Lord of the Phones

by Gigigue

Frodo inherits the one iPhone and goes on an epic quest to destroy it. Until all the readers realize that it's not so epic. In fact, it's downright stupid. Well, maybe not quite that far. Let's just say, insane, wacko, bizarre, weirdness. If you read, beware of mind-blowing oddity. And crazy parodies of life. That works. Yeah, now read it.

38. Faramir's Feud

A/N: Hey! I wanted to give everyone a special gift for today. This is the 100th review special! Congratulations to Saren-Dipety for being our 100th reviewer. This scene is our gift in thanks. Enjoy!

Scene 38

Faramir: Welcome to (dramatic silence) Faramir's Feud! I'm Faramir, and this is (dramatic silence) my show! Our lucky contestants are (dramatic silence) Aragorn son of Arathorn, your future king, Gimli son of Gloin, a dwarf, and Legolas Thranduilion, an elf, prince of Mirkwood. Take your places please!

(Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli take their places at podiums.)

Faramir: Alright, the first question is (dramatic silence) what is something you do to your lawn?

Legolas: Water it.

Aragorn: Mow it.

Gimli: Fertilize it.

Faramir: Right! I bet you can't guess (dramatic silence) the next question!

(A commercial appears.)

Commercial Announcer: Do you want top quality gas for your car?

(Shows a sputtering car.)

Commercial Announcer: Then come to Mordor Gas Inc.! We refuse to settle for anything less than the best. If you want your car to be in tip-top shape, buy gas here.

(Shows car sparklingly clean and purring.)

Commercial Announcer: Find your local Mordor Gas Inc. and get rolling!

(A voice interrupts.)

Voice: (shouting) No! Don't! Their gas is terrible! It makes your car die! Don't go the-

(The camera shuts off before he finishes.)

(Back to the game show.)

Faramir: And the next question is (dramatic silence) what is something you might (dramatic silence) give your date?

Gimli: Chocolate.

Legolas: Love letter.

Aragorn: Hmm. I wonder. A lightsaber.

Faramir: Ohh, Aragorn, sorry, your date would probably break up with you if you gave her a lightsaber.

Gimli: Flowers!

Faramir: Right! Aragorn is (dramatic silence) eliminated! The next question is (dramatic silence) what is a book in the Lord of the Rings series?

Legolas: The Return of the Two Fellowships of the Kings of the Tower Rings.

Faramir: Incorrect. Gimli, any ideas?

Gimli: The Fellowship of the Ring, the Two Towers, and the Return of the King. They're like my favorite books!

Faramir: Congratulations! You're the winner of (dramatic silence) 25 billion dollars! Enjoy your money!

(Legolas looks scandalized. Aragorn looks indifferent.)

Faramir: And thank you for watching (dramatic silence) Faramir's Feud!

A/N: That was the parody of Family Feud. That was another pretty obvious one. See you tomorrow! (At least, if I remember... I will see you before Christmas though.)