It was the things I couldn't say. I just couldn't get myself to tell her, and that in itself spoke volumes. I, Gregory Veder, had a problem.

I turned to look at my reflection in the shop window, holding my own gaze for a moment before pitifully turning away. I'd deal with that one later.

"Yeah, but is she hot though?" Tyrone asked as we swaggered through the Boston main street like we owned the place.

"Are you into freckly, six out of ten nerds?"

"Are we talking a hard six?"

I made a fifty fifty gesture, "maybe a six and a half, I totally would. You should see her sister though, literally a ten. Maybe more… imagine."

"I know," Tyrone said. "I follow her Twitter, plus I've seen that cape upskirt collection site. Those bike shorts, bro."

"Yeah, boi!" I had always known Tyrone was secretly a man of integrity and culture, like myself. "You should see her up close, she's got this power that makes her seem even hotter. Kind of a shame it'll eventually stop working on me."

"What about Narwhal? I wouldn't even care if she left the horn on."

"The amazon look isn't really my thing-"

"Ha, gay!"

I scoffed, "the height difference would be super awkward, she's like, eight feet tall."

"Perfect height," Tyrone mimed grabbing boobs at eye level and rubbing his face in them. "You're just too gay to understand."

"At least I'm not a furry, is that why you're into Narwhal, she'll dress up as an animal for you?"

"Hell yeah I'm furry for Narwhal!"

I shook my head disbelievingly as we stepped into the bookshop, it was kinda admirable to go for Narwhal instead of a more conventional, and better, choice, like Mouse Protector who was a normal height and had no horn.

"So what kind of book are you getting her?"

"Some kind of self help book," I replied as we meandered through the shelves. "With a card that says something like, 'dear niggertron: unfuck yourself love: greg'. You probably wouldn't think so, but she's kind of a grouchy bitch. So hopefully this'll help her lighten up some."

God, I loved that grouchy bitch. Plus I kind of owed her an enormous amount of favours, so this would go a little of the way into chipping away at that mountain.

"Yeah, I can see it," Tyrone flipped idly through some vegan cookbook. "Slaving away in the hospital all day."

"To be honest, she doesn't work that hard," I said, running my finger along the spines to see what triggered as a skillbook. I probably wasn't going to buy any for myself, but it might be useful to know what I could do if I wanted. Sure, in a perfect world I'd have had the Protectorate buy me hundreds of skillbooks so that I could be even better at everything than I already was, but then I'd have to deal with leveling hundreds of skills. Still, definitely one day.

New Quest 'Perfection'!

Learn every single skill and ability in the game!

Success: ?

Tyrone shrugged and swapped his vegan book for a Keto diet one.

My fingers lingered over How to Win Friends and Influence People, bringing up a memory of Colin giving me his treasured copy that I'd never read. I guess it was pretty obvious from the outside.

I started getting a weird feeling like I should probably buy one of these books for myself too. It was a cutting revelation, on par with that time I learned what I'd been feeling all along was shame, that I was cracked. I couldn't say that to Jess, I'd wanted to, and she would have done her absolute best to help me, but I just couldn't; not even for the quest xp. I didn't want to admit it. It was why decking Colin was going to be cathartic, this was partly his fault.

+1 WIS!

I let Acting activate, as I literally faked not crying so hard it became reality.

"What do you think?" I asked, holding up Awaken the Hero Within. "Would this turn you into a powerhouse of a human?"

Tyrone reached over and grabbled it out of my hand, scanning the blurb. "Sure, should I buy a copy for myself? These books work, right? They wouldn't sell them otherwise."

That logic definitely checked out.

"Why not?" I snagged the book back and spun it on my fingertip, corner first. "It's not like you have anything to spend your pay-cheque on besides Magic cards."

"You don't understand because you kicked the habit, Tyrone needs his booster packs."

"Maybe you can tape a bunch of them to your feet so you can be tall enough for Narwhal."

Tyrone chuckled and started picking over the self help shelves, pulling out books at random and flipping through them. If I was being honest, he probably didn't need them.

I stopped spinning the book, suddenly overcome with an urge to pretend to put it back on the shelf but instead Inventory it. Did I just not want to be seen buying it because self help books were low status? It's not like I ever wanted to shoplift before.

I sank into a crouch, pretending to peruse the bottom row to hide the fact that my legs didn't feel like working. Why did it hurt so much? Was this what everyone with an average WIS score felt like all the time? Surely Observe would have told me if almost everyone was like this, because there was no way this was normal.

Jess was more perceptive than I thought, seeing through my acting. Luckily for me I could read what someone was writing just by the movements of the pen alone otherwise I wouldn't have even considered that I could even possibly be depressed. The thought was kinda surreal.

It was also kinda surreal she thought I wanted to marry Mouse Protector because I would never have to follow through with it, rather than just that Victoria was already dating Dean. The memory brought back a decision I'd made back then, that Menma wouldn't start relationship shit-fights, and he also wouldn't wallow in self pity. Well, not that often anyway.

I stood up. I was a problem solver. This weird emotional roller coaster I was going through was just another problem to solve, and the first step in my twelve step plan was punching Armsmaster in his stupid face.

A book caught my gaze, and I put a finger on the spine, reading through the pop-up. Hmm, I wonder what that would do.

Learn Meditation skill y/n