A/N here you go, sorry it's two days late but tough, I've had a chaotic week and it's a long chapter. Enjoy and wherever you are in the world MERRY CHRISTMAS! Love you all and thank you!

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Will It Ever End?

Chapter 38: My Love, It Burns

"Blue now is the colour, Love the drug I'm needing, Got to keep this feeling.

With the headlights burning, We're looking up for something,

Answers on the ceiling.

Watching out the windows, Watch the way thing blows, Soon it will be morning.

Still the west wind lingers, Twisted round our fingers,

Could you be my calling?"

- The Slow Drug, PJ Harvey

"Why won't you read the letter?" Marlene was staring at him with her arms folded and a frown on her face. "It might make you feel better, you know."

Sirius plastered on his best fake smile and laughed in her face. "I'm fine Marlene, or I would be if you'd just get off my back about the damn thing!" Under the surface he could feel the anger he always felt when confronted with his old life simmering. If Marlene pushed him any further than she already was, he didn't know if he could keep a lid on it. But she should know that.

"It doesn't look like you're fine," Marlene muttered looking as irritated as he felt as she eyed the letter held crumpled in his tight fist. "Just, talk to James first -"

"No point, he'd tell you exactly what I'm telling you!" Sirius cut over her and made to continue his journey down to the common room. "Now if you don't mind," he gestured for her to move aside.

Marlene gritted her teeth and didn't budge.

"Marlene," Sirius growled, irritation at her bubbling up. "Move."

"Just, please talk to James, or Remus," she was trying to make him feel guilty by begging, but Sirius wasn't having any of it. He shouldered past her roughly and carried on to the common room and the fire.

"I think you'll regret this," Marlene was following him, persisting with the pointless tirade. "Don't burn it, Sirius - you don't know what it could -"

"I don't need to know, McKinnon," Sirius rounded on her so suddenly she had to jerk to a halt to prevent crashing into him. "I don't want to know. She can't continue to dictate my life, I won't let her." He supposed it was a good thing it was so early; only the other seventh years were sitting by the fire, witnessing this argument. Right now he wanted to shake his girlfriend, she was being so stupid. Had she forgotten what a mess he'd been after he'd been disowned? How could she even want to see him go through that again.

"I'm not saying you should let her dictate anything!" Marlene scoffed. "I'm saying that maybe if you read the bloody thing you'd be able to let go!"

Astonishment mixed with indignation made Sirius's falter slightly in his argument. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Marlene sighed. "You haven't been able to let go of your family, Sirius. I know it, you know it, James knows it -"

"Keep me out of this!" James cut in hastily. "It's Padfoot's choice," he added in a quieter voice when Remus and Peter both kicked him from each side.

"See," Sirius turned in Marlene again. "And for fuck's sake Marlene, don't tell me what I'm feeling."

"Hey, Black, don't talk to her like that -"

Sirius rounded just as Remus covered Dorcas's mouth with his hand then quickly withdrew. "Sirius..."

Sirius looked at his friends and in that moment saw nothing but difficulties. They all wanted to pull him in different directions and not one in the same way. Marlene wanted him to read the fucking letter from his mother, James wanted him to make his own decisions, Remus didn't want him to take his fury and anger out on Dorcas and Peter...Peter just sat there.

"I need space," Sirius muttered, turning away from all of them. "I need... I need..." He stumbled towards the portrait hole without seeing the expressions of people around him. It felt like he was underwater and there was a rushing noise in his ears. He needed a smoke, he needed an adult to calm him down, tell him it was alright. He needed family. Sirius left his friends standing in the common room, all staring after him and not seeming to notice that he still had Walburga's letter clutched in his hand.

Sirius had turned up for lessons but he wasn't in the best of moods. Marlene wasn't speaking to him and he was barely even looking at her, seeming to prefer glaring at the desk top in front of him, or the chalkboard behind the teacher.

"I really don't think we should have a party tonight," Lily muttered to James as they pretended to practice the Repelling charm. "He doesn't look in the right sort of mood to get drunk."

James snuck a glance across the room at his best friend and shook his head, "no, but it would be worse if we cancelled it."

Lily raised her eyebrows, "worse?" She asked warily. "How much worse could it get?"

James fixed her with a solemn gaze, "much worse."

Frowning, Lily tried to understand. "All because of a letter?" She wondered out loud.

"You don't understand," James said, echoing her thought process. "Sirius's family tortured him emotionally as well as physically. He thought he'd never have to deal with them ever again since they disowned him. This letter is his mother continuing that torture."

Lily was silent for a moment, then she said quietly. "She sounds like a horrible woman."

James's face was grave and more furious than she thought she'd ever seen it. "She's evil," he said, but he said it in such a soft voice it was menacing. "Pure evil."

Lily swallowed. "Maybe we should've made him burn the letter," she said worriedly.

"No use," James replied with a shrug, his face and tone back to normal. "You know Sirius is ten times more stubborn than a Grindylow. Whatever he decides to do with it will have to be his own choice." He paused then added in a low voice that to Lily sounded slightly pissed off, "I don't know who Marlene was trying to kid this morning, she should know better."

Lily frowned reproachfully. "She was trying to help -"

"Yeah?" James raised one eyebrow and gestured to the other side of the room where Marlene was sitting with Dorcas and Alice, glaring in Sirius's direction and to Sirius who was a few desks away with Remus and Peter, refusing to even look at her. "That turned out great for both of them didn't it?"

Lily sighed and rubbed her temples with her fingertips, trying to get rid of the growing headache she'd been getting after hanging around with them all day. The ridiculous amount of drama that seemed to hang over their little group was absurd sometimes, she thought to herself. If only they could be normal for a change.

But they weren't normal; they were wizards, training to fight the dark arts almost as soon as they left school. A normal teenage life wasn't possible anymore.

"Why can't you just go over there and say something to him," Dorcas was getting exasperated. "He's a twat, yes I know, but he's your boyfriend...and it's his birthday."

Marlene was staring at Sirius across the room with a bottle of butterbeer clutched tightly to her chest and a glassy look in her eyes. "Since when did you take his side?" She muttered, sipping a bit of the drink and grimacing.

"Since when do you just drink butterbeer at a party?" Dorcas shot back, eyeing the bottle suspiciously. "Has that got something extra in it?"

Marlene shrugged. "Benjy gave it to me," she said by way of answer.

Dorcas frowned, "Benjy Fenwick?" She glanced around the room looking for the Ravenclaw and spotted him talking to Remus. He caught her staring at him and waved cheerfully. Dorcas pretended to grin back then let her face fall into a deadpan expression. He looked taken aback slightly but then Remus spotted her and laughed which seemed to relax Benjy enough for him to return to the conversation. Dorcas turned back to Marlene and shook her head, "you know Marls, I thought you were smarter than that."

Marlene rolled her eyes, "it's just Benjy," she said in an offhand way.

Dorcas rolled her eyes right back at her best friend and grabbed the bottle off her. "Yes and he's had the most obvious crush on you for years. It would be as bad as Snape if it weren't for the fact the only interaction you've ever had with the boy was when you sat next to him in Charms in fourth year -" she broke off to suck in a deep breath before blurting, "and I really think you should go and talk to Black before either of you do anything you'll regret later."

Marlene blinked and her forehead creased in a frown. "What do you mean?"

Dorcas sighed. Why did she find herself in these situations? This was what happened when she remained sober for longer than the rest of her friends; she had to babysit when she just wanted to go and have some fun. "What I mean is that, right now, Black is over there looking far too cosy with that bitch Glover for anyone's comfort." She pointed with narrowed eyes over at the corner of the room where she could make out Sirius sitting on one of the benches with Cecilia Glover practically smothering him.

Marlene glared but made no move to walk over there, she just grabbed the bottle back and took a large gulp.

Dorcas felt her jaw hit the ground as the penny dropped in her head. "You've been watching them for ages haven't you?" She said quietly but her voice was drowned in the noise from the magical megaphone that was currently playing music from some muggle band called the bugs...or something. She knew Marlene had heard her though, she could tell by the look in her friend's eyes. "For fuck's sake Marlene," Dorcas snapped. "He's your sodding boyfriend! If you won't go over there and stop him making the stupidest mistake of his life because of some fucking argument you had, then who will?"

Marlene looked her right in the eye and Dorcas knew then with a sense of foreboding that Marlene was much more drunk than she'd originally guessed. "No one," she said and there was no emotion in her voice that Dorcas could hear. "I'm going to go find someone to dance with."

"Marlene wait -" Dorcas reached out her hand to grab Marlene's arm but felt the air whoosh past her as Marlene waltzed away towards the dancers. Dorcas sighed and slammed her head back against the wall before casting another glance towards Sirius who was now pouring himself another shot of whatever it was he was drinking, while Glover whispered something in his ear. Letting out a curse, Dorcas pushed away from the wall and started towards him.

She'd just reached the drinks table when a hand reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her to the side of the room. Dorcas's hand reached instinctively for her wand but a calm voice made her freeze in her tracks. "Don't do that, I just want to talk!"

Dorcas glared and yanked her arm from Regulus Black's grip. "What the fuck do you want?" Dorcas snapped, glancing around her to make sure nobody was looking in their direction. "I'll have bruises on that arm for a week now."

"Sorry," Regulus put up both of his hands in surrender - or to show that he was unarmed, Dorcas wasn't sure. "I just wanted to ask... Did my brother get a letter from our mother this morning?"

Dorcas narrowed her eyes. "Why should I know?" She retorted. She had no idea what caused Sirius to react the way he did about his family but she wasn't stupid. It had to be something bad to trigger him off like this.

Regulus shrugged, "I was just wondering if you knew. My mother was pretty upset when he left and she'd like it if he took the time to read what she says." He paused, "I'd like it too."

Dorcas heisted before shrugging. "I can let him know that if you'd like, but right now -"

"He did get it then," Regulus smiled triumphantly. "I thought as much, I mean, look at him!" He threw a pointed look over his shoulder then turned back to her.

"I never said that," Dorcas snapped. His attitude was getting on her nerves. "And I've got stuff to do so if you don't mind..." She made to move past him but he flung out an arm to stop her. However, before he could even so much as lay a finger on her, his hand was stopped as another one clamped down on his wrist.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Dorcas looked up and saw that Remus had materialised out of nowhere, but he didn't look much like Remus in that moment. His eyes were dark as he glared down at Regulus and there was a slightly animalistic way that he spoke - almost like a growl. It sent shivers down Dorcas's spine because, in that moment, he appeared every bit as dangerous as he always claimed he was.

Regulus stared back at Remus with the cool demeanour that seemed to come naturally to a Black. "I was just having a chat, Lupin. No need to upset yourself."

Remus glanced sideways at Dorcas, not letting his grip on the Slytherin loosen. "You alright?"

"Yes," Dorcas muttered, trying not to let his protectiveness annoy her. "But we need to go now."

Remus nodded then looked back at Regulus. "I'd leave now if I were you, Sirius might not care that you here because he's drunk out of his mind but James will." He left the threat hanging in the air.

"Is that supposed to intimidate me?" Regulus sneered. "Because it's not working."

Dorcas blinked. The abrupt change in Regulus was incredible. He never spoke like that whenever they crossed paths, which admittedly was rare, but as the younger Black looked at Remus his lip curled, he reminded Dorcas of Sirius when he was confronted with someone he particularly disliked.

Remus shook his head, a small smile curving his lips upwards. "No I'm not trying to intimidate you," he lowered his voice dangerously. "I'm just warning you that James won't take kindly to any of Sirius's old family gatecrashing this party, and neither do I."

Regulus seemed to realise that he was outnumbered. He glanced around and sighed, "tell my brother I was here," he spoke to Dorcas, completely dismissing Remus's presence and causing him to bristle next to her.

"Whatever," Dorcas waved him off, grabbing Remus's hand and tugging him with her into the crowd.

Once they were out of earshot, Dorcas pulled him to a stop. "Why did you do that? I can look after myself, you know.,

Remus smiled slightly sheepishly and didn't release her hand. "I know," he muttered. "I just thought it would be best not to attract attention to him - especially tonight and after the day Sirius's has had."

That reminded Dorcas why she'd come over this way in the first place and she glanced around the room before looking back at Remus. "Somethings really wrong with Marlene; I just told her Glover was slithering all over Black and she basically told me she didn't care. Someone needs to stop Sirius being a dick while I stop Marlene..." She trailed off in horror as she looked over Remus's shoulder. "Oh shit," she muttered. Marlene was in the middle of a group of dancers, being twirled around under the arm of Benjy Fenwick.

Remus seemed to gather the urgency of the situation instantly and squeezed her hand once before letting go. "Alright, I'll deal with Sirius."

Dorcas shot him a grateful look before turning away and retreating back the way she'd come after her out of control best friend.

Remus on the other hand quickened his pace towards Sirius, glancing around the room for any sign of James at the same time. Remus knew that he could only do so much to calm his friend down and make him see sense, it was James who would be able to drag Sirius on a walk to cool off. Unfortunately James didn't appear to be anywhere in the room but that wasn't saying much, the Room of Requirement had surpassed itself this time and was long with a low ceiling and lots of little alcoves with fairy lights and comfy sofas and chairs. James could be anywhere but he was probably with Lily.

Sighing he walked over to Sirius who looked like he was drinking himself into oblivion. "Padfoot."

Sirius looked up and his expression changed into one of barely concealed relief. "Moony!" He called, even though Remus was only standing a foot away. "Are you enjoying my birthday as much as I am?"

"Just about," Remus muttered. "Pads, can you come with me? I need...some help with something," he cast a glance at the suspicious looking Cecilia who was still clutching Sirius's arm.

Sirius shrugged drunkenly and got to his feet, apparently forgetting the blonde Slytherin next to him and staggered slightly into Remus who, if he hadn't been expecting it, would've toppled over. As it was, he grabbed Sirius by the arm and pulled it over his shoulders, supporting most of his weight. "Anything for you Moons," Sirius chuckled. "That's what I love about you guys; you're always there for me and none of you pressure me into doing things I don't want to do."

Although the statement was obviously about his argument with Marlene this morning, Remus decided to try and make life get of the situation. "I'd be careful what you go about telling people Pads - it sounds like she's pressuring you into unwanted sex."

Sirius snorted with laughter and shook his head. "I don't think it's ever unwanted," he confessed.

"Too much information," Remus pulled a face but he grinned, happy that he'd made Sirius feel a bit better even if it was just until they found James.

The thought had just crossed his mind when Sirius pulled him to an abrupt stop and stared off to the left. "What the fuck?"

Remus had to lean forwards to peer around his friend to see what he was glaring at and he groaned internally. Marlene was in his line of sight, dancing with Benjy Fenwick and some other Ravenclaw boys. Remus scanned quickly for Dorcas but the brunette was just standing to the side, watching her friend with a defeated look on her face. "Oh no," he muttered as Sirius retracted his arm and took a steady step in that direction. He didn't need skills in divination to know that in this state, Sirius was going to hit the roof and probably start a fight with someone if he thought they were hitting in his girlfriend.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" Sirius growled and Remus frowned, lost for a split second. Then he saw Regulus across the room, flanked by a group of Slytherins, including Travers and Snape, watching them from the side, a bit to the right from where Marlene was flirting with Ravenclaws. Remus groaned again but it wasn't internally this time, knowing all he could do was follow as Sirius started across the room, eyes dark and set on his younger brother.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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