
"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." murmured Agent Washington as a tank burst down the wall Rias was facing and shifted its aim for the Arbiter, who was shoved out of the way by Koneko. "Aaaaaand that means we head for the elevator." Mashing buttons like crazy, Agent Washington ran into the middle elevator and nearly got trampled by everybody running in. Akeno held her hand in front of the controls, shorting it and instantly jerking the elevator to the top floor without closing its doors and stopping.
"Knock knock." William walked up to one of the closed doors and knocked lightly.
"Uh... who's there?" asked a person inside.
"Surprise." said William.
"...surprise who?"
"SURPRISE, MOTHER F-CKER!" shouted Sarge, kicking down the door and dispensing spikes like an Asian bazaar. It was just the bathroom. "Oh, sorry 'bout that." he said to the expanding pool of blood forming from one of the stalls. Suddenly, a guard leapt out and tried to smack Sarge over the head with a folding chair, but Femscout took it from him and smashed it over his face, giving the seat an indent of his broken nose and grimaced expression.
"Sarif is this way." Adam pointed down the hall to a door at the end, which Koneko ran up to and kicked off its hinges. David Sarif flipped back in his chair from surprise as Isaac Clarke burst in, shooting the two guards in the head and one in the stomach with the 10mm pistol he found. "YOU! SARIF! I thought your company only dealt with biological augmentations, no?" Adam Jensen shouted as Isaac Clarke shoved Sarif and his chair out of the way and ran up to the computer he was working on, entangled with various wires and other machinery. "You, Isaac Clarke! Do you know how to deactivate it?"
"F-CKING LINUX!" screamed Isaac Clarke. "I'm familiar with Windows. MAC OS X. Even the freaking 8-bit ATARI DOS! But LINUX! I should've taken the time to get familiar with it... you, SARIF! Are you the bloke who's behind all of this!" He pointed his nickel and gold-plated pistol at David Sarif, spasming in fear. "Hey. HEY!" Suddenly, William snatched the pistol from Isaac Clarke.
"I know how to interrogate." said William, shooting David Sarif in the knee. A strangled cry broke out in the room, while Caboose slowly covered Haruhi's and Asia's eyes. "Sarif, tell me who is behind this! Is it you?"
"NO!" he cried out tremulously. "I-If you want answers, ask G-Giovanni or W-Wescott! Isaac Wescott! W-We got into this with the best of intentions, seriously! I just want to tell you how sorry we are... that things got so f—ked up... we got into this with the best of intentions, seriously-" Suddenly, before Sarif could finish, William shot the wounded guard in the head once, killing him.
Silence.
William then leaned in closer to David Sarif. He asked him, "Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?" David Sarif was panting and whimpering in fear. "I didn't mean to do that. Please. Continue. You were saying something about... best intentions."
Silence.
"O-Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort!" William asked David Sarif slowly, "What does Isaac Wescott... look like?"
"W-what?" whimpered David Sarif. Infuriated, Sarge threw over a table with his bottle of vodka sitting on it and turned back to David.
"What country you from!?" demanded Sarge.
"W-w-what?" asked David, spasming in pain.
"What ain't a country I ever heard of!" shouted Sarge. "They speak English in WHAT?"
"What?"
"ENGLISH, MOTHERF-CKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT!" it was obvious to anybody who watched Pulp Fiction that he was stealing lines from Samuel L. Jackson.
"Yes, yes!" David Sarif was surprised at how good a 16 year old was good at interrogation. Then again, William wasn't a normal 16 year old.
"Then you know what I'm saying!" he yelled.
"Yes!"
"Describe what Isaac Wescott LOOKS LIKE!" William was close to getting answers.
"W-w-w-what?" stuttered David Sarif. He was so full of fear, his vocabulary was now centered around the word "what".
"Say what again!" William raised his pistol at David Sarif's head while Isaac Clarke and Adam Jensen nervously stepped back. "SAY. WHAT. AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, you mother f-cker, say what one more god d-mn time."
"He..." panting and closing his eyes, close to losing it from fear, said "He's white-"
Sarge shouted in excitement, "GO ON!"
"He- he has platinum blonde hair and blue eyes! He's European! I think he's from the UK!"
"Does he look like a b-tch!?" William tilted his head and looked at Sarif intimidatingly, as if he was going to rip his arms off at any moment.
"W-WHAT?" David Sarif cried out. Sarge shot him in the shoulder in response.
"DOES HE LOOK. LIKE. A B-TCH!" he reiterated, infuriated.
"NO!" cried Sarif, clutching his right shoulder
"Then why are you acting like you're his b-tch?" William frowned. "You can choose to be a leader or a follower. And I don't want to be anybody's slave, or in this case, b-tch."
"I didn't-"
"Yes you did, Sarif. YES, YOU DID!" Adam Jensen tapped Sarge on the shoulder before he could move on, and he pointed to the computer and made a gesture that said "finish up". "Ok, then... you read the bible, David?"
"W-what- I mean, yes..."
"Well, there's this passage I have memorized... and I was saving it up for a little occasion like this, you know? So I'm going to share it with you right now." Grif snickered a little bit, not believing Sarge actually memorized Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is bisect on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will STRIKE DOWN UPON THEE WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FUUUUURIOUS ANGER... those who attempt to POISION and DESTROY my brothers! AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD... WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON THEE!"
"NO!" screamed David Sarif before Isaac Clarke and William each shot their pistols 5 times at David Sarif's sorry head as blood and gray matter flew everywhere like a water sprinkler. Everything above his lower jaw was missing.
"...dude, you don't have to go all Samuel L. Jackson on him." facepalmed Tucker. Sarif's body fell on the computer.
SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE... ACTIVATED.
"MOTHER F—KER!"
(•_•)
( •_•)⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
You. What's your favorite anime?
"Uh... who is this?"
Come on, Spork. You know. Tell us, what is your favorite anime? If you like all of them equally, tell us one that you like.
"Another."
Ah, I see. At first, I thought it was an anime wannabe of Final Destination. Your favorite character is...?
"Misaki. Mei Misaki."
Should've known. You know, considering how many universes there are, there's a good chance that there is a universe where Mei Misaki exists. Fat chance, though. Why? Well, there are roughly 512 trillion universes. FIVE HUNDRED TWELVE F—KING TRILLION! The chances of you meeting her are 1 in 512,000,000,000,000.
"Darn it..."
But! There's always cosplay! Tell me somebody you know who would fit cosplaying Mei Misaki.
"Ooooh! Oh! Kurumi-San!"
Ex-f*cking-actly. She could cut her hair shoulder-length (*sigh*), get a white eyepatch, and wear a Yomiyama North school uniform! It's perfect, no? Also, since it's impossible to kill her, you don't have to worry about DEM killing her.
"Who... or what... is DEM?"
Deus Ex Machina industries. They kill spirits, but the mech suits they have are nothing compared to the MK. VIII experimental armor systems the UNSC is preparing to give to the remaining Spartan-IIs. Also, DEM industries and everybody who works there are complete a-sholes. They tried to kill Kurumi, for pete's sakes! But they won't! Why? Spork, you and I as well as my... friend... here, we'll take 'em down with the help of your friends!
"Who are you? Who is your friend? And how do you know all of this?"
We know everything. Ah... I'm Frederick, and my friend here is Cameron. She's hot!
"Wait, Frederick-"
I'm your triplet, FOOL! So is Cameron! Well, more accurately, a spirit. Not a ghost. Also, your friend... your friend... what's her codename? Oh, yeah, Stratos! Stratos claimed that if your evil self was actually your dead triplet, it would suck if all of this was written as a story. It's kind of overused, and I completely agree with her. BUT DEAL WITH IT! We're going to help you, Spork. We may be dead physically, but we live on in your mind as long as you live. We were born together, we will do all sorts of stuff together, and we will die together... as triplets!
But first, Spork, you're going to have to find that sword.
"Wait, why?"
"Because it allows you to become a bada-s swordsman, FOOL! The instant you touch it, I take over and go batsh-t on all opponents. Real men use swords, not guns. Oh, keep in mind that Cameron can't take over, sadly."
Ok, Spork, good luck!
"Wait wait w-"
This time, and for real... Spork gained consciousness.
"Ugh... wha-"
COME ON SPORK! GET OFF OF YOUR LAZY ARSE AND GO FIND THE OTHERS!
"I can't! I can't move my body and Nui freaking stabbed the scissor through my chest and into the floor! Like a harpoon! And I also can't see a thing!"
Don't worry! Smiled Cameron, even though Spork couldn't see her. You'll be better riiiiiiiiight now.
Oh, f—k! Freakin' spacequakes popping out everywhere! Great... now who the heck knows where we'll be going now!?
Westfield supermarket...
"Uh.. Tohka?" Doc pointed out the store's display windows at a tall building with the words SARIF INDUSTRIES on it. A spacequake was swallowing it up, as well as most of upper Detroit. "Tohka... do you know a safe place?" Tohka shook her head, poking her head out a broken window to see what was happening. "I-is there another spirit?"
"Frank-Saaaaaaan!" she whined, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him out of the supermarket. "That one is man-made! I can't stop it!" Pulling him to the floor as a torrent of sharp glass flew over their heads, they resumed running in the opposite direction. "If only we had the shield-"
"Problem solved!" proudly declared Frank. A glowing, purple force field was projected around the two. "Remember how you said that I sealed your powers? Well, it turns out... I can USE THEM as well!"