Chapter Thirty Six

Charlotte

Peter left as planned and The Major and I settled down to wait for the foal to arrive, normally he would be excited at the prospect and wondering if it were to be another female or a colt. If a boy he and Peter usually kept it and broke it between them but there was no sign of excitement or even interest in his eyes and when I tried to speak to him about it he just shrugged,

"Makes no difference Charlotte. A horse is a horse"

That statement scared me most of all because it was totally alien coming from his lips, he loved horses with a passion, or at least he had until now. I tried to bring up Volterra but he cut me dead and when I mentioned Alice he just got up and walked out,

"Not interested Charlotte. I don't care"

I was sad because he sounded as if he meant it and if we didn't do something soon I thought he might just drift away and we might never get him back. Where was she? Had I been wrong? I rarely was but I supposed this could be one of those occasions, I just hoped not for his sake. I needed the mare to hold out a couple more days and so far she was cooperating but I knew that could change in a heartbeat so I kept my fingers crossed.

"I hope you aren't expecting some kind of miracle Charlotte"

I had been sitting on the porch putting some last minute touches to an outfit I was making and I hadn't noticed him arrive.

"Sorry?"

"I said don't waste your energy hoping for a miracle. That is why you sent Peter away with the mare due any time wasn't it?"

"Peter had urgent business in town Major"

"Sure. Well as soon as he gets back I'm taking off."

"Where will you go?"

He shrugged,

"Doesn't matter, whichever way calls to me as I leave."

"What will you do?"

"Travel"

"Where?"

"No where special"

"You can't just keep on the move Major"

"Sure I can, there's nothing to hold me anywhere, I'll just keep moving until something turns up or I get tired of my own company."

"Why don't you stay?"

"Because you'll keep trying to tell me that life isn't over, that I have opportunities and years ahead to find someone. I don't want an opportunity Charlotte, I don't want another life, its over rated as it is. Life is over rated and relationships most certainly are."

"Mine with Peter isn't"

"No? Well maybe you were just lucky. Anyway Ill sit with Ashar tonight, I have nothing else to do"

"I could join you"

He just shook his head and walked away,

"I'm tired of talking Charlotte, I have nothing left to say."

"Don't do this Major, you're better and stronger than you think and there is someone out there for you. Someone coming."

He didn't even smile although he'd heard those words before,

"No Charlotte, there's no one coming, not for me, not any more. What is it they say? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Well I wont be shamed again and once the foal is born I'm leaving and I wont be back. I don't want you to come looking for me either. I don't need saving, I need leaving alone."

I went back into the house as the phone rung, it was Peter waiting for an update but I had no good news for him, I told him what The Major had said and he sounded flat when he spoke again,

"I guess he's right Charlotte. We can't spend our lives trying to force him to wait, to look for his mate when every time he finds a woman she treats him like crap. Maybe he's right, maybe he is meant to be alone, some of us just are."

"I'll never believe that Peter. I know she's out there, I know she's coming, its just how long it takes."

"Well if she turns up after he leaves you can point her in the right direction or tell her to give up on it and go home. Look for someone else."

I knew he was right but it hurt, after all he'd done for us, for Peter and I individually and collectively it felt wrong to just let him walk away and think of him spending eternity alone because even if he felt the pull he would fight it all the way and he could be stubborn that way, we were only too well aware of that.

"Are you having fun?"

"No, but I plan on doing so when I get back."

I couldn't help a laugh, Peter was hopeless,

"I love you Peter Whitlock"

"Love you too Charlotte."

I put the phone down and looked out the window to see The Major sitting on the fence watching the sunset where usually he would be in the stable with the horses, especially one so close to foaling.

Sighing I folded the dress I just finished and put it in the box with the others ready to be collected the next day. I did a few weddings and fancy dress costumes just to keep my hand in and everyone always seemed happy with my work although Peter thought it was all a waste of time but then he could never get the idea of fancy dress.

"Why the fuck would I want to dress up as some imaginary creature or someone I'm not and parade around the streets?"

"Its called having fun Peter, remember that?"

"I have plenty of fun with my clothes off, I don't need to dress up as a fucking nun or fairy for that."

My husband was at the back of the queue when imagination was being handed out. He wasn't big on weddings either, we never had one and his thoughts were well known among our friends,

"What's the point in getting all dressed up to say a few words, embarrass yourself and everyone around you only to take them off as soon as you can to make like bunnies? Personally I'll just skip the first bit, Char knows I love her and I know she's crazy about me, what else do we need?"

It was the one thing I regretted, never having a wedding, I thought every woman should have the opportunity to be a princess for a day.

During the night our mare started to act restless and started sweating a little so the birth was getting close. I thought she might deliver the next day and I was sure now that I wouldn't be able to detain The Major afterwards so I had more or less given up hope which upset me. I found him sitting in the stable the next morning watching her but this mare had presented problems before so that was just a sensible precaution because he didn't look interested or excited, just bored.

"How is she?"

"OK, nothing out of the ordinary so far."

"Do you want me to stay here while you hunt?"

He got up,

"OK"

That was it, just OK and he was gone leaving me frustrated, he should be enjoying this, he loved to see new born foals, it thrilled him so why was he so disinterested now? I sat in the barn for a while then as nothing much was happening I went back to the house to wait for the courier to collect the dresses. Usually I arranged my own but the client had been rather difficult about it so I agreed she could make her own arrangements. I didn't think I'd do another wedding, it was just too much hassle. I enjoyed making the dresses, it was the interaction with the humans that spoilt the mood for me. I guessed usually they were worried things might go wrong or something would ruin their big day so much they forgot to enjoy the build up to their great occasion. That was something I would never do if I got the opportunity, I would savour every moment of the process from picking the date to walking down the aisle and everything in between.