Thirty-Five.

Olivia's one o'clock appointment arrived fifteen minutes late, so her already indifferent attitude toward the meeting further soured. She assumed the meeting had something to do with the recent arrest, and, maybe, Detective Fletcher's work on the case. Whatever the reason, her visitor's tardiness annoyed her to the point she vowed to be as tight-lipped as possible. Confirming the appointment was one of the last work-related things she completed before leaving for Quebec, and, in her haste, hadn't thought to ask about the topic of discussion.

She groaned.

She hated going into anything blind.

As it turned out, the man was not a journalist but an agent from one of the major publishing houses in New York. "Your name and your squad have been in the headlines a lot lately," he said after they'd finished introductions, "And I'm surprised I'm the first one to offer."

"Offer?" Olivia asked, confused, thinking she may have zoned out and missed something.

"I want you to write a book. A memoir. Your career, is remarkable, and I think your story would be inspiring, and a valuable, never-before-seen look into this part of the NYPD."

Olivia blinked, taken aback by the proposal. To her left, her phone vibrated and an unfamiliar number popped up on the screen. She thought about ignoring it, but changed her mind, welcoming the distraction.

"Excuse me," she said, bringing the phone to her ear. "Benson."

"Hi Mommy!"

She screwed up her face. "Noah?"

"It me!"

"Honey," she said soothingly, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothin' wrong!"

Olivia listened closely to the background noise. It sounded like children playing. "Whose phone are you using?"

"Mine!"

"Sweet boy, where did you get a phone?"

"Sare Bear buyed it for me!"

Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

Ed is going to kill her.

She shot an apologetic look to the guest and continued interrogating her son. "Honey, are you on the playground?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Where are your teachers?"

"Over there," he said as if Olivia could see where he was gesturing.

"Sweet boy, I am so glad you called," she said cheerfully, "But, you know what? You should probably put your phone away and go play with your friends, alright?"

"Okay!"

"And I'll see you later tonight."

"Kay, Mommy!"

"I love you, sweet boy."

"Luvvvyou!"

Olivia hung up and turned back to the agent. "I'm sorry. My son…" she trailed off, realizing she would need to reveal way more than she wanted to disclose if she launched into the story. "Anyway, um, this book…"

"Like I said, a memoir. We can bat around ideas at a different time, after you've had a chance to think about what you may want to write and on what you'd like to focus. The angle…could be about balancing your family and your job. Or it could be more job-centered. We'd probably appeal to more readers with a nice mix of both, but, it depends on how much you want to get into the personal details." He squinted, "But details…like your marriage…make for an intriguing story."

"My marriage?" Olivia asked, a tiny bit freaked out that her life had already been scrutinized by this stranger. Then again, her marriage wasn't a secret and her previous tangles with IAB-Ed weren't either.

"I did a little digging before I came here," he sheepishly admitted, "Of course, I understand if the…I understand if you don't want to divulge everything you've experienced. Like I said, the book can take on whatever tenor you're comfortable with. Think about it," he said almost pleadingly, "We're prepared to offer a generous advance. Like I said, I'm shocked you haven't been approached previously."

Considering all she'd been through, Olivia had to admit he was right. She did have a story to tell, she had a powerful story to tell, and maybe she wouldn't reveal all of it, but the parts she could comfortably publicize might inspire or impact others.

"Give me a few days?" She asked. "I want to talk with my husband. Think things over. But I am…very interested."

They stood and shook hands. He apologized for being late and Olivia brushed off the blunder. The agent walked slowly through the squad room, looking around, somewhat dazed by the flurry of activity and noises. Olivia checked in with Fin and Rollins. Confident everything was under control, she returned to her office, closed the door, and called Ed to tell him about Noah's new phone.

Assuming, of course, Noah hadn't already called him for a mid-afternoon chat.

…..

Ed met Cole and another IAB investigator at a diner they had frequented since their early days on the force. They'd spent many late nights here, eating greasy plates of food, drinking coffee, and smoking cigarettes. The food and coffee were the same. City law had long ago banned cigarette smoking inside its establishments, but Ed swore he could detect a hint of smoke; it was probably caked into the walls and the seats.

Cole introduced the unfamiliar agent as Sergeant Preston who sported a military-style crew cut and a dour countenance, he looked like he fit right in at Internal Affairs. The three men traded cop banter and picked at their food. The conversation didn't take a turn toward the personal until their plates were cleared and Cole ordered a piece of pie.

"How was your trip?" He asked Ed.

"Great," Ed replied, "You been there?"

"Nope. Preston? You been to Quebec?"

Preston shook his head and muttered something about not having the time to travel.

"Highly recommend," Ed added.

"Sarah and Brooke survived with the three kids?"

"They did. And they appear to have been well taken care of."

"Tucker's got year-old twins and a five year old," Cole informed Preston who raised his eyebrows, either impressed or out of disbelief. The retired cop in front of him appeared to be fit and healthy, but his gray hair and a few wrinkles betrayed his actual age.

"Call me crazy," Ed quipped, noticing Preston's expression.

"Oh," Preston's eyes narrowed as he made a connection, "You're the guy who married Cassidy's old girlfriend. Captain Tucker. I knew your name sounded familiar."

Hearing Cassidy's name immediately made Ed tense up. "You a friend of his?"

"Not really," he replied, "Got to know him a little when he was here and then we worked a few cases together when he was at the DA's office. He talked about her a lot."

"I'm sure he did," Ed scoffed.

Cole smirked at his old partner. "Cassidy's trying retirement for the second or third time," he said, "That guy…never could find a home."

"That's what happens when ya can't be trusted," Ed retorted, not caring if his comment somehow worked its way back to Brian.

"How is it," Preston asked, "Chasing after three little kids…now?"

There was a bite in the question and Ed couldn't tell if the guy just had an off-putting personality or if he was closer to Cassidy than he let on. Even if the latter was true, what was the purpose of challenging Tucker like this?

"Easier than the first time around," Ed answered casually.

Preston grunted a little.

"You have kids?" Ed asked him.

"Two. But they live in Texas with their mother."

Ed wanted to hate the guy, but he understood. He recognized his earlier self—bitter, scornful, lonely, devoid of any faith in other human beings—and he was immensely grateful and thrilled to have had the chance to move past that long, dark period of his life.

He inspected the check and tossed some bills on the table. "I have to go," he announced, sliding out of the booth, "And find out why exactly my older daughter thought it was a good idea to purchase an iPhone for my five-year-old."

…

Dr. Lindstrom opened the door and smiled at what had become a notoriously infrequent patient. Olivia smiled back apologetically and, as she always did, almost hugged him before stepping around him and taking a seat, this time in the armchair.

"How are you?" Lindstrom asked in his usual probing fashion. There were dozens of other questions wrapped up in that one inquiry.

"I'm good," Olivia gushed, "Really good."

"How is your family?"

She updated him on the past few months—the twins' birthday, Angela's death, the part-time addition of Aidan—and, as she spoke, both she and Lindstrom grasped how emotionally heavy the spring had actually been.

"Wow," Olivia gasped after she'd finished recounting the details.

"A lot on your plate."

"Yes."

Lindstrom leaned forward. "But?"

"But…everything is fine. Really. And…I feel a little guilty for," Olivia furrowed her brow, searching for the right words to match her emotions. "For getting through it, with Ed, with our marriage, stronger than ever. It all happened so quickly, but looking back, we could've cracked, gone off the rails at several junctures, but we didn't. Never even came close."

"Sounds like you should be proud," Lindstrom observed, "For being able to step in and support your family, the two of you. It's okay to feel that way, Olivia. Just because others are suffering or going through trauma doesn't mean you have to, and it doesn't make what you and Ed have any less deserved."

"I suppose," Olivia started tearing up and her voice cracked, "I suppose I still have this fear that I'll lose him. That something….unforeseen…is lurking out there somewhere."

"From everything you've told me, I think that's unlikely."

She forced a smile, "And I should enjoy my life, right?"

"I think you should."

"We, um, we were away last weekend, just the two of us. For the first time since the twins were born."

"And how was that?"

"Incredible." Olivia ran a finger along the stitching of her pant leg. "And it made me think about retiring. About how when we're both retired we'll be able to have weekends like that more often. And when we got home yesterday we sat in the park and the twins slept and Ed and I just sat there. And I was so happy."

"Sounds like a nice trip. And a nice homecoming."

"It was. And now…I wonder…am I wasting time at work? Shortchanging my kids? I'm missing hours of their lives I'll never get back. Is it worth it?"

Lindstrom smiled.

And didn't answer her question.

"When the time comes for you to retire, it will be difficult. It will always be difficult to stop because, like it or not, your job has been your life for so long. Even now, it is part of who you are. It will always be a part of who you are."

"Who I am," Olivia murmured to herself. In five years, she went from her entire identity wrapped up in SVU to being a mother and a wife. She thought about the agent and the book, and suddenly she wanted to talk to Ed. She wanted his blessing to move forward with the project, not because she needed his permission, but because she wanted him to be a part of it.

"You know what?" She rose from the chair. "I'm good."

Lindstrom didn't object. He wished her well and closed the door softly. It was refreshing to see her bound from his office with such optimism. He couldn't remember that happening before.

…

As soon as Sarah saw Ed in her doorway, she knew the reason for his impromptu visit. She was surprised the phone hadn't been discovered sooner since she hadn't placed any restrictions on its usage. After storing a few essential numbers, she showed Noah how to make calls and proceeded to download his games and other apps he used on a regular basis. Soon he realized there was a slot in his backpack made for the sole purpose of holding a phone, and he showed it to Sarah, excited that he finally had a use for the space.

"Hi Daddy! Come in! Sit!"

"Nah," he said gruffly, "I can't stay long."

"Darn."

"So, I had lunch with Cole today and, right before that I got a call from Liv."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She had just had a call from Noah."

Sarah twisted her lips, still playing clueless about the whole thing. "Is he sick?"

"No," Ed replied, trying not to smile, "He called her to say hello…using his phone."

No longer able to contain herself, Sarah broke into laughter. She threw her head back and then forward, bumping her desktop and then looked at Ed with damp eyes. "I bought him a phone," she confessed, holding her hands in the air, palms up.

"I know," he said. "And now you get to tell him why you have to take it back."

"Why on Earth would I take it back?"

"He's too young to have a phone."

Prepared to defend the purchase against all odds, Sarah pressed her lips into a straight line, formulating her argument. "Daddy, he has my number, your number, Livvie's number, and Brooke's number. That's it. And he knows 911. The rest is just games and apps. It's not like he can text. Yet."

"He doesn't need to carry around a phone. He's a little kid. He needs to be playing and talking with his friends…and not calling his mother from the playground in the middle of recess."

"I can't believe he did that."

"He did."

"Well, it sounds to me," Sarah tapped the end of her pen to her lips, "Like that's more of a supervision problem than a Sarah-bought-him-a-phone-problem."

Ed cocked his head. She did have a point.

"What'd he say?" Sarah asked, beaming.

"He said 'Hi Mommy' and Liv had no clue what was happening."

"Well, perhaps we make the lad turn off the phone during the day."

"No," Ed insisted, "He will not have the phone during the day because you're taking it back."

"But he has an iPad. What's the difference?"

"The iPad is ours and he doesn't take it to school."

"Can we get Livvie to weigh in on this?"

Ed blew out an exasperated burst of air. "Fine."

Sarah shot him a satisfied smirk. She had a feeling Olivia might not have a huge problem with Noah having the phone, and Olivia was the boss.

Her smirk turned into a sly grin.

Gotcha.

…

At home that evening after the kids were asleep in their beds, Olivia checked their "TuckerFive" home email. They used the account for their online purchases and communication with day care and Noah's school. Olivia deleted several junk messages before coming across one from Brynn Davidson, Noah's lead teacher. She was requesting a conference "at their earliest convenience."

"Liv?" Ed poked his head out of the bathroom. "Why are you not in this shower with me?"

She grinned and tossed the iPad aside.

They made love under the pulsating water and kissed slowly and passionately in the aftermath, slowly coming down from their collective high. Ed had a hard time keeping his lips from her skin, even as he washed her hair and lathered body wash all over her arms and legs, paying extra attention to her inner thighs which he teased mercilessly before planting another sloppy smooch on her mouth and making another trail down her neck.

"Ed."

He peeled himself away from her collarbone. "Hmm?" There was a familiar desire in her eyes; he knew exactly what she wanted.

She gripped his face firmly.

"Whaddya want, Liv?"

"Gonna make me beg?" She countered.

"Nah." He leaned in and nibbled at her earlobe, "I wanna hear you say it."

She complied. She rasped all the ways he could make her come again and the words were so erotic, so sexy rolling off her tongue that he almost told her to stop. Instead, he slung one of her legs over his shoulder and furiously pleasured her until she was writhing and limp in his arms. They kissed more and she pressed her hips into his.

"What are you waiting for?" She asked in a husky voice, "Fuck me, again, Ed."

He reached behind her and turned off the water. "Not here. Bed."

They hastily toweled off one another and playfully ambled to the bed. Ed tossed her on the mattress, a little more aggressively than normal, but she had asked for him to fuck her, so that's exactly what he planned to do.

…..

"One night off, and…wow," Olivia was still fighting to breathe normally and Ed was too. She tried to do him a favor and slide off his chest, but he muttered an "uh-uh" and held her more tightly.

"Stay right here," he said firmly. "And wow is right."

"Guess we didn't lose whatever it was that got into us in Quebec."

"We certainly did not," Ed chuckled. "And we won't."

"No, we won't."

Ed fidgeted a bit and reached underneath him, "What the…shit." He had been laying on the iPad, but he'd been so consumed with Olivia riding out her orgasm on top of him that he hadn't realized he'd been partially laying on the device. He reached over and slid it on his nightstand.

"That reminds me," Olivia said, her lips brushing against one of his pecs, "Noah's teacher emailed. She wants to meet with us."

"Probably about the damn phone."

"Maybe."

"Do you really want to let him keep it?"

"I don't think it's a bad thing…as long as he keeps it here when he's at school? I mean, I'm not sure how much trouble he can get into with it…it's not like he's on social media."

"I draw the line at social media."

"He really just uses it for games. And to draw."

Ed grumbled and kissed her head. "You're right. Let's let him keep it."

"With some rules."

"I like rules."

"I know you do, Captain," Olivia cooed flirtatiously. "You're so…by the book…and I find that incredibly sexy."

"You didn't usedta."

"Maybe now, looking back, yeah, you were a little bit sexy across that interrogation table."

"Liar."

Now it was Olivia's turn to chuckle. "Oh my God! I almost forgot."

"What?" Ed sat up, alarmed.

"Nothing bad. Sorry. Today, when Noah called—which was adorable by the way—I was in the middle of a meeting with a book editor, agent, publisher…something like that. He wants me to write a book!" Olivia ran her hands through her hair, flabbergasted she'd forgotten to tell him sooner. After visiting Dr. Lindstrom, Fin called, summoning her back to the precinct. She didn't have a chance to call Ed, and as the afternoon turned into evening, the morning encounter got buried more deeply in her memory.

Ed loved seeing her so excited and flattered. "That's, wow, that's great, Liv!" Ed kissed her firmly and gazed into her eyes. Even in the dark, he could see them sparkle. "I am so proud of you." He kissed her again. "So proud."

"So you don't mind if I do it?"

"Of course not. I want you to. You…you've seen and done so much, you're such a force for good and all that's right in this world…it'll be a bestseller."

She smiled shyly and settled back into his arms. "The agent said he wants a memoir, but that I can take pretty much any angle I want."

"That's amazing, baby."

"And I want you to help me. I want to…tell it from both our eyes…"

Ed gently objected to the plan. "Liv, no, they came to you, it needs to be your story. Only yours."

"You were there, more or less, for a lot of it."

Ed adjusted their bodies so they were lying on their sides, face to face. "I will help you. I'll read it a thousand times. I'll give you as much feedback as you want. But your experiences? They're yours. I dunno how valuable it will be for you to include something like-every once in a while an IAB asshole came around to make your life difficult—"

"—then he came around to make it perfect."

Ed flushed. "Thank you. For that. And for wanting to include me. But I think, once you get goin', you're gonna realize you have a lot of powerful things to say—a lot of impassioned pleas to the powers that be—"

Olivia realized he was right. However, she was determined to follow the agent's advice and pepper in some personal details. "I think I have to…write about my mother. About Noah. One day he'll read it…that part has to be perfect. And you. Won't readers be shocked to learn the man I keep referring to as my husband…is you?"

"Sarah always said our story belongs in a book."

Olivia smiled and kissed him. "It really does." She turned over and nestled into him once again, wanting to fall asleep in his arms.

"This is a really big deal, Liv. I'm…I'm so excited for you. You deserve this." He was imagining her appearing on nationally televised talk shows and being featured in People Magazine articles.

"Thank you," she said softly. "I'm excited, too."

Ed kissed her head and felt her body get heavier and heavier as she drifted off to sleep. He wasn't lying or exaggerating his excitement; he was genuinely happy for her and he meant it when he said she deserved the opportunity. However, he couldn't help but be plagued with a hint of concern that she'd unearth agonizing memories that would stick around long after the book was published.

…..

#Tuckson