Chapter 35

After the police left, having taken all the information they could muster, the huge house fell eerily quiet. Silence hung thick in the air even with the houses' new occupants, for Vilhelm had arrived within the hour of getting the news that his grandchildren were missing. He had brought along with him a battalion of five men who now stood guard around the grounds and Aunt Adelaide. The two new guests along with Max, Elsa, Daniel and the children were gathered in the sitting room around Maria. No one dared to break the wall of silence for fear Maria would crack under it.

Finally Gretl climbed into Maria's lap, "Fraulein Maria why would Franz take Lynn and Liam?" Maria glanced down at the child in all of her youthful innocence. That was the question wasn't it? Why would he do such a thing? But how do you explain to a child how ugly the world can be? Children do not understand the greed and ugliness that lives around the adult world. Maria had learned this lesson when she was far too young. Now her children were learning the lesson that she had vowed to protect them from. That mankind can be greedy, selfish, manipulative, monstrous beings that would hurt anyone to gain what they wanted.

Looking down at Gretl, all blue eyes and bouncing blonde curls, Maria held this truth within herself. So help her God, she may have failed her own children, but she simply couldn't squash the innocence in this little girl.

"He probably just took them for a ride into town." Maria said hoping to soothe the girls concerns.

"Oh," the little girl replied still sitting up straight in Maria's lap. Little Gretl twisted her face around while Maria watched the girl process the lie she had just told her.

"Then why did the police have to come?" Gretl finally asked. Inwardly Maria had to smile. Children never ceased to amaze her. No matter how naïve they were in the world, they were smarter than most adults put together.

"Because he didn't ask permission." Maria clarified for the girl on terms she could understand. Maria watched as the light was switched on in Gretl's head and understanding over took her.

"Then the next time Friedrich takes my doll, I'm calling the police on him." This gave the room a laugh. A laugh that at the moment they all were very much in need of.

Gretl settled against Maria's chest. Hugging the child close to her Maria held her tighter than was necessary. Right now she just needed something to hold on to in hopes that the world around her would stop spinning. Since discovering the children missing a hollowness had grown inside her. It was as if all of her insides had disappeared except for her beating heart. Its echo within her empty cavern on each beat was like a tolling drum drowning out the rest of the world.

From the back of the room the gathered forum heard one of their own stifle a cry. Without turning her head, Maria knew from whom the sound had emitted from. She had been watching the girl in the mirror across the room, which had held in its reflection a somber sight. Brigitta had been sitting at the piano gently caressing each key without depressing it for sound. Chancing a glance now, Maria saw the girls shoulders slump and gently shake from her sobs of grief. She was about to place Gretl on the sofa and go to her when she saw Vilhelm, slightly out of place, sit next to the child.

Vilhelm had been slightly out of place since his arrival at the villa. The normally strong willed, all business, formidable man that was his usual self was nowhere to be seen. When he had first walked through the door, Maria had felt relief -for Vilhelm was here and Vilhelm could fix anything. Just the mention of his name was usually enough to open locked doors. For the second time in her life Maria caught a glimpse of what he really was. A man, the same as everyone else.

The first time Maria had realized this was many years ago when Bill had finally succumbed to his illness. He had arrived at their house in the middle of the night after Maria had called him to tell him his son had gone on to heaven. That night, she had seen what the world had never thought was possible of Vilhelm von Helstin. He had cried deep racking sobs of grief as he had gathered his dead son in his arms. He had cried for all that was, all that wasn't and all that could never be and in that moment Maria had realized that no matter how powerful a person was they were still as weak as a human can be.

Now watching him in the mirror, sitting awkwardly on the piano bench facing the opposite direction than Brigitta, Maria relearned the same lesson and another as well. Yes he was a powerful man. Yes he could buy and sell the world, but all of the money in the world couldn't heal his broken heart. And yet, he never ran away. He never turned his back on his path in life. He was who he was, personal tragedies and all.

Swinging his legs around under the piano, Maria watched as Vilhelm bent his head down to whisper something to Brigitta. The room grew even quieter as all of the children and the adults watched in disbelief as Vilhelm von Helstin did something they all thought wasn't possible. He reached out and comforted another human being. Not for money, not for fame, there was no business merger to gain from his actions. He simply did it because he needed the comfort just as much as Brigitta did.

"You know I taught my late wife how to play while she was pregnant with Lynn's father." Vilhelm confessed to Brigitta as he too began caressing the ivory keys. "My son," he finished his thought with a faraway voice in reference to Bill. Shaking himself out of his memories, Vilhelm continued, "Then she taught our son to play when he was only two years old. Although," Vilhelm stopped here and laughed a little to himself, "my wife used to say she didn't have to teach the boy anything. He simply sat at the piano one day and started to play. She said he must have been eavesdropping in on our lessons while he was still in her belly."

Brigitta gazed up at the mystical man sitting next to her. Maria knew the girl fairly well and was sure that in her mind Brigitta was trying to make sense of him. "Lynn was teaching me how to play."

"Ah, well then child," Vilhelm said while running an unsteady hand down the back of Brigittas' head, "you have an excellent teacher. My granddaughter is my son all over again. Even down to her gentle nature." Quirking his head a little in Maria's direction, Vilhelm nudged the girl in the shoulder with his arm. "Although, she does have a little of her mother's spirit in her too. And so does Liam. Together they are an indestructible pair."

Maria knew that Vilhelm's comforting words were meant for her as well, however, she still couldn't settle her mind. It was a horrible feeling to know that your children were in need of your help and there was no way to get to them. It was the same feeling she had felt as she had watched Bill's illness suck the life from him. Useless. That's how she felt. Useless and trapped.

Trying to occupy her mind with something other than the thoughts of what may be happening to her children at the moment. Maria called Liesl over to her.

"Liesl, darling, with all of the commotion I never had a chance to ask you how your date was last night."

Liesl, who had been lost in thought sitting on the settee near the back window, looked at Maria with surprised eyes. Liesl looked around the room as if she was looking for guidance from the rest of the occupants as to how to proceed from Maria's statement.

Maria reassured Liesl that she wouldn't be committing a moral sin by speaking about her evening by patting the empty seat of the sofa next to her.

"Please, Liesl," Maria openly begged, "I would like to hear about it." When the girl still didn't move from her spot, Maria rephrased, "I need to hear about it."

With that Liesl came over and took the seat next to Maria. She spun her tale of the previous night's events, although, undoubtedly with way less enthusiasm than she would have had circumstances been different. Listening intently to Liesl's speech, Maria was finally able to let her mind relax a little. The past few hours had been hell for her and she hadn't realized that she was so tense that she had been clenching her jaw. That is until she relaxed a little and felt the pain from the back of her jaw to her ears. Nor had she realized that her hands had been clenched in fists, her nails haven bitten into her palms.

As Liesl continued to speak, Maria felt the bile come into the back of her throat as her internal rage boiled over. She knew in that moment that if she ever saw Franz again she would kill him. She would hurt him and anyone else involved in taking the children and hurting Friedrich. It was the same rage she had felt that night as her father had held her at gunpoint. She hadn't felt its low growl since the last bullet had been fired on that fateful night, but now sitting here in a room surrounded by people that she loved, she felt it rear its ugly head again. She clenched her hands into fists again, trying to still them and stop them from striking out against the world as the blood in her veins boiled into an inferno.

The sudden change in her internal temperature sent Maria's head spinning followed by a strong sense of nausea. Covering her mouth, she muttered an apology to Liesl and ran from the room before she lost her stomach contents onto the floor.

She ran through the foyer, bounding up the stairs two at a time. Barely reaching the governess' room that she called her own when she stayed at the villa. After she was done emptying what was left of the breakfast she had had that morning she rested her forehead against the cold porcelain of the toilet. How could this be happening to her, she kept asking herself over and over again? If God wanted to punish her for her sins, then so be it. But why was he punishing her children? They had done nothing wrong.

"Because they came from you, you Bitch!" Her father's biting words filled her mind. "Nothing you could create can be any good!"

"Burn in hell, you bastard." Maria replied to her dead fathers' ghost. Startling herself with the venom she heard come from her own voice.

Hearing the faucet turn on, Maria turned her head to see that Aunt Addy had come and joined her in the bathroom. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn't even heard her come in. Concentrating on her task of wetting a washcloth, Aunt Adelaide shook her head and wrung the water out of the cloth.

"What is it that he's telling you now?" The old woman asked as she came to Maria helping her stand. Taking her by the hand she led her out to the bedroom guiding her to sit on the edge of the bed. When Maria was settled she placed the cloth on her forehead, and then took Maria's hand replacing her own to hold the cloth into place. Settling down next to her on the bed, her Aunt dipped her head in front of Maria's nudging her to answer her earlier question.

When Maria still didn't answer her, Aunt Adelaide shrugged her shoulders before a knowing smile stretched her lips.

"Doesn't matter, I suppose." Her Aunt spoke, "It's just good to finally see you stand up to your father."

Maria's eyes blinked in surprise. It was true that since her father's death she had had numerous running dialogues with the man in her head. But she had never told anyone about them. Not even Bill. No one ever wanted to admit to another living soul that they were crazy. Maria included. That she talked to ghosts was her own little secret. Yet, here her Aunt was admitting that she knew about it the entire time. Maybe Maria hadn't hid it as well as she thought she had.

"I hate him." Maria muttered more to herself than her Aunt.

Patting Maria's leg her Aunt Adelaide sighed, "As well you should I suppose." The old woman agreed, looking off into the distance. "But you need to forgive him."

"Forgive him!" Maria spat out in shock. How could she ask her to forgive a man that shattered her life? Had the old woman gone insane? Aunt Adelaide knew all too well what her father had done to her. It would be the same as asking the Mother Mary to forgive Pontius Pilot.

"Yes Maria," her Aunt continued undaunted by Maria's outrageous cry, "For only after you can find forgiveness for him will you find it for yourself. All these years I have watched you run away from your life. From yourself. When you were a child you had this spirit inside of you. This light. But you have extinguished it. You tamper it down within yourself and smother it. And I fear that if you let it go on any longer it will never come back."

"Is that why you came here yesterday and spoke to the Captain?" Maria asked.

Looking Maria in the eye her Aunt nodded to her. "Yes it is. Since this summer began I have seen traces of your spirit rise inside you. The Maria that you are afraid to be. The one that used to love life and found wonder in all that lived around you. The one that never gave up, that would fight a good fight even if it meant she lost a little of herself in the end."

Her words ignited Maria's ire. She had done what she had done to give her children a better life, not just to run away from her ghosts as her Aunt assumed.

"I came here with the children to give them a better life." She defended herself.

"And you did Maria. You did. You're a wonderful and devoted mother. But sometimes I wonder if you put so much of yourself into the children so that you can forget who you are."

Even though she tried, Maria couldn't help but think of the past eight years. After Bill's death she had shut herself down. Having lost her parents in such a violent way, having lost what was left of her childhood going straight to adulthood Maria had thought she was ready for anything when she had married Bill. For those brief years when they were married Maria had been the happiest she had ever been in her life. And yet, she knew she had held herself back during those years, preparing her heart for the inevitable end. Hoping that when it came that the pain wouldn't be as bad, but in the end it was.

There was no protection against that. Nothing. So she had moved here to Austria, hoping that by putting an ocean between herself and the memories the pain would subside. She had been wrong. That's when she had built the walls and the only ones who had been allowed within their boundaries had been her children and Aunt Adelaide. Of course as the years went by, each of the von Trapp children had chiseled their way in with their sweet smiles and wonderful hearts. Now their father was pounding on the door and she was adding another barrier of protection against him.

Even knowing all of this about herself, Maria couldn't forget what had made her heart turn into steel. She wasn't supposed to be here. She had survived while all the others had died that night. What was it that her father had said after she had raised her hurt body off of the floor after the bullet had cut through her neck? "You can't even die right."

Normally when she heard her father's words her soul cowered in fear. Today, however, she felt that rage seep into her heart again; the same fire that had ignited her on that night flowed through her veins.

Dammit, she wasn't a victim. Nor was she going to let her children be either.

Meeting her Aunts eyes for the first time, Maria watched as an enormous smile spread across her Aunt's face.

"There she is." She said as she continued to look into Maria's eyes, "There's my girl. Now are you going to keep sitting here feeling sorry for yourself or are you going to get up off of your ass and go and find your children?"

For a moment Maria felt like she could conquer the world. She could scale tall buildings and leap across oceans. Until she remembered that her children were missing and she had no clue how to find them. Then the tears in her soul quenched out the fire, leaving her with that helpless feeling once more.

"But there's nothing I can do." Maria whispered.

Taking Maria by the chin, Aunt Adelaide lifted her head up, "Ahhh, Maria, you have it wrong. I think that if you put your mind to it, there's nothing that you can't do. You used to believe that in yourself. That's the part of yourself that you allowed your father to kill that night. And that's the part that you need to forgive him for in order to find yourself again."