A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Runes01, I think this chapter answers your question. Also I'm issuing an angst warning. Be prepared, people.
Anyway, on with the story XD
Chapter 36: Love
Ever since L touched the Death Note, his head ached terribly. He had remembered watching Light on a large screen when there were video cameras hidden all over the Yagami house. Light's father, Yagami Soichiro, had been there with L, along with the other members of the Kira Investigation team. Yagami Light was L's main suspect… He was the first Kira.
Right now, L had backed that very same teen into a corner. Light looked horrified as he stared up at him. Yes, Light definitely had those memories as well. There wasn't a single doubt in L's mind.
Then Light let out a fake nervous laugh. "Yagami Light? What do you mean? Is that your new way of calling me Kira?"
L slammed his other hand against the wall, effectively trapping the teen. "All the lies in the world won't work, Light-kun. I remember now."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You were Kira before and you are Kira now."
"I'm not Kira."
When L gave him a vicious glare, Light guiltily turned his head to the side.
Then L's phone suddenly rang. L stepped away from Light and took out his phone. He held up the cell phone between his thumb and index finger. "This is L."
Watari's voice explained. "The car is ready. I can drive you and Light back now."
"We will be out shortly." L hung up and placed the phone back in his pocket.
"Let's get going." Light tried to walk away but L quickly snatched his shoulder.
He shoved the teen against the wall again. "I'm not finished with you yet, Yagami Light."
"I'm not Yagami Light!" The liar frantically broke out of L's grasp and rushed out the door.
Light-kun actually fled. For Light to run away, he must've been desperate. The hovering shinigami was laughing like it was hilarious. L narrowed his eyes angrily. Light had been hiding more from him than he ever imagined possible. With the Death Note firmly in his grasp, L exited the room after him.
L and the rest of the Kira Investigation team were back in the workroom. The only one missing was Light, who was hiding in his room. After they returned, Light obviously wanted to stay far away from L. And L would allow him to hide for now.
The detective was busy anyway. He had to finish corroborating the piles of evidence against Higuchi for the impending trial. Luckily, he had the other team members helping because L wasn't concentrating as much as usual. He couldn't stop thinking about the memory he had after touching the Death Note. It was unreal. He had been the first L and his Light had been the first Kira.
And now they were alive again, playing out the same roles… Why? Surely, there was a reason behind this madness. Also he seemed to be the only one who regained any memories tonight. Everyone else in the Kira Investigation Team had touched the Death Note but none of them were affected at all. L didn't see the point in telling them about his memory. It wasn't tangible evidence that could be used against Kira.
But L knew that Light remembered. And Misa would probably remember everything too if he let her touch the Death Note. L bit the edge of his thumb. He knew that Light must have more information about their past lives than he did. L needed to remember everything as fast as possible. But how? When did Light most likely tap in to more memories?
The nightmares… L's eyes widened at the realization. It was true that Light had nightmares when he was younger. But those dreams had stopped over time until just recently. L always thought Light's nightmares were more extreme than ever before. A couple weeks ago, Light had actually woken up, screaming. Perhaps Light-kun is remembering the past in his sleep.
It was certainly worth investigating. Late at night, when all the Japanese detectives had gone home, L put his theory to the test.
He was alone in the workroom, still perched on his chair. L didn't bother moving because he was perfectly capable of sleeping in that position. Well, he wouldn't truly be sleeping. L had trained himself to take very short naps on command so he could stay awake for longer periods of time. His plan was to take several of those naps in row until he remembered everything.
L tilted his head down as he swiftly lost consciousness. He recalled being a small child and seeing the Whammy house for the first time. Then L snapped his head back up, fully awake, before falling asleep again. He continued this process over and over for hours.
The events he remembered were never in a specific order. Important memories were mixed in with the mundane and childhood memories were mixed with the adult ones. Sometimes L would have to take a break just to piece all the information together. But then he would continue with great determination.
L wanted to remember absolutely everything, especially anything concerning the first Kira. He recalled meeting Yagami Light for the first time, playing tennis with him for the first time, and even their very first fight… The Light from his memories was so much like the Light he knew today. They were practically identical.
Then L purposely lost consciousness once again. But this time, he experienced the very last memory in his past life.
All the data was suddenly erased. Everyone in the workroom was in a state of panic. L hastily explained that Watari was ordered to delete all the data if something unexpected were to happen. Then L quickly started talking about the shinigami. But it was too late.
He was having a heart attack. L collapsed from his chair.
Light leapt forward and grabbed him as they both crashed onto the floor. Then Light held him in his arms while L gazed up with wide black eyes.
The last thing L saw was Light's face twist into a menacing smirk.
L woke up with jolt. His chair tipped over and he crashed onto the floor. L laid on his back as he felt an excruciating pain in his chest. It wasn't a heart attack. The pain felt far worse than that. It was the complete anguish of betrayal. L didn't have the willpower to get up. He just laid there on the cold floor…much like the floor he had died on.
Watari hurried into the workroom. "L, what's wrong?"
"H-He smiled." L spoke with a quivering voice.
The elderly man seemed confused as he leaned over L. "What? Who smiled?"
"Light-kun…smiled. You weren't alive long enough to see it." L could feel his eyes watering. "Of course, everyone else didn't see it either."
Now Watari looked really worried. "I'm not quite following you. Can you get up and explain it to me?" He grabbed onto L's hand and tried to pull him up.
"No, just leave me here." L turned his head to the side, hiding his eyes with his wild black hair. He made no effort to stand up.
"L?" The older man sighed before releasing his hand. "I'll bring you some cake. Then you have to get up and tell me what's going on." Watari rushed out of the workroom.
Meanwhile L still laid on the floor, too depressed to move. He had wanted to remember everything. But nothing could've prepared him for the memory of his own death…
Or of Light's cruel smirk.
Light was laying on his bed, unable to fall asleep. He was alone in his room now. Ryuk came by awhile ago but thankfully the shinigami flew away. Even with the chain off, there were still video cameras all over Light's bedroom.
The teen restlessly rolled onto his side. Hours had passed but he couldn't calm himself down. He was so nervous that he felt sick to his stomach. L knew now. L remembered… But just how much? Light didn't have any idea. The detective definitely remembered that Light had been the first Kira. Beyond that, it was impossible to tell.
Dammit. Does L hate me now? More than anything else, that question plagued Light's mind. Because how could L possibly love him after remembering all the awful things he did? Light's heart wrenched in his chest. It wasn't possible. L would never treat him the same way again.
Unexpectedly, the door opened. Light quickly sat up and spotted Watari. The old man was carrying a piece of cake and he looked troubled.
"Watari?"
"Sorry. I thought L might be here." Before Watari could leave the room, Light stood up and hurried towards him.
"L's missing?"
"I suppose you could say that. The last time I saw him, he was very upset." The older man blurted out as he walked away.
Light followed him down the hall. "Upset? Why was he upset?"
"I'm not sure. He did say that you smiled but I don't understand why it bothered him so much. I have to find him. He wasn't even making sense before."
I smiled and it upset him? Light stood very still as his breath hitched. No, don't tell me he remembered-
Watari stepped into the elevator and glanced back at him. "Are you coming, Light?"
"N-No, go on ahead."
The elevator door closed and took the elderly man away. Light stayed frozen in place for a moment. Then he dashed towards the stairwell. If Watari couldn't find L, there was only one place he could be. Light hurried up the stairs as his heart raced fearfully. Please! Please don't remember that! Of all things, you can't!
He frantically reached the very top of the stairwell and barged through the door. Light stepped outside, onto the roof.
It was raining. The clouds covered the night sky and the wind blew fiercely. In the distance, he could see L standing in the rain. The detective was completely soaked and his wet hair clung to his face.
"L!" Light headed out into the harsh weather, towards him. Once he was standing near L, the pale black-haired man finally spoke.
"Do you hear the bells this time, Light-kun?"
Light gasped in shock. L remembers that much already? He barely found the words to reply. "No, I don't hear anything."
L titled his head down sadly. "Of course, Light-kun's answer is the same as before."
Light shakily reached out his hand. "L, listen, I-" He tried to grab onto L but the detective stepped away from him.
"I remember dying."
Time seemed to stand still as Light stared at him in horror. Then L raised his head and glared at him. The look in L's eyes was so pained. He had never seen L this distressed before. It was heartbreaking.
Then L started to walk away, right past him.
"L, wait!" He latched onto L from behind, wrapping his arms around the man's chest. Light buried his face into L's back. He couldn't let him go. He couldn't lose L like this!
"Release me."
"No!" Light cried out desperately. "I love you!"
L furiously turned and shoved him off. "You killed me!"
Light stumbled on his feet as he shouted back. "No! I would never do that!"
All the sudden, L kicked him in stomach. The force of the blow was so strong that it sent Light flying back. The teen crashed onto the wet concrete with a loud thud. Then L stormed towards him and snatched the collar of his shirt.
He yanked Light up and growled. "I've had enough of your lies."
"But I'm not lying! I don't want you to die!"
L angrily released him, letting him fall back down. "Light-kun has killed me before. That significantly increases the chance he will do it again."
Before Light could protest, L sniped. "Besides history always repeats itself, Light-kun."
The detective turned and started to walk away again.
"L!" Light frantically jumped to his feet and ran towards him.
But then L forcefully shoved him again. Light staggered back and slipped on the wet concrete. The teen tumbled to the ground once more, this time hitting his head.
Even though his head ached, he quickly sat up and yelled. "L, come back!"
L didn't look back a single time as he exited the roof, slamming the door behind him.
Light was alone with tears streaming down his face. L was gone. His L had left him. In despair, he banged his fists against the concrete as the rain continued to pour down on him.
"L…" Light choked back the sobs.
Needless to say, Light didn't get much sleep last night. He was a wreck in the morning. His eyes still stung from crying and there was a dull aching in his chest. When he finally came down to the workroom, the Kira Investigation team was already hard at work. They were all preparing for Higuchi's trial, which would be a huge international event.
By habit, Light started heading towards the chair next to L but then he stopped himself. How could he sit next to L after last night? Then other members of the team walked over to greet him. They all acted nice and sympathetic. It was obvious to everyone that Light was miserable. He didn't even try to hide it.
Of course, the others thought Light was sad for a different reason. After all, his biological father did try to murder him yesterday. They'd probably find it strange if he were happy. But he didn't give a damn about Higuchi.
Light would've been perfectly fine…if L hadn't remembered his past life.
He stood behind the detective and stared at the back of L's head. After he became Kira in this life, there had been many ups and downs in his relationship with L. But this time…Light didn't think their bond was going to make it. To him, it seemed like L had already decided to discard his feelings.
Then something completely terrifying happened. The large main screen was flashing. All the data had been erased.
Light stood still as the pandemonium occurred around him. He couldn't believe his own eyes. That horrible memory was replaying right in front of him. L was hurriedly explaining why Watari had the data erased while the rest of the Kira Investigation team panicked.
"History always repeats itself, Light-kun."
L had said that last night. Light didn't want to believe it. But it was all happening right before his eyes so suddenly.
When L collapsed from his chair, Light leapt forward and grabbed onto him. They crashed onto the floor together. L was laying on his back as Light gazed down at him. No, this has to be another nightmare! This can't be real!
"L!" Light screamed.
Those wide black eyes were slowly closing.
"No! L!" Light tightly gripped him as he cried. "L!"
All hope was lost when L's eyes closed.
But then…they opened again.
L looked up at him. "Light-kun didn't smile. Perhaps the imitation of my death wasn't realistic enough."
I-Imitation? Light gaped at him in shock. Then it clicked in his mind. L had reenacted his own death just to see his reaction. Light trembled with fury.
"You sick bastard!" He punched L right in the face.
Then Mr. Yagami and Matsuda quickly grabbed onto Light and tried to pry him off. But Light stubbornly clung onto the collar of L's shirt as he punched the detective with his other hand repeatedly.
Matsuda kept trying to yank the teen off. "Light, stop!"
"Control yourself!" Mr. Yagami yelled as well.
Light could hear them but he didn't care. The only thing that mattered was beating the shit out of L. How dare L do this to him? What kind of sick twisted person would imitate their own death like that?
When the two men finally pulled Light away, L merely sat up and wiped some blood off his mouth. "Light-kun's reaction is most extreme."
"Of course, it is! What the hell did you expect?" Light struggled against the men's hold.
"A smile."
That was it, the final straw. He couldn't take it anymore. Light's knees buckled as he crumbled to the floor. Tears were streaming down his face and he couldn't stop trembling. "S-Stop. Please stop." Light begged piteously. "Stop torturing me! I love you!"
Mr. Yagami and Matsuda both released him with a gasp. All the other Japanese detectives were watching with shocked expressions. In Light's current state, he didn't care. The whole world could hear and he still wouldn't care. The only thing that mattered was L. Light was gazing directly at him with his tearful eyes.
L quickly crouched down in front of Light and grabbed him. "Light-kun, we can speak in private. Get up."
Light merely leaned his head against L's chest and continued crying.
He could hear Mr. Yagami's outraged voice. "L, what the hell is going on?"
"You tortured Light!" Matsuda shrieked loudly while the other team members whispered amongst themselves.
"You misunderstand." L snapped at them before he pulled the shaky teen to his feet. "Light-kun, stand up."
Once Light was standing, L immediately led him away. The other team members were still asking questions but L ignored them as he yanked Light into the elevator. They traveled up a floor then L dragged him down the hallway. The teen sadly kept his gaze lowered, allowing L to lead him.
L brought him back into his room then shut the door. The detective gave him a frustrated look. He's probably mad because of everything I blurted out in front of the team. Well, too damn bad.
Light tiredly sat on his bed and glared up at L. "I don't care if they know."
"That makes two of us." He still looked irritated.
The teen blinked. "Then why-?"
L leaned over the bed, his face only inches away from Light's. "I torture you, Light-kun? I torture you?"
"Yes!"
L suddenly latched onto his shoulder and pushed him down, flat on his back. "If you ask me, it is the other way around." He hissed angrily, suspending himself above the teen. "Ever since I met you, I have been trying to save you, Light-kun. I believed there was hope for you. You let me believe there was hope."
There was so much pain in L's voice as he snarled. "But this whole time you knew. You have done this all before. Of course, you can do it again. I would be a fool to think otherwise."
"So you give up on me? You don't love me anymore!"
"No, I still do! And that's why it is torture!"
Light stared up at him in shock. "Really?" He smiled as tears streaked down the sides of his face. "You still love me?"
L's black eyes widened. "Didn't you hear me? I said loving you was torture."
"Then you can torture me back all you want." Light recklessly offered. "As long as you still love me, I can take it."
All the anger disappeared from L's face. "Light-kun..." He sighed before resting his forehead against Light's. "You're doing it again. Stop giving me hope that you can change. If I could just give up on you-"
Light raised his head and caught L's lips with a kiss. Then he ran a hand through L's black hair before cupping the side of his face. Light broke the kiss while he affectionately met L's gaze.
"I love you."
"And I am a fool." L breathlessly responded before kissing him back.
The kiss was slow and tender. L gently coaxed Light's mouth open then slipped his tongue inside. Light had his hand on the back of L's head while he pulled the detective in closer. They explored each other's mouths methodically. There was no anger in their actions. It was as if they were trying to comfort each other through the kiss.
After L finally pulled away from the kiss, he laid down on the bed next to Light. They both stared up at ceiling in silence until L spoke with a renewed resolve.
"If Light-kun can take the pain, I shall endure it as well. I won't give up on you even if it kills me. I simply cannot stop loving you."
Light appreciatively rolled onto his side and hugged L. He placed his head on top of L's chest, content with staying there as long as possible. Then L wrapped his arms around the teen, tightly holding him. They wordlessly stayed like this. Neither of them wanted to break from the embrace.
Neither of them wanted to face the reality, waiting for them outside their isolated room.
A/N: Man, this chapter was enough to make me want to cry.