It's amazing what can happen in less than forty-eight hours. How much can change, how much can take place.

I have prayed so much these last months, furtive begging along with dreadful regrets and bitterness mixed with a good dose of heart wrenching sorrow. I gave up on prayer when I left my home, no longer having faith in much of anything. Yet there I was again.. trying to reach God. Trying to hear his voice.

Asking God what I did wrong. Why it was all happening to me. Maybe I even prayed for Scott. For his soul, for his life. For him.

He told me once that he believed in God... in Jesus.. That he had been raised a Christian, and although he didn't go to church as much as he would have liked, he still had conviction. Even when he struggled with loosing Jean, he told me that a part of him still held on to it all. Which helped carry him through the storm.

So I imagined Scott in heaven. Away from all the problems, the difficulties, the ongoing struggles. At Peace.

And who wouldn't want that? The pain didn't lesson, but knowing that, believing that, helped more than I would have thought.

I had to stop writing earlier. We landed and I had to get off the jet.

Yes, I am home. Or what was my home. I am not so sure anymore. About anything.

I guess I should fill in all the missing pieces, explaining what happened. Write it all down so it is known.

So I will go back to where I left off...

There was Scott, right in front of me. He was sitting down on the floor in the left corner of the of the small yet actually pleasant looking room. He was teetering to and fro, as if he was restless, his body swaying. His eyes were covered in thick gauze, as was his arms, which had some exposed parts that showed red blotches and horribly looking burn marks that although were partly healed stilled looked pretty gruesome.

He had scars on his face, and more facial hair than usual lining his jaw and sides.

I couldn't see how the rest of him was, he was wearing white pants and shoes, and was pretty much covered.

That was when I nearly asphyxiated myself. Forgetting to breath and take in the necessary air that my brain needed to survive. Actually started to see bright dark spots in my eyes which were watering and about to pour forth a flood of uncertain tears.

Scott was alive.

And while he didn't look bad for a dead guy, he also didn't look good.

I finally remembered to breath, steadying myself I lowered my self on the ground, crouching on my front feet, I put out a tentative hand to touch him.

But he pulled back, somehow realizing that someone was trying to touch him. He became as still as a statue, the only moving part was his chest as he took slow gulps of air into his lungs.

"Scott?" I breathed his name out past my lips, letting it settle in that for once the word could warrant a response. But there was none. "Scott?"

I reached out toward him again, touching his face gently with my gloved hand. He flinched at my touch, trying to back into the wall even further.

"I wouldn't Miss." The nurse said behind me, an air of caution in his words. "He probably doesn't know who you are."

I stood up slowly, without thinking I brushed off my pants before I faced the man.

"What's wrong with him?" I panted, my words coming out course and scratchy.

"Maybe it's best for the Doctor to explain to you." He started to shift on his feet noticeably, I felt then that he was nervous, his heartbeat a little faster than what was deemed normal. "We should leave."

So I left Scott behind, having the urge to tear the whole hospital down and just take him out of there. But I needed to know what happened.

At one point Rose put her hand on my arm, leading me away from the room. I was vaguely aware of her holding on to me, taking me somewhere until I found myself sitting at a table. I looked around. We were in a dimly lit cafeteria, some sort of drink in front of me.

I saw that Andrew was sitting at another table, giving his mom and me privacy for whatever was to be said.

"You must have a million questions.. so you do know him? Scott is his name?" She was speaking softy, her words slow and drawn out.

"Yes.. I.." I stopped for a second trying to get things straight inside of me. "When did y'find him?"

She pondered that over for a second before opening her mouth.

"About two months ago, nobody knew who he was. But then Andrew showed me a picture last night.. I have been in the states for the past three weeks for a conference.." Rose explained, taking a drink out of a bottle, what appeared to be apple juice. "And I knew it was our patient right away." She started to bite her lip, and then looked past me toward her son. "You know that my son has been involved with the Friends of Humanity?" Her voice was one of caution.

I told her yes.

"Well it's a horrible thing to have suspicion of your own child, and it took him much convincing before I told him that I had been treating the man in the photo.. Or at least I treated him initially." I saw a wave of agitation flash through her face which disappeared quickly. She patted my hand and got me to drink some of the hot coffee that was in the paper cup before me. It was horrible. But I sipped on it anyway.

She lowered her voice again, he gaze back on her son.

"Andrew became very distant after his sister's death," she froze for a second, open melancholy filtering through her pleasant features. Sighing softly Rose ambled on "not to mention a totally different person. But the way he showed such passion for finding out information about the man showed me the old Andrew, the one who cared about everybody else more than himself."

Rose realized she was drifting and gave me a small motherly smile.

"The Patie.. Scott was found by a local artist who was out looking for wood for his craft near.. the lake outside of town... You know the one?" She turned her watchful face on mine.

"Yeah, I have heard about it." I managed to keep the dark humor out of my tone.

"A lot of strange things have happened down there, an underground secret base that nobody even knew existed was destroyed, the dam burst.. There seems to always be something.. And then your young man was found there. "

Rose took a breath and put her right hand through her hair, brushing it with her fingers.

"Scott was very lucky.. The man that found him brought him to this hospital, if he took him to Marjorie's Hospital instead of this one, he would be in the hands of the extremists right now."

"So y'know?" I inquired breathlessly. Already knowing her answer by the way she had been talking.

She gave me an indulgent look that moved on to partial amusement.

"That he is.. special.. that he is a.."

"Mutant." I finished for her, a word I hadn't spoken out loud or even really thought about in a while, it rolled out from between my lips, with a sense of lost familiarity. When I lived at the mansion it was literally shoved in my face day after day, but living on my own, it suddenly wasn't at the forefront of my life, wasn't there every waking moment as I drifted through my days.

"You can imaging the fuss and panic that happened to the admitting nurse when she tried to check his eyes for any signs of a concussion... the repairs on the ceiling and roof still haven't been finished. It took some doing to make everybody that had worked that shift to keep silent. But this hospital employs good people, and we all knew what would happen if anyone got word that we were taking care of such a unique individual."

"I came askin' about him a while ago.. A Doctor Carmichael turned me away though.." I grimaced, remembered how brash the man had been.

"Frank?" Rose laughed softly. "He is quite protective of his hospital, and in all do honesty, he probably thought you were someone from the Friends of Humanity. Scott is his patient."

"I thought he was yours."

"No, although I did treat him initially, but this isn't my hospital, I sometimes sub when they are short on staff. Which they happened to be that night."

Our conversation stopped for a short while. Rose had gotten up to go to the bathroom. She stopped at her sons table before leaving the cafeteria.

"Rogue seems like a nice girl Andrew. "

"She is when she decides to be."

When Rose returned I noticed right away the more severe somber expression that she was wearing, and when she started to speak again I knew that the Doctor in her was taking over as she explained.

She told me of Scott's injuries.

"He was found with second and third degree burns and was in a coma for the first three weeks." She looked thoughtful, her eyebrows furrowing which darkened her face somewhat. "And looked like someone tried to rip him apart.. from the inside, and then stopped halfway."

I am glad she wasn't looking at me when she said that. Nor notice the way I started to tremble, my body reacting as if it was in the middle of a freezing snow storm, my teeth chattering, an unknown sensation drifting through me that made me feel numb. I looked down at my coffee cup, staring down at what had been a bitter liquid but was now solid frozen coffee. Luckily that too went unnoticed by Rose.

"What is wrong with him now?" I asked of her, not sure if I wanted to hear what she was going to say.

She went on for a while about his ailments, his treatments and his non responsiveness. About them moving him to the Mental ward once he healed well enough. Although she explained to me that from the start he had been isolated as best as possible since some people that knew of him were worried about his "gift" going off again, especially since they didn't know enough about his mutantcy. She assured me that he had been well taken care of, and that the resident psychiatrist was trying to work with him.

"The only time he ever reacts to anyone is when they try to touch him." She looked at me her mouth turned downward. "And only the more experienced staff members are allowed to handle him.. He can get quite.. upset sometimes.. nearly manicy.. Mind you, he has healed rather well, in fact faster than most would have and physically he is fine for the most part.. " She gazed at me compassionately. "You see I've been kept informed of his progress.. even check up on him sometimes... I knew he was going to be moved in a couple days, to a facility that was better equipped to help him recover. With all that we have done and have been trying to do we really haven't made any progress." Rose told me frankly, in a detached sort of manner that must come in handy in her profession.

She stopped talking them. Drank the rest of her juice and got up an threw it away in a near by trash can. I got up as well, trailing after her in a zombie like fashion as I threw my own cup away, careful to do it in such a way that it's frozen state was not brought to her attention.

What a time to start loosing control.

"I'm sure you want to contact his parents now that you now he is alive.. can I ask you how you thought he died?" She had her face turned to the side, her expression an inquisitive one. Rose had been so kind to me, I felt no need not to tell her. Both her thumbs on each of her hands were in the front pockets of the tan slacks that she was wearing, her hands casually across the front of her body as she waited for whatever I could think up to say.

"I was never really told... only that he was dead."

I guess that was an acceptable thing to say for she didn't try to pry any further.

She left me where I was standing after she took my hand and gave it a slight squeeze, then, making her way over to her son, they spoke quietly. I saw Andrew looking at me a couple times through their conversation, he looked worried about me.

I couldn't shut my brain down. The thoughts, questions and emotions all ripping through me at a rate I was obviously unable to absorb.

It was partially interrupted when I found Andrew in front of me, he had been calling my name and he had a hand on my Elbow.

"What did y'say?" I asked him, bringing my head up to look at him. He dropped his hold on me.

"I said do you need anything from either of us?" Andrew shifted his right shoulder indicated his mom who was exiting the dark cafeteria. "My mom has to start her shift soon, but I am sure if you need help contacting anyone, or a hand in any other matter that we could help you."

I stared at him long and hard, not knowing why he was being so kind. He must have known by then that the possibility of me being a mutant were pretty high. But neither him or his mom ever brought it up, and I felt no need to burst forth with that information.

"Why are y'doin' this Andrew? Why help me at all?"

He returned my penetrating look with one of his own, his eyes becoming somewhat dispirited as he continued to do so, as if looking at me was bringing forth depressing emotions.

"Because I care.. And I care for your well being." His hands were stiffly at his sides as if he was trying to force himself from reaching out toward me.

I looked away from him, his compassionate words drifting right through me. I said nothing to what he had said, becoming rather taciturn which seemed to make Andrew nervous.

"So do you need help contacting his mom and dad.. or his family?" Andrew repeated once more, looking past me at the back walls until he found the courage to rest his eyes upon my face once more.

My mouth tightened at his words, me teeth clenched together.

"He doesn't have any parents.. He lost them when he was just a kid." My voice was rather gruff and hard, I felt rather bad how I spoke to him, especially with how nice he had been to me. 'I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to snap at you.. it's just.. "

"To much to take in?" he offered me a small smile.

"Yeah."

So I found myself walking with him back to his car, but not before we bumped into Andrews mom again, who offered me some comforting words and asked me if I needed any assistance with anything. I declined of course. Then making our way to the back of the hospital we ran into someone else. A person who looked beyond agitated heading toward annoyed and angry.

It was Jubilee.

It ended up she had followed me, worried about me and well, just being the good friend that she was. She had been searching for me through the building but hadn't been able to find me. I guess she didn't think to look in the cafeteria. But it had been closed. I think Rose had a key that let us in, and the doors locked behind us. So she couldn't have gotten in if she wanted.

We left Andrew behind at the hospital, Jubilee driving us both back. I didn't tell her about Scott right away. I knew she was waiting for me to explain what I had been doing at hospital, why Scott's bike was there and so forth. I know she had seem his bike just by the way she looked at me.

It was at a intersection that I told her, when the light had just turned green, and when she just started to put her foot on the gas, the car rushing forward.

She stopped the car suddenly, the tires screeching, probably leaving behind rubber burns. Good thing I had my seat belt on.

"HE'S WHAT?" Jubilee shouted at me, her hand tightly clinging to the wheel.

We were in the middle of the intersection and a car had to swerve around us to pass us, honking the horn loudly as it did so.

"Oh go around you idiots!" She yelled while waving her fists around. As if the people could actually hear her through the closed windows.

So Jubilee was riled as she sped back to the apartment, the car moving in such a manner that it felt like rockets were installed on the back of it.

Oddly neither of us said anything.

It wasn't until she slammed the apartment door behind us when she started to lose it again. Her voice at full volume as she paced, her arms flailing about her as she let her shock out in overly loud words.

I was doing something else entirely, ignoring her as I automatically took off my jacket, then my shoes, and numbly made it over to my bed.

It suddenly became rather quite as Jubilee approached me from behind, her voice more restrained as she tapped on my shoulder.

"What are you doing Rogue? Scott is alive and you are making your bed?"

I hadn't even realized that I had been until she pointed it out to me. I dropped the pillow I had been holding and let go of the sheet, watched it float back down softy on the bed.

And then I started to cry. And then in the middle of it I started to laughed.

A strange disjointed, half crazed laugh that came from inside a dark part of me.

That is when Jubilee slapped me.

I can still hear the sound of her hand making contact with my face and the flash of the color purple, which had been on her nails, rushing toward me at top speed.

Strange enough I needed that, and I deserved it also. Even if it was a little harder than it needed to be.

So it took me about twenty minutes to compose myself enough to call the Professor. Jubilee kept offering that she could, but I felt the need to do it myself.

It was one of the strangest phone calls of my life. I've never heard Xavier sound like that before, so obviously happy and overjoyed, yet acutely perplexed.

And then they came to Canada in record time. Got Scott out of the hospital, which was easier that I thought it would be, although it really helped that Charles was his legal guardian. Jubilee helped me pack my sparse things as they did so.

I also manage to leave a message on Mr Demsky's answering machine to let him know I had to quit my job. I felt really bad for leaving him like that so suddenly, but it was just a drifting thought that paled in comparison with so many others.

Scott had been so motionless on the way back. It was when we got to the mansion and tried to get him off the jet that he went berserk. Shoving and lashing out, seemingly furious although he still said nothing. Not a decibel of sound leaving his lips. Xavier was unable to get through to him, nobody could say anything that would calm him down. Jubilee had to hold onto me tightly so that I didn't run to him. I believe she thought he would injure me. Finally Ororo got close enough to sedate him when Hank managed to hold him still for a couple seconds. I have never seen Scott like that, and I could see I wasn't the only one that was disturbed by his frantic presentation...

So far I have been back for about four hours and still know no more than I had. I have been with Scott nearly the whole time, we were only separated when he had to have more invasive tests performed on him in the subbasement where the more expensive and conducive equipment was located. Which is where he is now. It's not just McCoy working on him, there is a woman named Moira who is helping him. She had been brought from Scotland to help with Jean and I guess decided to stay on for a while.

Haven't really seen anyone yet, which is fine with me, although I am curious where Logan is. Probably still looking for Jean.

It's odd being back.. Seeing that which I had left behind.

I went briefly to my room to change.. It doesn't seem to fit me anymore.

I am not the person I was.

Could two months have changed me so much?

I don't know.

I am so tired. So very tired.