Hi guys. Sorry for the slow update. In short, my bad day turned into a bad week which turned into a breakdown, and I have not been in a good enough place to be writing or updating. So thank you all for your patience, and bear with me as I get back on my feet. I can't guarantee weekly updates for a while, because I'm falling behind in everything and need to focus my attention on some other things, but I'm doing my best.
Shoutouts to ObsessiveCompulsve, spobyisperf, and Michelle27, but as always thank you to each and every person who took the time to review. And a special thank you to everyone who asked if I was okay/offered to help; you guys are so sweet and I really appreciate it.
So here's the next chapter. I'll try to do some writing this week and update as soon as I can. For now, enjoy the chapter, review, maybe check out some of my other stories. See you all next time!
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Despite his bold declarations and firm promises, it slowly dawns on Toby that he has no idea how to clear Spencer's name. He's not a detective, he's not even a very good student, so how is he meant to come up with a plan to prove that Jenna, queen of evil schemes and snarky comments, is guilty of stealing Mona's project? For the next two days he discusses it at great length with both Caleb and Emily, who are as lost as he is. They throw around some ideas, ranging from kidnapping Jenna and forcing her to tell the truth to hiring a private investigator to tail her.
Hope slowly starts to fade, and although he doesn't say it, Toby begins to think it's useless. He tries talking to Jenna a couple of times, hoping that if he drops a few hints she might just come clean, but that works about as well as waving a piece of paper in front of a blind person. She just glazes right over it and admits nothing. Caleb takes to following her for a while, watching from afar as she opens her locker in case she's kept the evidence in there. Emily even sneaks into the Cavanaugh house one afternoon after school, while Toby distracts Jenna, and searches her room. She doesn't find anything, but that doesn't dissuade them from the idea that it was Jenna behind it.
Nobody even mentions the possibility that it might be Spencer. They just rally around to defend her honor, and Toby can tell she appreciates it more than she can say. But she doesn't need to say it; they already know.
On Friday afternoon after school, Toby finds himself sitting alone in the cafeteria. Emily has just departed for swim practice – after grumbling slightly about the fact that Paige is still in the running for team captain – and Caleb has gone to Philadelphia to meet his (until recently estranged) father, leaving Toby by himself. To his annoyance, the last two people to depart from the cafeteria are none other than Jenna and her new BFF, Mona. Noel isn't with them, and the two girls are talking quietly, leaning toward each other, conspiratorial. The sight makes him sick.
They talk for so long that Toby considers getting up and leaving, but finally Jenna and Mona stand up, shoot him a pointed look, and then leave. In the silence that follows, Toby's mind conjures up all sorts of things they could have been talking about, none of them pleasant. The timing is strange, he realizes. The second Mona heard the accusation about Spencer, she jumped ship and fell straight into Jenna's group. Was there a chance Mona had been in on it? Had she faked stealing her own project in an attempt to get on Jenna's good side and get Spencer in trouble?
Toby isn't particularly good at reading people, one of the hazards of not having been around them much (at first preferentially, then unavoidably). He'd thought Mona was a nice enough person, if a little prone to gossip and vanity. She's intelligent, she's been welcoming to Spencer, and she even tutors some of her classmates in her spare time. Could he really have been so wrong about her? Has it all been an act? Or is it just that she feels betrayed, thinking that Spencer really did steal it? He's almost decided to catch up to her and try to talk, but then movement to his left drags his attention away.
"Hey," Spencer says, sinking onto the seat beside him with a weary smile.
He smiles back, sympathetic, knowing how hard this week has been for her – and wishing there was something more he could do. Here he is with an opportunity to help someone he cares about, and he can't even do a thing about it. He opens his mouth to apologize, but before he can Spencer starts talking.
"Do you want to come over to my house tomorrow and study for this English test with me?" she asks, seeming to catch them both by surprise.
He blinks, startled. "Sure," he says, realizing just how far she's come. She's gone from not wanting to initiate conversations at all to actually inviting him over to her house. Admittedly it's still on a school-related visit, since school is her safety net, well within her comfort zone; but it's still progress.
"Great." Her smile widens. "I was thinking we could make some flashcards and quiz each other, and – what?"
Toby chuckles quietly at the confusion crossing her face. "Did you know that your eyes light up when you get excited?"
Spencer blushes and ducks her head, but she looks pleased. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, glancing up at him, and then decides to shrug it off and go back to safer waters. "The teacher gave me some extra study materials, including this activity book which I think you might like, and…"
For the next half hour they talk about school – assignments, teachers, exams. Spencer seems to be getting more agitated as time goes on, like she's having trouble focusing, and finally Toby rests a hand on her knee and asks if she's okay.
She doesn't answer right away, but she does fall silent. Leaning back, Spencer lets out a small sigh, and Toby waits patiently for her to respond. She does eventually, her voice quiet and her words hesitant. "I just wonder if it's worth it," she says. "What you and Emily and Caleb are doing – are trying to do."
"Prove that it was Jenna who stole Mona's project?"
She nods. "I just don't want you guys to get into trouble because of me. You're going to a lot of effort, and who's to say it's even going to work -"
"We're going to a lot of effort because you're our friend," Toby interrupts gently. "We'd do the same for anyone else in our group – well, except Mona now."
This causes Spencer to laugh; only for a second, and there's sadness behind it, but that's something. "I should just confess," she mutters miserably. "That would put an end to all this."
"You know that wouldn't solve the problem," Toby reminds her. "Do you really think Jenna would stop at getting you suspended?"
Spencer falls silent again, deep in thought, and Toby stays still so as not to disturb her. Finally she looks at him sideways and says, almost disbelievingly, "You never asked me. Whether I did it or not."
Toby flashes back to one of the first conversations he'd had with Spencer, when she'd found him at his most vulnerable and somehow managed to cheer him up. With half a smile he echoes the words she'd said then. "I never had to."
Her smile is enough to let him know that she understands the reference.
After a while, when it becomes clear she's not going to speak, Toby says, "If you wanted, I could take the blame for it. I could say I took the project; given my track record it shouldn't be too hard for people to believe."
Spencer whirls around to face him, her eyes wide with alarm. She surveys his face, trying to gauge whether or not he's serious. Deciding that he is, she shakes her head. "You can't do that, Toby," she says firmly. "I'm not going to let you take the fall for me."
"Are you sure? You've got a lot more to lose than I do," he says. "My grades are average at best, my attendance is only slightly higher than the hypochondriac in French who's off to the hospital every other week, and -"
"No." She looks into his eyes, her expression sterner than he's ever seen it. "Toby Cavanaugh, don't you dare confess to something you didn't do. Not for me, not for anyone. Do you hear me?"
Although he wants to argue his point, he knows it's no use. He doubts even Mona could stand up to Spencer when she gets this passionate about something, so there's no way he'd be able to talk her into it. With a shrug he drops his argument, and Spencer nods sharply, satisfied.
After a few beats of silence she says, in a voice much more gentle than the one she'd just used, "It was sweet of you to offer, though."
"Anything for you," he says, and he realizes it's true. He can't think of anything he wouldn't do for her, and that thought scares him a little. He's by no means a selfish person, but when did he become so selfless?
Spencer still seems agitated, and she keeps running one hand up and down her arm, almost unconsciously. He follows its track and sees again the worrying scar on her wrist; horizontal, stretching almost from one side of her arm to the other. Since the mood has already been darkened by talk of Jenna and the missing project, he takes a chance. His eyes still on her arm, he asks quietly, "What happened?"
Spencer's hand stills immediately and she glances down, following his gaze. Instinctively she tries to cover up the scar, but Toby takes his hand in hers, a reassuring gesture, and she settles – although he can still feel her pulse fluttering in her wrist. She's silent for so long that he thinks she's not going to answer, but finally she says, "It was an… accident."
Toby raises his eyebrow, and she bites her lip before going on.
"Not long after… everything," she says carefully, "there was this night when it got really bad. I'd been having nightmares for a while, and I hadn't really slept in days. I guess I kind of lost it for a while. I couldn't tell lies from truth, reality from fantasy."
He squeezes her hand, silently urging her to go on, and after a brief pause she does.
"I finally fell asleep, and I must have been sleepwalking – because when I opened my eyes, I was standing on a bridge, a second away from falling off."
This news makes Toby's eyes widen and his heart lurch with sympathy, but he knows better than to interrupt.
"I realized what was happening, but I… I didn't move away. I just kept standing on the bridge, and I think some part of me was hoping that I'd just… fall. That way it wouldn't be my decision. It would just be an accident, you know?"
Toby nods, suddenly very apprehensive about where this story is going.
"I don't know how long I was standing there for," she continues, emotion making her voice tremble. But she forces herself to go on. "Maybe an hour or so. Finally my sister found me. She tried to talk me down I guess – I don't really remember much of it – but apparently I was hysterical. I just wouldn't listen to her, and I wasn't making any sense. By that point she was crying, and I was crying, and it was just awful. She had to actually wrestle me down and force me into the car, she was so worried I was going to jump."
"And the scar?" Toby prompts quietly, feeling both grateful that she trusts him enough to be this open and also horrified at the story she's telling. To think of anyone, let alone someone so wonderful, going through that kind of pain and terror is almost too much to handle.
"There was a fence on the bridge," Spencer explains, her voice shaking a little less, "just a small wire one. I was clinging to it so hard that Melissa had to pull me off, and I managed to slice my wrist on a loose piece of wire. When I got home my parents were frantic, they thought I'd tried to..."
At this her resolve crumbles, and she just shakes her head, too worked up for words. Toby pulls her to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, and she leans into him, breathing heavily. "Thank you for telling me," he says softly.
She smiles against his shoulder. "Thank you for listening."
They stay like that for a long time, silently calming each other down, and finally by unspoken agreement they get to their feet and leave the cafeteria together, feeling like they're leaving some of their burdens behind.
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That was kind of sappy, right? Don't worry, someone will die by the end of the story. And in between now and then is a lot of Spoby, so stick with me. Hope to see you all in the reviews. (And good luck for the finale this week. I'm not sure anyone is really prepared for it; I certainly am not.)