Hello?
Are you still there God?
I need you now more than ever,
Ever before,
I know and thought about what I did
And for this,
I am truly,
Truly sorry.
I will and do pray for the families
Of my unfortunate victims.
Help not only their families,
But mine as well.
Help them remember me as I was,
Not as I am now.
Today I am to die,
Be killed, be broken,
Be torn, be taken.
From all that I've lived for.
Help me to be like you,
In that I die with you.
I deserve nothing less but this,
But why me,
Why now?
Why do they have the authority to do this to me?
Is this not your job?
How do they do this and have no remorse?
Have they no feelings?
Have they no fear?
Do they feel pain?
Are you still here?
I stand here asking of you,
What you have given to so many others before me,
I ask that you forgive me,
For all that I have done
All that I've said.
I realize now that I have done wrong,
And for that I am sorry
Sorry that I have not asked for forgiveness before.
And I am ashamed for that…
I don't want to do this,
But I have no choice,
I did what I did,
And now there is no choice
For me.
This choice,
Has been taken from me,
Been slipped out from under…
Been taken.
I am savoring,
Savoring all.
My last of everything.
You know if I were to go free,
None would recognize me,
As I would walk
They would just think of me
As just someone on the sidewalk
That they passed by,
Just some other person that just exists.
It would be like I was
Barely There!
But you see that is not possible,
For I am not as free as the wind
I am like water in a glass jar
Striving to get out
To be with the rest,
The normal, the ordinary.
Here they come,
I need you now,
But I am strong,
I am soon to be free.
To be released from this place,
To be undone,
To be erased
From existence.
To oblivion.
Take me home,
Home to you,
To white gates
Up, up high,
Away from this place.
I can't stand it anymore,
I am done with this world!
Finished,
I can't stand being locked up
And see the sun just outside
Just far enough away,
Away from my grasp.
Everything is on the other side,
My family and friends
I promised them nothing more,
Than to stay with them always,
But I cannot uphold that
For today the promise is undone,
The bond broken.
Here I am,
Taking my last,
Breath, steps;
Here it comes.
Help me God!
Help me to find you
Help me to remember you,
And help others to learn from my mistakes
Keep them safe.
I will miss this world,
Don't get me wrong
But who wants to spend eternity locked up?
Not me.
I will miss it,
I will.
And as my life is laid before my eyes,
I remember the fun I had,
Things good and bad,
I don't want to leave
I want a longer life
But that choice is no longer before me.
I broke that choice
When you laid it before me,
I went with the easy way
And did the wrong thing
And for that I am sorry
Truly Sorry…
And as I shed,
My one last tear.
I have found,
That I am home,
And Home is here…