I do not know where this story will go so please watch up here for WARNINGS. This will be very important as time goes on.

Also, I know I've said this before, but I've started a Facebook page called SilverMidnight52. I believe this will be an easier way for us to communicate and for you to get a say when I have questions.

I own nothing. Enjoy!

"You're late, McGee," Gibbs stated as I rushed to my desk.

"Sorry," I responded dropping into my chair, "I was at the hospital."

Almost instantly the tone of the room changed. Three sets of eyes moved to look at me as I did my best not to look away from my computer monitor. I didn't want to see the worry and sadness that would be there just yet.

The clock read 10 o'clock letting me know just how far the day had gotten before everything turned to hell. Well, that wasn't true. Everything went to hell around seven this morning. This was it finally getting back to a somewhat calm state.

I never thought that my calm state would make me want to bash my head into a wall, but there were things that you learned everyday. Like how watching the man you've been dating for four months gasping and crying out in pain as doctors and nurses rushed around him is not a nice image.

In fact it's an image that has you rushing to his side to hold his hand hoping that you'll be able to figure out what the doctors are saying. But of course you can because you're not a doctor and they have their own little language.

Then suddenly the hand in your loosens until it's falling to the side of the bed as a shrill beep fills the room. Before you can even begin to question what is going on a nurse is forcing you out of the room as even more people file in.

So you stand there completely frozen as if someone reached into your chest and squeezed every last breath out of you. You feel as if you're floating and falling all at once. Clenching your hands tightly you stand there waiting for some kind of news.

You have no idea how long you've been standing there, but when the doctor finally emerges he informs you that they're not as done with the surgery's as they thought they were. That they'll call when they're done and have more answers.

"McGee!" Gibbs barked a hand coming to grip my shoulder.

It was then that I noticed that I had stood up. My entire body was shaking as the older man pulled me away from the desk and to the elevator. I was honestly too drained to even fight back as the doors closed and he shut the elevator down.

Leaning against the wall I buried my head in my hands as I slide down the wall. An arm wrapped around my shoulder pulling me closer to the older man as I started to cry. The situation had finally gotten to me and I felt myself finally falling.

As odd as it sounded I knew that I was sort of the odd man out on the team. I wasn't saying they didn't care about me, but that I might hold myself away from there sometimes. Not that I did it on purpose. Not all the time at least.

Okay, so I wasn't holding myself away from the team as much as I was holding myself from Gibbs. As much as I hated to admit it I had always compared my Boss to my Father and that caused me to act a certain way.

It wasn't Gibbs fault that I acted the way I did around him, but I knew how much Marines hated any sign of weakness. To be fair I had a lot of them. Something the Admiral never let me forget when I was growing up. A lot of fights came from that.

I knew that Gibbs and the Admiral had totally different ways of viewing basically the same rules. He wasn't my Father, but I still found myself wanting to prove that I wasn't completely useless. That what I could do could help the team with cases. That I was strong enough to handle this.

Someone I was failing at now. I was literally curled into his side sobbing my eyes out. Every part of me wanted to pull away and pull myself together. I coudln't though. I was too drained to stop. The fact I kept picturing Dmitri didn't help either.

Every inch of his body had been taunt like a bow. Gasps and whimpers of pain could be heard even over the doctors and nurses. Those beautiful whiskey eyes were shining bright with tears streaming down his pale face. Then everything slowly started to fad. Every noise went silent. His eyes went dull.

"Breathe," a strong voice demanded cutting through my thoughts, "In. Hold. Out. Come on, Tim. You're going to pass out if you don't calm down. Just follow my breathing."

Letting my boss take over for a moment I found myself doing what he said. Pushing myself into a panic attack would do nothing for anyone. I had to be strong. Dmitri needed me to be strong for him. I could do that. I had to do that.

"It isn't a weakness," Gibbs said his hand tightening on my shoulder, "Crying...Emotions aren't a weakness."

"I know," I panted out trying to get my breathing back.

"Do you? How long have you been dating Dmitri?"

"Four months."

"How long have you wanted to be dating him?"

"The first month he was here."

"McGee, you care for people. Deeply. You have a heart of gold and you wear it on your sleeve. That's not a bad thing. You just feel emotions deeper than some. You show them."

"Boss?"

"Your boyfriend is in the hospital because of an explosion caused by someone you used to be in love with and at one point in time thought of as a best friend. This is the first time I've seen true emotion coming from you without you pushing it back down."

Sighing I looked up at my Boss seeing that he was staring at the wall. The hand on my shoulder slowly loosened until I could move so I was sitting up fully. Still I didn't let my eyes leave my Boss as I tried to figure him out.

More often than not I found myself in positions like this. I never really understood the older man though I knew what he wanted me to do. It was such an odd relationship, but in truth I wouldn't change any of it.

"They think Dmitri has a piece of something near his spine," I spoke softly, "It's been working closer and today it shifted. He was in so much pain, Gibbs. Then he was... He was so still. That damn noise..."

"Shh," Gibbs soothed resting a hand on my knee, "What else did the doctor say?"

"To go home and wait for a call while they 'figure this out'. How am I supposed to just go on with my day knowing his heart stopped?"

Gibbs nodded his head before pulling me so we were both standing up. Hitting a button to start the elevator he directed it down to autopsy without saying a word. Sometimes I really hated how quiet he got.

"Ah, Jethro," Ducky greeted with a smile before his eyes locked on me, "Timothy, what is wrong, my boy?"

"Have some tea," Gibbs said moving me to a chair, "Listen to Ducky's stories. When the phone call comes get me. We'll go together."

With nothing more than another squeeze to my shoulder the older man turned and walked out of the room. For a second everything was quiet. Then Ducky was back to himself. Moving around the room he handed me a cup of tea and started to talk.

I couldn't really tell what the M.E. was saying, but I felt myself get pulled into the noise. A steady stream of talking about everything under the sun while a cup of tea warmed my hands. Gibbs really was good at taking care of us.