.38.
I haven't seen Paul since his sudden departure three days ago. I asked the guys where he was or why he wasn't coming over, only to be met with vague excuses that he was tired or busy.
They were keeping something from me.
Paul was keeping something from me and that troubled me. He said there were no secrets between imprints.
"Moth? Is everything alright?" Emily asks, brows drawn in concern. "You've been staring at your drink for the last ten minutes."
Looking away from my cold cup of tea, I look over at Emily as she walks towards me, away from the boys sat at her small kitchen table, carefully decorating the biscuits Emily had helped them make. Leah sat opposite them making Perry squirm nervously under her hard stare.
"Im fine." I smile.
Emily comes and stands next to me, resting her hand on my arm, a comforting look on her face and warmth in her eyes. "You can tell me Moth."
My eyes look from hers to the small group at the table as I lean closer, keeping my voice low, though knowing that it was only Caspar that wouldn't be able to hear me. "Paul's avoiding me."
"What?" Emily says loudly, causing everyone to stop and look up at us in surprise, her eyes widen and she slaps her hand over her mouth. "Sorry." She mumbles embarrassed. Quickly turning back to the small group, she moves the cookies from the tray to a large plate, picking it up and gesturing for Perry to pick Caspar up and follow her into the lounge. "Since you've done such a good job decorating these you get to eat the best ones before the boys get back. I've borrowed a movie I think you'll like from my sister why don't you two watch it Why we clean up in here?"
"Yay movie!" Caspar beams his pleasure, looking up at his brother with a wide smile. "Pewwy can choose his cookie firwst." Perry smiles down at his brother as they leave the room.
Emily settles them on the couch and puts the movie on for them. Re-entering the kitchen she quickly clears the table and guide me to sit down, taking a seat next to me, Leah opposite. "Now. Tell me what's going on."
"I don't know. He was fine then he just rushed out the other day and I haven't spoken to him since." I shrug uneasily.
"He's probably just tired from all the training they've been doing lately." Emily says
"It can't just be the training, I've been to pack training with him before. I haven't even heard from him."
"He's probably with one of his fuck buddies." Leah chimes in blandly.
"Leah!" Emily's eyes widen, shocked, at the severe looking woman.
"What? Look everyone knows you guys haven't had sex yet." My face starts to burn at her words, the table creaking under the pressure of my hands as they clench around the edge of the table. "Paul can't go two days without a fuck, he's a man whore for god sake."
"He's with Moth Leah, watch what you say." Emily's voice is firm with her distaste to her cousin's harsh words.
"Well I case you've forgotten, Paul never wanted an imprint. He hates the whole thing as much as I do."
"That was before he imprinted. He adores Moth, and you know that." Emily turns to me. "Ignore Leah Moth, Paul's crazy about you, he'd never do anything to hurt you." She says adamantly.
"He told you? About us not having..." my voice trails off.
"He told everyone." She shrugs.
I stand from the table.
"Moth." Emily searches my face, concerned.
"Can you watch the boys for me please? I need to speak to Paul. I won't be long."
"Of course. Take as long as you need." Emily follows me to the door. "I know this is just all a misunderstanding. You'll have it sorted in no time." She assures.
"I hope so." I reply softly, walking out of the house, stopping and turning with a sudden realisation. "Do you know where he lives?"
Paul's house was larger than Sam and Emily's place.
Made from dark wood with a small, wraparound porch, it seemed to blend with the forest around it, apart from the two cars parked out front. The sleek, modern exterior of the lager car looking out of place next to Paul's old banger and the slightly worn look of the house.
I wondered if that was Paul's mom's new car. Paul had told me he was going to buy her a secondhand one so she could stop borrowing his for work and he'd be able to use it more, though this monster looked to be in much better condition than I was imagining, the previous owner must have taken great care of it.
Walking up to the house I step up the small porch step and cross the short distance to the door, knocking gently on the solid wood, hoping that it was too quiet for his mom to hear.
I sigh in defeat when footsteps too light to be Paul's move towards me from inside.
Straightening my posture, I paste on my best smile and try to neaten my unruly curls, readying myself for my first meeting with my imprint's mother.
The door swings open.
"Hello Mrs. La-" My words stick in my throat as Monica's eyes meet mine, her smile dropping off her face, eyes narrowing as she looks down at me.
We stare at each other for a long moment, me frozen on the porch and her glaring at me from the doorway, in just her bra and panties.
A thick knot of dread settles in my stomach.
"Oh it's you." She trails her eyes up and down me, looking unimpressed by what she sees. "What do you want? We're busy." I'm speakless for a few seconds, unsure about how I'm suppose to react as I stare at the taller girl. "Well?" She says impatiently, glancing behind her.
"Is- is Paul in?" I try and peer around her for any glimpse of him, not even sure I wanted to see him right now. With her in his house like this, what sort of state would he be in?
"He's busy right now. She says, drawing the door close to her side, so her body blocked my view into the house. "I can take a message though, if it's urgent?" She tries to smiles sweetly at me, but the smugness in her eyes gives her away.
"Monica, what's taking so long? Let's hurry up and get this over with, I've got somewhere to be." Paul's voice calls from somewhere within the house.
The knot in my stomach tightens painfully.
"Coming! Look we're busy so if you could just say what you need to say and go, I hate to keep him waiting." She purrs, Looking very pleased with herself.
Feeling bile rise in my throat, I shake my head. "No. I have nothing to say. Sorry to-" I swallow thickly, "interrupt." Spinning around, I run back into the forest.
Sprinting through the trees, I run blindly, not caring about the branches that whip at me, or if I trip, I just needed to get home. I couldn't go to Emily's, I couldn't face the emotion in her deep, symapathetic eyes or the smugness that will be in Leah's.
Making short time of the trip, I rush straight up my porch and into the house, moving quickly through the house, searching for the person I needed the most right now.
Finding Markus sat on the back porch swing with a paper in his hands I fling myself into his shocked arms, curling myself tightly around him and burying my face against his shoulder, heaving shaky breaths.
After a shocked pause, Markus wraps his arms around me and starts rocking slightly, brushing my hair back, trying to get a look at me. "What's wrong? Sweetheart, what happened? You're shaking like a leaf!"
I skake my head against him and tighten my arms, not wanting to talk about it, not even certain what it was.
I couldn't wrap my head around what had just happened. Things between me and Paul where fine, they were amazing, apart from his sudden avoidance, but still, even that was baffling to me. Before these past few days I saw Paul nearly everyday, he would even come round to the house and tell me he wouldn't be able to see me today, wich made me smile and assure him that he didn't need to come and tell me in person. What was I supposed to think about this? He had made a point to reassure me that he was okay that I wasn't ready for sex, that it didn't matter and just being with me was enough for him, and I believed him, but this? Maybe he got tired of waiting.
"Moth, Tell me what's wrong." Markus says, holding me against him.
I just shake my head, pressing my face more firmly against his shoulder, trying to smother the tears gathering in my eyes.
"Is something wrong with the boys?"
Drawing away from the older man at the mention of my boys, I hastily rub my eyes with my sleeve. "No the boys are fine. I need to go and pick them up from Emily's, I told her I wouldn't be long." I say, standing from the swing seat.
"No you stay here and calm down, I'll call one of the guys and get them to drop them off. Why don't you go have a lie down? You look white as a ghost, Well whiter than usual." He smiles wryly, trying unsuccessfully to coax a smile from me. He stands and follows me as I enter the house.
"I've got to put dinner on." I say, starting to fuss around the kitchen, but not really doing anything productive.
Markus intercepts me. "No, I can sort dinner. I'm sure one of the guys could help keep the boys occupied while I cook, you just go and rest. If I need anything I'll come and get you, I promise."
Eyes flicking over the worry on his face, I nod in agreement. "Okay, but wake me up in a couple of hours, please."
"Will do. I'll have a nice hotchocolate ready for you when you wake up. Then we can talk."
Giving him a small smile, I give him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Markus."
Leaving the kitchen I head to my room, barely pausing to kick my shoes off before I flop down into the bed, caccooning the duvet around me so that only the top of my head was visible.
Curling up inside the warm bundle I allow the tears to fall.
Confusion swirled inside me.
Everything Paul had said to me battled with the image of Monica lounging against the doorframe in her underwear in my mind. Everything in me wanted to believe that he would never do something like this to me, that he'd never hurt me like this.
But there was another part of me, a part I could never fully be rid of, that knew things were too good to be true. A part of me whispered that it was selfish to deny him something I was unready, maybe unwilling to give. That told me I should have expected this.
Not wanting to think anymore and wanting to be rid of the negativity in my mind I let sleep drag me under, ready to savour the few moments I wouldn't feel this lead weight in my chest anymore.
Just a few moments before I would have to confront the thoughts whirling through my mind.