Heart and Soul — XXXV
"Why?"
Ichigo sighed, running a hand through his hair. That had become Hisana's favorite word in the last five minutes. "Because, Hisa. I have to go so I can get food at water and stuff for you and everyone else."
"Why can't someone else go?" Hisana demanded, her amber eyes shining with unhappiness and fear. "I don't want you to go!"
Ichigo reached out, pulling Hisana into his lap and holding her tightly. "And I don't want to go, baby girl, but I have to. I'll only be gone for a little while though, I'll be back before you know it."
"But what if the bad people catch you?" Ichigo's breath caught in his throat.
Damn it, he swore silently, tightening his grip on Hisana a little more. It wasn't fair. She was three years old. This shouldn't have been something she was worrying about.
"I'm good at not getting caught, Hisana. Nobody's going to catch your daddy, don't worry. I'll be okay. And I won't be alone either, Tessai and Yoruichi-san are coming with me, they'll make sure if something happens, I won't get into trouble. You don't have anything to worry about."
"I don't want you to go." Hisana whimpered, burying her face in Ichigo's chest. Ichigo sighed, running a hand through his daughter's raven hair.
"I know, baby girl. And I don't want to go. But I promise nothing is going to happen. I'll be back before you know I'm gone."
Hisana sniffed, rubbing her eyes. "Momma said that too." Ichigo stiffened. "Right before she left, I asked her why she had to go, and she said she was going to get food and stuff for everyone, and I told her I didn't want her to go and she said she'd be back before I knew she was gone. And then you came in, and you both left, but Momma never came back, Daddy. What if you don't come back either?"
Damn it, this was hard. Hisana was obviously terrified, and there was nothing Ichigo could do about it. He had to go. As much as he hated it, it was just a fact. He was the best raider, not to mention the best leader for raid teams, it only made sense that he went. And he was so sure he wouldn't be caught…
Yeah, Rukia was probably just as sure, a sarcastic voice in the back of his head reminded him. Face it, you can't promise a damn thing to Hisana. You can't say you won't get caught, because you just don't know for sure. And if you don't come back, not only are you breaking a promise, you're breaking her heart.
"Daddy are you sure you have to go?"
Ichigo really, really wished he could have just said no. He would have given anything to be able to stay in the caves with Hisana, sitting right in this room and just holding her. Protecting her from all the bad things in the world.
Though it was clearly too late for that.
"I'm sorry, Hisana."
Ichigo really, really hated himself sometimes.
"Summer?"
Summer jumped, surprised. She'd been laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what she and Hinamori had talked about. Now she looked up and saw Hisana standing in the door of the room, her eyes wide and sad. "What are you doing, Hisana?" She asked, pushing herself into a sitting position. "Why aren't you with your father?"
"He's getting everything together so he can leave." Summer flinched. Hisana's voice was so sad…
"I'm sorry Hisana."
The tiny girl rubbed her eyes, crossing the room and instantly flopping down onto Summer's lap. "Summer you know the bad people, right?" The question surprised Summer just a bit.
"The…bad people?"
"Ahuh." Hisana nodded. "The ones that want to hurt all of us, like the people who are in the woods right now. You know them, don't you?"
"Um…" How exactly am I supposed to answer this?
You're asking me? Rukia demanded.
She's your daughter. You must have some idea of what she's thinking.
Not a clue.
Summer sighed silently, turning her attention back to the child in her lap. "Why are you asking, Hisana?"
"Because you lived up there for a long time before you came here. You knew people who lived there, didn't you? You knew the people that want to hurt all of us?"
"They don't want to hurt you." Summer spoke before really thinking about what she was saying. She wanted to hit herself the second the words were out of her mouth.
"Daddy says they do. And Momma did too. That's why we have to live in the caves, because there are bad people who want to hurt us."
There. She said Momma. You're a part of this. Tell me what I'm suppose to say to her.
I still don't know where she's going with the questions, Rukia admitted quietly. Sorry.
"Summer?" Hisana tugged on Summer's shirt, bringing the soul's attention back to her. "Did you know the bad people when you lived out there?"
Summer sighed, wondering how much she was going to regret answering this question. "Yes, Hisana. I knew a lot of people. Not all of them were bad though. A lot of them were just like me and Nanao."
"But if they're like you and Nanao, then how come they don't like us?" It took Summer a moment too long to answer. "Momma and Daddy told me we have to live in the caves because everybody outside of the caves doesn't like us, and wants to hurt us. But you and Nanao like us, don't you? So if they're all like you and Nanao, how come they don't like us?"
I'm starting to get a headache, Summer mumbled, rubbing her right temple slowly. "It's not that they…don't like you. They don't know you, is the problem, Hisana. They don't know you, so they're scared of you. If they knew like Nanao and I know you, they'd know there's nothing to be afraid of."
"Oh." Hisana stared at the ground for a moment. "Were you afraid of us before you knew us?"
Summer really wanted to hit her head against a hard surface. "No," she admitted after a moment. "But your mother told me all about you, and I could see in her memories that none of you were bad people, so I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. But not everyone is…lucky enough to know your mother."
Lucky, right, Rukia snorted silently. Try again, Summer.
I think I'll stick with lucky, thank you.
"But what if you told them?" Hisana asked, distracting Summer. "What if you told everyone that we're not bad people, that there's nothing to be afraid of?"
Another old argument, Rukia sighed. You wouldn't believe how often Kyoraku-san and Ukitake-san go back and forth about this exact same thing. I wouldn't be surprised if that's where she ended up getting these ideas from.
Right. Summer remembered Rukia mentioning once — it felt so long ago now — that Kyoraku believed souls and humans would be able to live together, if they wanted to make it work. Summer hadn't given it much thought then.
"It's not that simple, Hisana. There are a lot of people you have to convince, first of all. And they would never listen to me anyways."
"Why?"
"Because of your mother." Sorry, Summer added silently before continuing. "Most souls don't have someone like your mother in their heads — it's only them. Everybody would think it was your mother speaking, not me. They wouldn't trust me at all."
Hisana didn't answer for a moment. "But what if—"
"Hisana." The girl stopped talking, turning her eyes to look at Summer. "What brought all of this on, exactly? Why are you asking all these questions?"
"Because Daddy's leaving." Hisana whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "He's leaving again, and the bad people are going to catch him because they don't know him and they're scared of him, but if they knew him they'd know there's nothing to be afraid of, and he's not mean at all and he's really nice and, and, and…" Her voice drifted off for a moment as a single tear slipped down on her small face. "And I don't want Daddy to go away like Momma did."
Summer closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around Hisana's tiny body and holding her tightly, trying to ignore the fact that it felt like someone was trying to tear her heart in two.
I don't understand how Hinamori can say it's a good thing we're here, she thought angrily. All it took was one look at the small, sad child in her arms to know that the souls presence on this planet was far from a good thing.
"I'm sorry Hisana."
Hisana looked up at Summer in surprise. "For what?"
Summer wasn't quite sure how to answer. She was sorry the souls had come to this planet in the first place. She was sorry she'd taken the girl's mother away. She was sorry she'd hurt her so much. She was sorry she'd come here at all.
"Summer?"
She couldn't say any of that though. Hisana wouldn't understand. "For…for everything." She finally said. It was a vague answer, one she wasn't surprised to see confused Hisana even more.
"You didn't do anything though."
You didn't, Rukia pointed out.
You know if anything, I would have expected the voice I trapped inside her own head to agree with me, not the little girl.
The little girl makes more sense than you, Rukia argued simply. You're basing all your self-hatred right now on the fact that the things that have happened have all been results of choice you've made. You didn't choose to have the souls come here, did you? You didn't choose me as a host, did you? You didn't capture me, did you?
I chose to come here, Summer shot back instantly. I chose to come to this planet, and then I chose to come to the caves. When I chose to come to this planet, they put me in you, and I took you away from everyone who cares about you.
You did what all souls do. How many of them do you think feel guilty about it? Summer's response was to think about Nanao. What does she have to do with anything?
It's a common trend, don't you think? Souls are perfectly happy with their lives, never questioning anything…until they meet you humans. It's like a wake-up call. Suddenly you realize that everything you do is nothing short of murder.
You think too much.
"Summer?" Hisana's tiny hand patted Summer's cheek, bringing her back to reality once more. "What are you thinking about?"
"Just arguing with your mother." Summer murmured, running a hand through Hisana's hair. "Why don't you go find your dad, Hisana? We'll talk later, okay?"
"Okay." Hisana stood, her eyes meeting Summer's. "Summer, are you sad?"
The question surprised Summer enough that she almost let the truth slip out. "N-No." The word sounded so false. "Of course not, why do you ask?"
Hisana shrugged. "I dunno, you look sad."
Summer sighed. "Don't worry about me, Hisana. It's not worth it."
Hisana stared at Summer for a moment. Then she stepped forward, looping her arms loosely around the soul's neck, hugging her. Summer started a bit, surprised. It took her a moment to return the hug.
You're wrong, she told Rukia silently.
We'll see about that.
Kyoraku smiled as he crossed his arms over his chest, staring at the woman sitting on the ground in front of him. "What are you doing out here?"
Nanao jumped, craning her neck to look over her shoulder at Kyoraku. She wasn't quite quick enough to mask the confusion and sadness shining in her eyes. "Shunsui…I thought you were asleep."
"Well I was." Kyoraku agreed, stepping forward to sit with Nanao. "But then I woke up and I was surprisingly alone in the room. I guess Summer's spending the night with Hisana…what's your excuse?"
"No excuse," Nanao murmured, turning her head so she was looking at the sky again. "I just…couldn't sleep. Came out to get some fresh air."
Kyoraku reached an arm out, intent on wrapping it around Nanao's shoulders. He was surprised — and a little hurt — when she pulled away. "What's wrong?" He asked, hoping none of his emotion slipped into his voice.
"Nothing." The lie fell flat.
"Nanao…"
"You should go back to bed, Shunsui. It's late."
"I'll go back in when you do." Kyoraku responded simply. He curled his legs up under him, settling in for a long wait.
Nanao didn't protest to his presence, though she knew she should have. She couldn't think clearly when he was around. Not that she could think clearly at the moment anyways.
Anyways, she didn't want to make Kyoraku go away. Not when her time was drawing so close to an end.
She wanted all the time she could salvage.
Author's Note: So I'm well aware this is an Ichigo/Rukia story, and that I should be focusing on them. But that last scene with Nanao and Kyoraku was actually very important — it's setting up for the last chapter and the epilogue, which are probably going to be two or three chapters from now. So please try not to be too impatient with me, kay? =/ And review, please? — Sam