Chapter Thirty eight:
She said nothing but continued to sip on the water.
"Expected him to call sooner?" asked Brass.
Their food arrived and she was grateful as she ignored his question and bit into the omelet.
She took another bite.
"You're not going to talk to me, are you?" asked Brass.
She took another bite before setting the fork down.
Her stomach churned and she willed it to remain calm.
She grabbed the water and drank some.
It didn't help.
She was gone in a flash.
He sat there and watched as she scurried to the bathroom.
When she returned, she noticed there was a small plate with toast sitting in her spot.
"I thought it might help," he said.
She thanked him as she ate a piece.
"Would it help if I told you the reason he didn't call sooner is because I called him," said Brass.
Her eyes shot up to meet his.
"I couldn't count on him to do the right thing so I called him. I told him you were working a double with Catherine."
She finished the piece of toast.
"He never told me what caused this…you going to clue me in?" asked Brass.
"What would you do for Ellie?" asked Sara.
Her deliberate refusal to answer the question frustrated him.
"Ellie is grown…she has a mind of her own," said Brass.
Sara stared at him.
He sighed out loud and began to talk. "You tell yourself you would treat everyone the same but not when it comes to your own child…you give them pass after pass…you bail them out of
jail, send money when you know it's a mistake, and you'd gladly give up your life for them…even if they don't appreciate it."
"Ellie is not yours," she whispered.
"Does that matter?" he asked.
Her hand shook as she set the piece of toast down.
"David offered to give us custody of Scotty," she said.
She swiped at her eyes. "He said he would sign papers allowing us to adopt Scotty."
"Why do I hear an 'if' in there?" asked Brass.
"I uhm would have to sleep with him," she said.
Brass set his coffee cup down with a thud.
He stared at Sara.
"Warrick said his grandmother probably sold her soul to get him away from his dysfunctional parents…Catherine said she would kill for Lindsey. You even said…"
"Sara, did you…"
She shook her head.
"I couldn't."
Brass released the air he had been holding.
"Sara…"
"I love Scotty…but I couldn't. I wanted to protect him. He called me 'momma'…did you know that? I went there…I rocked him to sleep. He'd been crying…doesn't understand why I pop in and
out of his life…like David…David told Mary to get his things together… that he would be going home with me… he was giving custody to us. He told her we had some personal business… I
would come and get Scotty when we were finished."
She swiped at her tears and looked at Brass. "I didn't go and get him. I couldn't…"
He cursed inwardly.
"I ran out. All I could think about was getting to Grissom. It's funny…how quickly he's become…my rock…I just wanted to get to him…I turned around and he was there. Warrick told him
where I was going. I told him and he…he was so angry…so hurt. I never should have gone there."
"You didn't do anything wrong," said Brass.
"Didn't I? He was right. I went there knowing what David wanted but I went anyway."
"You went because you love Scotty. You couldn't because you love Grissom."
"I hurt them both," she said as the tears increased. Her hand held the side of her head as she swiped at her cheeks with the other.
"Listen to me," said Brass. "You…"
"He uhm said he couldn't be with me right now," she managed to whisper.
"He just needed to calm down. Sara, he…"
"I need to go," she said. "I'm sorry…I need to go."
"Go home," he said.
"I can't," she said. "He doesn't want me."
"That's bullshit and you know it," he said.
She didn't.
Her eyes told him she didn't believe it and for a moment he wanted to throttle Grissom.
He dropped her off at her vehicle and he watched as she left.
Grissom looked up when he saw Brass standing there in his office.
He said nothing when Brass closed the door and sat down.
"I was at the diner with Sara…in case you were worried where your wife was," he said. "I sent her home but I'm not sure she'll go there."
Grissom sighed. "I yelled at her. That son of a bitch offered her Scotty if she would sleep with him."
Brass glared at Grissom.
"She went there knowing what he wanted," said Grissom as he threw a file onto his desk.
"So is that why you can't be with her right now? Because of your damn pride!" yelled Brass.
Grissom's eyes shot up.
"You were just waiting for her to hurt you…has she ever hurt you? She's scared Gil. She knows you can hurt her…You've hurt her before and each time you hurt her she blamed herself…for
not being what you wanted her to be. She's done nothing but love you. You have all the power here…Sara's strong but she's also fragile. Understand?"
Grissom nodded.
His words played over and over in his head and he cursed at himself.
"I can't be with you right now"
She had felt rejected.
She had apologized over and over when he should have let her explain. He should have understood why she did what she did. She would walk through fire for Scotty. She was acting on
maternal instinct to protect him.
He's not even our child…
She had felt guilty when she could not do what Hollister had asked.
She thought she was letting Scotty down…
Bastard…
"Gil, Hollister has no intentions of giving that baby to Sara. He's using him as bait," said Brass.
"She never should have gone," said Grissom letting his jealousy show.
"How long are you going to leave her alone? I think you're nine hours overdue," Brass yelled. "Do you know how much you hurt her? Oh she won't tell you…she'll never admit it. You just
scared the hell out of her! She's so afraid you're going to do what you've always done…reject her…well guess what, you did just that. One mistake ...hell I don't even think it was a mistake
and you tell her…"
"I know what I said…I didn't mean it," he said.
Grissom cursed when Ecklile stuck his head in the door.
"We need you," said Ecklie.
Once Ecklie disappeared, Brass stood. "Don't forget Sara needs you as well."
His mind was not on the meeting with the undersheriff. He was relieved when it was over. He checked his phone messages. There were none from her.
He drove home and cursed when she was not there.
His phone rang and he answered.
"She's at her apartment," said Brass.
"Thanks," said Grissom as he headed over there.
He tapped at the door but she did not answer.
He rummaged through his pocket until he found the key. He unlocked the door but could not enter.
She's put a chair against the door…
Shit…
She's afraid…
"Sara?"
"Go home," she whispered.
"No."
"Please," she pleaded in a soft voice.
"We need to talk."
He heard footsteps and then the chair was removed.
The room was pitch black.
Boxes littered the walls.
The only remaining piece of furniture was the couch.
She lay back on the couch and clutched the covers tight against her face.
He sat down on the edge of the couch.
"We need to talk," he said.
His voice was soft but the sound pounded in her head.
The slightest movement brought tears to her eyes.
It was worse than falling off the cliff.
Her body was racked with pain.
She closed her eyes refusing to look at him.
One hour…
Your son…
For Scotty…
"You never told him, did you?"
"I can't be with you right now."
He recognized the symptoms.
"How long have you had the migraine?" he asked.
She said nothing.
"The doctor warned you might headaches for several months," he said.
It hurt to talk.
"Taken anything?" he asked.
She nodded slowly.
"The medication will help soon. Just try to sleep."
"Sorry…so sorry," she managed to get out.
"We're going to talk…when you're better. Not now," he said.
"Sorry," she choked out as she began to cry.
"Sara, don't. It'll just make it worse, honey. Just sleep…the migraine will pass."
"I didn't…" she said between clenched teeth. "I wouldn't…"
He quickly kissed her on the forehead as he took her hand into his and held it to his cheek.
"Never…should… have…gone," she said.
"Sara…let it go," he said.
She curled up in a ball.
She slipped her hand from his.
"Just…wanted …to…protect…Scotty," she cried.
She sobbed uncontrollably causing the pain to increase.
"I love you, Sara…this doesn't change anything…I love you."
"Hurt…you…so…sorry," she sobbed. "So sorry…so…sorry."
She felt the effects of the drug finally as she felt herself floating.
The pain eased.
She welcomed it.
She could no longer face him at the moment.
He sat there with her cursing at himself.
The incident had hurt her far worse than him.
She woke a few hours later.
She rose in a sweat.
She covered her mouth to stifle the scream.
He was there within minutes.
"I'm here," he said.
He reached for her but she sat up.
Her head was not much better.
She forced herself off the couch and showered.
"Ready to go home?" he asked.
"I'm fine here," she said softly.
"Sara, I'm sorry. I was angry. Please, let's just go home and talk," he said.
"You uhm don't have…to do this…I can stay…here. You don't have to…" she closed her eyes to ward off the nausea.
"I want you home…with me," he said. "Please, Sara."
Note from author:
I know I left the worse angst for the last...leave a review...you've been great about voicing your opinions...LOL
Take care,
Penny