Hello!

Alright, this update is going to last two weeks and I swear I am not even going to think about ballet until after those two weeks are over!

Really hope you enjoy this one! It is very loooooong...

Thanks so much to all who reviewed!

I love hearing your insights, so cheers!

Can't wait to hear your opinions on this...

Hehe...

Alright! Hope you enjoy!

Nessun Dorma - Pavarotti. Because there is no music like opera!

We Are Golden - Raphael Lake (Anyone else been watching Reign? I am addicted!)

By the Grace of God - Katy Perry

"We need to rehearse!" Jacob exclaimed as Edward led me to the door.

"Just keep doing what I told you," I said.

"Right," he muttered.

And then Edward was ushering me out the door, keeping a hand on my back to steady me, though his eyes seemed distant. Cold, almost.

"You're going to regret this," I said to him as we walked through the red carpeted corridor to the elevators.

"When did you get to be like this?" he murmured as the doors opened. "You're running yourself into the ground."

"I'm trying to save myself from becoming an understudy, like you," I replied, stumbling into the elevator. Edward caught me from behind. A shiver ran up my spine as I felt the line of his body against mine, warm and strong and familiar. But he let go as soon as I had my balance. "As for the when," I muttered shakily, sinking into the corner of the elevator, "Probably around the time when I found you and Tanya making out in your room." I looked up at him through tired eyes, "It doesn't exactly help one's self-confidence to see her newly ex-boyfriend moving on that quickly."

I had tried to say it bitterly, but I realized the fight was leaving me. The past few hours' dancing had made me remember things beyond that last day, and now I just didn't know how to feel.

The doors opened with a ping. Edward didn't look at me as he waited for me to get out.

"Door's open!" came Alice's shout when Edward knocked. She was sitting on her bed with a needle and thread, fixing something on her Lady Capulet costume. "Oh," she said as Edward helped me in. "You found her! That was a really quick talk…"

"Talk?" I repeated, looking at my jailer.

"Which you clearly haven't had yet…" Alice trailed off, awkwardly biting her nail.

"Bella hasn't slept since the night before last," Edward told her, the frustration in his voice barely restrained. "So – "

"I'll go tell the cleaning service not to come up," she said immediately, jumping off her bed. She gave me a hug, "You poor thing."

"I'm fine," I muttered, even as she flew out the door.

"I wish you'd stop saying that," Edward said as I sat down on my bed. He leaned back against the wall by the door, his eyes being annoyingly concerned. "You're not."

"I'm sure you wish for a lot of things, Edward," I replied, untying my pointes and letting them drop to the ground. "But that doesn't mean you're going to get them. And I'm not going to sleep, if that's your next order."

Edward sighed, "Bella, if you don't sleep, you're not going to be able to perform tonight, regardless of whether I tell Carlisle or not."

"I can't sleep, Edward," I told him, a little desperation seeping into my voice.

He frowned, "Why not?"

I looked down at my pale hands, "I heard the teachers talking – tonight is most likely our last night. They're replacing us with you and Tanya."

He didn't react to that news, just said, "And you can't stop thinking of how to stop that."

I nodded dolefully, "Every time I close my eyes, I just start dancing in my head, trying to find some way of showing them I can be Juliet and Jacob can be Romeo."

Edward hesitated, seeming torn for a moment. But then he knelt down in front of me and gently took my hands in his own. I looked at him and he looked back, his eyes clear and unshielded. "You are Bella Swan," he said. "You were at Force and you still are now, even if things have changed." His thumb brushed across my knuckles, making my whole body feel warmer, "You will find a way to get what you want. To dance, just like you did at the Review."

"That involved a lot of rule breaking," I said. "And a snapped ankle."

Edward winced, "Bad way of describing it. But my point still stands – you will find a way. Just trust yourself."

"It's more about trusting Jacob," I murmured. "He doesn't exactly like change."

Edward gave an involuntary smile, "He's just as stubborn as you are." He slid his hands from mine and stood back up, seeming to need the distance it put between us.

"Oh I know," I said, remembering how it was only yesterday that I'd tried to get him not to say Edward's name. What a failure that had been. And this morning…he was never going to really try my way.

He nodded, "I guess the thing about Jacob is that he is so stubborn and decisive that you can't change him by telling him you're going to – he deliberately won't let you. Somehow, you have to find a different way to make him want to change. Something more subtle."

I eyed Edward, "You know him very well, don't you?"

"I knew him very well," he corrected.

"Tell me about him," I said, then quickly added, "I know you can't tell me about NFSI. But before that – when you were training together under Monsieur Repin."

"If you get into bed," Edward bartered. "Then I will tell you."

"Yes, Dad," I said, giving him the evils as I pushed my feet under the covers and lay back. This bed did seem remarkably comfortable…

Edward pulled the comforter up over me, "I don't think you could call some of my previous actions 'fatherly'."

"Like when you gave Lauren a massive lecture in front of the whole class in my defence? Or when you put me to bed just like this the other night when I was drunk?"

Edward looked away, his eyes narrowing, "I was more thinking about when we made out in the ballet studio when you got back…" his gaze returned to me, and I couldn't quite look away, transfixed. I remembered that. And I remembered how he had kissed me last night. And how much I had wanted, needed to kiss him back…

Edward cleared his throat, pushing his fingers through his hair again, "Jacob."

"Right," I breathed.

I stupidly wanted him to sit on the bed, like he had done before opening night, but now he pulled up a chair, leaving space between us again. "We met when we were both five, at a ballet studio not far from here. I was very quiet – I was still coming to grips with losing my mother. Jacob was the total opposite – he was so full of energy that once the teacher had to pry his fingers off the barre because he was swinging off it like a trapeze artist."

I smiled, imagining a little monkey-faced Jacob playing up in front of the instructor.

"We were the only boys in a class of twenty girls," Edward said. "So it was impossible for us not to be brought together when disgusting girl germs were everywhere."

"Hey!" I exclaimed.

He smiled and continued, "Anyway, we became friends pretty quickly. He needed a friend and I needed a reason to keep coming to classes."

"You didn't like it?" I asked.

Edward shook his head, "My father forced me to go, in memory of my mother. And he put a lot of pressure on me to do well – still does." He gave me a look, reminding me of that horrible day when Mister Masen had demanded to see me dance. "But Jacob made things bearable. He was great, really – he could make the most boring of barre exercises fun. He made me enjoy ballet." Edward stretched out his legs, flexing his toes, "And then when I was eight, my father decided it was time for me to stop screwing around and actually get serious, so he sent me to Monsieur Repin. It was beyond awful. I was his only student and he was brutal – classes were three hours long and it wasn't just dance; it was weightlifting and running and stretching until I could hardly feel my body.

"I met Jacob one day on my way out of school – he was waiting for me by the gates. I told him how awful it was. How I wanted to stop ballet but my father wouldn't let me."

"That was cruel of him," I murmured.

Edward shook his head, "He's always felt guilt for my mother losing her career for him. Jacob tried to work out a way for me to come back to his studio – he wasn't exactly enjoying it without me, either. He even called my father's office at one point and demanded that he let me return. Of course, when none of that worked, he did the only thing he could think of and asked his parents to let him go to Monsieur Repin's with me." Edward looked at me, "He was a very good guy back then. Selfless.

"And so we took classes together. And Jacob…he actually enjoyed them. He enjoyed the challenge where I didn't. He liked that Monsieur Repin was male and treated him like a danseur, not just a little boy who was probably going to quit when the football season started. I never had that issue because my father had always put me in a suit and told me to act like a grown up.

"Still, I followed Jacob and kept going without protest. His enthusiasm was infectious so eventually I found myself getting satisfaction out of each push up and pirouette when they were done 'almost perfectly'. I began to get so attached to my reflection that I was even correcting myself in shop windows. Everything had to be as close to perfect as possible. We trained so hard. We were each other's inspiration – we were going to be the World's best danseurs and travel to amazing countries and be famous and dance with beautiful girls."

I screwed up my face, "You were eight!"

"Exactly," Edward said, his eyes shining. "Anyway, we stayed with Monsieur Repin for a long time. Jacob excelled – he was far, far better than me. Neither of us were really attending school when we reached our teens. All we seemed to do was dance. We were both way better than all the others in the state, but Jacob was best of our age group in the whole country. His technique was already like a professional dancer's."

"But you?" I asked, turning onto my side, balling the comforter up against my chin.

Edward absent-mindedly reached over and pushed a lock of hair from my face…but then he caught himself and retreated back into his seat, folding his arms tightly, "I did everything Monsieur Repin told me, and it did work. But Jacob was more dedicated – he got more than just satisfaction from the technique." His brow creased as he thought, "There was always a nagging idea in me that this wasn't enough. Jacob never seemed to get tired but I felt that idea slowly dragging me down, like nearly-flawless technique wasn't really enough to sustain me anymore."

Edward looked down, pale eyelids shading his expression, "I began to question whether ballet was what I really wanted to do. I had given up my whole education for it, and I still regret that. But then I found this video of my mother."

"Dancing?" I asked excitedly, sitting up.

He gave me jovial look, "You're meant to be falling asleep, Miss Swan." I looked at him stubbornly but still lay back down. He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling, "But yes, her audition tape for the US Ballet. It changed everything for me, Bella – to see the way she danced, with the passion she managed to squeeze into every movement. The emotion.

"And then once I tried it, I could never go back to dancing the way Jacob did. I tried to talk to him and show him but he just didn't understand."

No wonder Jacob hadn't wanted to give me a chance – Edward had already tried years ago to get him to dance differently.

"I stayed a while longer with Jacob and Monsieur Repin," he continued. "But it was impossible to work with them when our styles were so different. So I got a special admission into the Joffrey and met Emmett, who was boarding there before he was old enough to attend Force. Jake and I still stayed best friends, though he had very little time to see me now that we weren't dancing together. Then Emmett and I went to the Force summer intensive and I met Carlisle, who understood everything that I was trying to get through in my dancing, and that was it. I went to Force. Monsieur Repin broke his hip and Jacob reluctantly ended up going to Aro's because they offered him a scholarship when Carlisle didn't."

"Why not?" I asked. "If he was the best?"

"You know Carlisle," said Edward. "He has an unconventional set of values for entrance into Force."

"Like a seventeen year old who had only been dancing for a few years?" I murmured. "Though I guess the board didn't quite share those values when they refused me a scholarship."

"They made a mistake," Edward said abruptly. "Carlisle's told me since that he wishes he'd just gone against them or paid for you himself."

"That would be ridiculous," I said, embarrassed. "And totally unprofessional – "

"But you would have stayed," Edward said quietly.

I took a deep breath, "So did you and Jacob stay friends after changing schools?"

Edward hesitated, still thinking of the previous subject, and then finally nodded, "We did. Not as close as we once had been, but I tried to spend time with him at competitions." Edward looked at me, "But that's the thing about this way of dancing, Bella – it leaves you no time for anything else. To be with your friends or relax or eat or sleep."

It was ironic, really, that I had probably fainted from dancing with my old technique as much as I had from dancing with Monsieur Repin's, but I didn't tell him that I was trying to go back. I didn't want him to…to get false hope. Because, despite the morning's efforts, my dance still wasn't what it was.

"Bella?" Edward said. I realized I had been staring off into the distance. Blinking, I refocused my gaze. Edward smiled, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be lecturing you."

"Ah!" I exclaimed. "He finally admits it!"

He gave me a look, "You still need to sleep."

"I'm still not convinced I can."

"Close your eyes," he said softly. That torn look had returned to him, as though something was bringing him pain. I obliged, the world turning a mottled black. And then, ever so gently, I felt his lips touch my forehead. Warmth flowed through me. His hands, long and familiar, rested on either side of my face. His warm breath fanned my mouth for a moment. My heartbeat spiked…

…but then his touch was gone, and my weary mind gratefully crept into the darkness of sleep.

\*\*/*/

"Sleeping Beauty wakes!" I heard Alice announce as my eyes fluttered open.

"Actually," came a Russian voice. "She looks pale. And her makeup is awful."

"Ugh," I groaned, sitting up. "Thanks."

Rosalie was lying on Alice's bed, painting her nails a blood red, whilst Alice sat in a chair next to me with a newspaper on her lap. "Hey," she said with a kind smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," I murmured, rubbing my eyes. My head throbbed with pain. "Got any Tylenol?"

"Sure," Alice said, popping the newspaper down and heading into the bathroom.

I blinked at the photo on the page it was turned to. It looked like Jacob and me…

I picked it up, annoyed at how even my fingers felt weak. It was us – a picture of one of the Balcony Scene lifts. Jacob was holding me above him, looking determinedly ahead, the stage lights reflecting off the sweat on his brow. And there was I, in a perfect arabesque, one leg up at one-twenty degrees, my fingers reaching out in front of me, head tilted back in the same angle. But I looked like Jacob – so determined. So driven. Like I was going to get this arabesque right if it was the last thing I did. We looked harsh. Ugly.

"I wouldn't read it," Alice said, handing me the Tylenol and a glass of water. I rested the paper on my lap. "It's not exactly a fair review."

"Oh I'm sure it's fair on me and Jacob," I said, downing the drugs in one.

"I thought you were in love with yourselves?" Rosalie said, wriggling her wet toes.

I didn't say anything, just stared at the photo some more. Why hadn't I realized sooner that something had to actually change for an audience to like us? We might not have been in this predicament if I had just thought logically and not been so proud.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Alice called. It Emmett and Jasper, both dressed in leather jackets and jeans.

"Ready to be nosy tourists?" Emmett asked, striding in. He saw me lying in my bed, "And how is the invalid?"

"You don't have to be nice to me," I murmured. "I probably don't deserve it."

Emmett shrugged, "Sounds like you've been through enough torture already." He gave me a once over, "Looks like it too."

"Hey!" I complained. "Why is everyone saying that?"

"Because you look like a malnourished ghost," Rosalie said simply, screwing the lid back onto her nail polish and letting Emmett pull her up. "Are we going?"

"I think I should stay," Alice said apologetically. "Invalid and all."

"I'll be fine," I said, ignoring Edward's words from earlier on that particular phrase. "Go, really."

She looked undecided, but Rosalie rolled her eyes and dropped Alice's jacket onto her lap, "She wasn't looking after you when you needed it – you don't need to return the favour."

"Rosalina," Jasper reprimanded. "Let bygones be bygones."

"Americans have annoying sayings," she muttered. "Come on. We're going to miss the big shiny jelly bean thing."

"Are you sure?" Alice asked me.

I nodded, trying to give her a reassuring smile when all I felt was an aching, painful guilt. "I'm sorry that holding people back is all you can do because you're too short to really make a career out of this." I had actually said that to her. How could she even look me in the eye? How could any of them?

But still, Jasper wished me a "get well soon" as they all moved out, slinging his arm around Alice's shoulders.

I sat for a moment once the door had clicked shut and tried not to drown in all the emotions and pain that had come back to me overnight. Some of the things I had done had been shameful. And treating Alice and Angela the way I had – that had been the worst. They were my two greatest friends and I had pushed them away without even caring about how much I had hurt them. And then there was Gerry – threatening him about such a private, personal secret. And Lauren, with everything she had been through. And just…the way I had treated everyone. Even Carlisle.

There was another knock on the door and Edward slipped in, "Alice said you were up."

I brushed away the tear that had been making its way down my cheek and said blankly, "I've been a bitch."

"With good reason," Edward answered after a pause.

"That's debatable," I muttered and got up. I felt a little more balanced as I went to my suitcase and pulled on my Collaianni sweater.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To rehearse," I said, picking up my pointes. "And I know you don't want me to, but I have to or I really won't have a chance tonight."

Edward sighed, leaning back against the wall, "Are you hungry?"

My stomach seemed to rumble on cue. I paused as my body reminded me that the last food it had seen had been violently thrown up again. "A little," I admitted sheepishly.

"Then at least let me get you lunch," Edward said.

"Are you going to lecture me?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I promise not to."

I huffed and exchanged my pointes for my converse. "I don't know why I'm letting you babysit me."

"Because some part of you knows what's good for you," Edward said, holding the door open for me.

"I think we've established that you're not good for me."

This reduced Edward to silence once more. I noticed he was staying a little further away from me as we walked, his hands in his pockets. He was…tense. Not the kind of tense he got when he was around Jacob, or how his muscles had gotten taut with emotion last night as he had danced with me. No, this was a kind of nervous tension.

"Are you okay?" I asked as we went down the corridor. I never thought I'd ask that question of Edward again…

He raised his eyebrows at me, "I'm not the one who's hardly slept or eaten for twenty four hours."

We reached the elevator. I pressed the button but Edward was already moving toward the stairs, "Come on," he said. "You should stretch your legs."

I frowned and followed, "I think my legs have had a pretty good stretch over the past few months, Edward."

"Then mine haven't," he replied as we went down the blandly-coloured stairwell. "Unless you count rubbing up to sponsors as a sport."

"Jacob wasn't happy about that."

"I saw you on opening night," said Edward. "After the show."

"You were definitely stealing his thunder," I told him, then rethought, "Well, whatever thunder we were meant to have."

It was a warm day outside. The traffic of Chicago rolled by, sunlight glinting of the roofs. Edward and I walked in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, exactly, but the tension in him hadn't let down and I was beginning to feel it in my own body – the remnants of our old connection, I guessed.

We walked down the street

I fiddled with the cuffs of my sweater, "So you know Chicago well?"

Edward nodded, "Very well. I love it. The culture and the city – all the sky scrapers and theatres and parks."

"Forks has a pretty big school gymnasium," I informed him.

He laughed, seeming relaxed for a moment, "Forks sounds nice."

"It rains a lot," I said. "And our only theatre doesn't have dressing rooms so we always used to have to run through the rain in our tutus from the changing tent to the stage door."

"Alice would be horrified," Edward replied with a grin. We took a right, walking along a wide, busy avenue. I saw the spray of a huge fountain beyond the cars and busses.

It turned out to be the Buckingham Fountain as we got closer. It was a huge, with three massive circular tiers of golden jets, water cascading from all of them. Bronze sea creatures were frozen in the clear blue pool. It was spectacular.

Edward was looking up at it with a fondness in his eyes. "Beautiful," I said.

"My Mom used to take me here," he told me, gazing at the glittering water. "She got this temporary job at the Harris Theatre as a receptionist and this is we'd come here to escape."

"She didn't start dancing again?" I asked as we turned away from the fountain and headed for a little coffee house on the corner of the square.

Edward shook his head, "She had me to look after and besides, the US Ballet wouldn't let her back in after the scandal." Mr Masen had been a patron to the US Ballet and Edward's mother had just been a corps dancer when she'd gotten pregnant with him.

We sat outside the café, looking out on the fountain and the green park beyond it. Tourists milled around, snapping photos and enjoying the sun.

I hardly felt like I could eat, but as soon as the food came, I was shovelling it down at a very unladylike rate.

"I think I win this argument," Edward said smugly, taking a sip of his coffee. He hadn't touched the muffin he'd ordered.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm sure you have better things to do than look after me. You should really be rehearsing for Swan Lake."

Edward looked down, tracing the rim of his coffee cup. He always used to do that back at Force – I remembered the handful of awkward mealtimes at the Third Year table when I'd thought he'd hated me. "You might be the toughest person in the World, but even you need looking after sometimes."

I gazed at him, realizing he was avoiding something, "But Swan Lake? Isn't the Royal Ballet going to want you fully memorised and all that?"

"It's good enough," he replied, still not looking at me. Abruptly, he sat up straighter, putting a smile on his face, "Anyway, there are far more important things to be done." He began fishing around in his pocket, "I am sorry there is only one, but it's part of some ridiculous costume Alice is constructing and she'd only give me one."

"What are you doing?" I asked, as he pulled a lighter and a candle out of his pocket.

"Multiply it by eighteen," he said, putting the candle in the middle of the muffin and lighting it.

He looked at me with a grin as he pushed the plate across to me, that light in his emerald eyes which made it impossible to not like him…to not love him. "Happy Birthday, Bella."

"It's my birthday?" I said pathetically, a smile slowly creeping to my lips. I laughed, blowing out the candle before even thinking about a wish – I would save it for later.

Across the table, Edward smiled at me but there seemed to be some distance there…like he wasn't quite in the moment. "Thank you," I said sincerely, unthinkingly putting my hand on his. He didn't move, just staring at me. I saw his chest rise and fall, his eyes frozen on me. "Edward?"

He swallowed and pulled his hand out from under mine, his brow creasing as he looked down, "I'm sorry."

"What is it?" I asked, already chastising myself for touching him.

"We shouldn't do this now," he murmured. "You're tired and practically ill and you have to dance tonight…"

"Alice said something about us having a talk," I said. "Is…is this it?"

"Not now."

"Now," I said sternly. "Because otherwise I will be distracted by it anyway."

Edward looked at me in the sunlight, "I doubt it'll make you less distracted."

"Edward…"

He sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, "Alright. Just know that I don't think this is honourable or right in any way. After what I have put you through, I shouldn't be the one asking things of you, ever."

"What is it?" I said, my nervousness growing.

Edward shut his eyes, that crease still in his brow. He took a deep breath and looked at me, his eyes resolute, "I can't do this anymore, Bella." I saw his hand ball into a fist on the table, but he kept going, "I can't stay here and watch you dance with Jacob and be with him anymore. I can't bear to see you with anyone but me, Bella."

He stole the breath from my lungs. I bit my lip as Edward put a hand to his forehead, "But more than that, Bella, I can't bear to see the pain that I bring you just by being here. I don't want to hurt you any more than I have, and yet I seem to do it on a daily basis. I see how I distract you. I see the anger that I provoke in you and I know that it's justified. You asked Helen to stop me from coming to opening night and I completely understand why – I have hurt you too much." He looked at me, "I don't want to hurt you anymore. You deserve better."

"Edward…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say. He was right – he did distract me and bring me pain and make me feel so…lost.

Edward went on, his voice racked with pain, "But I need to tell you, Bella, that I didn't mean for anything to happen the way it did. I know my reasons make no difference to what I did that day you left, but if you will let me tell you, I will – "

"Tell me," I whispered. The sun was warm on my back but all I felt was chilling cold. The cold of that winter's day.

Edward leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on the table, his hands clasped. "When I found out that you were going to Aro's – that you hadn't told me – I was wounded. Everything I said to you outside on the terrace was true. I was hurt that you didn't tell me – that you didn't have enough faith in us to just tell me and let us sort it out together. I forgot, Bella. I forgot for a moment what we had beyond faith. I forgot about the way we danced together and the way I felt when I was around you."

"That's because it was gone," I murmured, looking down.

"No," he said strongly, making me look up. "It wasn't gone. You didn't have faith because of what had happened in the past – because of those pas de deux classes and all the other awful things I put you through. You didn't have faith because I was so…" he exhaled frustratedly, trying to find words. "I was so above you, in year group and experience and I never made you feel like it was okay to dance at your own level."

Only yesterday, I would have thought his words condescending, but I knew what he meant and that it was true. "But it was also my fault," I said. "Even with the way Carlisle's rehearsals were working out, I shouldn't have lost faith in us."

"Still," Edward said. "Even if you had lost faith, our connection wasn't gone, Bella. If it had gone then I wouldn't have felt the pain that I felt. It was impossible to think. I was just so furious and hurt and some part of me just wanted to shake some sense into you and make you understand how much I cared. I think it wasn't just the betrayal, Bella. It was that you were leaving and I wasn't going to see you again and I couldn't face that…so I left you and went upstairs to be alone."

"And Tanya came," I muttered, looking down at my bitten nails.

He nodded, "I was so blindly enraged, Bella. I truly wasn't thinking. She just came in and…" he swallowed tightly, "And she kissed me and I kissed her back."

"So it wasn't a mistake," I whispered, telling myself not to cry. "She didn't just…just come in two seconds before me and throw herself on you."

"It wasn't long, Bella," Edward said desperately. "Even though that makes no difference to what I did. But I wasn't thinking. I hardly knew it was Tanya…all I knew was the pain I was feeling and…how much I wanted to kiss you until all of that pain faded away."

"That's ridiculous," I snapped.

"I know," he said straight away. "Bella, I can't explain it properly. It was like I needed to get my emotion out and she was just there. So all the pain and the need and everything…just condensed into that kiss."

I was silent for a while, watching the tourists and passers-by. A little girl was spinning around and around in front of the fountain as her mother took photos of her. She was in a fairy costume. To be that carefree… But then she fell over, scraping her knee. She let out a tremendous wail. Her mother patiently went over and calmed her.

"Would you have stopped?" I asked eventually, still watching the little girl as she perked up again at whatever her mom had promised her. "If I hadn't come in, would you have stopped?"

"Yes," Edward said quietly, following my gaze. "I'm not just saying it in hindsight – as soon as I realized what I was actually doing, I pulled away."

"You pulled away because your ex-girlfriend turned up!" I exclaimed, turning back to him.

He opened his mouth to reply, but ended up just nodding, "There is no excuse for what I did. Just know that I regret it, Bella. It brings me so much shame that sometimes I can hardly think of anything other than how I ruined everything through one ridiculous outburst of emotion and stupidity." He looked at me directly, his eyes as clear and shamed as anyone's ever could be, "I regret what I did, Bella. And I would never do it again, for all that it's worth."

"I know," I said, looking into those eyes and trying not to let his pain hurt me. Silence grew between us, until I eventually broke my gaze, looking back to the little girl, who was now posing again – a little more carefully this time. "So," I said. "I guess you didn't sleep with her, then?"

"What?" Edward said incredulously. I glanced back at him to see his shocked stare, "No, Bella. God, no."

"She called me," I said. "When I was on the bus home. She used your phone and she told me she was in your bed and that you had taken that photo of us away."

Edward pushed his hand through his hair, sighing, "Well that was all probably true, knowing Tanya."

"Seriously?"

He looked at me with a tired smile, "Bella, I did not sleep a wink that night. Tanya refused to leave and so I left – I went to our old studio, where we danced Clair de Lune after the Review. I was so sick with myself that I couldn't even dance. I wouldn't let myself. I didn't have any right to let out those emotions inside of me. I sat there and I didn't leave until morning." Edward gave me a mild look, "Of course, it turned out to have been the most dangerous studio to choose, since it was my own class in there the next morning and Alice almost broke my jaw with the force of her slap."

I gave an involuntary smile, "Good."

Edward reached into the breast pocket of his jacket, pulling out a folded piece of card and handed it to me.

I unfolded it. It was the photo – the photo of us kissing in the studio. Our bodies were as close together as possible, partially silhouetted by the sunlight coming through the lace curtains. His arm was tight around my waist, his free hand in my hair. I was on my tiptoes – my normal, human tiptoes – kissing him back with all the passion I had to give.

"I would never have thrown that away," Edward said softly. "But it's yours to do what you want with now."

I looked up at him, confused, "What do you mean?"

"The Royal Ballet are demanding an answer from me, Bella," he said quietly.

I stared at him, "You – you haven't signed the contract?"

He shook his head, "I have been trying to waylay them but they want an answer by tomorrow."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I asked, even though I knew the answer perfectly well.

Edward gazed at me, "Do you know why I got offered this role, Bella?"

"Because you're the best danseur in America," I said, feeling almost angry at him – what was he doing? It was the Royal Ballet!

But he just looked at me, that crease in his brow again, "There was an ex-artistic director in the audience of the Review, Bella."

I paused in my fury, "But…you only danced for three minutes and it was completely made up."

"But it was the best I've ever danced," he said. "It was almost eighteen years of work, coupled with you. You, Bella. They chose me because when I danced with you, you made me show every ounce of emotion and passion I possessed at that moment. And you just gave me so much to feel, Bella. The excitement and the happiness and the love I felt that night is unattainable, impossible to find anywhere but with you. I have never danced so well."

"It wasn't me," I said weakly. "I've seen you dance like that before, Edward. You don't need me – "

"But I do," he said adamantly. "You saw me the other night, in the studio. You said yourself that something was missing. Bella, without you in my life there is something I can't reach. They saw me dancing with every ounce of my being and now I cannot give them that." He had spoken imploringly, but now he seemed to lose his energy, looking at me wearily, "I am not what I was now that you're gone from me. I can't dance about the happiness of being in love when I hurt the girl who was in love with me beyond repair."

"That doesn't mean you can't go," I whispered. "Even without…that…you're still a phenomenal dancer, Edward. You would still be welcomed there."

"I know," he murmured. "But I don't know that I would want to be there, Bella."

"What alternative do you have?" I asked him desperately.

He looked at me with those eyes again, "You know what alternative I have."

"Edward," I said pathetically. "I can't…you know that whatever we had is gone – "

"Don't say that," he interrupted me sharply. "Don't say that when you know it's not true. I know you felt it last night, Bella – when we danced together, it was still there, as strong as ever."

Last night flooded into my mind again. That last scene…it had been the most intense thing I had felt in a long time…and that kiss. God, I had wanted him to kiss me and I had wanted to kiss him back. I had wanted to wrap my arms around his shoulders and feel his heartbeat against mine because that was how it was meant to be, according to some part of my mind.

And yet now he sat across from me and the distance felt like miles.

"So what are you trying to say?" I asked quietly, looking at his face in the sunlight.

Edward looked down, taking a deep breath, "I can't stay here anymore – I can't add more pain to your life and I can't bear to add more to mine, despite what I deserve." His green eyes met mine, "If there is no way for you to forgive me for what I've done and be with me again – ff you will be happier without me, then I will leave on the next flight to London and I will never bother you again."

I swallowed. Don't cry.

"But," he continued quietly. "If you want me to stay, then I will."

"You're giving me an ultimatum," I whispered.

He nodded solemnly, "I know it is unfair for me to ask you to make this choice. But I will respect your decision, whatever it turns out to be."

"You promise?" I said.

"I promise," Edward said, his face sincere and grave.

"How long do I have?" My voice sounded blank, even though my muted heart was bursting with emotion.

"I need to give them my answer by the end of tonight."

I nodded and pushed back my chair, standing up. "We should go," I murmured. "We'll be late for class."

I didn't bother to protest as Edward paid. We walked back in silence, leaving the glorious fountain behind us.

An ultimatum...

What should Bella choose? What should she be considering? What do you think of Jacob pre-Aro's? And do you forgive Edward, or does he still deserve a clobbering with a very big baseball bat?

Please review and share your thoughts! Can't wait to hear them!

And to the suspicious number of people wanting TL updates, thanks so much for your support! I promise that I am going to have a huge blitz on Tudor London and The Short Sugar Plum Fairy in December!

Thanks for reading, all!