Fallout: Apocalypse
Interlude 4: "Letting Go"
By Nan00k

A short break from the plot to focus on another underlying issue for the cast. Sam finally does the job Optimus had left him and Miles has a good idea. This interlude happens very soon after chapter 33. Drama alert!

Many thanks, Shantastic! :)

.

Warnings: character death, foul language, violence, disturbing imagery and discussion, religious ideological discussions, theoretical science, and original characters
Disclaimer: Transformers © Dreamworks/Hasbro. The original characters found in this story were created explicitly for this story.

.

Plumas NEST Base
California, USA

It was happening. Not the full out nuclear war Sam had had nightmares over. No… it was the first part of the war. The scariest part of the war. They weren't hunting mechs, or evil warlords.

They… they were hunting monsters.

Sam had sat on a bench for most of the afternoon as he watched NEST scramble to get their men organized, plan their movements, and develop secret flight plans that would be filed at the very last minute. They had a lot of ground to cover, so they couldn't just speed on out, attacking the drone locations haphazardly like Ironhide and Jazz wanted. Bumblebee wasn't going out, thankfully, but Sam still felt a nervous twitch in his gut every time he saw a soldier or a mech walk by him.

He wondered which one of his friends wouldn't be coming back this time. Mikaela would have slapped him for thinking so darkly…

But some days, like this one, he couldn't help it. It had just been a particularly shitty week for the entire base, frankly.

It was one thing to prepare for war. It was another thing to prepare for hunting down the monsters threatening them, before they had the chance to attack.

They had a lot of other problems besides preparing for this organized assault. Vortex was missing still. It was driving the survivors up the wall amid all their other stresses; Sam saw how depressed Wildrider, Danny and Jazz seemed. He noticed, just as the other survivors had, how badly Rachel seemed to be withdrawing from the world, looking horribly out of place.

He didn't know why Vortex had vanished, or where he had gone, but he could sympathize with his worried friends. There wasn't even time to go look for him now either, not with all the NEST troops mobilizing for the drone search.

It all felt so… hopeless. He didn't want to imagine the outcome of the searches that would take place tomorrow. It was like looking for bogeymen under his bed as a little kid; he wanted to prove they weren't there, but his childlike mind had him terrified of the what-if scenario… What If They're Real?

They would find out one way or another. Sam exhaled heavily, staring out at the helicopters. He hoped Vortex was okay, if only for his friends' sakes. He wasn't totally lost in thought; he heard Miles walk up sooner than he saw him. Slowly, Sam turned his head and nodded as Miles shuffled closer. Miles smiled thinly.

"Hey, Sam," the blond teen said, sitting down more gently than normal on the bench next to his best friend.

Glancing at his friend, Sam took a moment to speak. "Hey, Miles," he offered.

Miles wasn't always the best at knowing how to judge other people's emotions (Bluestreak was a prime example), but this time, the other teen seemed to know Sam was upset. "…You okay, bro?" Miles asked quietly.

Sam didn't know how to reply. He stared at the ground and tried to focus his thoughts. "Not… really," he said, forcing himself to say just that. It wasn't like Miles could do anything—no one could—but he couldn't lie to Miles after everything else that had happened.

"What's wrong?" Miles asked, blue eyes alight with concern.

Besides the obvious? Sam almost laughed. So many things were wrong right now. But Miles rarely saw the bad first in life. Sam sighed.

"Things suck," he said, gesturing weakly with his hand up at the world, which seemed intent on dragging all of them down into fear and chaos. It had a bad habit of doing that.

"Yeah. Kass was really upset last night," Miles said, now very interested. He glanced over at the hangar where the survivors were. "Why?"

"Vortex is missing," Sam replied, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Among other things.

Miles frowned. "Vortex… uh… oh! The flying one, right?" he asked. He shifted awkwardly on the bench. "Yeah, that makes sense. I feel bad for them all. Kass said that they were gonna go look for him, but then Prowl asked TC and Jazz-bot to help out with this search."

Sam hummed lowly, looking up across the tarmac. He watched the soldiers move. He wondered if they would really find the drones. He hoped they would. At least they…

They could do something.

"I feel useless," he said quietly, startling Miles. "I can't do anything to help."

He couldn't help them with the drone search. He couldn't help the survivors with their pain, or finding their friend. He couldn't offer any help, not even with medic responsibilities like Mikaela could.

Miles clasped his hand around Sam's shoulder and shook him gently. "You aren't useless, bro," he said, meaning it. Sometimes his honesty was irritating, but Sam couldn't be annoyed with Miles now. "You still have that job from Optimus."

"But he's dead," Sam replied, clenching his eyes tightly shut in pain. "I never did what he asked."

He'd never fixed the problems between the human survivors and NEST. It was the easiest job there and he hadn't even scratched the surface. The relationship was getting worse, if Rachel's melancholy was anything to look at as proof. And while the survivors had started to fit in better, were known by NEST personnel and were actively taking part in their defense, they hadn't really adapted to life in this time and place. Sam hadn't helped them. And he had never felt more useless in his life.

"…Hey, bro?"

Sam looked up and saw Miles staring at him, looking strangely… enlightened.

"Just how were you gonna help them out, anyway?" Miles asked, arching a blond eyebrow.

"I never had a plan, Miles," Sam said with a heavy sigh. "Finding a way to convince my dad to help me buy a car? Yeah—that kind of thing I can plan. This stuff… not my thing, obviously."

"…Huh." Miles scratched his nose and started to smile. "Well, I just had an idea."

Sam blinked.

Miles grinned.

0000

Four Hours Later

Sam wasn't sure if this was a good idea or not. In fact, he was pretty sure it wasn't. Miles had been so sure when he had told Sam the idea, and even now, the blond human was elated that Sam had listened. All Sam could do was keep looking at the four humans who were walking along with them and wonder if they were doing the right thing.

"You don't know anything about psychology!" Mikaela had told him, not supporting the plan at all. "Sam, you might screw this up worse than it is. Just—be careful."

Her negativity hadn't been encouraging in the least. It had taken them hours to get the plan together, the scene set. It had taken even longer for Sam to coax the survivors out from their hiding places. They had had to pry Barns out of his computer station, with the promise that they'd be quick about this. Rachel had been with WJ, of all mechs, but had quickly agreed to go rather than let anyone peek in on what the scientist was tinkering with. Getting the four human survivors to go with them into the forest, away from the base and prying eyes, had been difficult. They weren't alone either.

The red-and-black mech, Wildrider, had demanded that he accompany them, highly suspicious of Sam's involvement. Sam reluctantly agreed, mostly because he knew having a mech with them in such dangerous times might actually be a good idea. Then again, it was Wildrider… so he hoped sincerely there wouldn't be any trouble.

"What are we doing?" Rachel demanded. "I thought you said this was a training exercise. I have shit to do."

"With WJ?" Barns challenged, arching an eyebrow. Rachel turned pink and refused to elaborate.

"It is a training exercise!" Miles said, cheerfully. He kept pace with Kass, grinning over at her. "I was trying to think of—well, think of things Sam could do to help you guys, and I had this brainstorm, like whoa."

Kass smiled, patient. "And it's going to help us fight better?" she asked.

"No, I think you guys have that down pat," Miles replied, sincere. He waved at Rachel, who looked ready to turn back around at that admission. "But wait! It's more important than you think!"

"What other training exercise would help us?" she asked, scowling at her supposed-uncle (Sam's brain was still reeling from that revelation.)

Miles paused and then looked oddly serious. "You'll see," he said, firm. Rachel arched an eyebrow over at her friends, who also looked bewildered, but Miles had already turned around and led them further down a small park path.

Feeling increasingly uneasy, Sam caught up with Miles before he stopped short at a clearing. They let the other five trudge ahead, Wildrider scowling at them suspiciously as he went by, but Sam turned to his human friend, nervous.

"Optimus needed me to do this right, Miles," he said, whispering urgently. He grasped his best friend's shoulder tightly. "I'm supposed to help these people, okay?"

Miles smiled back and patted Sam's shoulder. "Sambo, you forget who you're talking to," he said. His confidence wasn't totally reassuring. "I'm not gonna goof this up when I know how important it is to you, and to them."

"What the shit is this?" Rachel suddenly exclaimed, startling them both. Sam hurried over and saw the survivors standing exactly where they were supposed to be standing.

Sam and Mikaela, during one of the brief exploring missions they had gone on while visiting the base ages ago, had found a very odd set-up in the woods. It might have been the leftovers of an archery range, or just a unique formation of rocks. A large wall of boulders faced them from about twenty yards away. Sam had always thought they looked like part of a firing range, or somewhere to put an easy target.

By the humans stood a tower of smaller rocks and pebbles that Sam knew had been deliberately placed there, specifically by Miles, a few hours earlier.

"Are we firing at the rocks?" Danny asked, curious.

Wildrider tilted his helm at the rocks, frowning. "Vith vhat?"

"Vith these!" Miles suddenly burst in, causing everyone to look at him again. His fake accent didn't do much to alleviate the awkwardness, so he chuckled weakly as he held up one of many smaller rocks he had collected earlier. "A rock."

"We're hitting rocks with rocks?" Barns asked, bemused. "Ah, I see."

"No, wait, it's not about hitting rocks," Miles said, insistently. He held out a rock to Kass and nodded over at the wall of rocks they'd be throwing it at. "Pretend that the bigger rocks are Mega—ah, I mean, the Galvatron dude."

Kass stared at his hand and then back at his face. "…It's a rock," she deadpanned.

Miles chuckled weakly. "Hence 'pretend.'" He held the rock out further. "Come on, give it a try."

"What's the point?" Rachel snapped, irritable. "This is stupid."

"Just try it," Miles pleaded. None of them moved. Turning, Sam decided to go with Plan B. Patience…

"Watch me," he instructed, taking the rock from his best friend. Miles looked surprised, but he went along with it.

Facing the boulder, Sam tried to figure out how to go ahead and do this. He hadn't planned on being the one to throw anything. He didn't think he had a lot to be upset about, at least not compared to the survivors. But he knew they were on the verge of rejecting the idea, so it was up to him to at least try this. The adults and the mechs were counting on him. This is what Optimus would have told him to do.

Sam stood there with the rock piercing into his palm and he thought. He had experienced nowhere near the amount of suffering that these people had… but he knew terror. His life was slowly coming unraveled and someday, if things didn't improve, perhaps he would know exactly what these four had gone through.

Suddenly, Sam felt a twinge of panic grip his heart.

He threw the rock at the boulder almost reflectively. "I am never going to college," he said the first thing that came to mind.

Sam stopped and looked down at the rock pile. He crouched to get another, avoiding looking over at the four survivors. He could see from the corner of his eye that Miles was surprised. Sam took a deep breath and braced himself to throw again, trying to find the emotion to match his words. Suddenly, it wasn't that hard. "I… I can't ever have a normal life because your Goddamn followers know my face—!"

He hurled it as far and as hard as he could, shattering it against the boulder. He stood there, breathing shakily. "I almost died because of you—and I can't go to sleep at night without—feeling—afraid!"

"You tortured 'Bee—stole his voice."

Sam kept throwing, his words punctuated by the sound of his throwing and effort.

"You killed Optimus!"

It was almost too easy to find reasons to hate this creature, whatever form he was now taking. Even if he had not gone through Hell growing up—

That was the future he faced. Because… of this… one… monster.

"I hate you for everything you've ever done to me," he said, not raising his voice anymore. He glared at the rock wall, knowing it was rock, but feeling an anger he hadn't realized he had and directing it at someone who should have been lying thousands of feet below the ocean's surface, "and my family and my friends—" With a yell, he hurled a larger rock, the feeling of throwing it making his arms burn. "I hate you for this war, for—for everything!"

He stumbled from the last throw and he found himself shaking there, staring at rock, sweating and trembling.

He meant every word. The fear, the terrorization, the loss of his world—everything came down to Megatron's arrival on Earth, and had originated with his greed and his desire for power and control. Optimus was dead because of him. These people had suffered, and so would this Earth, because of him.

"I hate you," he whispered, closing his eyes.

The entire world felt too heavy for him anymore. There were too many concerns, too many worries… Sam didn't think it was right for any of them to have to bear those burdens. He was a kid. He didn't… deserve to have to be there, wondering about how to save the world.

It wasn't fair.

Beside him, the others hadn't moved at all. Sam stared at the ground and slowly started to walk back to the base. He sighed, rubbing a hand over his weary face. He knew it had been too much to hope that he could help in any way. Maybe Mikaela was right; this idea was stupid. He appreciated Miles' insight, but maybe… it wasn't good enough.

He had not expected to hear a rock clatter. He spun around, shocked, and saw Kass standing there. She was breathing unsteadily and her eyes were shining brighter than they had been. She trembled as she held up another rock, rage and grief building up in her expression like a wave of water.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, you stupid, rotten, horrible monster!" she exclaimed, hurling the rock as hard as she could. It flew and clattered against the rocky outcropping. It didn't do any damage, but that just seemed to infuriate Kass more. She took another rock and hurled it. "You did this—YOU DID ALL OF THIS!"

Sam immediately stepped back when he saw Barns follow her example and go for a rock. He didn't say anything, but he threw it, the rock slamming hard into the rock, the smaller one breaking. He grabbed another, and suddenly, Sam realized that maybe, even if it was stupid, the idea wasn't totally a waste of time.

"You worked my grandparents to the bone," Barns muttered, not crying like Kass was now, but he was breathing heavily and his eyes shone brightly. "Made them die in the dirt—when they should have been in our home—you took my childhood, my mother, my father—!"

"EVERYTHING!" Rachel suddenly shrieked. She hurled a rock and didn't wait for it to hit before she reached for another. "My mom, my dad, my sisters, my goddamn LIFE!"

A yell of anger and grief made Sam flinch when a rock flew dangerously close to his head. He saw Danny, finally appearing from her position at Wildrider's side, grabbing at the pile. She looked transfixed as she stood, taking deep, wavering breaths, her eyes huge.

"You killed Wheeljack," she whispered. Tears streamed down her face without prompt, her eyes never blinking. "You took my parents… my identity…" And then, something snapped behind her eyes and the strained grief morphed into rage. "You. Killed. Wheeljack."

She was not the only one to keep going. Sam moved all the way back to a fallen log with Miles, both watching in stunned silence as the four humans quickly dismantled the tower of rocks. They threw with all of their might, their hate and grief giving them the strength to hurl the rocks fiercely. And they kept talking, telling the rock wall and the world just how much everything really had hurt them.

"I hate you! I HATE YOU! You locked Bluestreak in a dark cave and left him to DIE ALONE!" Kass was screaming now, stumbling from tears and sobs. "YOU KILLED MY MOTHER—MY FATHER—MY BABY BROTHER!" She stopped for another rock and a gasp of air. "ALL YOU'VE EVER DONE IS HURT—ME—I—HATE—YOU!"

"Tout ce que j'ai su est la peur," Barns said, never screaming, but he was crying now. He kept throwing until he eventually had to stop, losing his strength, letting his grief take over. "Je n'avais jamais la chance de dire à ma mère au revoir, ou mes grand-pères. Goddard ... il est mort à cause de vous! À cause de vous! Je vous déteste... Je vous déteste!"

Danny held nothing back. "YOU KILLED WHEELJACK!" she screamed over and over. "YOU DID! YOU KILLED HIM, YOU KILLED HIM, YOU KILLED HIM—!"

There was only so much they could say, Sam realized, trying not to get caught up in their emotional torrent himself. Eventually, words gave way to screams of frustration, anguish, and rage. Kass had stopped throwing and walked toward the opposite line of trees, sobbing. She sat down and buried her face in her knees.

Danny kept throwing until there were no more rocks. She kicked at the ground and threw herself onto it, beating her hands onto the dirt, sobbing.

Rachel finally collapsed to her knees with a horrible scream and let her head touch the pine needles. Sam hadn't thought it possible for a person to make such a heartbreaking sound—but he could hear the grief and torment and all the pain she was feeling fly free with her screaming and sobs.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…" she wailed, shuddering as she cried.

Behind them, Wildrider stood silently, watching. Any semblance of insanity or mirth had disappeared from his faceplates. He just stood there in silent support.

Sam had nothing he could say, even as the screaming stopped and the sounds of crying dominated the clearing. He had expected this to fail, because Mikeala was right; he didn't know anything about psychology or how to deal with grief or victims of trauma.

But… he did know what it was like to bottle all of the feelings of fear and grief, and never let them out. Because it would slow him down, or hurt his parents or because he didn't want to bother his friends with his problems. He knew surviving just one battle had done that to him – had made it impossible to tell his mother why he woke up in night terrors, or to tell Bumblebee just how much fear he actually had to deal with every day when he realized that yes, they were at war, and their chances were so poor.

Sam realized that for these survivors, it had to be a thousand times worse—and because he knew that, he also knew that there was one thing that they had never had the chance to do, that he, in all of his inadequacy, could finally give them.

They had to let go. No one… not even fate… had given them the chance to just stop and… let go.

Sam wiped furiously at his face; Miles didn't comment on his heavy breathing, because Sam was pretty sure he had started to cry, too.

Wildrider had sat down with his human friends and held Danny and Barns close on his lap. Rachel, tough as ever, wiped her face until her cheeks were bright red and her eyes were overly dry. She ignored Miles' worried look and stomped past both him and Sam, her walk unsteady. Sam let her go, knowing she needed the privacy to finish grieving.

When Kass finally got up and walked over to them, Sam expected her to go to Miles. He didn't quite brace himself enough for Kass to throw her arms around his neck and hold on with a grip that her slight frame hid all too well.

"Thank you," she whispered in a muffled voice, tears seeping into his shirt. Sam hid his shakes behind her own trembles.

"It's okay," he said, hugging her back. "It's… okay."

It would be. At least… for now.

.

End Interlude 4.

.

Next, Rachel gives her parents a headache and Vortex gets just what he wanted.

A/Ns (or rather, beta's note!):
-Clearly, Sam knows nothing about how a shooting range should be set up. Please folks, never shoot a firearm (high velocity projectile weapon) at a target set up in front of a rock wall! The ricochet could kill you (or someone else). Archery is okay though!