When Pain Doesn't Hurt Chapter 37
I don't own SVU or the main characters in this story.
John entered the precinct looking as if he didn't sleep at all. He had showered, shaved and changed clothes, but his face still carried the weary, stressed look he went home with. Cragen summoned him into his office upon his arrival and John immediately obeyed his commanding officer. He took a seat when Cragen motioned to the row of chairs that were set up for this official meeting. John knew why he was there and he knew it was necessary to relive and retell the torturous facts of the night before.
Cragen stood as the suits entered his squad room and then his office. He was a bit nervous as Olivia always showed up early when she knew she was expected for any meeting. He was preparing his covering excuse for her when he looked up to catch her entering. She looked like hell. He would put his foot down and order her to get some rest as soon as she and John gave their official statements.
Olivia entered the office and took a seat next to John. She met his gaze for a moment and then looked to Cragen to signify she was ready; ready to get this over with. Separately, she and John gave their account of the shooting and the events leading up to it. It was then that they were separated. Cragen sat in on each interview with his detectives making sure they weren't being railroaded into saying anything but what was necessary. He listened but refused to make eye contact with Olivia as she was asked to explain the problems between herself and Gomes during their short partnership. He was angry that he was forced to take Gomes into his squad, and he was angry that he treated Olivia the way he did. He was angry that Gomes was able to get to his people the way he did.
He listened to John as he told the same story with the same facts as Olivia did. John finished by explaining his actions in the bar as he fired his weapon, killing Gomes before he could kill his partner. Cragen watched as John spoke with the confidence of a seasoned detective. He had gained more experience these last few weeks than most experience their whole careers.
John and Olivia were both cleared and their weapons returned. Cragen was sure they would be, but he couldn't help but feel stressed about the investigation. He stared at his two detectives when they were left alone in his office. Hearing the events as they both recalled them had been chilling to say the least. Olivia knew she was only alive because of John and his good judgment and even better timing. How do you properly thank somebody for something like that?
"You need to go home and get some sleep; both of you." Cragen looked from Olivia to John with a look that screamed at them that he wasn't asking, he was ordering.
"I have to get back to the hospital." Olivia stood glancing at John before looking at her boss with an almost pleading stare.
"I know you want to be with Elliot." Cragen started with that fatherly tone he seemed to have adopted when dealing with her. "He needs you to be the strong one this time and you are so exhausted you can barely stand."
"Cap, I'm fine. I just really…"
"That is an order, Benson!" Cragen resorted to his captain tone, the volume startling her as she sighed in defeat. "Sims, see to it personally that she gets home."
Olivia looked to John who gave her an apologetic glance in return. Olivia left the office angry. Angry at Cragen, angry at John and of course, angry at Gomes. She was pissed as she stormed off into the locker room where she sat down on the bench in front of the row of lockers that Elliot had so often abused. She counted the dents as she forced herself to regain control of her emotions. She hated that she didn't know how to help Elliot. She hated that Cragen was forcing John to be her chaperone. He was at least fifteen years her junior, had a fraction of the experience and was responsible for saving her life. She wanted to be angry at him, but knew she had no right or reason. She needed to get back to be with Elliot, but she knew Cragen was right, as usual. She was running on empty and wanted to sleep. She wanted to sleep with hopes of waking up and realizing this was all a terrible nightmare.
John cleared his throat softly, letting her know he was there in the doorway to the locker room. She looked up at him and saw the emotion that was behind his dark, caring eyes. He had been through this hell with her and she felt guilty for not being able to help him. She wanted to be there for him like a partner should. She couldn't find her footing right now to even take care of herself, let alone her partner. She forced a smile his way, but her eyes dropped to the floor in front of her.
"Just a few hours, okay. You'll feel better, and it'll get Cragen off our backs." John felt like he was walking on glass around her. He knew how much she wanted to be with Elliot and he also knew she was considering blowing off Cragen's order.
Olivia looked back up at John before getting to her feet. "I can't go home."
"So you catch a few hours in the crib." he didn't miss a beat.
Olivia stood still for a few minutes longer before agreeing to John's suggestion. She headed up the stairs to the crib noticing John was following. As they entered the dark, cool room Olivia selected a bottom bunk towards the back of the room. She lied down on the usually uncomfortable twin bunk letting her body sink into the thin mattress. She didn't want to admit it, but her body was giving out on her and was now thanking her for allowing it to rest.
"John, I don't need a babysitter."
"Good thing. You're much too old for me to baby sit." John felt fairly confident that Olivia was too weak and tired to come after him for his comment.
"I'm nervous about Elliot." she blurted out realizing her partner had chosen a bunk across from her.
"Just a few hours and I'll go back to the hospital with you." John's murmured looking at his watch. It was close to five in the afternoon. He thought about visiting hours being over before they got back to the hospital. He really wasn't too worried about it. If Mary was there she wouldn't deny Olivia access to Elliot. John glanced over at Olivia to tell her to wake him when she woke, but he was too late. She had fallen asleep with her arm draped over her eyes almost as if to block out the world from getting in.
He lied still in the darkened room listening to his partner breathe. His thoughts were a jumbled mess within his head. He had only been partnered with Olivia for a few months, but he had developed a tremendous amount of respect for her. He was concerned with what would become of her if Elliot didn't recover. John felt himself begin dozing off and gave in. He promised her a just a few hours, then they would go see Elliot.
Elliot woke after sleeping much of the day away. He was still feeling an incredible amount of pain and was sweating profusely. He scanned the room looking for Olivia, but couldn't find her. He began to panic as he strained to see in the dimly lit bar. He saw Gomes, but not Olivia. Where was she? She knew he was coming. She would've told him if there had been a change of plans. He hollered for her, but he was forced to stop when the pain was too much to handle. He fumbled for the nurse's call button and waited for someone to come help him.
Mary had just begun her shift and reacted immediately to Elliot's summons. She quickly entered his room to find him moaning in pain. She checked his vitals while she questioned him as to his pain level. He ignored her questions, instead asking his own.
"Where is Olivia?" he huffed out trying to breathe through his pain.
"I don't know, but she'd be here if she could, you know that." Mary carefully injected his I.V. line with a strong dose of pain medication.
"Find her, please Mary." Elliot grimaced as he spoke. "Something's wrong."
"What's wrong, Elliot?" Mary finished with the medication. "Tell me what's going on."
"She said she wouldn't leave. Something's wrong. You're right. She'd be here if she could, something happened to her." Elliot forced out his concerns before he began to settle down.
Mary was surprised that Olivia wasn't here, but she believed she would be unless something came up. She monitored Elliot's breathing and checked his vitals again. His temperature was higher than the last reading and his blood pressure was raised as well. She waited until Elliot drifted off due to his medication before leaving. She would return in a few minutes to check his pressure again.
Elliot was finally able to relax. The pain that was so crippling to him a few minutes ago had subsided allowing him to breathe easier. He felt like his body was floating as he welcomed the relief. The sound of his monitor was fading out and he was once again unconscious.
He could see her, bleeding out from the gunshot to her chest. The one he couldn't prevent. The blood flowed through his fingers as he frantically tried to slow the bleeding until help arrived. He was scared, she was unresponsive to his touch, to his pleas. It was then that he realized he couldn't wait any longer. He was going to lose her without her ever knowing how he really felt about her. He admitted to her how he felt and she felt the same. They both knew if they admitted their feelings and acted on them, their partnership would end. It ended and she was partnered with Richard Gomes. Richard Gomes, the man who couldn't and wouldn't work with a woman partner. The man who had threatened and then made good on his threats to harm her. The man who intentionally shot him on his way to killing her. If only he hadn't admitted his feelings to her. They would never have been separated, Gomes never would've been in the picture and he wouldn't be here alone wondering where she was. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe she did bleed out on that cold, wet cement.
He woke a few hours later calling for her. He was feeling severe pain from his wound and soaked in sweat. His heart was pounding against his chest as he called for her again. He called for Mary not wanting to be alone. He didn't feel well at all. He was scared. What if something had really happened to her?
Mary immediately called for the doctor on duty as she tried unsuccessfully to calm Elliot. He was delirious in his thinking as he was confusing Mary with his statements. She had a sinking feeling as she monitored his blood pressure while she waited for the doctor. Within a few minutes he wasn't making any sense. The only thing she could make out was when he called for Olivia.
John's cell vibrated in his pocket waking him. He looked at the I.D. and quickly rolled out of the bunk and headed out of the room. "Sims." he forced sleep out of his head as he answered his boss. John listened carefully to what Cragen relayed to him and let out a long defeated breath. He closed his phone and went back into the cribs where Olivia hadn't moved since she had fallen asleep. He was surprised to see they had been asleep nearly five hours. He knew she would be pissed, but she obviously needed the rest. He hated to wake her, especially after receiving the news that Elliot had taken a turn for the worse.
"Liv?" John sat on her bunk and gently called her name. She didn't budge. He tried again getting her to stir.
"Liv, we got to go." Olivia opened her eyes and looked at her watch that she couldn't see for the darkness.
"John, what time is it? You said a couple of hours." Olivia quickly got to her feet.
John sat back down on his own bunk and quickly put his shoes back on. He was tying them when he noticed Olivia staring at him. "What's wrong?"
"Cragen just called me. Elliot's not doing well at all. We need to get to the hospital now." John instantly saw the pain and fear consume Olivia's features and he couldn't help but kick himself for not waking earlier.
He quickly followed his partner out of the precinct and into the parking lot where she headed for the squad car. She fumbled with the lock on the driver's side, but gave the keys to John when he reached for them. He knew she was in no condition to drive and so did she. Her mind was elsewhere as she fastened her seatbelt out of habit. John used lights and sirens, stealing glances at his partner as they raced through the city streets. John was worried. He didn't like Cragen's tone, much less the news he had delivered.
They hurried into the hospital opting for the stairs instead of the elevator. Even in her distressed state, Olivia knew how long the elevator took this time of night. They reached the ICU floor and headed towards Elliot's room. Olivia's near run came to a complete stop as she saw Cragen with numerous officers and a few of her fellow detectives standing outside Elliot's room. Her heart was beating uncontrollably fast and she felt light-headed. She started toward the door, but Cragen stepped in front of her grabbing her by the arms. His face told her what she already knew, but refused to accept.
John heard what Cragen didn't say as well and was behind her in an instant as she dropped to her knees.