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Chapter 35. Arsehole, jealous and falling

When Callie told me about the baby I admit it, I freaked out. I was an arsehole, jealous of Callie and Albus, and I was terrified at the prospect of becoming a dad and I ran. I regretted instantly, but figured it would only be worse I returned in my state of mind. I was already angry at Natalia for using me for fame and money, I was irrational anyways, never mind adding a pregnant one-night stand into the mix. Then again, Callie was always more than a one-night stand to me, I knew that, but the little monster in me didn't. The little monster hated the world and everyone in it, it was selfish and aggressive and it was the part of me I hated.

My mum assured me everyone had one. A devil that told you to do bad things and say mean words, it was just a case of if I listened to him all the time or only sometimes, mostly when I felt down. I tried to keep the devil at bay, but he slipped out, and on the day Callie told me about the pregnancy he was practically pouring out of me.

Everyone had given me what I deserved when I got back, including Callie. At first she hated me, I knew that, I spent hours building up her trust. I secretly asked for Albus' help and persevered when she knocked me back and insulted me. Then she started to like me again and I'm not embarrassed to say I did happy dances in my dorm room. We talked and laughed and argued constantly but it was a good start.

It wasn't until I started to spend more time with Callie that I realized she had some problems, most concerned around her mum. She compared herself to her mum all the time, she thought she would be a crappy mum just like her… it was the most annoying thing about her, and that was saying something. She didn't realize that she had maternal instincts when it came to her loved ones, like the way she comforted Coco or made sure Albus ate something before lessons started. It was almost like she refused to acknowledge them, so adamant that her DNA would affect her as a mum. Then she admitted she didn't feel good enough and I knew her problems were deep.

I came up with the plan to raise the baby with the help of my family, but I held hope Callie would change her mind. I knew it pained her that she was going to give the baby up for adoption, I could see it in her eyes. She didn't want to, however, she believed she had to. She started to talk about telling her dad and I panicked for hours on end that she wouldn't change her mind, that I would really end up a single dad at eighteen. I was willing to do it, but that didn't mean I wanted to or that I could.

Callie's mum came back and though it caused tension, it was a blessing in disguise. Callie realized she wasn't a deadbeat mum and said she wanted to keep the baby. Sure, it was at four in the morning, but I forgave her because my baby was kicking. The life that I had only seen with a sonogram that looked more like a peanut and by Callie's growing stomach finally made its presence fully known. He was alive and moving. And although our situation wasn't the best, not even close, I was excited. Petrified to the very core and after she left I paced the room for ages nearly ripping my hair out, but excited as well.

I didn't plan to sleep with Callie. When I first saw her at Lily's party it took me a few minutes to realize who she was. I had always seen her the skinny blonde friend of Albus. Over the summer, she had matured, she looked older and hotter. We had drank too much and I was still hurt from Natalia breaking up with me before the summer, so I kissed her and it spiralled from there. A couple of days later when she saw me and ran away, I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt. She was funny and sarcastic and I wanted to know her better, maybe go on a few dates or something, but she acted like I didn't exist. I got angry after that and by the time Natalia came and asked me out again, I said yes, realizing Callie was never going to talk to me again and I missed having a girlfriend. Despite many conceptions of me from other people and the media, I didn't sleep around. Including Callie, I had slept with three women. Natalia, a muggle girl Julianne who I lost my virginity to and then never saw again, and Callie, who I impregnated.

Clearly, I was the master of the whole sleeping-with-girls thing.

Unlike the first time, it was me who broke it off with Natalia when we broke up again. I hadn't felt the same way about Natalia after sleeping with Callie and I was wondering if we were right for each other, then I overhead her in the common room and knew. I was upset, not angry or surprised, being used for my dad's name was common in my life, why should I have expected different from Natalia? I sat her down and told her I wanted to break up and she took it well, we both agreed that our relationship was over, or at least I thought we had. Natalia had obviously lied considering what she had done and said to Callie. I wanted to talk to Natalia about everything but since it had been revealed that I was the dad to Callie's baby, Natalia had skilfully avoided me, running in the opposite direction when she saw me coming and making sure in lessons she sat as far away from me as possible.

Natalia started to fade away in my mind after a while and the only time I thought about her was when Callie brought her up. I was so focused on Callie and the baby I didn't think about much else… except Quidditch of course. Callie was starting to like me—took long enough—and we were becoming friends, Natalia wasn't on my radar. And the more I hung out with Callie the more I realized how funny and weird and caring she was. Our dysfunctional relationship was finally going well and she saw me as a friends (seriously, she admitted it and everything). Then something stupid happened.

I wanted to punch myself for letting myself almost kiss her. Things were going really well and now they were all shot to hell. Callie was never going to be the same around me again. Plus, I had the added pressure of my little sister dating a Slytherin. Why the fuck Lily was dating Blaise Zabini was beyond me. She was far too good for him. He was slimy and sneaky and I didn't like it… and no one was allowed to touch my sister. There was just different rules when my sister applied. She should only get the best, which means full background checks and personal statements from the guy before I let them even hold hands. I had felt a surge of protectiveness over her and shouted, the monster taking over again, and she didn't help by saying she loved him and accusing me of being a shitty brother… which, admittedly, I may have been for those ten minutes.

Callie had been the one to talk me round. Though possessing the ability to piss me off like no one else could, she could also talk the most sense into me. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind and call me out on my shit and I appreciated that. No one else was like that, family and friends would defend me because they cared for me, while other pretended I was always in the right because my dad was Harry Potter. I hated that, and I loved that Callie didn't care if was the son of Harry Potter or a dolphin, she would still treat me the same. Leaning into kiss her hadn't been thought about. Her face had just been so close and she wasn't protesting… I was an idiot, in other words.

I watched as Callie walked out with Coco, not glancing back. It hurt as much as my sister rebuffing my hug had. I took a seat on the couch with my friends and ran a hand through my hair. I needed to talk to her before she became awkward and tense like she always did. I awaited her return but twenty minutes later she still hadn't come back. Thirty minutes passed and I was about to go looking for her when Coco burst into the common room, tears running down her cheeks.

I don't know whether it was because she looked so like Callie or that she reminded me of Bambi, but I had a soft spot for Callie's twin. She was sweet and gentle, things Callie wasn't and I marvelled how two people that looked so alike could be so different. I sprang into action and grabbed her shoulders.

"Coco, what's wrong?" I asked and realized Callie wasn't with her.

My heart plummeted.

"Callie's fell down the stairs. She knocked herself out and now she's unconscious in the hospital wing. I came to get you," she whispered through tears.

Panic surged inside me and I ran off for the hospital wing. Was Callie okay? Was the baby? I didn't know what I would do if they were hurt, if Callie had lost the baby…

I felt sick at the thought.

Ironic, really.

I didn't stop running until I got to the hospital wing and didn't wait for Madam Pomfrey to explain what happened. I saw Callie on the closest bed to the right and rushed to her side. Instinctively, I grabbed her limp hand.

"Is the baby okay?" I asked as Madam Pomfrey appeared on the opposite side of Callie's bed. "Is Callie okay?"

"They're both fine, Mr. Potter," she assured me. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "I've made sure she hasn't caused any damage to her skull and brain and now she just needs to rest. She'll wake soon."

"Thank you."

She nodded and walked away. I stroked the back of Callie's soft hand with my thumb, my body tingling. The terror that had been coursing through me was fading now I know they were both fine. I didn't care about the hard and shitty times ahead as long as they were both alright.

I froze and ripped my hand from hers. Fucking hell, what was I talking about?

Callie was a friend. The almost kiss had been a fluke. A FLUKE! I didn't have extra feelings, they weren't there, it was okay, we were the same people and I wasn't in love with Callie.

Fuck!

I couldn't love her! No, no, no, no, no. This would ruin everything. I wasn't allowed to fall for her.

But I had.

Bugger.

Thoughts?

Sorry for the late update but my parents surprised me with a holiday and I had no access to the internet. Thanks for being patient!

Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favourites!

-Laylax