Cat's p o v

Dear slut

I have never been so hurt in my whole life you are a liar a user and a horrible person.

I use to look up to you I thought you were the neatest sweetest person you had a smile that could out shine the sun.

I was wrong cause you burned me worse than sunburn you could of talked to me you could of given us chance to work on things instead you run off and screw the first boy you see.

You disgust me don't talk to me don't contact me if you see me in the same hall turn and walk away.

I hate you and I hope you die painfully.

Sincerely Frewdward Benson

Jade's voice called out my name as I was reading his text message to me are you kidding me? He was blaming me for what happened last night?

I couldn't breathe it felt like I was breathing through a straw my breaths were coming faster and faster blinking trying to wipe away my tears gasping as I tried to cover up my whines gulping swallowing nothing seemed to help.

Sniffling as the tears fell in giant waves Jade was by me instantly as she wrapped her arms around me.

Rocking me as she kissed my face.

Feeling dizzy I laid back down as Jade held me she didn't say anything she just rocked me and kissed me sometimes saying nothing at all is the best medicine.

Laying there I have no idea how many hours passed all I felt was Jade trying to take away the pain but even her holding me couldn't take away the endless amount of physical pain that seemed to rack me in waves after waves.

I know days must of passed she would make me get up to use the bathroom she would try to feed me but I threw everything up. She would help me take my medication she would make me drink.

Taking me upstairs I was dizzy, I thought I heard Freddie but he wasn't there. I tried to push him off he kept telling me he wasn't going to hurt me we were going to have fun he was going to teach me how to be a woman.

I kicked screamed but he held me down he ripped my clothes my throat hurt from screaming so bad but the pain was so bad when he ripped inside of me.

Screaming as I shot up Jade was there to hold me while I cried I know it was hurting her to see me like this but I couldn't stop.

Going back to school I felt my whole face burning everyone was staring at me I knew it even though she told me no one was I felt their eyes crawling all over my body.

I heard the whispers Slut, Whore, Cheater..Bitch

Why were people saying these things? Why did Freddie write what he wrote? I never cheated I was raped didn't he know what that meant? Didn't he care about me at all?

He wouldn't look at me he refused to talk to me I felt like what happened was my fault even though Sam and Jade both told me it wasn't my fault over and over again.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep focus in class I felt dizzy and sick every time I looked at Freddie he was with Tori kissing her holding her whispering to her.

How could she? She was suppose to be my friend she was suppose to look out for me.

I felt so betrayed so used so dirty.

Cat can you please answer this question for me?

I have no idea how long my teacher called to me but when I finally noticed she was standing in front of me I felt my face flushing my whole body shaking.

Cat's swimming with the fishes she can't think right now Mr. Anthony

What is that suppose to mean Terrel?

Didn't ya hear Cat kisses like a dead fish

I gasped covering my mouth as I saw Freddie grin looking back at me.

It's true she does thank you Cat for being such a slut it was easy to move on and Tori is a real woman

She's not afraid to do whatever it takes to please a man maybe you should learn

I couldn't stop the tears as they poured out shoving past everyone as I ran out of the room I didn't stop I just kept going.

I have no idea how long I stayed in the fetal position but Jade and Lane found me curled up in the blackbox hours later.

Taking me home they stayed with me talking to me trying to calm me down Sam was so livid she wanted to hurt Freddie.

After Lane left the next morning Jade laid with me holding me as I kept crying.

What the hell does a dead fish kiss like who compares somebody to a dead fish?

Only a moron Cat and I know you don't kiss like that

What if I do what if I am that awful?

No Cat you don't I'll prove it to you

With your permission baby?

To do what Jade?

To kiss you sweetheart

Permission granted

Jade's lips were soft so soft and warm I melted as she wrapped her arms around me pulling me on top of her as my hands ran the length of her body.

Our bodies moved in sync as we undressed each other and kissed each other. Her heat pressed against me caused me to gasp as I felt her grinding against me.

Her lips coarsening down my throat and my neck as she sweetly took me in slowly going with a gentleness no one ever would of thought her cable of.

We didn't make love that night but we did confess our feelings for each other and I never felt so happy as when I was holding her in my arms.

School passed with an incredible fast pace before I knew it was winter break Andre was pissed over his bad grade. Tori was freaking over her Secret Santa every time I looked at her I felt sick to my stomach how could she call herself my friend and do what she did to me?

She was the reason I was lost and alone that night she was the reason I was raped.

I tried to focus on keeping Jade happy she was so over whelmed with keeping me safe and making sure I was happy she was slipping with her school work which was stressing her out and her and her mom were fighting so bad.

So I bought her a new pair of scissors from the scissoring which she loved, Robbie was so sweet buying me that cotton candy machine.

The sweetness from the cotton candy gave me such a rush I would forget about the pain for a little while but it didn't last long. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him felt him smelled him.

I was sick to my stomach sweating every sound scared me every unexpected touch caused me to cry out and back away in pain.

No one knew what happened that night except Sam and Jade I didn't want to burden my Nona and my friends I wasn't sure who to trust anymore.

Cat slow down on the cotton candy before you get sick from all that sugar

I'm fine!

Andre backed up as I snapped damn it why snap at him he's so sweet he's just worried but he had no idea how much I needed this.

Maybe I should of listened maybe I wouldn't of thrown up so much for an hour straight missing two classes Jade sat by me holding my hair back trying not to gag herself as she muttered things like calm down breathe deep, oh that's gross.

School let out for a two weeks and Jade and I spent every minute together she slept over my house and took care of me we lay in bed naked kissing and touching she touch felt so amazing. I cried form the sheer tenderness she never did anything without asking first slowly we got more physical the first time she slipped her fingers inside of my tenderness I almost passed out it hurt so damn bad but I trusted her so I didn't stop her, even when my breathing was labored from shock.

Slowly the pain turned to pleasure which racked my body. She didn't push me past what I was ready for just kissing me was enough and I didn't love anyone more than her for doing that.

We exchanged presents under the fireplace curled up she got me a necklace with a diamond heart shaped over a J.

I bought her a new corset and a gift card to her favorite Goth store.

Returning to school was horrible I just had no energy anymore and getting detention on Saturday didn't help.

The sound of my stomach retching as I threw up those damn tacos was just more proof vegan was for me.

If I didn't love Jade so much I would of killed her for pressuring me into eating them sweating and dizzy I laid back on the bathroom floor at home.

Jade was at her house she got grounded for earning herself three more detentions which she didn't deserve but her mom didn't care any reason to yell at her ground her and she was happy.

Cat this is the second week straight you have been vomiting even the smell of food makes you ill plus your moody and dizzy.

So what's your point Sam?

The blond stood there arms crossed staring at me as I got up washing my mouth out and washing up. Her eyes were worried.

I think you need to see a doctor you maybe pregnant

That's impossible Sam it can't happen

Yes it can Cat it happened to me and I was 14 it can happen sweetie even your first time

No no no!

Cat calm down sweetie

Back up and stop lying to me Sam I am not pregnant I can't be I just

I'm only 16 I can't have a baby I am a baby I didn't want to have sex!

I told him no!

Cat sweetheart

No get away from me stop trying to scare me!

I ran away pushing past her shoving her so hard she lost her balance slamming my door I fell on the floor bawling.

This can't be happing good girls aren't suppose to get pregnant.

I am a good girl I obey god I love my family even when they do wrong even when others say it's a sin I do great in school I'm sweet and smart I'm the dream girl except not as bright as my parents wanted yet I maybe pregnant.

This has to be a dream.