There had been no sighting of Clay, since I had come back to Charming. Juice, Chibs, Bobby and Tigg had all moved in with Jax and I. It was a little too crowded, but Jax didn't want to take any chances. The morning of Pineys funeral dawned grey, with a slight chill to the air. I stared at myself in the bedroom mirror, adding one last swipe of blush to a pale cheek. My eyes had black smudges under them, and no amount of concealer was going to hide the fact that I hadn't slept. My hollow cheeks and pale skin gave away that I couldn't eat either. My black dress, that once fitted all my curves, now hung loose like a sack on me.
"Whats the point" I muttered throwing the blush brush down.
Jax came up behind me. "you look beautiful" he commented, running his hands down my arms. I knew he was worried about me, but he chose not to say anything. I watched him in the mirror. His look was guarded, and he wore the same matching dark colours under his eyes. "You ready to go?" he picked up my jacket and held it up so I could slip my arms into it. Turning me he touched my chin, raising my face so I looked at him. "I love you" he said before gently placing a kiss on my lips.
The ceremony went by without drama. I sat between Jax and Gemma. Across from me sat my mother. I was surprised she had come, and that she was crying. After the service came over towards me.
"Hello Charlotte" she greeted.
"Mother" I put my sunglasses on and drew my shoulders back. "How are the kids?" I asked.
"They are good" she replied. We made small talked for a few more minutes before she excused her self and moved to talk to someone else she knew. I felt exhausted, and just wanted to get away from everyone. Jax was over talking to Tigg, so I sat back down and waited for him. Gemma had moved away and I was finally alone. I stared at the grave that had just engulfed my father and chewed on my thumb nail. My eyes flicked back on Jax. He was still busy with Tigg, Bobby and Juice were chatting with other Sons, and Chibbs had gone back to his bike. Quietly I stood and slipped away before anyone could see. Wrapping my arms around me I walked amoung the gravestones enjoying the peacefulness that surrounded me.
I realised that I had walked around in a circle when I saw Jax walking towards me looking concerned.
"Char, where were you?" He asked placing his hands on my shoulders.
"I just went for a walk" came my reply as I snuggled my face into the skin that showed where his shirt opened at the neck. My arms held him close, as I enhaled his scent. My Jax. The one true rock that I had in my life. He was my lifeline, my drug. It scared me how feircly I loved him, craved him and it terrified me to think of losing him. I squeezed my eyes shut to rid the thought out of my mind as my mouth uttered a cry. Jax cupped my face in his hands, drawing it up so I could look at him. Concern showed in his eyes.
"Your trembling" he said, "are you cold?"
I shook my head, biting my lip. Jax thumb moved over my cheek to brush against my lip, pulling it free.
"Talk to me Charlotte" he whispered. "let me in" his lips touched mine so gently it felt like a winds whisper.
Chibbs came up behind Jax . "We gotta go Jackie Boy" he said quietly,. "Sorry Char"
"We're coming" Jax replied not taking his eyes off me. "You ready to go?" he asked. I nodded and walked with him, linking hands.
I wandered between all the people who had come to tour house, to celebrate Pineys life. I ignored their looks of pity, the words of sympathy. I hated the looks of sadness towards me. Poor little Charlotte, with no daddy, and a momma who would rather not include her in life. Poor little Charlotte, no one is left. I caught one of the sons from another charter looking at me as I walked past.
"What?" I demanded shoving him. "What are you looking at?"
"Hey chill" he growled catching his footing. "I wasn't looking at you"
His old lady spoke quietly to him, moving him away.
"Hey, what did you say?" I demanded grabbing her arm and spinning her towards me. "What did you say to him about me?"
People stopped talking and turned to watch. I couldn't handle all the eyes on me.
"Get out" I screamed at them. "Get out of my house" I grabbed a vase and threw it, it narrowly missed Gemma and smashed on the wall behind her. "Get out" I dug my flingers into my hair on my head, pulling at my hair and fell to my knees. A loud ringing burned through my ears and I felt like someone was choking me. I couldn't breathe, as hot tears scourched my face. My chest hurt. God how it hurt. It was like nothing I had every felt before. I tried to stand, but firm arms held me down. Lifting my face, I could see Jax, kneeling, his mouth moving. My chest tightened, pain shot through it. I couldn't get my breath. My head hit the ground before everything went black.