Chapter 35: Tip the Scale
"And that is why jaywalking is uncool." At Eggbert Middle School's auditorium, a play was shown featuring some very poorly paid actors trying to teach the kids the dangers of very common things; and yes, it was painful to watch, but not for Dipper.
He was sitting near the middle section snickering to himself. "I am so glad I'm watching this." He sarcastically said softly, but enough for the students around him to hear. "I totally imagined that walking teddy bear nightmare as myself when it tried to climb into an operating wood chipper. This will definitely help me with my 'shredding myself to pieces' habit."
The students around him started to snicker.
"And boy that smoking warning, that makes me real hungry for something healthy enough to feed the population legally. Why not some fried bacon burgers and an extra-large soda with the tiniest bit of mold on the cups."
Everyone around Dipper nearly broke out in laughter before the show ended and the actors took their paychecks and left.
The bell rung and all the kids gathered their belongings and went outside for their rides, but Dipper was still making some humorous comments about the play to the students.
"I mean really, do you really expect kids today to dress like that with pride when fighting gingivitis monsters? I doubt they were ever popular in the 70s, period."
With freedom at hand, all the kids laughed loudly without being scolded.
"Oh boy, you sure know what to say, new kid." One girl said.
"Uhhhh, actually I've been a student, I'm Mabel Pines' brother."
The kids went silent for a moment before on spoke. "That's impossible. We would have noticed someone as hilarious as you before … wait wait!" I do remember you!" one kid pointed out. "Yeah, we were in Elementary school together. I laughed at you when you didn't get any Valentines …. Sorry."
"No Valentines for this comedic genius?" one girl asked. "Well not this school year. I'll make one that he'll crack another one-liner."
"Not if I make one even funnier!" said another girl.
"He should really check out this movie that just came out." One boy said. "He'll point out more mistakes than I can. We are gonna pee ourselves to death."
The lucky few that rode the bus with Dipper heard more of Dipper's hilarious jokes and comments all the way through the city before dropping the Paranormal Club off at their stop.
"Tomorrow I'm bringing my cat over so you can joke about it." One boy shouted. "It hates me!"
The cheerful Dipper waved goodbye as the bus drove off. "Man, I haven't gotten anyone to laugh at my jokes." Dipper smiley gazed met his sister overly-hyper scrunched face.
"You did it!" Mabel gave his scrawny brother a huge hug. "You're becoming popular!"
Dipper could feel a new kind of pride in himself. "And all I had to do was make some hilarious comebacks at that play, just like my movie nights with Wendy."
"You went on dates already?" Beethoven asked which caused Dipper to blush. "Got any advice? Pleeeeeaaase." He asked desperately, giving Dipper puppy dog eyes.
"Woah there, they weren't dates."
Dipper's face was then caught by Mabel's grasp. "Dipper Pines. Listen very closely." She moved closer to Dipper's face with a very focused look. "You're hopeless chance at getting Wendy did not succeed as planned, but you learned wisely from it, my pupil." Mabel wrapped her arm around Dipper's neck, choking him a bit. "With your powers, you'll achieve greatness and more friends, and possibly." She glee softly. "A girlfriend your age!"
"I agree with Mabel like the night agrees with the moon." Dyami said, which made Mabel want to faint.
"Wait, what does that even mean?" Beethoven asked, which was left unanswered as Dyami continued to talk with Dipper.
"You're a good person with a great personality. You've have open yourself to others and now they know you exist in this world. Continue your path and you'll find what the heart thirst for."
"But first we got to do something about those noodle arms." Beethoven said. "No offense this time, but women loves guns like these." Beethoven flexed to show off his 'muscles', which of course was meant for Mabel, who didn't even bat an eye. "Women loves guns like these." Beethoven flexed again, and the same results happened. "Aaaah."
Dipper was feeling a bit bashful from everyone's praise. "O.K., let's not get too carried away."
"You're right." Mabel said. "You haven't watched my 'Mabel's Guide to: Dating 2' yet." Mabel placed her hands on her hips. "But first you must learn the arts of friendship."
"You mean friends are people you share good bonds with and are always there to help you out and enjoy one's company just because they like you, not for what it is in it for them. And plenty of people will use this as an advantage for their own gain and to hurt the one who offered their friendship."
"… Yeah, that." Mabel responded. "So good!" Mabel looked out into the horizon. "And soon you'll become as popular as me. Then we can take over High School and I'll replace everyone's hormones with glitter. Then when prom comes, I'll be the queen and one lucky guy who may be near me may become my king."
Beethoven gasped with joy.
"And Dipper ….. you can be the Prom Bishop."
"Do you even know what a bishop is?" Dipper asked.
"Not a princess, that's for sure."
Dipper laughed. "Well I'm actually glad this is happening, but I doubt I'll be as popular as you."
"Well that's true." Mabel said, which Dipper responded with a raised eyebrow. "But you'll be my apprentice and no one will ever forget you exist. By the end of this week, you'll be with good terms with everyone."
Friday
"HOW ON EARTH DID HE BECOME MORE POPULAR THAN ME!?" Mabel was completely astonished during lunch when all the kids were surrounding Dipper, but not her.
All that stood by her side were Beethoven and Dyami.
"I guess that movie was worse than I thought." Dyami answered. "That's all their talking about."
Beethoven proudly folded his arms. "Don't worry, Me-lady. I'll- I mean Mabel! I'll stay by your side."
Then they noticed the new girl Jessica and the Goth Girl talking with Dipper.
"Man, that was hilarious!" Jessica then punched Dipper in the arm, which hurt him like heck.
"Ow, looks like I'm not getting on your bad side anytime soon." Dipper felt his arm. "Like the movie's production staff and the guys who funded them."
Goth Girl covered her mouth to hide a giggle. "You are very funny. Perhaps we should hang out sometimes."
"And now he's getting dates with Jessica and Goth Girl." Mabel said out loud.
"You do realize she has a name." Dyami said. "She actually wants to join our Paranormal Club." He then noticed Mabel glaring at her brother. "Are you jealous?"
"Yes." Mabel said. "I did not predict Dipper to be this popular. Soon I'll be the forgotten one."
"Blasphemy!" shouted Beethoven.
Mabel played around with her fingers. "I must come up with a plan to get him not that popular and make me popular."
Dyami was taken a bit back by Mabel's words. "Mabel. That …. That actually sounds like a terrible thing to do."
Dyami's words struck like lightning to Mabel's mind. "Ahhhhh! Bad thoughts!" Mabel rubbed her tongue clean while shouting 'blah' over and over. "Oh boy. For a minute there I thought I might have to summon a ghost to pull pranks on Dipper, or get a cute boy's number. Ahem, a cute boy's nuuuuummmmbeeeeeer. Huh … huh…."
Mabel's hint to Dyami practically deflected off him.
"Aaaah." Mabel slouched. "Heh, there's no way I'll be forgotten." Mabel smiled. "Soon the Pines twins will be the most popular kids in school aaaaaaaand Dipper just ruined it."
Mabel pointed out to all the unamused kids when Dipper took out Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons. "Come on, anyone interested?" Dipper asked.
All the kids just looked at one another. "Hey, wanna ignore this forever, but still acknowledge his existence?"
"Sure, but whenever he cracks a pun, I'm first in line to hear it!" The kids went back to their table to eat their lunch.
"Well … problem solved?" Mabel asked, unsure of what to say. But then noticed two students standing next to him. "Wait, Jessica and Goth Girl are still with him!"
"Her name's Kimmy." Dyami said. "I'll introduce you to her and-"
"Shush!" Mabel covered his mouth. "Let this grow." Mabel said as she watched carefully as the potential match making. "He better choose one. Not like last time. I mean one guy and two girls, Blah. Unlike one girl and two guys! I miss my dream boys."
"But I'm both me!" said Beethoven. "I mean uh …."
Mabel paid him no attention as she watched an unusually rare case, a girl taking interest in Homework the Game. And that girl is Kimmy, who was awing at the game with sparkling large eyes. "I haven't played this game in years!"
"Seriously?!" Dipper asked in shock, well more shocked at the fact that a girl is interested in DD, n' MD.
"Yes." Kimmy said, back in her normal emotionless voice. "We should play sometimes."
"Eeeeee!" Mabel quietly gleed.
Jessica on the other hand wasn't so interested. "Eh, not mah kind of game. But that monster looks awesome!" She pointed at some muscular yeti thing with antlers. "And is that a dead dragon caught in a spider web? Sweet! ….. but the game is probably super boring to me."
"Uhhhh, well you don't have to play it."
"Yeah, but I'll rather the real thing." Jessica said happily. "Fighting monsters, exploring scary places. Man, the only place I know that slightly matches that is that long dirt road leading into the forest."
Dipper could feel his face heating up. "Well in fact, I'm in a Paranormal Club run by Dyami Grey."
"And I will be joining that club." Kimmy said. "It matches me perfectly."
Jessica folded her arms. "So are you gonna check out that road?"
"What road?" Dipper thought for a moment before remembering. "Ohhhh. That road." Dipper recalled the old road leading into the forest near the park with a broken sign. Dipper had always been curious about the place ever since he was old enough to look out the car window with his booster seat. "To tell you the truth, I don't know where that goes."
"And we'll be exploring that place, after school!" Mabel randomly joined in. "You two should really see Dipper in action!"
"Mabel…"
"And by after school, I of course mean during our curfew." Mabel smiled. "So what do you say?
"Sounds good to me." Jessica said. "How about we meet at 4?"
"S-Sure thing." Dipper felt his heart racing, but kept calm.
"And what about you, Goth Girl?"
"My name is Kimmy." She said. "And …. Well I'm not sure we should go there."
"Pitooie, we're going and that's final."
The bell rung and Mabel gasped. "I forgot to eat!" Mabel rushed to her table and swallowed her food whole. "I regretted that!"
Jessica chuckled at Mabel's action. "Well I'll see you during class." Jessica waved goodbye and left the group.
"See ya. Jessica." Dipper waved. "Well, she seems nice."
"Is that all you have to say?" Mabel smiled at Dipper.
"Mabel, I know what you're thinking."
"One girl, that is all!" Mabel said before turning to Kimmy. "Keep up the pace."
"Huh?" Kimmy asked before Mabel and Beethoven left. "You all shouldn't really go."
Dipper noticed Kimmy a little worried. "Don't sweat it. Trust me, I've handled a lot worst when I was spending the summer up in Oregon."
"Oregon?" Kimmy asked. "Well … if the club is doing it. I'll go."
"Don't mind Mabel if you really don't want to come. She's …. One of a kind."
"Hurry up, you two. We'll be late." Dyami said, catching the two by surprised.
"Yikes, we'll be late." Dipper packed his things and headed out. "See you around."
"See you as well." Kimmy said as she felt her arm worrying.
End of Chapter
Wkdqmvjlylqj lv qhaw, qrw Fksvwpdv.