Note: We worked ahead a little so ya'll can have another update. Three in three days, eh? Ya'll dying yet?
Chapter 37
The coffee shop a block away from campus was always full of students and the music was always on. Rusty had managed to secure a table towards the back of the room, near the staircase that led down to the basement where the restrooms were. The walls were decorated with black and white retro pictures mixed with some inspiring quotes and there were plants in large white pots in the corner of the shop and the menu was written on an old fashioned school board. It was by far the most popular hangout spots for students and every single table in the place was occupied.
Rusty had plugged his Macbook into the power socket and absentmindedly picked at the lid on his hazelnut latte he'd ordered a few minutes ago. It was his favourite drink on the menu. He scrolled through the last bits of work he had done for the assignment that was due by the end of the day, making a final few edits before attaching the file to an email and sending it to his tutor. He felt a sense of satisfaction knowing he had completed the task and was glad to be done with it.
He heaved a sigh as his thoughts drifted off to the previous two days. The Wednesday night, sitting outside Sharon's bedroom door as he heard her cry, still lay fresh in his mind and Rusty wasn't sure he could ever reconcile the heartbreak he had heard in his mother's quiet sobs. He had been unable to face her Thursday morning and had ignored her knocking on his door. He couldn't look her in the eye after saying what he'd said to her and having heard her cry. He knew ignoring her would not make it better but right now it was the best he could do.
He looked up when someone slid into the empty seat in front of him and his face lit up when he saw Gus. He leaned in quickly and pecked him on the cheek. "Hey, I didn't think you'd be here for another hour or so."
"I finished early," Gus smiled and pointed at the laptop. "You all done?"
"Signed, sealed and delivered," Rusty answered.
"What's wrong?" Gus asked when he noticed the slightly pained expression on Rusty's face.
Rusty picked up his coffee but didn't drink it. "I've been thinking."
"Uh oh." Gus cocked an eyebrow in amusement. "What's going round in that pretty little head of yours?"
"Mom." Rusty chewed his lip. "And Brenda."
He hadn't told Gus about the conversation he'd had with Brenda the other night. He hadn't told anyone about the blonde's confession. He had kept her secret and at first he had thought he could handle it. But now, as the days continued to go by and he could see the misery in his mother's eyes and knowing how unhappy Brenda was too, Rusty couldn't take it anymore.
"Brenda's in love with my mum," Rusty blurted out and Gus didn't even blink.
"I thought we'd already worked that one out."
"But this time, she told me."
Gus sat up. "What?"
"I saw her the other night. I went to her apartment. She was a mess. Junk everywhere and she looked like she hadn't slept for days. She tried to pretend that everything was fine but I knew she was lying. She asked about my birthday and I said I wanted her to come. And then I just asked."
"And she said yes?" Gus asked softly and he shook his head. "Wow."
"This… this is bad, Gus. I don't know what happened between them but mom looks terrible. She's not sleeping, she doesn't want to talk. And Brenda hasn't been around the house for days. They don't talk to each other anymore and I don't know what I can do to fix this but I have to do something! I can't stand seeing both of them hurt like this. Mom cried herself to sleep the other night!"
Gus listened to his boyfriend share his frustrations and once Rusty fell silent, he leaned in. "Listen, whatever is going on between your mom and Brenda is clearly stressful for both of them. I'm not going to sit here and say that I know what it's like for them but I will say that I think that they reached a point where they've had to acknowledge how they feel. And if there's one thing I've learned about your mother it's that she is hesitant when it comes to her feelings." He cocked his head a little. "It seems that it's a trait the two of you share."
Rusty didn't answer straight away and contemplated Gus' words for a while. "There has to be something we can do. I can't stand seeing her like this."
"Didn't you say that Brenda is coming to your party on Saturday?"
"She said she would but whether she actually will…"
"Ask her again. Make sure she comes. That way she and your mom will have to at least be in the same room. They can't avoid each other forever."
"Have you met my mom? She did alright avoiding Jack for twenty years!" Rusty sighed and picked up his phone. "But you're right. It's the best shot we've got." He scrolled through his messages until the found the last one sent by Brenda and began typing.
Just checking you're still coming on Saturday. I've been told there's going to be cake and I wouldn't want you to miss that.
He hit send and put the phone back down. He looked back up at Gus and found his boyfriend looking at him with those adoring brown eyes that always sent his stomach into a flutter. "What?" he asked, blushing a little. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I think it's sweet that you're trying to make your mom happy, Rusty," Gus answered. "I guess now is a bad time to ask if you've talked to her about school? Or the other thing we talked about?"
Rusty shook his head. "I feel like I don't quite know how to talk to her at the moment. I mean, I know she won't have a problem with me changing my major but…" He fell silent.
"You think she'd have a problem with you moving out?" Gus finished Rusty's sentence for him. "I think you're underestimating her, Rusty."
"I asked Andrea if I can talk to her before I start all the paperwork. If anyone can talk me through what it's like going to Law School, she's the one. And I know she'll be honest and if she thinks it's a bad idea, she'll tell me," Rusty said. "And about the other thing…"
He opened the Macbook back up and went to one of the pages he had saved in his internet browser. It opened and he turned the screen around for Gus to see. "I found this. It's in a perfect location for both of us to get to work and school. We can take the subway or the bus. It's not that expensive either. Two bedrooms, one bathroom and it has a nice little closed off court yard."
Gus smiled at the excitement in Rusty's voice. A few months ago he wouldn't have been anywhere near ready to discuss the subject of moving in together but now Rusty was the one showing him the latest apartment, instead of the other way around. It seemed that the events surrounding finding his family and getting to know them had boosted his confidence and despite being worried about Sharon, he was ready to look ahead to the future.
"It does look nice, doesn't it?" Gus said as he studied the pictures. "Looks like the view isn't too bad either." He glanced up at Rusty. "What do you want to do?"
"We can at least make a call and see what the landlord's like. Get some information and stuff. Doesn't hurt to just check it out and see if it's something we really like," Rusty answered shyly. "We may find it's not what we want."
"And if it is what we want?"
"I guess I'll have to talk to mom after all."
~()~
Sharon took the afternoon off work to be able to drive to the airport to pick up Emily and Ricky. She found herself spending over forty minutes stuck in traffic on her way to LAX and when she finally managed to get a parking spot near arrivals, she was desperate for a cup of coffee. She checked the arrivals board on her way to the nearest coffee shop and noticed Emily's flight was still due to come in on time but Ricky's was delayed a little. Sharon ordered herself an Americano and checked her cell phone for messages as she waited for her order.
Brenda had not replied to her text message but Sharon could see the message had been read. She'd checked her phone constantly since sending it and Brenda had opened the message late last night. Sharon had waited to see if she would reply but after an hour without an answer, she'd given up. It hurt but it seemed that Brenda didn't want to talk to her. Coming to the painful conclusion that she had most likely pushed Brenda away too far, Sharon could only try and focus on her children arriving and Rusty's birthday.
She checked her watch. Half an hour till Emily's plane was due. She found a seat at one of the tables with comfy seats and Sharon crossed her legs. She watched as around her people carried on with the ordinary business of their lives. Some were waiting for loved ones, others were getting ready to say goodbye. Judging by the many suits and brief cases she saw, plenty of the people around her were travelling for business.
Minutes slowly ticked by and Sharon's heart filled with joy when she noticed Emily's flight turned green on the board and the word "landed" appeared behind it. She abandoned her now almost empty coffee and stood up and walked the short distance to the doors through which the arrivals would appear. She felt excited. It had been weeks since she last saw her daughter and she was desperate to just hold her in her arms and smell her hair; to know that her little girl was home.
It felt like an eternity until the doors opened and Sharon recognised her daughter's slender frame and brown hair. Moments later she had wrapped her arms tightly around Emily and pulled her as close as she possibly could. Emily let go of the small suitcase she was wheeling along beside her and buried her face in Sharon's hair.
"Hey mom," she smiled as she inhaled her mother's familiar perfume scent.
"Oh honey," Sharon sighed contently when she finally let go of her daughter. As always she looked at her from head to toe. Emily looked good dressed in black skinny jeans and a simple white top. Sharon smiled. "It feels like it's been way too long but I know it hasn't."
"That's because a lot has happened," Emily answered and searched her mother's face. "Gees mom, when was the last time you slept?"
"It's nice to see you too," Sharon quipped. "Work has been crazy." She looked over Emily's shoulder at the arrivals board and saw that Ricky's flight was back to being on schedule. "It won't be long till Ricky gets here. Do you want to go get a drink or something?"
She and Emily walked back to the same coffee shop where Sharon had set a little while earlier and Emily ordered a herbal tea whilst Sharon opted for just a bottle of water. They found a seat and once they were settled, Emily leaned in to her mother. "Mom, I'm so sorry about all of this stuff with Andy. I… I wish I'd been closer. I would have been more of a help."
"It's alright, honey. It's done," Sharon said. She swallowed. "It was a hard lesson and it's changed a few things but things are settling down. Andy transferred out of Major Crimes so we're not stuck with each other anymore." She fiddled with the lid on her bottle and easily changed the subject. "So what's the latest on your plans to open your own dance studio?"
"I have a meeting with a couple of investors next week," Emily answered. "I found the perfect location but it needs a lot of work before it's anywhere near ready and it would have to pass some rigorous inspections. But those are the things we talk about next week as well as long and short term plans."
Sharon smiled as she looked at her daughter. "I never really considered there would be a day where you would be prepared to give up dancing."
"I'm hitting thirty, mom. I won't be dancing like this for much longer and I need to think about the future. Frankly, I don't think my body will be able to take much more of the intense training. Opening my own studio and giving girls and boys the chances you gave me seems like the perfect way of taking the next step."
"Have you thought about working with some of the local schools?" Sharon asked and Emily nodded.
"A girl I know is a primary school teacher. We're going to try and set up something to encourage the kids in her school into dance."
Sharon's phone buzzed and her hand flew down to her pocket to pull it out. For a split second she thought, or at least hoped, it was Brenda but the text was from Rusty to tell her he would be home early so they could all have dinner together. Unsure how to feel about her son's attempt to just pretend nothing had happened, Sharon put the phone down but Emily's scrutinising gaze did not miss the way Sharon's face briefly reflected something other than happiness.
"Is everything alright?" Emily asked.
"Everything's fine," Sharon lied and managed to force a smile onto her face. She didn't want Emily to know what had happened. "It was just Rusty asking if we could all have dinner somewhere tonight. What do you reckon? Dinner in or out?"
"You haven't had time to cook so out sounds like a better option," Emily answered. "What about that place we went to for Christmas a couple of years ago? Is that still open?"
Sharon nodded, remembering the restaurant Emily meant. She made a mental note to call them once they were on their way home and she texted Rusty back to let him know what the plan was. For the remainder of their time waiting for Ricky they talked about some of Emily's latest performances and her trip to Europe and Emily showed her mother some pictures on her phone.
"Do you remember the last time we sat in this coffee shop?" Emily asked once she had finished scrolling through the pictures and she looked up at her mother. Their eyes met and Sharon nodded.
"I was just thinking the same thing. It was after Anne died." She swallowed. The memory was still fresh and painful and sitting in this very same coffee shop brought the feelings back even stronger. Sharon's hand reached for the necklace she was wearing and Emily noticed.
"You're wearing grandma's necklace."
"I haven't taken it off since the day I got it," Sharon answered and she covered Emily's hand with her own. "Thank you for sending those things to me, Emily." She kept the book Emily had included on her bedside table and the rosary and funeral service leaflet in the top drawer of her desk at home. "It means a lot to me to have all those things."
"I knew she'd want you to have them," Emily answered, tears glistening in her eyes.
"I miss her," Sharon said softly and she softly squeezed Emily's hand. "And to this day, the guilt of not making it to her funeral…" She swallowed. "It hurts that I didn't get to say goodbye."
"I know," Emily whispered. "But I also know she would have understood, mom. Because that was the kind of woman she was."
Sharon smiled a little. "She sure was."
They continued talking about Anne, the funeral service and the days following her death until the moment Emily noticed that Ricky's plane was about to land. The two women made their way to the double doors through which Emily had appeared only a short while earlier.
Ricky was one of the first passengers to come through the doors and he swung his strong arms around his mother's neck at the first available moment, pulling her into a massive bear hug. Sharon sighed in happiness now that she was surrounded by her children and watched as Ricky and Emily shared a playful hug followed by Emily teasingly pulling her brother's hair and smacking the back of his head.
Ricky loaded his and Emily's case in the trunk of the car and settled for the back seat when Emily insisted on getting in the front. The drive back to the condo was filled with stories and laughter as Emily and Ricky filled each other and their mother in on their lives as well as throwing in the occasional memory from the times they spent in Los Angeles.
Walking into the condo, Sharon knew Rusty was already home. His bag was on the couch and his keys in the bowl by the door. But he didn't come walking down the hallway. Instead, Ricky and Emily found their younger brother sitting on the couch in the living room and Rusty only got up when Ricky approached. As he hugged his brother, his eyes found Sharon's and they shared a quiet look. The atmosphere in the room seemed to shift.
"Hey little brother," Ricky said as he hugged Rusty and Rusty accepted the embrace. He then greeted Emily and turned to Sharon.
"Do I need to get changed?" he asked.
Sharon shook her head as she took in what Rusty was wearing. Smart jeans and a button down shirt. It looked like had even combed his hair. "No, you're good."
Emily looked from Rusty to her mother and back but said nothing despite sensing that their interaction was strained. Something in Sharon's voice was cold and Rusty couldn't bring himself to look his mother in the eye and Emily noticed how Sharon had folded her arms in front of her chest and Rusty's shoulders had dropped.
"Emily, you can stay in my room. Ricky, you're sharing with Rusty," Sharon announced as she turned to her two other children. "I've put some extra blankets and pillows out for you, Ricky."
"I can sleep on the couch," Rusty quickly said, not liking the idea of having to share the already small space of his bedroom. "Ricky can have my room."
"It's your birthday, dude! I'm not taking your bed," Ricky objected and Rusty shrugged. "I'll take the couch. It's not like I haven't done it before. Just give me the pillows and blankets and I'll be fine."
"Ok, if you're happy with that then that works for me," Sharon answered. She checked her watch. It was late afternoon. Outside the first signs of sunset were starting to change the colours of the sky. It would be dark in a couple of hours. "Do either of you want to freshen up before we go out?"
"I'd like a quick shower and get changed," Emily said and she went to take her suitcase. Rusty stepped forward and took it instead.
"I've got it."
He and Emily walked down the hall to Sharon's bedroom and once they were out of their mother's ear shot, Emily turned to her younger brother and closed the bedroom door. "Ok, spill it, kid," she insisted and when Rusty gave her a questioning look, she fixed him with a piercing stare. It was clear she had copied it perfectly from Sharon. "Listen, you can cut the atmosphere with a knife in here. What's going on with mom?"
"I… I don't really know if it's my place," Rusty reluctantly said and he stared down at the floor. He had expected Ricky and Emily to pick up on something but he hadn't expected it would happen this soon and he wasn't sure how to handle it.
"Has this got anything to do with Andy cheating on her?" Emily wanted to know. There was a hint of anger in her voice when she mentioned the Lieutenant. "Because I already know most of the details. She called me a few days ago." She continued to look at Rusty, noticing the way he nervously fumbled with his sleeves. "This is something else, isn't it?"
"Hey, what's going on in here?" Ricky poked his head around the door.
"Shut the door," Emily instructed and surprised, Ricky did what his sister asked and then looked from Rusty to Emily and back.
"Did I miss something?"
"Rusty was just about to tell me what's going on with mom," Emily answered, making it clear she wasn't going to take any of Rusty's attempts to avoid telling her what was going on.
"Oh so I wasn't imagining it then. I wondered why she spoke to you the way she sometimes speaks to dad," Ricky said and sat down on his mother's bed. The comforter shifted a little and one of the pillows slipped off the bed. "What did you do?"
"Nothing!" Rusty defended himself. He sighed and looked at the other two people in the room. "Ok. If I tell you, you have to promise me not to tell mom anything. She can't know I told you. I don't think she'd want me to but I also don't want this whole thing to get weird." He rubbed the back of his head. "And it probably will get weird by tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? You mean your party?" Emily's eyes widened. "You didn't invite Andy, did you?"
Rusty shook his head. "God no! I don't want that asshole anywhere near her!"
"So what's going on then?" Ricky urged.
Rusty felt his stomach twist itself into a knot and he couldn't look at Emily or Ricky. Just outside this room, just down the hall, their mother was preparing to take them all out to dinner and here they were, about to cross a line Rusty wasn't sure they shouldn't even consider crossing. This wasn't his place. This wasn't his secret. But if Ricky and Emily had already sensed something and Sharon wasn't going to tell them… Did they deserve to know what had happened?
"Did mom murder someone or something?" Ricky asked. It was meant to sound as a joke but it didn't come out quite as light-hearted as he had intended. It only added to the tension lingering in the room.
Rusty looked over his shoulder at the door, expecting Sharon to come in at any second. Surely by now she had to be wondering where all three of her children had disappeared to. He sighed. "I really don't think I should be the one telling you about this."
"And you think mom will?" Emily retorted. "She's more closed off than Fort Knox."
Rusty felt sick. This wasn't what he had wanted to happen. Hesitantly he said, "You guys know Brenda, right?"
"Yeah, mom's mentioned her a few times. They used to work together and then Brenda moved away. She came back recently and they became friends," Emily answered as if to fill in the blanks for Ricky. "From what I've heard, Brenda seems nice. Mom doesn't have all that many close friends."
"Well…" Rusty swallowed hard, unsure about how to tell his brother and sister what was really going on between Sharon and Brenda. This was Sharon's secret and he was about to betray her in the worst way possible. The words tasted bitter on his lips as he nervously spoke them out loud. "They're more than friends."
"What?" Ricky asked and stared at Rusty in a mixture of confusion and bewilderment. He let the words sink in for a few moments. "What do you mean, 'more than friends'? Are you saying mom is in love with this woman? Like, are they dating or something?"
Rusty opened his mouth to speak but Emily cut in before he could say anything. "You're kidding, right?"
Rusty shook his head.
"So are they sleeping together?!" Ricky sounded horrified. "Seriously?"
"Ricky!" Rusty and Emily both exclaimed in unison as they spun around to glare at him in horror.
"Not as far as I'm aware," Rusty spluttered. He briefly thought back to the nights where Brenda had stayed over at the condo. She had always slept on the couch but somehow he felt a little less certain about his answer and flushed a deep shade of red as he scratched the back of his head. "I don't think so, anyway."
"So, then what?" Ricky tried to comprehend what it was Rusty was trying to say. "You're saying mom's gay?" His voice had become a little higher pitched and he shook his head and begun tripping over his words. "Come on man, this can't be real. Mom's been dating men all her life! She married dad for god sake! Are you saying she's been some kind of closeted lesbian her whole life?"
"Hey, I'm not saying anything like that!" Rusty came to Sharon's defence. "I'm only telling you what I know and what I've seen. I don't think she ever lied to anyone!"
Emily ran her hands through her hair and started pacing the bedroom. "So, what's going on? Are they together? Dating?" She stopped and turned around to look at Ricky. He seemed to struggle more with this revelation than she did. "Ricky, come on, man. This is mom! Does it really matter?"
"Does it matter?" Ricky replied. "Of course it fucking matters. She's pushing sixty. You don't just suddenly wake up one morning and realise you're gay. Shit like that doesn't just happen."
"Actually, it does," Rusty interjected. "But we don't know if that's what happened with mom and it's not for us to judge. Now do you see why I didn't want to tell you? Because you're going to have to go back out there and look her in the eye and pretend you don't know the truth."
Emily crossed the room and held still in front of Rusty. "Tell me more about Brenda. What's going on between them? Are they dating?"
"They're not. They're not even together. The thing is, they're both confused as hell and I think they had a fight about it because they're not talking to each other anymore. I tried talking to mom but she won't talk to me about any of it. I saw Brenda and she told me. Well, not in so many words but I got enough to know what she meant." Rusty sighed. "And mom… Well, I think she doesn't know what to do with her feelings."
"Shit," Emily swore, resulting in a surprised look from Ricky. She wasn't normally the one to swear. She looked around the room as if to magically find answers and then sighed, "God, she must be so confused."
"Yeah, imagine falling in love with a woman at her age," Rusty added and he looked at his siblings but focusing mainly on Ricky as he seemed to struggle the most. "Falling in love is scary at the best of times but imagine it changing your whole world; the way you see yourself, the way everyone else will see you."
Emily sighed. "Oh, I can't even begin to imagine…"
Rusty was relieved to see understanding and acceptance in Emily's face. He looked back at Ricky and could see how his eyes darted around the room, trying to somehow make sense of everything that had transpired in the last few minutes. Rusty felt guilty. Not just towards Sharon but also towards Ricky and Emily for putting them in this situation.
Ricky cut through the lingering silence. "So that's why things are so tense? You guys had a fight about this?"
"Sort of, I suppose. I tried to talk to her and I think I pushed it too far." Rusty sighed. "I was just trying to help her, let her know that it's going to be alright. But I guess I should know better than anyone what it takes to accept something about yourself when you're not quite ready."
"You've invited Brenda to your party, haven't you?" Emily asked, having fitted the pieces together in her head and Rusty nodded. She glanced at Ricky and they shared a look of understanding. The initial harshness had faded from Ricky's face and it seemed that he was slowly wrapping his head around the situation. "Ok." Rusty arched an eyebrow and Emily continued, "You know these two better than either of us. You've seen mom when she's around Brenda. Before this happened, I mean. How did she seem?"
"Happy," Rusty smiled. He fondly remembered some of the moments they had shared together. "Happier than I have ever seen her."
"You think she's good for her?" Emily wanted to know.
"Brenda was there when your grandmother died. She was here when mom was at her worst. She was there with just her kindness and her smile, always trying to do the right thing and make things better. I've never seen anyone treat mom that way, not even Andy. And she genuinely made her happy." Rusty smiled a little. "Some people even assumed they were together just because of how they were."
Ricky stood up and there was a look of determination etched across his face. When he spoke, Rusty could hear the love for their mother in his brother's voice. He had pushed his initial shock, and no doubt judgment, aside and focused on his mother's happiness instead. He could deal with his own emotions later.
"If this Brenda makes mom happy then she deserves a chance to prove that to all of us but most all, she deserves a chance to prove it to mom. And if mom loves this woman, after everything she's been through with dad and Andy, then I want to see it happen."
"So do I," Emily agreed. "Mom deserves to be happy."
"So what do we do?" Rusty asked and Ricky put a hand on his shoulder in reassurance.
"Just get Brenda here. That'll be enough."
The knock on the door startled the siblings and moments later Sharon appeared. "What are you three doing in here?" she asked, her green eyes narrowing in suspicion behind her glasses as she observed three slightly startled looking faces.
"Just catching up," Ricky was the first one to answer. He had perfected the straight face to lie to his mother and it bought the others a few precious seconds to do the same. "Rusty was just telling us about school and Emily was showing us some pictures from her trip."
"Ok," Sharon answered. "Anyway, I need you guys out here in half an hour. I've booked a table and we really need to get going."
She closed the door again and Rusty turned to his siblings. His face was serious. "She can't know I told you."
Ricky looked at Emily and she nodded. "Don't worry. Our lips are sealed." He then put a hand on Rusty's shoulder. "I'm glad she's had you to support her, even if it seemed she may not have been aware of it or even wanted you to. I'm just glad she wasn't alone."
Rusty nodded. "We have to fix this."
Emily opened the bedroom door and let her two brothers out before following them. "We will," she promised Rusty and her eyes darted down the hall to see Sharon waiting by the front door. "We will."