Author's Note - So just as an FYI, assuming I stick to my updating pattern of once-a-month updates (because, yes, I suck), the next installment will probably be sometime in/after September. I'm going to be devoting my energies to a one-shot or two for the Successor Challenge in August. Don't know what that is? The gist is that it's a 'successor' to the original Where I Belong challenge though it doesn't focus on one pairing - just a sole theme of 'what happens after.' Link's in my bio if you wanna know more and participate! :D

Chapter XXXIV – Impossibilities

The taste of my coffee was exactly how I'd imagined it with liberal crop dusting of hazelnut whitener and sugar – just the pure, sweet nut-infused goodness with all the coffee's natural bitterness exorcized. The aftertaste remained on my tongue long after I'd drained the container. Not that that was a bad thing - it leveled out my mood enough to feel confident enough to take on what was to come.

Conversely, Squall had opted for a touch of the regular creamer with a single packet of sugar despite my polite offer that he should try some of the hazelnut one. In hindsight, I guess it was for the better that he didn't end up with a sugar high; he didn't need to do the amount of fidgeting I was starting to do now. I had set my thermos on the table about a minute ago and was already paying for it big time considering that he did not gulp down coffee nowhere near as fast as I'd downed mine.

Naturally, he chose this moment to extend my torture by setting down his own thermos.

"Let's go." he said, turning to face me.

Or maybe it was the opposite of that.

I nodded in silent appreciation. I'd been expecting some kind of battle plan discussion but the more I thought of it, the more I realized there was no point – I would be undoubtedly playing lead to his supporting role.

I got up and waited for him to follow suit before moving so much as an inch or even turning around; I wanted to make sure he wouldn't be too far behind as I tended to speed-walk while freshly-caffeinated. What I hadn't expected was for him to place his hands on my shoulders after he got up. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

'Breathe. You look like you're ready to scale the walls at the slightest noise.' he sent.

I inhaled and exhaled in an exaggerated fashion on command because telling him he did not help matters at all wasn't an option.

'Better?'

'Only if you continue to do that without making a spectacle of it in the process.' he shrugged, lowering his hands to his sides.

'I'll try.'

A thought occurred to me after the words had left my brain and reached his. I extended my left hand to him, palm up. He looked at me but the expression he gained wasn't like mine a few minutes ago – it was more like faint surprise than confusion. I raised my hand a bit more.

"I have no idea what'll happen next. And anything I could say will probably rank up there in the worst pep talks of all time." I admitted. "But this I can do."

Instead of taking my hand, he dug one of his into his pockets and handed me the pages from earlier. As I figured this was his polite way of declining the offer, I turned around right after grabbing them with the outstretched hand. I didn't question why, I just took it at face-value that he didn't need the reassurance and moved on. As I started to walk out of the room at a deliberately-controlled pace, I stuck the papers in my back pocket so I wouldn't have to worry about possibly making the typewriter ink from the old page run because of the oils and sweat from my hot little hand. Then again, the ink was probably more resilient than I was giving it credit for but it was better safe than sorry.

A jolt ran up my arm in spite of myself when his hand covered my fingers before I could so much as let the hand rest at my side. I wanted to look back and see the expression on his face but I resisted the urge because it wouldn't reveal anything that I didn't already know. And come to think of it, it made more sense to hold my hand this way instead of intertwining our fingers like before so we didn't have to pass through door frames by doing the tango.

Yeah, that definitely made perfect sense, I decided as I took another breath for good measure.

Curling up the little nubs of my fingers poking out of his grasp, I picked up the pace a little. It seemed as though being worried about speedwalking was kind of moot point when the person behind you had longer legs. And when he was accidentally walking into you every few steps.

The speed that I was now walking at made us feel like we were on some top-secret mission as we kept silent and made short work of the hallways. Well, before I made a point to make a complete stop at the first landing of the staircase, anyway. Squall didn't bump into me as ascending up the first flight of stairs had slowed both of us down – he stayed a step below.

'…Need the passcode for the door?'

'Nope, I remember it – it's 1213.' I sent back, glancing his way. 'I just didn't want to go too fast and make you trip up the stairs since the ones up to the main floor after this landing are a little steeper as I'm sure you noticed on the way down. Last thing either of us needs is to have bruised knees or even fall backwards, after all.'

'Makes sense.'

'Ok. Just making sure.' He let go of his hand then and I turned to face the second set of stairs, taking another quiet breath. I could do this. Nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

I took a step and that led to another step. Then another and another until I got up to the last one before the door where the little keypad with an angrily-red light was on my left. I punched in the four digits and the 'Unlock' button – the light flicked from yellow to green in a heartbeat.

"DOOR. UNLOCKED."

My heart rocketed into the back of my mouth at the deafening response by the machine. Regardless of how many times I'd heard this noise in the past, it never got any better. It didn't help matters any that the volume of the blasted thing might have caught my father's attention if he was anywhere near the vicinity of the door, possibly signalling the official point of no return. I swallowed the heart-shaped lump in my throat and reached for the handle.

Before I could give myself the opportunity to change my mind, I twisted it open and took the next step into the main hallway. When I could feel Squall directly behind me on the main floor and hear the creak of the closing door, the heart-shaped lump relocated to the reverberating thumps pulsing through my ears. Standing around wasn't going to do much to quell the noises so I started to walk while bottling the building anxiety to move forward, not bothering to impart any kind of comment to Squall before starting the search.

The first stop was the door to our left into the book-lite version of the two main floor living rooms. I was at the aforementioned door in no time, pretty much expecting a vacant entertainment room when I opened it considering the lack of fanfare post-obnoxious alarm. But then it swung open and I jumped backwards to avoid the arc, colliding into Squall in the process.

My father didn't look particularly angry or particularly like anything period, but I was certain that my heart had managed to escape through my eardrums and that I was only standing up because of momentum. I was also certain that gravity would claim me soon if Squall budged as much as an inch backwards.

"I can't say I hadn't anticipated this." my father commented before retreating back into the room.

'…Should we go in?' Squall sent.

While I knew that he hadn't set out a tin of cookies and tea for us, I was fairly confident that he wasn't going to turn us away.

'Definitely.'

I followed my father into the room with Squall in tow, hoping he didn't start having misgivings about the polite dissent we were about to engage in. I needed all the back-up I could get.

-—-

The dark orange room hadn't changed much, if at all, in three years' time.

The far left hand corner still hosted the same home bar set up – bar fridge, backwards-L-shaped countertop, tall black-brown and low-backed chairs and all. The opposing corner occupied by a barely-touched pool table with a couch and tv nestled away on the opposite side of that. The only real difference that I could tell was that by the far right wall, which faced the outside with a large window in the center, there a leather office chair right in the middle of it and a large white mug on the window ledge.

My father was not sitting there, however.

He'd taken the barstool that was behind the bar countertop, hands clasped on the immaculate polished finish. I plucked out the folded papers from my pants and stood behind one of the chairs instead of taking it, half-toying with the idea of asking him to make us a pair of stiff drinks. Squall opted to stand behind me to my right. Not that I thought anything would happen but I still couldn't blame him for making a point to be out of arms' reach.

I unwrinkled the pages in my hands and slapped them down on the counter.

"I want to know what's the heck is going on here." I asserted, crossing my arms tightly enough that I was practically cutting off my own circulation. "This is saying one thing and Allison is telling us something else. And that something is something I know you made her say."

My father didn't so much as look at a single line before pushing them aside.

"I want to know what she told you and where you found this."

I tilted my head and loosened my arms a little. What did it matter, honestly? Nevertheless, I didn't want to make more of a mess of things than it had to be so I answered him straight.

"She told us that we were going to be separated to see if we could reset our bodies' chemistry back to normal, seeing as her test this morning showed that I was linked to Squall because I could heal myself and him but not her. She also said that you'd gotten a call from the Center and Zell that they claimed I was dead." I began. "Then after getting something and coming back down, when Squall confronted her about his reason for being here, she told us that bringing him here was basically a chess move to hurt Odine and that I could be going elsewhere entirely as early as tomorrow. After that, we found this pink bag with my name on it in the plastic grocery bag that she brought down for coffee supplies. You'll know why we're so confused when you read the older-looking paper."

Even with my explanation done and over with, the pages remained untouched. He just looked at me as if he was waiting to hear more for some reason. When he must have gotten the hint that I wasn't going to add to that, he picked up the papers and skimmed their contents. After he'd set it down once more, he let out a low sigh.

Taking this as a sign that this was going to take a while, I caved and finally took the chair closest to my father on the left. Squall took the other chair shortly after and moved it slightly to the left; the movement had gone unnoticed, judging by the minor shift in my father's gaze. Not caring about the resulting shrill squeak, I made a point after to scoot my chair a smidge more forward and his focus shifted back to me. Then he pointed in the page's direction.

"Do you believe what was in that page applied to your situation?" he asked. When I nodded, he looked at Squall.

"Sit in the office chair over by the window."

Despite the visible confusion, Squall wordlessly lowered himself off the chair and walked away as he was told. I shot my father a disgusted look even though he was still focused on Squall. Was this to prove a point of some kind?

After we saw him disappear behind the tall back of the chair and heard the tell give of the leather accommodating newfound weight, my father followed this up with a second command.

"Turn the chair around so we can see you." And he did. "Unbutton the plaid shirt and sit in the chair sideways, hands outstretched behind your head."

Squall complied once more insofar as sitting on the chair sideways went but I could see some definite hesitation blocking the fulfillment of the rest of the request.

"What's next? Have him do a strip tease on the couch? A full gym routine on the floor? Can't you see he's uncomfortable?" I snapped, getting ready to leap off of my chair at this point, "Squall, don't do anything more that man says. This is just some sick game. I can't believe-"

"-Rinoa stop." my father interrupted before turning his attention towards Squall again. "I've seen what I needed to see. You can retake your original seat if you choose to."

Squall sat right side up again, face now sporting faint traces of lingering irritation as he walked back and reclaimed his spot beside me, eyes laser-focused on the man behind the counter; I joined in on the fun shortly after. Fortunately for us, the silence did not hang in the air before long.

"The severe withdrawal the text speaks about won't be an issue." he calmly stated to the both of us. "Had that been the case, I could have gotten him to do a strip tease routine with cartwheels no questions asked if it meant the faintest chance at continued proximity. Your powers aren't strong enough to cause concern."

"I'm pretty sure what's the cause of most of my concerns right now is that you actually said the words 'strip tease routine with cartwheels' out loud." I flippantly replied. "But in all seriousness, just because we can be separated, doesn't mean we should. Squall may not be jonesing for me being in the same room because I have the 0-calorie version of sorceress powers but that doesn't mean that he won't have a really hard time with his transition. Why would you do that to him when we know he can feel better and be able to function? What if the Center is using this 'Rinoa is dead, come look' trick to snatch us while you were away instead of assuming you didn't know and make you think I was dead? Wouldn't it make more sense to hide us both in the same place so they can't find anything if or when they look? I just don't understand the logic in what you made Allison say. Especially if she felt the need to give us that paper make me worry even more about the effect on Squall."

"You might not believe me, I did not put her up to saying anything." he replied. "She had limited information because we hadn't properly discussed much outside the testing before the call blindsided us and demanded our immediate attention. Any inconsistencies should owe to nerves if she hadn't opened the bag. I'm assuming that much since I doubt she would be out to deceive you, especially considering the effort it took to get you two here."

I heard Squall's breath audibly hitch.

"…You were behind that?" I choked.

"It was not ideal, but I was." he admitted. "I was rereading sorceress texts last night and this was the closest to come to anything bearing resemblance to how you'd described this connection – even if what was written was based on full-bodied sorceresses prior to the Cursing Sorceress. I would have preferred not to do this through trial by fire but there was no time. I assumed that if this possibly applied, you would bring up your concerns or and rationalize this away if it didn't."

"…Nice to know I can be still played like a fiddle after all these years." I groaned.

"Again, if I had the choice to discuss this matter with you in detail, I would have opted for that route." he reiterated. "Regardless, it will not happen again."

If I wasn't so mentally exhausted at this point, I would have rolled my eyes. Or made some snarky comment about how it was more likely that I'd be able to pull off flawless cartwheels myself before he'd keep that promise. Or resurrect Angelo from doggie heaven. Or become an astronaut. The impossibilities were endless, really.

"I think that the best course of action would be for Nurse Bear to watch over you at an undisclosed location I will not be privy to. Towards the end of the transition, I would imagine that an arrangement would be made so you would be in separated into different rooms to avoid masking the end transition's process so there's clear and measurable delineation."

I blinked hard. That was definitely not one of the impossibilities I was thinking of.

"You…didn't just decide that on the spot because of what I'd said, did you?"

"Yes and no. It was something Nurse Bear had suggested a while ago that I had admittedly told her was not an option I wanted to pursue. Considering how everything is unfolding however, I realize that this is quickly becoming the only feasible option if I want to protect you."

"…The more you two talk as if I wasn't sitting here, the less I can make sense of why I should be in this house." Squall commented to no one in particular. His flat tone lacked the ire to suggest indignation instead of a mere statement of fact. "Allison said I was here to stick it to Odine but if the goal was to retrieve Rinoa and keep her safe, bringing me would complicate matters by drawing more attention to her. Considering that no one had any idea that we had a connection through her powers and otherwise no reason to believe Rinoa would be compromised by separation, there is no vested interest in bringing me here."

"I wouldn't leave you behind Squall." I told him, looking his way again. He looked at me in kind and shook his head.

"If Allison had only been prepared to take you, I would have forced you to go with her."

"-You say that but we all know I would have made you come with." I countered.

"Bringing you here was one of Allison's main conditions for assisting me in this endeavor."

My stomach did this weird nervous flip, my mouth feeling like it just ate a bunch of saltines without a drink to chase it all down.

"…Why?" Squall half-muttered.

I looked at my old man again and noticed a certain unease taking hold in his features. It was the second time in the past three years I've seen him have an actual expression on his face other than the default hard-to-read look and I really…really didn't like it.

"Because." he started with near-business-like composure, setting his forearms on the table, hands clasped shortly after. "She felt as though she had failed at protecting you and your sister Ellone from those cretins by making the wrong calls and not doing enough where she could have. I cannot say that I am a stranger to that sentiment either."

Had this been years ago, then-me would have lorded this explicit admission of fault over my father's head like some grand victory much like when he called me by my preferred name. Today? Not so much. Just as much as he could fault himself for not stepping in years ago, I could fault myself in equal measure for not calling home and swallowing my pride. And even though I had been mad at the way this was handled in hindsight, I knew deep down that there was truly no right way these past three years could have gone – in the end, it would have only been a different set of regrets. Nothing quantifiably better or worse, just…different.

Even so, no one ever got ahead playing the 'what if' game. All there was is the present, future and the opportunities from what currently is to shape them.

"While I can understand the barter since I can just about imagine how invaluable her help was but…what I can't understand your reluctance at having Squall here if you didn't know about the connection." I said, trying to avoid catching a glimpse of Squall in the corner of my right eye. "…Squall won't admit it but, Allison told him about your reluctance and something tells me it's not a run-of-the-mill thing if his background checks came up clean and you still felt off. For his sake, I think we need this cleared up while we're all here."

And sometimes those aforementioned opportunities didn't exactly present themselves in a way where they could be cleanly reached. Or tactfully.

To my surprise, my father did not attempt to change the subject or dismiss the question out of the gate. Nor had Squall for that matter, though I think I faintly hear the results of him taking his own advice from downstairs.

"It is not every day where you are reminded of things you would rather forget." he solemnly admitted. "And clean is not what you expect to find when you hear the name of a close friend's son who went missing twenty-five years ago, never mind when you see the confirmation in his uncanny resemblance to his mother. Clean is what you find when someone sanitized the truth for a reason."