Greetings, my faithful readers!

Here it is! Finally! After six months! Chapter 38!

I am so sorry that it took me so long to update the story. I had the biggest writer's block in my life. I couldn't write for months! And I really mean it. I couldn't write ANYTHING. It was horrible. Personally, I hold my favorite author Kieron Gillen (Marvel Comics) responsible. Well, not really, but he played an important part in triggering and ending the writer's block, so any complaints have to go directly to him :D

I really hope this will never happen again, and I promise you to upload the next chapter much sooner. Unfortunately, my first year of college starts in October, and I don't know how much time it will leave me for writing, so I will try to upload as much chapters as I can until then.

Before you can start reading, I want to thank my new beta, Lita of Jupiter. Really, thank you for waiting patiently for my writer's block to end and for going through my chaotic ideas. I would have lost sight of some rather important ideas without your help!

Domino91: Wow, you've read through my story in just one night? I'm really, really flattered! Hope you like the new chapter!

DANI TheBlackwaterHippie BLACK: Well, what can I say... you're correct, of course :D

MeFromMars: Actually, I hadn't planned for this vampire to be anyone from the story, but now that you've said it... And thanks for the compliment on Paul – I didn't really like him at first, but now there's gonna be a lot more Paul in the next chapters :D

I Went Through Canyoning And All I Got Was A Lousy

"Let's Stay Friends"

I couldn't sleep all night because my thoughts kept on spinning around my head. Canyoning. Canyoning... Canyoning! CANYONING! Fate was so kicking my ass. Probably her favorite free time activity. I could practically read her thoughts. Hm, I'm so bored today, what shallI do? Oh yeah, screwing with Leah's life is always so much fun.

Sure, canyoning also meant that we would see some awesome nature, but when I was scared, I didn't care much about that. Another problem was that no one knew of me being frightened of heights. Sam did, and my brother and my parents, but no one else. I would so embarrass myself.

I remembered the night Jasper had called, when I had climbed out of my window and down a tree so I could go to him. I had been scared, but worrying about my friend had made it easier to climb down. But tomorrow, there was no friend in need to worry about. Which in turn would leave me enough space to worry about myself. Not good.

It was even worse that I couldn't sleep, because when you were tired, you could concentrate even less, which meant one was in much greater danger to get hurt.

The next morning I felt like I was in some kind of trance. I showered, got dressed and sat down at the breakfast table as before anyone else, but I couldn't eat anything. I was glad when Jacob entered the hall and sat down beside me, because Jacob just might have be the only one who could to distract me from the planned trip. My sleepless night had convinced me that Death had fallen in love with me and now wanted me to be with him. That pissed me off so much.

"Do you want some tea?" Jacob asked, but I just shook my head. "You look pale", he added with a worried tone, "Are you thinking about the creepy body you've found?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, it's not that", I answered after a while, "It's just that... well..." I took a deep breath. "I'm afraid of heights. It's okay on a tower or on a secured platform on top of a mountain, but climbing up and roping down some medium rocks sounds like instant death to me." I tried to grin, but I could see on Jacob's face that he knew I was serious.

"That's bad", he said, "Can't you say you're sick?"

I shook my head. "You know Mr. Cauldwell. He can tell I lie. And anyway, if I don't do it, I will forever ask myself what I've missed."

"So you want to fight your fear?"

"No, just do it with my fear. That's courage, isn't it? Doing things you fear."

Jacob shrugged and grinned. "I don't know. You're the Alderaan princess with the Jedi father, not me."

"Sith father, now."

"He turned good in the end!"

"Yeah, well, what's that gonna teach me? 'When you die, you will regret everything and find peace', now that's very comforting before a canyoning trip!"

Jake laughed. "If you want to, I could stay with you the whole time."

I looked at him thankfully. "Are you sure? You probably won't be able to go with Embry and Quil then... I will be very slow, probably."

"They can live without me two hours, I'm not their Mom. Besides, they have lady trouble themselves."

"Great, so I'm lady trouble now?"

He grinned. "Nah, just a queen in distress." He stood up. "Let's get you something to eat. You can't go canyoning with an empty stomach."

Two hours later we sat in our buses on the way to the canyon. We had been advised to form two groups, and fortunately my group consisted of those I called my friends. Well, and Paul. We were 27 on the whole; the other Quileute group consisting of 25 students, and all of them were looking forward to this adventure. Except for me. But I prayed that it wouldn't be as horrible as I imagined it.

Jessica smiled at me. "This is gonna be so much fun! I've done it before, and it's awesome. Sometimes it's a little bit scary, but the adrenaline rush..." She beamed. I tried to smile at her, although her words were not really encouraging. I was becoming more and more frightened.

I wasn't feeling any better when we got out of the bus and met the four tour guides – four young handsome men. That pissed me off, because it meant there were more people who would watch me embarrass myself. Why did I have to be afraid of heights? I was a strong young woman! One of my best friends was a blood-sucking vampire. I knew some of my fellow Quileutes could turn into wolves. And here I was, being afraid of heights.

We had to take off our clothes (we were only allowed to wear swimsuits or bikinis or whatever one wore for swimming), put on neoprene suits (which looked pretty weird, and felt pretty weird, too), and then one of the guides told us that we had to walk for half an hour through the open. Which wasn't fun at all, because these suits made us sweat like hell. I was actually looking forward to the cold water of the creek.

Finally, when we had arrived at the creek, we began with walking through flat water for a while. In water, the neoprene suit was funny to wear. The water, which was ice-cold, felt warm inside the suit, something which made me long for a cold shower even more.

(Un)fortunately it came soon enough – suddenly I saw people from my group roping down a small waterfall. It looked like it was about ten feet high, and one of the handsome guides helped everyone put the rope into the security belt and then sent them down. I saw that I wasn't the only one who was frightened, but all of them arrived safely in the waters beneath.

I took a deep breath and waited for my turn. Jake had put his hand on my shoulder as if to calm me, but that just didn't really help. I felt more frightened than the day I ran away from the vampire in our forests and sprained my ankle.

The guide waved me to him, and my heart started beating faster than ever before. I didn't have to go now. I could send Jacob first. But then, I didn't want to be the last one. But I didn't want to go now, either!

I took another deep breath. I would go now. Then the first obstacle would already be behind me.

Jake's hand was still on my shoulder. "I'll cheer you up from up here, Lee. Don't worry, it's gonna be fun."

And then I stood in front of the guide. He smiled shortly at me before he began tying the rope to my belt. "So", he began, "It's very easy. You have to straighten your legs and keep them straight all the time. Your hands hold on to the rope. Don't break the body tension, or you might hit a rock. If you come too near to a rock, just push yourself away with one of your hands. Don't worry, this is really fun. Oh, and please don't get a shock when the cold water splashes into your face."

I took a deep breath and nodded, although I was really worried now. I mean, keeping body tensioned the whole time while walking down an almost vertical rock wall sounded pretty much impossible.

"Okay then", the guide continued, "Place your feet here, please... yeah, that's right."

I was now standing at the edge of the waterfall, almost shivering with fear.

"So, don't forget the body tension, and just keep walking. You have to move as if you were walking, understood?"

I nodded.

"Great. Be ready – and go!"

I could feel that my whole soul was shivering with fear, but my body kept the tension. I just 'walked' down the waterfall. Only a few times I had to push myself away from the rocks to my sides.

It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it.

It was even worse. I was half the way down when I almost lost the tension because shivering took over my body, but I concentrated so hard on not shivering that I was getting a headache. Or maybe the headache was coming from the cold water that was splashing into my face, stealing my breath. I wished I had found an excuse for-

Suddenly I fell into the water, diving into the cold floods. "Swim away!" the guide shouted from up the waterfall, but I was still trying to catch my breath. The cold water on my chest had felt as if I had been hit by a rock.

Finally I found the strength to swim away. Then I remembered that the rope must still be tied to my belt – but, no, it had loosened itself! I started panicking – and then I realized that it was intended that way.

Awesome. They wanted me to get a heart attack.

I breathed relieved and felt tears in my eyes. I calmed myself, saying that I had actually done it, but then I realized that this had only been the first step! I would have to do this a few times more! Why hadn't I found an excuse for this trip? Why?

Suddenly Jake appeared in front of me and drew me into his arms. "See, Lee, that wasn't so bad, was it?" he said and smiled at me.

I bit my lip. "It was worse", I managed to say.

Jake started laughing. "You're awfully cute when you're scared, did you know that?"

I shrugged.

"Come on, let's go. You'll get through this alive, I'll make sure of that." And he kissed my cheek.

That was a little encouraging, and so we went on walking. The next waterfall was almost a mile further down the creek, which gave me some time to really get calm. It helped that Jacob was holding my hand the whole time.

The next waterfall was actually okay, because it was smaller and I knew what to do. But shortly after that came a higher one, almost twenty feet high. All the courage that I had collected disappeared with one breath, and I panicked again.

Jacob went first. Some time on our way everyone had gotten ahead of us, and so we were the last ones of our group. With shock, I saw the guide explaining to Jake how to glide down the waterfall. No rope, just gliding down twenty feet.

Death really was in love with me.

And then Jacob was gone. I took a step forward and saw him standing in a small lake, thumbs up. But that didn't really help me.

The guide smiled at me. "Come on, it's your turn now." Although he probably meant that very friendly, I supposed that he was impatient. After all, I was the last one of a big group, and everyone else was probably miles ahead of us. Poor guy. The worst was yet to come: me.

I stared down the waterfall. "I can't", I said, my voice shivering.

The guide looked at me in a questioning way. "What do you mean, you can't?" he asked voice friendly.

"I'm- I'm afraid of heights. Like, really afraid. I can't glide down that waterfall."

The guide nodded and smiled. "Alright then, I let you rope down. Just wait a moment." With horror I watched how he took ropes from a small bag and tied them to the rocks. Sure, it looked safe, but I felt so embarrassed by the thought that apparently I was the only one of my group of 27 people who didn't dare to glide. Even my stupid fat history teacher had done so! My face turned bright red, and tears of embarrassment stung in my eyes.

"Thank you", I said to the guide, but my voice was barely audible, "Thank you for making this-"

Either he hadn't heard me, or he really was in a hurry, because he said smiling: "Here you go. Come on!"

Since I already knew how roping down worked, I got down pretty fast, but when I reached Jacob, I started crying quietly. It was relieved crying, but I felt stupid and embarrassed, too. Jacob helped me up.

"Oh Lee", he smiled face full of pity, "This really is nothing for you, is it? But don't worry, there are only three stations left, and a guide told me this one was the worst. I'm so proud of you!"

I was shivering, but Jake's words comforted me. Only three more stations to go. I was going to survive that.

Jake took my hand, and together we walked on. At first we didn't talk much, because I still had to recover from the embarrassing situation at the waterfall. I clung to Jake's hand, to prevent him from letting me go. Fortunately Jacob didn't seem to waste a thought on that, because he kept holding my hand, too.

"So", Jacob began after a while, "What about you and Liev now?"

I shrugged. "We haven't talked. It's... complicated."

"Tell me."

"Well..." I didn't really know where to start, so I began with the obvious, "I sort of fell in love with him, and he with me, and so we decided to end it before we became too involved. We both knew we wouldn't be able to hold on to a long-distance relationship."

"Are you sad about that?"

I took a deep breath. "I was... but I think it was the best decision. Better than getting serious and realizing afterwards that one can't maintain a relationship like that." I looked at Jake, hoping he would agree with me. Fortunately, he nodded, and we walked in silence for a while.

And then I heard myself asking a question I would have never believed myself to ask: "Have you heard anything about Isabella?"

Jake shrugged, "The last thing I've heard is that Charlie is worried because Bella has become some sort of a zombie. Seems she can't handle the break-up with that stupid Cullen."

I had to grin at the thought of Bella being a zombie. That fit perfectly to the situation around Forks and La Push – a vampire family had just left, we had a werewolf pack in town, and now there even was a zombie in Forks. YAY! Now all we needed was a mummy…

"Hey, don't grin like that!", Jake said playfully, "You weren't much different when Sam broke up with you."

I hit his arm. "That's not true! I was an angry bitch, and she is an empty nothing, that's a huge difference!"

He nodded. "Yep, you were one angry woman. That was rather annoying, so... I'm glad you've changed."

I kissed his cheek. "I'm glad we're friends."

"Remember the bracelet? Best friends!"

I smiled, although I was mentally making a face. "Yeah, best friends!" Yeah, best friends, hooray! Awesome!

"Yeah", Jake repeated, and for some reason, I had a feeling that he didn't like that much, either.

We had to rope down three more rock walls, and although they weren't as hard as the first two obstacles, I was still sweating like hell and Jake still had to hold hands with me.

So when the guide said that we just had to walk back now, the day suddenly seemed glorious. The sun was shining through the leaves – red, yellow, green... It was such a beautiful day, such nice, warm weather! I suddenly felt very, very happy and very, very relieved. I was proud of having finished the tour. I had survived Fate's and Death's evil plans! But I had no intention of ever doing canyoning again. Ever.

I looked at Jacob, and with a pang I realized that he had turned from baby-ish teenie boy to a good-looking teenager. His warm brown eyes beamed at me and his friends, and when we had arrived at the starting point and Jake was getting out of his neoprene suit, I could see lots of muscle. I was impressed.

"Jacob", I said, watching him, "Are you working out?"

He grinned at me and tensed his biceps. "Looks good, doesn't it? But no, I'm not working out. Although..." He walked towards me and swept me up before he began spinning us around like a maniac.

"STOP IT!" I shrieked, totally girly and probably totally annoying. I could practically see the other girls roll their eyes.

Jake grinned and put me back on my feet. "Does that count as working out?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you saying I'm heavy?"

He put his hands up in defense, but grinned: "No, no. You're a pretty girl."

Suddenly I felt very, very naked, and not because I was in a bikini. Jake's eyes were wandering over my body. He was definitely checking me out, and not in an innocent way. Not innocent at all. And then he bent towards me and whispered in his weirdest, huskiest voice: "You know, I have grown many more muscles... You could check them out later..."

I couldn't believe it. Had he really just said that? Had Jacob Black just tried to flirt with me? And why was that speeding up my heart beat? I couldn't really like-like him – could I?

Back at the camp, we had dinner and then time for ourselves. Jared and Paul had made a small fire, around which we all sat now. Kim and Jess had bought marshmallows from somewhere, and everyone was in a good mood. It was getting darker and darker, and soon the first stars appeared. Kim was leaning against Jared, and the way he looked at her made me realize that he had imprinted on her. Great. Another happy couple because of this stupid tribal magic. At least Jared hadn't left another girl for her. Kayla, who unfortunately had turned up at some point, was trying to get Paul to lay an arm around her, but he showed no sign of being interested. Good to know that at least none of the pack had been stupid enough to imprint on Kayla, her knowing about the wolves was a horrible idea.

I leaned against Jacob's shoulder and looked up through the trees at the little stars. The fire was warming my feet, but anything else of my body was freezing cold. So I was pretty glad when Jacob suddenly laid an arm around me. Confused I realized again that being so close to my best friend made my heart beat faster. It was still weird.

Sure, I had felt that way before. At prom, when we had kissed. Before the stupid wolf pack and my tribe's biggest secret had gotten between us. And then this feeling had been gone. Because of Liev, the most awesome pale-face I had ever met. But then Liev was gone. And now I was here, in Canada, at a camp fire, after a horrible day of canyoning, in the arms of my best friend, feeling thoroughly confused. Because the feeling from prom was back. Probably because Jake had been so kind to me today. My heart was so predictable.

I could feel that I was drifting off to sleep. I suddenly saw Liev's face in front of me, and then Jasper's, which was then replaced by Jacob's face, asking: "Leah, are you alright?"

I almost jumped, and my eyes flew open. "Yes", I hurried to answer, "Sure. It's just canyoning. I'm exhausted. Maybe I should go to bed." I stood up. "Night, guys!" I said loudly. Everyone looked up.

"Do you want me to accompany you?" Jessica asked.

But before I could answer, Jacob stood up as well. "I'll come with you. I mean, I'll bring you to your hut and then go to bed myself."

I smiled. "Great, thanks, Jake. Good night, everyone!"

Most wished me a good night, too, and then Jake took my hand and led me away from the camp fire. We slowly walked through the woods, watching some forest animals that ran away when we approached. Jacob didn't let go of my hand, and when we were far from the camp fire, he stopped and turned to me.

"You know... I just wanted... You looked really sexy at the canyon, with your wet hair, and the neoprene suit... I mean, really... sexy." The last word came out in a whisper. We looked at each other, and suddenly the strange tension I had felt at prom night was back. I took a deep breath and then made a step forward. Maybe... maybe...

Suddenly Jacob's lips were crushing on mine. For a second there I was confused, but only because I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. I leaned into the kiss – but then both of us broke apart. Jacob looked cautiously around and then smiled shyly.

"No one around, huh?"

I grinned and felt my cheeks getting hot. "Nope, no one around this time."

We kissed again, this time more passionately and fiercely. Then we broke apart again, catching our breath.

"I've wanted to do that ever since prom" Jacob panted, and his eyes burned with excitement.

This surprised me. "Really?", I asked.

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, I just didn't find the right time... and then you had Liev, and-"

I interrupted him by kissing him again, and suddenly I felt a little... turned on? Really?

We broke apart from each other again.

"Pity you didn't say so", I said, "Because I have wanted to do this again ever since prom, too."

Jacob stared at me. "Honestly? Why didn't you-"

"Because I thought you didn't want to talk about that, so I didn't."

We both looked at each other for a minute, and then started laughing. It was a relieved laugh, a tension-breaking laugh. A laugh that led to another kiss and then to Jake pressing me against a tree. I could feel that he felt turned on, too. As much as that confused me, it also turned me on even more.

"You know", Jacob whispered between kisses, "I don't know what you're thinking, but if you're thinking what I'm thinking, then we should go to a hut, like, right now."

My smile was wider than I had intended it to be, but that was more than unimportant now. What was important was that I wanted to be close to Jake. Much closer than we were now.

For a brief second, I was appalled by my own wish. How could I want to sleep with Jake? I was almost nineteen, and he was fifteen. He was only one year older than my brother. And still...

Sure, I wasn't a virgin anymore. Sam had made sure of that. But Jacob – I was pretty sure that if we did what we were about to do, it would be his first.

But he didn't seem to mind...

"So, your hut or mine?", I asked excited and aroused.

Jacob didn't need to think long: "Yours. I'd rather have Kim walk in than Quil."

"Or Seth", I added, and we grinned sheepishly at each other.

Jacob grabbed my legs and lifted me up, carrying me to my hut and inside. I only faintly remembered now that I was sharing this hut with other people, and that whatever it was that we were going to do could not end well with other people wanting to enter their hut. But I was too occupied to protest now – it was too late, anyway.

I somehow directed Jake to my bed and let him take off my shirt. He only looked at my bra for a few seconds before his eyes returned to my face. Cute. His hands caressed my body, though, and suddenly he couldn't get out of his shirt fast enough. I helped him take it off and stopped for a few seconds to admire his chest again. Damn. I had known Jacob was a good-looking guy, but I had never imagined him being so sexy. Argh! Why was Fate kicking my ass again? Although... was she really kicking my ass my making me make out with my best friend? Or was she actually doing me a favor?

I pulled off my pants and drew Jacob closer, praying that no one would come in now.

But Jacob stopped before he got out of his pants, which made me stare at him in a very disappointed way. Jake looked desperate.

"Leah", he whispered, "I don't- we don't have- you know?"

For a second I didn't know what he meant. Then I realized it. Condoms. We didn't have any, and I had stopped taking the anti-baby-pill almost a year ago.

"Damn!" I cursed.

Then I had an idea. I looked at Jacob. "You really wanna do this?"

Jacob nodded, his eyes burning with desire.

"Alright, I bet either Kim, Jess or Abby have some somewhere. I'll find one." I stood up and examined my friend's suitcases, completely violating their privacy. But at this point, I didn't care. I felt a little weird, since I was only wearing a bra and panties, and I was searching my friends' things. This was bound to be a failure. I wouldn't find any-

I opened a toilet bag on Kim's nightstand and found what I had been looking for. I probably would have to explain this later to her – or she wouldn't even notice that one condom was missing.

I held it up triumphantly. Jacob grinned and pulled off his jeans, I switched off the light. With a nervous smile, Jake took my hand and led me back to my bed.

I woke up because the sun was shining directly into my face. For a moment I rested in the memories of yesterday night and grinned happily to myself.

Then I realized where I was.

I almost jumped up, but that proved to be difficult, for Jacob's head was still resting on my chest. I looked around the room. No one was there, and the beds didn't look as if someone had slept in them. But then where were my friends? Had they come home and caught me and Jacob making out? What time was it, anyway?

I tried to grab my cell phone without waking Jacob, who was snoring quietly. With relief I saw that it was half past eight, making it still possible to appear at breakfast at nine without raising questions. Hopefully.

I petted Jacob's head. "Jakey", I whispered, "Jakey, we have to get up."

He grunted, but didn't open his eyes. "Five more minutes", he moaned.

I shook my head and grinned. "Alright, at least let me get dressed."

With another grunt, he moved his head from my chest to my pillow. I got up and looked for my underwear. It was weird to be naked – and it was even weirder to accept the fact that Jacob and I really, truly, had slept with each other.

When I was fully dressed, I woke Jake again. I didn't dare to kiss him – although my heart really wanted to. But I didn't know yet what last night had done to our relationship. I would have to talk to him about that later.

We arrived at breakfast on time. Jacob had grinned at me all the way, but he had put on the mask of an extremely tired and therefore pissed teenager, so Quil, Embry and Seth wouldn't talk to him.

I sat down at the small table where Kim, Jess and Abby had reserved a place for me. All three grinned, but didn't say anything until we all had gotten something to eat. But when we had, they looked at me expectantly.

"What?", I asked innocently.

Kim took a gulp of tea, then she asked very carefully:"And?"

"And what?"

Jessica looked around. "How has it been?"

I decided to play dumb. "How has what been?"

All three bit their lips and grinned. "Your night", Abby said.

I asked myself how much they knew. "I slept well, thank you."

Kim rolled her eyes. "Come on, Lee, we're not stupid." She grinned. "We know Jacob and you have done it. So how was it?"

I turned slightly red. "The more important question is, where have you been?", I asked back after taking a bite of my sandwich.

The three girls looked at each other. Then Kim said: "Well, we- that is, I- walked to our hut shortly after midnight, and when I heard you, I supposed it would be better for us to sleep somewhere else. So Abby spent her night with Seth, Embry and Quil, and Jess and I slept at Jared's."

"What did you tell them?"

Jessica grinned. "That you were making out and didn't want to be interrupted."

Oh gosh. I buried my head in my arms.

Kim patted my shoulder. "Don't worry, we only told that Jared and Paul."

Abby nodded. "Yeah, they're not as gullible as Seth, Quil and Embry. I just told them I really wanted to spend the night with my boyfriend, and that Jake had said I could sleep in his bed, he wanted to talk a little to you, anyway. They believed me."

"So, after we've clarified that... How was it already?"

I took a deep breath. "Quite... good, actually", I finally managed to say, "Thank you so much, girls. Really, thank you. You're the best."

All three grinned at me, and with a pang I realized that I really had friends. Good friends. Friends who lied for me, friends who spent their nights somewhere else so I could make out with a guy. Real friends.

"And now?", Jess asked after we had eaten quietly for a while.

I took another deep breath. "Actually, I have no idea."

"But you like him."

I nodded.

"Are you in love with him?", Abby asked.

Was I? That was a good question. Part of me surely was, but another part still missed Liev. So which part was bigger?

"Leah?", Kim asked, "Are you in love with Jacob?"

"I... I don't know", I answered truthfully, "I think Jake and I have to talk."

The three girls nodded. "Yes, you have to", Kim said, "Finish your breakfast and go." She said that in a tone that could not be argued with.

I put my plate away, took a deep breath and walked towards Jacob's table. After another deep breath, I said: "Hey, Jake."

Jake, who had been joking with Quil about bread rolls (very stupid), turned round to me, and I could see that he was turning slightly red. "Morning, Leah", he nodded.

"I wondered if we could talk for a minute or so?" I saw that Quil and Embry looked curiously at us, and so I added: "About my birthday party."

Confused Jacob nodded and stood up to follow me out of the hall and into the forest. "About your birthday?", he asked.

I grinned. "No, silly. Actually, I wanted to talk about, well, yesterday night."

Jacob's face turned deep red now, and I was pretty sure I looked like a tomato as well.

"Yes... yesterday night... was great, wasn't it? Was it bad for you?" He looked pleadingly at me. I tried not to grin. It was so cute that he was worrying about this. Way too cute.

I smiled at him. "No! No, Jake, it was great. That's not what I wanted to talk about. It's more about... well... what now?"

Jacob stared at me with a dumbfounded look. "What do you mean, what now?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Like, are we going back to just being friends, or are we gonna do this again...?" This was so embarrassing.

Jacob bit his lip. "Oh, that what now. I... I don't know."

That was definitely NOT the answer I had hoped to hear. Although I wasn't too sure what I thought of Jacob, I had hoped he knew exactly what he thought of me. To be true, a part of me hoped he would say he was in love with me. Just because it would feel good to hear that.

But now that he didn't know an answer, I was confused.

"You know", Jacob continued quietly, "I think we should stick to being friends."

"Yeah, right, I thought that, too", I hurried to say.

Wait, what? What had he said? Stick to being friends? No, no, NO! Impossible! Could somebody please play backwards the last few minutes so we could talk about this properly."

"Great!" Jacob beamed, "Friends who had sex."

I nodded, the smile on my lips being faked. This was so wrong. Problem was, I didn't even know why it was wrong. I had spent the last months falling in love with Liev, why was this bothering me so much now?

My mind took control over my emotions. This was better, staying friends. Jacob was just fifteen, and I was about to become nineteen. Maybe, if I waited, if we waited, there would come a time where this was right for both of us.

Yes, staying just friends was the best solution. I would have time to sort out the turmoil my love life was in. Half being in love with Jacob, missing Liev and hoping Sam still cared for me was too much to be solved by going out with Jake.

Still, it hurt me that he had proposed that. Was I really nothing but a friend to him? Had it been nothing but physical attraction that had led him to share the bed with me? I remembered the stupid bracelet from stupid Valentine's Day. Friends forever. Yeah, that was all I would get. Thanks, Fate, for kicking my ass again.

I smiled at Jake. "Alright. Can I at least still give you a hug?"

Jake laughed. "Sure. As many as you want!" And he pressed me close to his body before he let me go again.

"Great. Anyway, I have to finish that stupid journal", I winked at him and walked away, holding back those stupid and unnecessary tears that were coming.

But, because Fate hated me, I didn't reach my hut without an infuriating encounter. Makah-Alex caught up with me only a few feet away from my hut.

"Hey Leah", he smiled.

"Hey, Alex", I grunted back. He had picked a bad moment to talk to me. This guy surely was no empath at all. He'd better leave before I lashed out at him.

"So... I wanted to talk to you. About us."

That didn't brighten my mood. I didn't answer, and just waited for him to continue. No matter what he said, I was sure he would never be prepared for what I would answer. Stupid, stupid Makah.

"See, Leah, I get you didn't want to call me again because you thought we wouldn't fit. It's okay, I accept that. But why the heck didn't you just tell me? I mean, apparently you don't have a problem with saying what you think, so why couldn't you just talk to me?"

The worst part was that he was right, but I wasn't someone who accepted being wrong so lightly. Especially not now. That was why I got angry. It was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stand being wrong, and especially not in an argument with an ex-boyfriend or an ex-date.

"You know, I had other things on my mind the last months than trying to explain to you that you and me weren't gonna happen. We only went out once, get over it already." And this was true – Alex had been the least important thing on my mind the past months. I was pretty sure everyone would have agreed with me that vampires and wolf-men were far more important, if they had known about them.

"But what was wrong, Leah?" Alex continued his road to hell. This guy was really stupid. But then, he didn't know me well, nor knew he the Quileute women. "I mean, everything was great on Jacob's birthday, and the date had been awesome. It would have been perfect if your brother hadn't interrupted us!"

I grinned to myself. My beloved cheat call function.

"Hey, Alex", I began, "before we start analyzing things, can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

I tilted my head and asked very seriously:"Are you blind? Or deaf? Or do you have some communicational dysfunction? I know, I know; not everyone can be an empath, but honestly, even some complete computer nerd could have guessed that I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. Stupid. Cars. All. Day."

Alex snorted. "I did not-", he began, but I interrupted him.

"Yes, you did, and let me tell you, it was neither cute nor cool nor interesting."

"Then why didn't you tell me or tried to change topics?"

Damn, another good question! This guy was getting on my nerves. Couldn't he just be stupid? Couldn't he just go away and leave me alone? I wanted to think and cry about what Jacob had said!

I took a deep calming breath. "Alex... I don't know. I honestly can't even remember what I thought exactly, so please, leave me alone before I get really angry."

Alex threw me a faked surprised look. "Oh, so you're not angry yet?"

I glared at him. I poked my finger in his chest and approached him like a wild, aggressive lioness. "Just who do you think you are?", I hissed, "Some kind of superhero? Well, sorry to break the news to you, but you're not the womanizer you apparently think you are."

"I didn't-", he began, but I didn't let him.

"Shut up!", I growled, "And take notes, because now I'm gonna tell you why you will have trouble finding a girl that stays with you. When girls meet you, you seem nice and interesting and interested in the other person, but when one is on a date with you, you're the most self-absorbed boy I've ever seen. And then you don't even get it! You don't get that a girl doesn't want to hear a boy rambling about something. We want to talk. We don't mind talking about cars – as long as it's not the only topic – but we want to TALK. T-A-L-K. Do you know how talking works? It's pretty easy; you just say something, and then the other person answers to that, and then you answer the other person, and so on. You should try that out some time."

Alex looked like he wanted to say something, but I wasn't finished yet.

"And then there's the lack of empathy you showing right now. You see me running across your own path and only think of yourself. That I might be in a hurry, or pissed, or maybe sad, didn't occur to you apparently. Next time you try to talk to someone about difficult topics, ask them if they have time for you." I took a deep breath. "And now excuse me, I have an assignment to finish. I desperately hope this is the last time we talk. Bye."

Pleased with myself, I stepped past him and walked away.

The same night was a good-bye camp fire with lots to eat. Alex carefully avoided me. Good boy.

I had told Kim, Jess and Abby about Jacob, and although all three of them weren't convinced we had made the right decision, they were nice enough to not talk about it.

The weird thing was that Jake seemed to avoid me, too. I could understand why, but it still hurt me. We hadn't done anything wrong, why couldn't we just go back to being friends? At the camp fire, I sat between Jess and Paul, and although Jessica was really funny and Paul really tried not to be annoying – because he knew I would keep Kayla from him – it wasn't as much fun as it would have been with Jake next to me.

I suddenly was very scared that what Jacob and I had done had changed our relationship. I'd rather be his best friend forever than having an awkward We-had-sex-friendship. But I feared it drifted off into exactly this. I didn't want that. I wanted to keep him. Jake was a great friend, and a great guy.

For a while, I just stared into the fire, before I bent to Paul and asked quietly:"Any more information on the vampire?"

Paul threw me an annoyed look. "You know, Leah, I knew you were a pain in the ass, but that you could be that annoying..." He winked at me and smiled pacifying. Apparently he was too happy he wasn't being harassed by Kayla to start a bitch fight now. I'd have won, anyway.

He became serious again. "Actually, we haven't. The vampire is on the move again, but Jared and I have made sure it doesn't come to Quileute land."

"How did you do that?", I asked, eyebrows raised.

Paul chuckled. "We pissed", he said in a sincere tone before he turned his attention back to a couple of marshmallows.

I tried to get the image of Paul and Jared pissing on every tree from here to La Push out of my head, but it was too hilarious, and so I giggled quietly to myself. Paul threw me another annoyed look, but I could see his mouth was twitching. Maybe knowing about vampires and werewolves wasn't too bad. At least it provided bystanders with a good laugh from time to time.

Someone tapped my shoulder. It was Jacob, and he pushed Jessica a little away so he could sit next to me.

"Hey, Lee", he said with a shy grin.

"Hey", I grinned back, "You're okay?"

Jake nodded. "How are you?"

I shrugged. "Feeling awkward."

"Yeah, me too."

We were silent for a while.

"But you're still gonna sit next to me on the way back to La Push tomorrow, aren't you?", Jacob suddenly asked.

I allowed myself to sigh relieved. "Only if I can sit at the window..."

The rest of the evening got way better after that, and when everyone went to bed, I was convinced that Jake and I would get through this awkward phase of our friendship.

I slept well that night.

The next morning, to all our astonishment, everyone – even Kayla! - was on time. Mr. Cauldwell was very happy, and although he looked tired, he beamed at everyone and assured us he would already look forward to reading our journals.

Travelling back to La Push was far less noisy than the journey to Canada. The kids didn't sing their stupid annoying song, because they were all too tired to do so. I heard quiet snoring from everywhere around me, and when Jacob laid an arm around my shoulders, I fell asleep as well, convinced that everything was going to be fine.

And for just a while longer, it was.