Chapter 37
The fall crisp air nipped at her bones as she stood outside, watching with a sad eye at what lay before her. Never in her whole life did she think something like this was possible, she thought it was inevitable. It had been five months since she told her family she was pregnant again, and at the moment it didn't seem important. A part of her was dead, and the reason lye right in front of her.
Lilly walked into Lex's office with a new bouquet of flowers that her and Lilian had picked up from the market. Lilian had been very determined to get them for him, and how could a mother say no to her daughter, especially the daughter of Lex Luthor.
She placed them in a vase that sat on Lex's desk. She fluffed them up a little bit and made sure they looked decent. She took a deep inhale of the smell and smiled.
"They're beautiful." whispered Lex into Lilly's ear.
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. He breathed in her scent and smiled, loving the way she smelled.
"Your daughter picked them out." smiled Lilly, turning around in Lex's arms.
"And how is the other one doing?" asked Lex, placing his hands on Lilly's growing belly.
"Fine, bugging me, but fine." she smiled.
"That's my boy." he smiled.
Lilly only laughed and went over to get herself water. Lex walked upstairs to the balcony, looking for a book. Lilly plopped herself down in a chair, sighing out of exhaustion. She was 7 months pregnant now and feeling it every minute. The phone rang, making Lilly jump a little.
"Baby can you get that please?" asked Lex from the balcony.
"Sure." she sighed.
She somehow got herself off the chair and waddled over to his desk.
"Hello?" she asked, holding herself up by the table. "Yea, this is Lilly."
After a second or two, Lilly seemed to freeze. Her breathing became ragged and she started to shake. She dropped the phone from her hand which landed on the floor with a loud bang. She stumbled back until her back met with the wall.
"Lilly?" asked Lex, seeing Lilly in shock.
Lilly slid down the wall towards the floor as Lex ran down the stairs. He came to a sliding halt in front of her. He saw the despair in her eyes along with the tears. She was still breathing heavily and she was shaking more and more.
"Lilly?" asked Lex, trying to her to make eye contact.
She just shook her head, mumbling. She raised her shaking hand to her mouth, continuing to shake her head in a disbelieving way.
"Lilly." said Lex, more forcefully this time.
Lilly looked into his eyes and he could see the terror and horror in her eyes. He ran his hand along her face and felt the shivers running through her body.
"What happened?" asked Lex.
She took a deep breath and shakily let it out. She looked down and then back up towards Lex, letting a few stray tears fall.
"My father's dead." she whispered.
That moment was forever engraved in her mind. The phone call she received from Clark was something she would never be able to get over.
Lilly along with her family and friends stood outside in the crisp fall air, staring down at her father's grave. Never in her life did she think her father could die. She always thought him invincible. Sure that's what every little girl thinks of their father, but Lilly always believed it. He was always there when she needed him, took care of her when she needed it, and told her that he would always be there for her.
He broke one promise, the one she always needed to hear. She knew she shouldn't be mad at him, but she couldn't help feeling as if he let her down.
She stood next to Clark who seemed just as cold as she was. They both seemed as if they had been let down by the one person who swore they would always be there for them.
She slid her hand into Clark's and pulled herself closer to him. She laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, trying to will away the tears. Her mother stood to the left of her, crying into a Kleenex. Chloe and Lois stood on the opposite side of the grave, just as hurt. Lilian had been kept at the mansion with Maggie. A funeral was no place for a child.
Lex stood alone, in the far back, hiding behind a tree. Him and Lilly had a bit of an altercation yesterday when she was getting ready for the funeral. She had found out a week ago that her father had died, and she had been distant ever since. He couldn't blame her, but Lilian was beginning to see that her mother paid her no mind anymore. He had come to pay his respects to them man that gave Lex his life, and now that he was gone, it seemed he was losing everything, especially Lilly.
The priest said his final words and lowered Jonathon's casket into the ground. Lilly lost all of her reserve and let her emotions take control. It was the first time in a week that she had cried, aside from the day she found out. She lowered her head and let the tears freely fall. She felt Clark wrap his arm around her shoulder and bring her close to him. He lay his head on top of hers and let his own tears free.
Lex bowed his head, saying a silent prayer for Jonathon and his family. He took one last look at Lilly sobbing and turned towards his car. Slowly, family and friends began to leave the grave, except for Lilly and Clark. Clark bent down and retrieved a hand full of dirt, slowly dropping it into his father's grave. Lilly only let more tears fall as she watched her father fall farther and farther away from her.
Clark stood and grabbed her hand. He began to pull her away, back towards the house. She started to follow but stopped, looking back at her father's grave.
"I'll miss you, daddy." she whispered, as tears rolled from her eyes.
She lowered her head and turned back towards Clark. He wiped away her tears with his hand, and pulled her into his arms as they walked back to the house.
Lilly cuddled deeper into her brother's arms as the chill fall air filled her limbs. She looked to her right to see Lex standing at his car, about to get in. Their eyes met and she froze inside. She had forgotten all about him this past week, and it was all her fault. She had neglected Lilian and ignored her husband, which she felt horrible for. But she wasn't going to apologize; she didn't feel she had to.
She broke their gaze and lowered her head back towards the ground as she continued walking. Lex lowered his head and got into his car, headed for home.
Lilly and Clark walked inside the house where a few people stood, talking with one another. Food had been prepared for everyone along with a fire, so everyone had a place to warm up. Lilly took off her coat and readjusted her sweater over her large stomach. She pushed some hair out of her face and looked around the house. There were some people she didn't know, but she recognized some faces.
"Hey Chloe." she said.
"Hey." said Chloe, giving her a huge hug. "I know this is a stupid question, but how are you doing?"
Lilly only smiled and laughed a little bit.
"I'm doing as good as I can." she said. "I think Clark is taking this better than I am."
"Trust me, he's not." said Chloe. "Plus, he's not the one pregnant. Your hormones are all out of whack."
"Yea, I guess." sniffed Lilly. "Have you seen my mom?"
"I think she's upstairs." said Chloe.
"Thanks. I'll see you later?" said Lilly.
"Sure." smiled Chloe.
Lilly nodded at her and gave her one last hug. She snuck up the stairs to her mother's room and lightly knocked on the door. She didn't get an answer so she slowly opened the door, poking her head in. She found her mother sitting on her bed with one of Jonathon's shirts in her hand.
"Mom?" asked Lilly, softly.
Martha looked up at Lilly, and tried to smile, but failed miserably. Lilly stepped in and closed the door behind her. She walked over and sat down on the bed, in front of her mother. She lightly touched the shirt in her mother's hand, remembering.
"He wore this shirt every Saturday." said Lilly, tears forming in her eyes. "He never washed it cause he didn't want to lose the feel of the fabric."
"He was stubborn." cried Martha.
Lilly looked up at her mother and wiped away the tears. Martha only let more tears fall as she held the shirt to her face.
"I miss him already." she cried.
"I know mom." cried Lilly. "We all do."
"He was fine a few weeks ago." cried Martha.
Lilly wrapped her mom in a hug and let her cry on her shoulder. They sat there for awhile, letting the tears out, grieving together.
"Come on mom, let's get you into bed." said Lilly.
"But all those people downstairs." said Martha.
"They don't matter." said Lilly. "You need time for yourself, mom. Throwing yourself into something isn't going to make the pain go away."
Martha only looked at Lilly and sighed in defeat. She stood up and Lilly took off her necklace and placed it into her jewelry box. Her mom changed into some pajama pants and a t-shirt. She pulled down the covers and almost crawled in when Lilly stopped her. She held up her dad's shirt and motioned for her mom to put it on.
"Go on." said Lilly.
Martha only took a deep breath and slid her arms in. She wrapped it around her and took a deep breath of his smell. Lilly led her mother into bed and pulled the covers up around her neck. She gave her mother a kiss on the forehead and smiled.
"Goodnight, mom." she said.
"Thank you." whispered Martha.
Lilly only smiled and left her mother to sleep. She closed the door silently and walked down the stairs, realizing everyone had left. She looked around the house and found it spotless.
"Chloe." whispered Lilly, a smiled forming on her face.
She grabbed her coat and threw it on. She stepped outside and went in search of Clark. No doubt he would be in his fortress. She walked into barn and went up to the loft. He stood in front of the window, jacket and tie discarded. His white shirt was unbuttoned and untucked and his shoes had been forgotten. She walked up next to him and looked at his hands. He held a picture in his hands of their father along with the both of them when they were five. They were all sitting on the tractor, smiles as big as the sun adorned all three of their faces, and Lilly felt another band of tears coming forward.
"How's mom?" whispered Clark.
"She's sleeping." said Lilly.
"Good." said Clark, turning around and sitting on the couch.
Lilly watched him and could see the mask being put up. She hated when he did that because it only hurt him in the end.
"Don't do that." she said.
"Do what?" he asked.
"Hide yourself away. It won't help at all." said Lilly.
"I'm not hiding." he said, looking away.
"You're lying. Clark, you can't put yourself in a shell." she said, sitting next to him.
"I can if I want." he said.
"You're not hurting anyone but yourself if you do. Clark, you can't keep this to yourself. It'll eat you up inside. "she said.
"Then what am I supposed to do? Cry my feelings out to you?" he asked, a hint of anger in his voice.
"Yes." she said. "Clark, you're not the only one here that lost him!"
"He let me down!" he yelled, throwing the picture towards the post which caused it to smash.
"What?" she asked.
"He told me he would always be there for me whenever I needed him, that he would help me with whatever problem I had. And don't tell me that he wasn't invincible because I know you believed the same thing." he said.
Lilly lowered her head and looked to the ground. She saw the picture smashed and stood up to grab it. She bent down and brushed the glass off. She stood up and ran her hand along the picture, tears coming to her eyes at her father's smile.
"I felt the same way. In the graveyard, I thought to myself that he lied to me. He told me he would always be here, that whatever was wrong he would fix it. And he lied. But I knew that image and promise would die one day." she said, walking closer to Clark. "I just didn't think it would come so soon."
She stood next to Clark and looked out over the cold autumn air. She looked around the farm, remembering every spot on this land had some type of memory. She looked down at the picture and slowly handed it over to Clark.
"But that's no reason to feel the way you do. Keeping that anger will not preserve his memory. Instead, another form of dad will fill that void. And it won't be pretty." she said.
Clark grabbed the picture from her hands and looked into her eyes. He saw the tears threatening to fall and knew it took every ounce of her being to contain them.
"I just feel like he left us with nothing." he said.
"That's not true." she said. "He left us the world. He left us with the greatest memories any kid could ask for."
She began to cry and lowered her head. She wiped them away and looked back towards the setting sun. She shook her head and let more tears fall.
"I didn't even get to say goodbye to him." she cried.
Her tears came out full force and her body racked with sobs. She slid to the ground and curled up into a ball, letting her body shake with her sobs. Clark sat next to her and brought her into his arms. He ran his hands along her arms, showing that he was there for her.
"He told me." started Clark, but stopped when a cry caught his voice. "He told me, that he wished he could see his Bumblebee one last time."
Lilly only cried harder and used Clark's shirt as a tissue. The two of them sat like that for hours, crying laughing and yelling. It was all helpful in one way or another and let the two Kent children know that their father would always be there for them whether they knew it or not.
Holy Cow!! Finally another chapter, I know it's late. But I cried like every moment I tried writing this which made typing a wee bit hard. But it's finally finished, and I still cry every time I read. But PLEASE let me know what you think!! I really love your guys' reviews!! Thanks and please keep reading!