Thanks to guests for reviewing.

Guest: Frank gives me a headache, so I can only imagine being trapped inside of four walls with him with no escape as a kid for however long.
Sandy was the one who met Ryan and was searching along with him, so there's something different with them because of what they shared and how they met no matter the age or economic and social differences. Whatever Sandy felt for Ryan either as a person or as a father, it became more personal over time. He didn't just feel a responsibility, but he really wanted to do all he could for Ryan because he was able to and because he knew how fortunate he was and his family was. It was also easy for Sandy and for Ryan to clearly see that Kirsten wasn't on board that way. She was very distant and avoided being around Ryan until very recently. Sandy and Ryan both would have to wonder what her genuine opinion is. I guess that's why I would definitely see Sandy sitting Kirsten down for a very honest discussion before making a commitment to Ryan that could mean years. It would be cruel to string him along and always have him worried and wondering what would be too much trouble and jeopardize or end any arrangement. Only after getting an honest answer from Kirsten should anyone talk to Seth and then Ryan. And with Seth, there have already been instances with actions and words that show he's not prepared for the kind of change Sandy is trying to explain. A very sheltered and indulged only child who has always been at the center of it all can't understand that Ryan can't be a second class citizen, someone to order around or a toy to cast aside when he doesn't serve a purpose or gets in the way. It's good to have Sandy try to be as open as he can knowing that's the best he can do and that he owes Ryan all he can.
I have to wonder what Ryan will think of everyone talking about him and what they've been saying, especially someone he might not trust or understand. I'm not sure he trusts or understands Kirsten or Seth, but he knows he has to keep pleasing everyone whatever it takes. He'd see that as his job. Letting Seth walk all over him most of the time was hard to watch on TV, but Ryan had to walk on eggshells. His situation was and always would be very different because of all of the circumstances he couldn't control.

Answer from Linneagb: "Hands you an Advil"
Okay, now you've made it clear to me how you thought my story would be written… I'm saying again, Sandy is tired like never before. This might not be the time for the best decisions but the time when he's hoping to get the "right" answers. Now if you remember, Kirsten didn't exactly love Ryan from the start in the series neither, but after Dawn (in this story Frank) came to see them she sort of… I don't know what word to use. Accepted he was there and let Sandy deal with the rest. Do you get what I mean?
Now, I'm saying it once more- Ryan and Seth are from different worlds. Ryan's used to having to take responsibility and acts like he's had to. Seth is the complete opposite. Change won't happen over one night. And neither would an adoption happen, it hasn't yet either. For the moment Sandy's trying to make sure Ryan can stay with them and also that his mail and bills and everything will be sent to theirs and not to Frank. God knows they are at no point where they can stand meeting Frank right now.
The thing with everyone talking about Ryan is sort of inescapable at this moment. Which is also a reason Sandy talks with Kirsten and Seth when Ryan's not there. What he doesn't know…
Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Guest: Now that I commented on the last chapter and this was up, I saw your comments in bold at the top. I hope that you got your frustration out so I don't get vented at when you comment again because I was asking about Sandy and Kirsten being in agreement or at least Kirsten not objecting to Sandy going forward with plans involving Ryan. She wouldn't have to be equal in her role, but she'd have to be on the same page. If she was having doubts, airing them in front of Seth could be a problem. She's an adult and a parent and he's a kid. United front first was what I was getting at, so that's it.

I like the parts with Sandy and Ryan in character in their private conversation. Maybe Ryan talks more than seems true to him, but when the subjects are important, his reactions and expressions make sense. I also like that they're almost like equals at times despite Ryan's young age. That switches only a little when Ryan can't cover how vulnerable and uncertain he is. Ryan wouldn't lie, so he'll try to give Sandy what he wants, but will also only promise to try. It's one thing to go to Sandy and hope he isn't being a burden at least most of the time. Anyone else? That's a stretch. Those are good moments between them.
Answer from Linneagb: I'm sorry if I made it seem like I pointed straight at you with my venting in the last chapter. It wasn't turned to one person but pretty much all of the people reading and reviewing. What I do know is that I like my story but people don't seem to no matter how hard I try.
Right now Sandy is more tired than I- or he could put into words for that matter. And maybe that isn't the time to make the best decisions. And while reading your comment I had another idea… It won't be in this chapter but I have something and once again it will try and be as an answer to the comments… But I think it's right…
I don't know if it is because I can see right in front of me how Ryan's acting and talking during the chapter, but I thought it made sense. Sandy and Ryan do have a relationship that couldn't be put into words and Lord knows Ryan needs it. Don't worry. I won't have Ryan talk with someone else like that with anyone else.
Thank you for reading and reviewing.

Well, this chapter is focused on Sandy and not the boys. I have been wanting to write this for ages.

"Oh damn."

Through the Internet, Google and the thousand books I owned I was trying to figure everything about adoption that I possibly could.

Something told me that I wanted to figure as much as I possibly could about this BEFORE talking to Frank.

But it wasn't made any easier when the clock wasn't more than ten in the forenoon, or the fact that I kept getting dizzy and the letters kept floating together when I tried to read on the screen.

At ten thirty I gave up trying reading, stood up and swore about my own brain and eyes turning against me.

"Listen boys." Maybe listening rather than trying to read would work better. "I'm going to head into work for a while. Kirsten did the same, we'll both be back in a few hours. Are you good?"

"Dad." Seth smirked up at me. "We're not toddlers." Ryan shook his head agreeing. "We don't need to be watched every second of the day."

I gave him a sad smile glancing at Ryan. If Seth only knew how lucky he was…

"See you."

If I would have met cases or gone into court the dress code was quite simple. Blazer! I couldn't bother this time around and pulled on the first hooded shirt I could find going through the house and into the car.

The thought hit me that maybe I shouldn't be driving as dizzy as I was. But somehow I made my way to work still in one piece and… as concentrated I could be.

I looked to my clock coming in, as long as no one was by the printer or getting coffee I should at least be able to at least make my way to my office without getting interrupted. Right then I wouldn't have minded if the window had been opened so I could crawl into the office.

I searched through every shelf in the room. Someone had asked me if I actually used all of these books…

I sighed when I couldn't find a single one that had family law written on the back and threw myself backwards into my office chair.

I couldn't even think, it was like my whole brain had been replaced by oatmeal- the worst kind of it.

I even had to remind myself to breathe, one breath after the other. In, out, in, out, in, out.

I suddenly jumped when I heard voices outside the office. Voices of my colleagues making their way towards the lunch room.

"Sandy?" The youngest one of my colleagues was the first to greet me when I came, stiffly and tiredly into the lunch room. "What's up?"

My mind and vision was spinning worse than ever when someone came to give me a hug, someone else asked if I was okay and promising they'd be there. Somebody else wondered if I would like to share their lunch so I too would get something to eat and then Nicholas had to joke about bagels.

Well, this place hadn't changed much!

"Well Sandy." Laura Hope wrapped me in a tight mother's- hug at last. "Now all of the questions are done. What brings you here today? Is there something we can help you with?"

"Thanks Laura. And actually yes. As you probably understand I have a bit much to think about right now. Or I would just keep track of it all myself…"

"Don't worry about it." Laura stroke my arm. "What is it?"

I could just as well say it right away. The sooner I said it the sooner I'd have it finished right?

"I have to contact a…" I had to lie a hand on the back of a chair not to fall when everything came spinning again and had to close my eyes. "…a fam…"

"Sandy?" I heard Laura's voice and felt her palm towards my forehead. "Are you feeling alright? You look very pale."

"Yeah, yeah." I opened my eyes again and rubbed them with a finger. "Tired… I need to contact a family lawyer… About an adopt… ado…"

"Sandy?" A voice reached through the dark around me and suddenly I felt the hard floor I laid on. Someone called my name and shook my head. "Sandy? Can you open your eyes for me sweetie?"

What on earth?

I forced my eyes opened, but moaned and closed them away at the lamp shining right into my eyes and making my head pound even more than it already was.

I could hear mumbling and several voices around me.

"No, stay down."

I felt a hand on my shoulder gently pushing me back when I tried to sit up but ignored it and pushed myself up all along before I opened my eyes open and looked around on my colleagues standing around watching me with worried expressions.

"I need a family lawyer." It was like I hadn't stopped talking and had to continue. "About an adoption. Please stop that."

"Don't worry about that today Sandy." Nicholas told me worriedly. "Let's take that a day when you can actually keep conscious…"

"What?"

"You fainted!" Jason said, I was already getting tired of these worried looks and voices around me and looked away. "You were talking, stuttering a bit and then you just collapsed."

"What?"

"Nick's right sweetie." Laura's voice was as kind as ever. "You should go home and continue this some other day. If you want to and need something then just email it to me or Jason and we'll take care of it. You need to worry about you right now. Do you want one of us to drive you home?"

"No." In difference from before I didn't keep getting dizzy, I could drive on my own. "No, I've got it."

"Really? Because I don't think you should be driving right now."

"I'm fine Laura."

It wasn't until later I would remember how annoyed and rude my tone was. Laura was only caring and it was rude of me…

"I agree with Laura." Jason said, couldn't they ever be quiet? "I don't think you should be driving."

"Bye guys."

Before anyone else had had the time to say anything else and keep me there I walked away on stiff legs and didn't look back. And it wasn't until I slumped down behind the wheel I let myself as much as take a deep breath.

Great job Sanford Cohen. You go there to do some job and end up worrying everyone worse than ever instead.

Laura and Jason were right. I shouldn't be driving. I could hardly keep my eyes open.

But before I had the time to choose to go inside again I turned the key and hit the gas. It wasn't a long way home…

But during that short way I felt dizziness spells hit me, until at last I had to pull over to the side and lean back.

"Come on Sandy." I mumbled to myself, and not until then I realized I was hyperventilating. "Only a couple of more kilometers and you can get a bagel and a bed."

The dizziness only got worse, and the memories span in my mind. Everything that had brought us up to this point and until I had to get in contact with a family lawyer had one picture after the other… the wave! Ryan on that hospital bed! That stupid California shirt! The way home! Everyone…

Everyone, everything, every time, everywhere.

At last it all made my stomach turn and I had to get out of the car and walk around the front and leaned forward while my stomach kept cramping causing bile to get up and through my throat.

And in it I sunk to my knees, not able to keep standing with the wild trembles coming through my body.

And then at last, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand I raised and then walked back to the driver's seat.

Barely had I had the time to sit down until the tears came streaming down my cheeks.

How on earth had we gotten ourselves into this?

Every single piece of my 175 centimeters were trembling, I hit the wheel in frustration and screamed wordlessly at the top of my lungs. And I wished more than ever we had never gone to stupid Thailand. Why couldn't we had agreed on something back home instead of flying to the other side of the earth?

But if I hadn't been there, what would have happened to Ryan?

One thought suddenly screaming louder than any other had me screaming louder than ever.

And meanwhile all of the rest sobs wrenched my whole body and tears came streaming down my cheeks faster than I could ever have wiped them away.

And then it was suddenly over, just like there. And panting and leaned back towards the seat slowly the tears came with longer and longer intervals in between them.

It hadn't been my intention, but as I sat there and the tears were drying towards my skin I turned my head and laid my cheek against the sleeve of my hoodie, and with my eyelids just falling closed by themselves. In pure exhaustion I fell asleep.

Random fact

You know, typically I like writing about characters doing things I can't or am afraid of. Such as flying in an airplane (I am desperately aviaphobic) or even running in stairs. I also have a phobia of throwing up. Which might have caused the fact that I write it all the time. And now, if you've noticed- you know why.