Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors

by Sariniste

Humorous short letters to Bleach fanfiction authors: what the characters would say in response to common fanfic clichés. Canon universe, mostly. No non-canon pairings. Drabble series. Plus, how to improve your writing in ten easy lessons from the Shinigami Women's and Men's Associations.

37. Nnoitra Jiruga

Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors

Chapter 37 – Nnoitra Jiruga

A/N: Continuing with the Espada series; today's letter is for Silver Dragon, ChieLuvsBleach, anime-manga-it-calls-meXX, Cerice Belle, smylealong, Yeast, sbdrag, asia411, TigressfromFiore, and especially for Good boy-chan for multiple votes for Nnoitra!

(Originally posted 9/8/12.)

XxXxXxX

Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,

Why the fuck are you writing all these sloppy, soft stories about me and Nel? Didn't you get it that she was my competition and I crushed her! I tricked her and got her kicked out of the Espada. Stupid bitch didn't deserve to live. Not that any bitches are worth a shit, anyway. And Tesla's my goddamn slave, not my comfy little play bunny. As for Szayel, hah! I'm not stupid enough to get anywhere near that hopped-up crazy's lab unless it's to fuckin' chop him up into itty bitty pieces.

This whole thing is just a piece of crap. I can't believe I'm even writing you one of these letters. How the hell is this shit happening?

Grimmjow: Ha! You might as well admit that those bitches blackmailed you same as the rest of us, spoonhead.

Grimmkitty, stay the fuck out of my letter! Nobody blackmails me!

Grimmjow (laughing): Then why are you writing?

*Nnoitra takes out zanpakutou and begins to spin it*

I'm gonna smash you all to pieces!

The strongest Espada,

Nnoitra Jiruga