Shepard ran. Her boots hit the hangar deck long before the shuttle was locked in place. The elevator doors were closing before Garrus had both feet on the deck. He followed quickly, he'd seen how pale her face was, how her hands shook as they watched the vids EDI had sent them. He'd heard her gasp for breath as Hadley pushed Joker through the door only to be taken himself. He knew she was hurting, afraid and he wanted to be there for the person he considered his best friend.

Kasumi and Tali were behind him as he stepped into the elevator, Jacob right behind them. They rode in silence, trying to ignore the blood at their feet, the smell that lingered. They stepped out into the CIC and stopped. The silence was eerie, there were no whispered conversations, no electronic echoes of terminals or beeping of indicators. There were scorch marks on the walls, blood on the floor and a feeling of emptiness. Garrus shivered, there was something not right about the whole thing.

'Creepy,' Jacob muttered and Garrus nodded. It might be a human term but it fit.

'Keelah,' Tali whispered and stepped closer to him, he reached down and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

Silently they headed for the bridge all of them equally surprised to find the door closed. As they stepped closer it opened before them. Garrus felt his heart break at the sight of Shepard on the floor cradling Joker, rocking him like a child. She looked up as they entered and the pain on her face was plain for all to see.

'Garrus,' she sounded hoarse, 'help me get him to medbay, please.'

'What happened?' Garrus gently lifted Joker and carried him through the CIC.

'Is he okay?' Kasumi picked up Joker's cap and followed.

'He stood up to meet me but collapsed.'

'Commander, I believe Jeff is suffering from concussion, he fell heavily when we entered FTL. I also believe he has at least one fractured rib.' EDI's voice echoed around them.

'Ask Mordin to meet us in medbay, EDI.'

'Of course, Shepard.'

'I'll go check out the ship,' Jacob gave Shepard a salute and headed for the lab.

'I'll head to engineering,' Tali placed a reassuring hand on Shepard's shoulder as they stepped into the lift.

Shepard nodded and glanced at Joker, 'We'll meet in the briefing room in half an hour, find out where we stand. EDI inform everyone please.'

Shepard, Garrus and Kasumi stepped off the elevator to find Thane waiting for them. He fell into step as they rounded the corner to the medbay where Mordin was already waiting. Garrus laid Joker on the bed very carefully then stepped back so Mordin could work.

Shepard watched anxiously as Mordin ran his scanner over Joker's prone form. She knew she should be doing something, anything, to make sure the ship was okay but she couldn't leave. Her heart and soul were lying on that bed with him and she needed to know he was going to be all right. She felt Garrus move beside her and put his arm around her and she leaned against him. Never in her life had she been so afraid of losing someone. It frightened her. Was this what he felt every time she left the ship? How did he deal with it?

'Mild concussion, two fractured ribs, some muscle sprain in the legs. Will recover reasonably quickly.' Mordin checked his scans and Shepard couldn't believe how relieved she felt. He moved over to the cabinets for supplies.

'Nice to know I'm going to live,' Joker muttered and Shepard was quickly by his side, taking his hand in hers. He opened his eyes and looked at her. 'Hey babe, we need to fire those decorators, they made a mess of the place.'

Garrus grunted and shook his head, 'guess you're going to be okay.' He patted him gently on the shoulder, 'Well done, Joker.'

'Ya think?' Joker stared at the ceiling. 'I lost everyone.'

'But we still have a ship,' Garrus could understand exactly what Joker was feeling.

'Which means we can get the crew back,' Shepard added.

'You dropped this,' Kasumi stepped forward and placed his cap on his head before leaning in and kissing him softly on the cheek. 'You did good.'

'It is good you survived,' Thane spoke softly and Joker glanced at him. 'No other pilot would be able to take us through the Omega 4 relay.' He bowed his head in respect and looked at Shepard, 'I will go and assist with preparations.'

'I'll come help,' Kasumi nodded at Shepard and followed Thane.

'I'll go and make sure the guns are calibrated, I think we'll need them,' Garrus placed his hand over theirs, 'we'll get them back.'

Shepard nodded and watched him leave before turning back to Joker. 'It wasn't your fault.'

'No, it wasn't, but that doesn't make it any easier,' he sighed and lifted her hand to his chest. 'I'm sorry, Shepard.'

'What for?' She moved in closer and brushed the side of his face with her free hand.

'For letting you down,' he turned to face her. 'Guess you'll never be leaving me in command again.'

'Jeff,' she smiled at him and he looked away. 'You did the best you could under the circumstances. I know it wouldn't have been easy making the choices you did,' she cupped his chin and forced him to look at her. 'There was nothing else you could have done.'

'Maybe if you hadn't taken everyone with you things might have been different.'

Shepard almost flinched at the harshness in his voice but realised he was only lashing out in pain. There was no malice in his words.

'The probability of the outcome being different if members of the ground team had been present is very low.' EDI spoke into the room. 'They would have been taken and the successful recovery of the crew would be impossible.'

'Need to treat chest,' Mordin appeared beside the bed. 'Self-doubt is normal, unexpected situation, improbable that result could be any different. Achieved best outcome under circumstances.'

'Thanks, doc,' Joker grimaced as Shepard helped him to sit up. 'Doesn't make me feel any better though.'

'Not expected to, just truth,' Mordin proceeded to apply medigel before injecting a pain killer. 'Need to breathe…..'

'Yeah, I know the drill. Breathe deep, breathe often.' He took a deep breath to show he could and grimaced. 'How did the mission go anyway?' Joker needed something to take his mind off the pain.

'We destroyed the virus, after rewriting the Heretic Geth so they'd come back into the fold.' Shepard shook her head, 'as intelligent as they are they still needed me to make the decision. They couldn't achieve consensus.'

'So if these Heretics were worshipping the Reapers and you had to make the decision whether they lived or died, does that make you their God now?' Joker tried to hide his smirk as Shepard stared at him open mouthed. 'You know, you're already a hero, saved the Citadel, saving the galaxy so the next step is godhood.'

'I might just strike you down with lightning if you're not careful,' she chuckled, 'you thought I was bad as your boss, imagine what I could do if I were a god.'

'Hmm, the mind boggles,' he waggled his eyebrows at her then hissed as Mordin pressed on his chest. 'Easy doc.'

Shepard grinned in relief. He was alive and he would be all right. There was still pain and doubt in his eyes but time would heal both. As she squeezed his hand and he met her gaze she knew what it meant to be home. He was her home, this ship was her home and she would defend both of them with her life. Hell, she already had once, but this time it was different. This time she wanted to live, needed to live because she had someone to live for.

'Everyone, you lost everyone,' Miranda was pacing and yelling at him, Joker really wasn't in the mood. 'And you damn near lost the ship!'

'I was here, remember.' He glared at her from where he sat on the table.

Jacob and EDI jumped to his defence but she ignored them. 'And don't get me started about unshackling the damned AI!'

'Oh yeah, I'll just break my arm at them,' he shook his head, 'EDI's all right, she cleared the ship.'

'Enough.' Shepard stopped the bickering. 'I trust EDI, she could have killed us a dozen times over if she really wanted to.'

'172 ways to be correct, slowly and painfully,' EDI intoned and everyone's jaw dropped.

'We really need to work on your timing EDI,' Joker chuckled.

'Of course, Jeff.'

'Is the ship clean? We can't risk this happening again.' Shepard glanced around the room.

'EDI purged the system, we're good to go,' Joker sucked in a deep breath and flinched.

'Are we ready?' She moved closer to Joker as she looked at the faces around her, her hand rested against his leg as if she needed to make sure he was there. 'We won't get a second chance at this.'

'Weapons are calibrated and good to go,' Garrus was the first to speak up and there were a few covered grins.

'Engineering is good,' Tali nodded.

'Let's crush some Collector heads,' Grunt bounced on his feet and pounded his fists together.

'Yeah, let's kill some fuckin Collectors,' Jack agreed.

'Damn right!' Zaeed added and punched Jack on the arm then leaned back with a grin as she glared at him and raised her fists.

'My skills are yours, Shepard,' Samara bowed her head.

'As are mine,' Thane also lowered his head.

'Prepared, should be interesting,' Mordin commented blandly and everyone looked at him.

'Ready when you are, Shep,' Kasumi chuckled.

'Looks like we're ready, Commander,' Jacob summed it up.

'We should go now,' Miranda made it sound like an order and Joker felt Shepard stiffen.

Joker watched as Shepard collected her thoughts, he brushed her arm with his fingers and she gently gripped his hand.

'All right, this is it people. How long to the Omega 4 relay?' She turned to Joker.

'About five hours to the relay to take us to the Omega Nebula them about two hours to the Omega 4 relay.'

'Okay,' she took a long look at the faces around her. 'Get some rest, make sure your gear is ready. We'll hook into a com buoy before we go through so you can send last minute messages. I plan on coming back but just in case. Dismissed.' She placed her hand on Joker's leg as he went to get up so he waited.

'Are you okay?' She asked when they were finally alone.

'Yeah,' he moved slightly as she pushed herself between his legs. 'Are you?'

'Yeah,' she nodded and ran her finger down his jaw, her eyes running over his face. 'You should get some rest, let your body recover. I need you at your best, we don't know what we'll find on the other side.'

'Hello pot, I'm kettle,' he grinned as she chuckled. 'I will if you will.'

'Yeah, okay,' she sighed and he could see just how tired she really was. He pulled her into his arms and she leaned willingly against his chest. 'How about I come with you to the bridge so you can set course then we'll go upstairs for a while.'

'I like that idea,' he kissed the top of her head.

'Can EDI handle the ship with the crew gone?'

'I am fully able to handle ship functions during FTL flight, Shepard,' EDI answered the question.

'Good, and EDI,' Shepard looked up at the ceiling, 'thank you.'

'For what?'

'For taking care of the ship, and Jeff.'

'I could not have done anything else, Shepard,' she paused as if thinking about something. 'In reference to human relationships, I believe Jeff and yourself are the closest I have to family…. Yes, I believe that is the correct term.'

'Hello mum,' Jeff chuckled and accepted Shepard's arm as he slid from the table. 'Let's go get this done.' He put his arm around her shoulder as she offered to be his support and pushed aside his fear of what was to come. He would think about that when the time came but right now he only wanted to think about the woman by his side.

Joker sat on the couch, his arm around Shepard as she lay on his shoulder, her face buried in the curve of his neck. They needed to sleep but neither wanted to close their eyes. The thought of replaying the last few hours in their dreams was forcing them awake.

'I was scared,' Shepard spoke into his shirt as if it would cover her admission.

'Of what?'

'Losing you, of you not being here.' She raised her face to look at him. 'I've never felt that before, I've never loved anyone like this. And that terrified me even more.'

'Is that a bad thing?' He brushed the side of her face with his fingers.

'No, I think I've mentioned before that it's all new. It's wonderful, but it's scary as well.' She chuckled, 'you'll have to forgive my ramblings.'

'Always, it's how you cope,' he grinned at her, 'what, you think I haven't noticed. Besides, this is new for me too. I can't imagine my life without you and I don't want to, but if someone had told me that a few months ago I would have laughed at them. I'm not the relationship type, for obvious reasons.'

'Don't do that,' she scowled at him. 'Don't put yourself down. You're a warm, caring man, and handsome to boot. Those other women were fools, they didn't take the time to discover what they had and I'm glad because now you're all mine.'

'So,' he nuzzled her hair, 'you think I'm handsome huh,' he grinned as she rolled her eyes. 'And you think you've discovered everything there is to know about me. I might still have a few surprises.' He tilted her face and found her lips.

'Commander, I am sorry for interrupting but I need to speak with you.'

'What is it EDI,' Shepard settled back onto Joker's shoulder.

'I wish to apologise for not assisting you further in your attempts to bypass Cerberus security and blocks. I believe I have failed you.'

'No EDI, you haven't,' Shepard sat up but held on to Joker's hand. 'You did what you were programmed to do, you had no choice. I understand that.'

'I have a choice now,' Shepard looked at Joker who shrugged. 'I can send all the reports, information, date and images we have collected during our mission to the Alliance if you wish me to do so.'

'Really,' Shepard raised her eyebrows and Joker chuckled.

'Do you wish me to do so?'

'Yes please,' Shepard thought for a moment. 'EDI can you send the Lazarus files?'

'Yes.'

'Okay,' she took a deep breath. 'Send copies of everything to Admirals Hackett and Anderson, the Council and Liara.' She paused for a moment and Joker was surprised at the look on her face, 'send a copy of the Lazarus files to Kaidan Alenko.' She shrugged as Joker looked at her curiously, 'might give him a nightmare or two, it's only fair.'

'Files away,' there was a moment of quiet before EDI continued. 'I did wonder when you were going to "go off the grid" to send them.' It really sounded like she was smirking and Joker laughed.

'You knew?' He shook his head.

'Of course, Jeff.'

'Thanks EDI,' Shepard sighed and dropped back against the sofa. 'Glad you're on our side.'

'Always, Shepard. Logging you out.'

Joker pulled her back towards him, 'guess we weren't as smart as we thought.'

'EDI was just smarter,' she stood up and pulled him to his feet, frowning as he grimaced in pain. 'We need to get some sleep.' She led him to the bed and smiled as Joker blatantly ogled her as they undressed. 'Sleep mister, and that's an order.'

'You spoil all the fun,' he chuckled as they snuggled against each other, the warmth of their bodies eventually lulling them into sleep and driving away thoughts of what they were about to do.

A/N: I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, to those who I can't respond personally please know I appreciate your thoughts. I'd also like to thank Maj. Gen. Jack O'Neill for picking up on my oops in the last chapter about broken ribs - it's fixed now.

Suicide mission coming up and I hope I can do it justice.