Chapter 38

Mae's tendency and familiarity with witchcraft left Dean skeptical. He couldn't tell how much was the nature of hunting and how much she believed or practiced. The thought that lingered in the back of his mind was that there was always a chance that she was on the wrong side of things. He hoped not and would have preferred she held a hard line anti-witch viewpoint. Of course, she hardly followed his hopes or wishes for her. With his luck, she was a damn high priestess.

Still, they needed every advantage they could get, especially since they were after something larger than a foolish kid. He decided he would keep his eye on her, try to keep her on the straight and narrow, as much as possible. He would dedicate himself to making sure she didn't do something stupid.

He watched her as she gathered her supplies. "Okay, so… what's your plan here boys?"

Dean crossed his arms over his chest as he frowned. "What do you mean?"

She straightened up, letting the items she gathered from her bag scatter over the bed. "Getting those figures. How do you plan to go about that?"

He smirked. "Well… the car mostly, some walking, I anticipate maybe some door knobs, nothing I can't handle."

Mae rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and then shooting Dean a sarcastic look. "Fantastic but what I mean is which one of you is going?

Sam and Dean exchanged a glance and once again the redhead huffed. "You boys get to ground me but I don't get to point out that Dean's got the same target painted on his back that I do."

"I'll be fine Mae."

"You'll be fine? What am I? On the JV team now? You know I'm real close to smacking some sense into you."

"You don't know that I won't enjoy that." He counted with that cocksure grin that only he could wear that well.

Countering, she took a few steps closer, so they were almost toe to toe. "I can promise you, you won't."

Mae nearly laughed when he waggled his eyebrows at her. "I like a challenge."

Reaching into the gap between the two hunters, Sam waved his hand. "You both are gross. Can you try to stop the creepy flirting when I'm in the room? At least for the rest of this job?"

The two paused a moment before they disengaged. You could practically hear the click as they shifted gears and backed down to fill Sam's request. "Besides," he continued, "I think Dean should go, if you're staying here. Last time the two of you were alone together out there, it didn't go so well."

With a twist of her mouth, she considered his argument. There wasn't a perfect solution. She knew she was a liability now but didn't know if it was better to isolate herself with Dean or to have him out in the wild. Sam was solid on the research and potentially stronger on working out a counter spell or figuring out how to break this one. Dean had done pretty well during the last attack and, so far, he didn't seem to be as big of a target. They couldn't send the kid alone. And, loathed though she was to admit it, she didn't totally trust herself to do what needed to be done if she and Dean were left alone again.

Then she sighed, looked at the younger then the older brother for some sort of rebuttal. She repeated the moved before speaking. "Is it always so annoying when he's right?" she asked Dean.

"Tends to be."

"It's not my fault you don't like the truth. So, we're all in agreement then? Dean will retrieve the figurines with Grant and you and I will work on undoing this."

They all nodded before Sam turned to go back to the other room. He wasn't entirely comfortable leaving Grant on his own for very long. After all, they didn't exactly know if they could trust him.

Dean let himself watch Mae for a moment longer before moving to follow his brother.

"Hey," she placed a hand on his elbow, stopping him "take this." She had moved quickly to bridge the distance between them. She reached behind her neck and undid the clasp on her necklace before reaching around to fasten it around Dean's neck.

He pulled his head back slightly, unsure of her intentions and more than a little uncomfortable with her actions. The only reason he didn't step away was because she was so close to him and he liked that too much to let it go. "What are you doing Mae?"

"Just… listen, I'm not arguing that my going out there is a bad idea, because it is. And us together, by ourselves, has not ended great the past couple days so Sam going won't work too well either. But that doesn't mean that you going out there is our best option either, it's just all that we have left. And I don't like the idea of you... So, humor me and… protect yourself."

He let his eyes drift down to the collection of charms she typically wore. She'd had them at least some of them for years and she had worn the necklace for almost as long as he'd known her. Granted there was a pretty large gap of time he hadn't seen her, but he had never known her to take it off.

"Are you sure you don't want this?"

"It's like Fort Knox in here. I should be fine."

"You still got jumped."

"Yeah but nothing happened to me so… just do this for me, please?"

He nodded. "Okay but one thing." He reached up to undo the claps again, taking the overly delicate chain off for a moment while he shuffled some of the charms to get to the ring she kept there, taking it off the necklace. "You keep this."

"Dean…"

"Just- two-way street, right? Besides, I already have one remember?"

Her lips pressed together firmly for a moment before with a slight sigh she extended her hand, palm up so he could give her the ring back.

"Put it on."

His eyes were as serious as anything she had ever seen, and she knew there was a deeper reason he made this demand. It was unnerving; the intense green stare and whatever statement he was trying to make. "I don't know what you think this means-"

"You and I both know what we thought these meant back in the day and it's why I wear mine and you kept yours too. Don't be stubborn, just keep wearing it."

Her eyes darted from his face to her hand and back again. She knew it was just nit picking, the difference between wearing it around her neck or on her finger. She had been wearing it for years, just not on her hand and clearly it meant enough to her to keep it. He just stared her down. There was no way Dean was going to take his eyes off her. If he did, he was certain she would pocket the ring or make a run for it or something equally bad. Finally, she huffed but slid the ring back on her right hand.

"There, happy?"

He chuckled as he put her necklace back on and tucked the silver charms under his shirt. "Yeah, pretty much."

"You're a pain in the ass, just like your brother."

"Like you're not."

"Hey, one more thing."

"What?" He asked, before her mouth fell on his.

The kiss was surprising. More unexpected because this was the first one, she'd initiated since they'd broken things off. For only an instant did he wonder if this was because of the spell or because she wanted to kiss him. He wasn't going to pass it up and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He supposed he might not know one way or the other, but he was hard pressed to say that it wasn't nice to have her so near and be interested in him.

"What was that about?"

"Just...be careful, okay?

"Mae, this is not going to kill me, okay?"

The motel had grown almost too quiet since the familiar sound of the Impala's engine had faded into the distance, with Dean and Grant off to retrieve the figurines. The energy between the redhead and his brother had changed but Sam didn't know why. There hadn't been enough time when they were on their own for anything more than a few words to be exchanged. He couldn't imagine what might have been said to bring the smug turn of Dean's lips or Mae's tight-lipped worry.

They sat across from each other at the crowded table. She rested one elbow on the surface, cradling her forehead against her palm. Now that they were alone Sam could see just how exhausted the woman looked. Maybe it was the early wake-up call or random sleep schedule, but he suspected it involved whatever was going on with her and his brother.

Of course, it could have simply been the job. In a short period of time, the scope of what was going on ballooned past an isolated incident and now encompassed a whole conspiracy to get this spell cast. Even as an isolated case, it had the potential to blow up in their faces and he felt unsure that they would be able stop it. If his interpretation of the spell was right, both Mae and Dean were targets for demonic possession. Now wasn't the time to debate with himself when he could simply ask the woman herself.

"Tell me what's up with you and Dean."

It shouldn't have surprised her that he was asking. There were so many issues that he could have been referring to and really, she wasn't sure which problem he was talking about. Still, she had the same answer for every one that came to mind. "Nothin'. I mean, this case… this job is so messed up. Even if things were perfect with me and your brother, this still would have screwed us up. It's the case."

"It's not the case. I mean yeah, it hasn't exactly made the two of you less crazy but… you know you have this power over him." She scoffed with a shake of her head. "I've never seen a girl drive him crazy like you do."

Mae rolled her eyes. "I drive a lot of people crazy Sam. That's just what I do."

She wasn't wrong on that count and he smiled at the joke. But it just a deflection. "It's more than that and you know it."

"C'mon Sam. Why do you boys think it's more than… than what it is? Why does it even have to be something? You of all people certainly must understand that just one event can change a person forever. And I'm pretty sure I've had one or two of those."

The woman could quite easily be cruel, but she skirted that line, trying to make her point without being mean. "So that's it then? You don't want anything to do with Dean ever again?"

It would have been simpler if she could convince herself to lie to him, to either brother but she found it incredibly difficult. It wasn't like there were that many people she could talk to about this either. Sam was her friend. Sure, he was looking out for his brother, but he wasn't completely unwilling to talk about things. "I never said that."

"I'm pretty sure he's thought that more than once when it comes to you."

Her eyes narrowed, and her jaw firmed. She wondered what it was those boys discussed when they were alone. "What are you trying to get at?"

"Listen, I don't know all the details about what happened with you and Dean and I don't pretend to…" he swallowed, knowing he could be stepping in something possibly dangerous, "but I do know that it really hurt him."

"I know it did."

"Then why did you leave in the first place?"

Her eyes drifted from the younger Winchester to the polyester drapes that covered the windows she so deeply wanted to peer out of, to find some form of rescue from yet another conversation questioning her motives. "Are you telling me that we don't do something now if it might hurt Dean?" The sarcasm all but dripped from her words and the glint that moved through her eyes was more than a little spiteful. "I must have missed that family meeting."

The hurtful comment hit its mark because for a moment Sam really did feel offended by the notion that she thought he was trying to hurt his brother. Even as mad as he had been with his father, he hadn't left because he was trying to hurt anyone. "I think our situations were a bit different and—Dean's my brother not my boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend either. But yeah, our situations were different. You hated everything about the way you grew up, I didn't. But we both left."

"All the more reason you shouldn't have left."

With a sigh, she ran her hand through her hair. "You do know I had nearly died. And you know Bobby never pressed me into the life the same way your dad did. I took the opportunity to leave, to see if... if maybe I should try to be something else. But you know, it all led right back to this job, this life. So... you know, I told Dean all of this. I've told him everything I could about the past."

"What about dad?"

That was just too much for her. "Dude. It was one, incredibly short and unexciting occurrence. I'm sick of having to justify it to you and your brother."

"You don't have to justify it to me. I... I mean, he was a father figure but not your father so maybe..."

"My daddy issues don't run that direction Sam. I didn't ask to sleep with your dad, and neither did your father. We were both most unfortunately used in that situation and if it weren't for Dean, we both probably would have ignored that anything ever happened. I get that it's kinda uncomfortable for everyone to think about, but it didn't mean anything. And to be honest, I don't think you brother much cares about the sex itself but that… that we didn't talk before or after it."

"Yeah… I kinda thought the same thing."

Nodding, Mae leaned away from the table and just looked at Sam. "But you know my decisions didn't revolve around your brother, your dad or anything else you can come up with. It was a job that neither John nor I should have been involved in and we both got burned. My mistake, the one that hurt your brother, was using that to put distance between us. But if you'd been dealing with what I was, you would have done the same thing."

"Which was?"

It was Psychology 101 when she crossed her arms over her chest, effectively closing the conversation. "That's something personal."

"You don't think maybe it might shine some light on a few things now?"

She shook her head. "I think that my past is my past and whatever you think happened doesn't really matter."

"Well what I think happened when you were 16 and left that time was that you had Dean's baby."

He expected it to have more impact, like he sucker punched her but instead her eyes went soft and she just frowned. "Does Dean have that theory too? Do you both think I've kept that secret for... 8 years?"

"I don't know but...it makes sense."

"It only makes sense if you don't know what happened to me that night."

"Really?"

"Yes." Her voice was almost a whisper. "I never had a kid, Dean's or otherwise and I can't. I had to have a hysterectomy at 16 because there was too much...internal damage, Sam. I never had Dean's baby and if I had, I sure as hell would have told him. That is not something I would keep from him" Her voice grew just a bit shaky at the end.

There was something sad about that Sam decided. While the idea of Mae having to raise a kid all by herself wasn't exactly a perfect one, it held a sort of promise that maybe having a normal life wasn't all that unbelievable. Although, if she had said yes that would have meant that she was leaving that kid to go off hunting. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I don't think even Dean knows. Unless Bobby told him or your dad. I don't know. I never asked. But I don't have a secret kid. Hell, if I did...Dean and I probably would have stuck together. I don't know."

"Is it weird that I was kind of hoping it would be that simple?"

"Only in our line of work could a teen pregnancy be the simple solution."

That was an understatement and Sam gave Mae a sad smile of agreement.

"So, then what happened?"

"Jesus…" she pinched the bridge of her nose, "I didn't know what to do okay? I mean, what more do you want? What exactly are you expecting of me? I was 16! That's not exactly the age of wise and thoughtful choices. I was freakin' shish kabob and scared out of my mind, but I knew one thing, I was supposed to be a hunter. And when I was well enough to do the only think I wanted to, Bobby told me I couldn't because he wasn't going to stand by and watch me get hurt all over again. He said he's support whatever I wanted to do but that. If that's not good enough for you or your brother, nothing will be."

He believed her. He knew that she was a great liar and could have been but there was something in her tone and her eyes that told him she wasn't making it up. "I didn't mean to imply-"

"So... I could have gone off with Dean and been a detriment to him or...I mean, it wasn't like he was going to come away with me and start a new life. And honestly, I still don't think I could take the blow to my ego if I presented him with the choice of a life with me or a life with...you and John. I wasn't ever gonna win that one. So, I picked me."

He had to admit that he never faulted her for trying to find a life outside of being a hunter, that he understood, but now he knew her reasoning. "Have you told Dean all this?"

"I've told him parts but not all. Not the part about knowing that he wouldn't pick me, ultimately. You know, your brother is making a bigger deal out of this than he should. We've talked though, about a lot of things. It's better."

"I'm not entirely sure about that Mae. He doesn't really get hung up on women and you're the one making him toss and turn at night."

"That might just be this case. Besides, he thinks he's in love with me again."

"He told you he loves you?"

"No, not yet but not for lack...listen, don't give me that look. I've...I loved Dean a long time Sam. I know who he is and what he's like. But this spell...you know that it amplifies things, right?"

"Yeah...that's why the kid thought it would be a good sex spell."

"Well, yeah and the sex wasn't...it was weird but there was an uncontrollable passion to it."

"I don't need to know that." Sam interjected.

"What I'm saying is...maybe it amplifies all kinds of emotions... anger, lust, joy, sadness...all that's in the way I feel about your brother. And love's in there too, for both of us. I just don't trust myself with the way I feel about him or the way he feels about me, okay? So, things are...off right now. And I promise, if I'm not dead at the end of this then...I guess Dean and I will figure things out. You wanna warn me not to take advantage of your brother or ask me what my intentions are with him?"

Sam laughed. "Kind of. I mean...I actually think the two of you are good together, when you're not fighting. Maybe when I'm done..."

"When you're done...wow, have you told Dean that?"

"Yeah, Dean knows we're looking for the thing that killed Jess and dad. Having your help would be good and maybe you and Dean... you know."

"Sounds like you and your brother have a few things to discuss too."

Sam shook his head. "Yeah, no... let's focus back on stopping these demon spirits."