The wind whispered over the ruins of Karakura town, stirring chestnut hair. Soft grey eyes stared away, unseeing, as the owner set his chin in his hand. After a moment of consideration he reached for his bag, pulling out his sketchpad. There was nothing here he wanted to portray but he could just work from memory.
"Ooo. Draw me Starrk, draw me!" A flailing hand went in front of his face and he flinched back, startled. Then the Coyote laughed and gently patted his smaller half on the head.
"Would you like me to draw you as you are now, or back when you were Lily?" He asked and watched her think about it a moment. He knew it wouldn't be difficult for him. Starrk could remember every detail like it was yesterday. Little Lily, her golden curls flying in the breeze… then Lilinette spoke, sounding thoughtful.
"Draw me as Lily. Draw me with you." She demanded and Starrk hesitated. That was more difficult, he'd had no mirrors in the sanitarium and the only reflections he'd seen afterwards had been in the surface of water, usually after a rain. Then he shrugged to himself. His arrancar appearance was almost identical to his looks as a mortal man, especially once he'd shed his body of flesh. Soul bodies reflected the reiatsu of the occupant and while he hadn't learned to control it well, his potential had been vast. Alive, he'd been gaunt and wasted from his long imprisonment, but dead he'd been gifted with physical perfection. Another irony in his life.
So he drew them together. In his picture, they were both sitting on a crumbling wall. He didn't portray it – that would be much better with his paints – but Starrk knew they were watching the sun rise. He devoted himself to portraying them, capturing the essence of the moment. The clothing and other details were almost an afterthought, mere sketches of rough homespun. Then there was a soft ding from Szayel's monitor and Starrk looked at it with a frown before standing in a fluid motion. The sketchpad was put aside in favor of a drawn sword.
"It's just them." Lilinette said unnecessarily as two of the Visored stepped out of the shadows. It was the one he had saved, Kensei, and the one with green hair. Starrk opted to keep his sword out but pointed downwards as he frowned at them thoughtfully. Something… wasn't quite right. And Szayel's monitor was beeping. "Stupid thing says there's one of the red things close." Lilinette muttered as Starrk glanced around, his frown deepening. There was nothing he could see.
"Can you put it on mute?" He said, preoccupied. Perhaps the machine was malfunctioning although it hadn't before… "You want the latest news?" They had been there for a week. There had been a few messages from Soul Society, mostly from his pets under the guise of keeping him informed about the babies. Szayel could read the messages and likely did, but he wouldn't see anything odd about a bit of gossip along with baby things.
"If you could." Kensei asked with studious politeness. Starrk had the feeling that the man was wary of him, but he simply nodded. It was safe enough for him to meet with the Visored like this, they'd checked the towers thoroughly and they had no cameras or other observational equipment. And Yammy was far away, on the fourth tower.
"There's not really much to tell." Starrk started, but as he spoke he noticed that the green haired girl was edging closer to the tower. Why was she doing that? He honestly didn't like it. Then Lilinette shoved her shoulder against him gently.
"Starrk, remember the way we felt when that thing tried to eat us?" She said and he glanced down before blinking. Her usually pink eye had a reddish tinge. "If you try really hard you can do it again. And she looks really funny." His other half whispered. Kensei was noticing that his attention was elsewhere.
"Is something wrong?" He asked as Starrk sidled to the side a bit, putting himself in a better spot to stop her if the green haired shinigami tried anything.
"I'm… not sure." He knew he sounded lost and confused, but that was better than anything else he could think of. Quickly trying to find that mental state he'd been in before, Starrk was shocked to find that he could slip into it nearly effortlessly.
When he did, he saw what Lilinette meant. The shinigami woman wasn't right at all. There was something stuck to the base of her neck. It was tiny and red and to his 'other sight', it looked like a bug. And he had absolutely no doubt what it was doing.
"Get back!" He snapped before lunging at the woman with his sword. "Stay away!" He didn't want to kill her, he truly didn't. But she was trying to reach the tower. To do what, he wasn't sure, but it wouldn't be good. The defenses weren't keeping her out like they would one of the bugs, probably because she was shinigami as well.
"Kuno!" Starrk heard Kensei call as the woman reached up and pulled down her mask. It reminded him of an insect. Then she attacked him full force and he had to defend himself against furious blows. His sword creaked alarmingly and Starrk gritted his teeth. His weapon was not a zanpakuto and even real zanpakuto could break. He needed more.
"Kick about, Los Lobos!" He called on his other half. But instead of using his guns, he stuck them in his belt of wolf skins and leapt for the girl. They fought hand to hand and while Starrk was no master of that style of combat, he was faster. Then a blade of air flew at him and he had to leap back, but the girl did too.
"Mashiro, Starrk, what are you doing? Have you both lost your minds?" Kensei demanded as the Primera kept moving, keeping himself between Mashiro and the tower. She kept trying to get past him, jockeying for position.
"She's under the Red Queen's control." Starrk said, his voice tight with tension as she feinted back and forth. She was determined to get past him but knew she had to be clever. Suddenly she sprang, trying to go over him but he caught her ankle on the way past. "HAH!" Yanking her around, Starrk slammed her to the ground. She hit with stunning force but rolled over… directly into his fist, which sent mask fragments flying. For a moment he saw wide, surprised brown eyes. Then she suddenly convulsed, her eyes rolling back into her head. "No!" He saw what was happening but there was no stopping it. The Red Queen was sacrificing her pawn… blue light grew around her body and Starrk knew that if he let the explosion happen he would survive it but the tower likely wouldn't. So he did the only thing he could do.
He drew his gun and shot her in the head. The cero obliterated her skull and part of her body, leaving nothing but a half-charred corpse. Starrk had no time for regrets before an enraged Kensei was on him. He was left fending the man off, trying desperately not to kill him.
"How could you! We should never have trusted you!" The shinigami screamed at him and Starrk couldn't think of a thing to say. Hadn't he seen the explosion about to happen? It would likely have killed him. But there were tears on the Visored's face. Yes, he'd seen, but he'd cared for that girl. The Coyote could understand perfectly.
That understanding almost got him killed, because Kensei was a former taichou and no one to take lightly. He pulled on his mask and went at Starrk with full force. The Coyote tried to fight him with his fists, just like Mashiro, but quickly realized he was outmatched. That was a fighting style Kensei excelled at and he just didn't. A good, solid blow to the belly bent him over and he just barely avoided the follow up blow that could have crushed his throat. Then he drew his guns again, breathing hard as he began to fight in earnest. Starrk still didn't want to kill, but he couldn't let the Visored kill him either.
Their battle, though, was drawing attention. Yammy suddenly appeared, getting into the action with a laugh. Starrk's heart ached as the Visored glared at him, leaping back as Yammy began to toss bala at him. Kensei vanished in a burst of shunpo and Starrk closed his eyes for a moment, lowering his guns. His alliance with the Visored might have just come to a sad and ignoble end. Taking a deep breath, he allowed his resurrection to fade. Lilinette reappeared, very quiet and downcast. Starrk looked over the dead body, wishing he could properly take care of it. But he couldn't because –
"Good work, Starrk! Never thought you had it in you. Want me to take care of that?" Yammy asked and Starrk sighed internally. He had no reason to demand an honorable burial for her. Cremation would just have to do.
"If you could." Yammy's cero was far less powerful in his sealed form and he hadn't released, for the simple reason that the tower was delicate and his release was huge. The less powerful cero would leave ashes behind. Starrk watched emotionlessly as his fellow Espada incinerated the body. "Thank you. I doubt they'll be back anytime soon." And if they did come back it would probably be to kill him. Yammy departed, clearly pleased with himself, and once he was gone Starrk went through his art supplies. Dumping his pastels out of their pouch, he used it to gather up the girl's ashes.
Then he sat down on the edge of the tower, Lilinette in his arms. As she hugged him, lending him comfort, the Coyote quietly wept.
"I'm sorry." Starrk said remorsefully to the cat with the golden eyes. She just looked at him and he could read nothing at all in her body language. Cats really didn't have facial expressions so that didn't work either. "I have her ashes. I gathered them for you. I couldn't keep the body, Yammy would have thought it was strange… I'm sorry." He tasted the uselessness of those words and almost hated himself. When he'd been a small boy, he'd wanted to be a gunslinger. But his father had laughed and told him that gunslingers were killers. That was what gunslinging meant… drawing your weapon and killing, again and again. And it had saddened him but he'd agreed with his father, that he hadn't wanted to be that kind of man. When had it happened? When had he become someone who killed, without hesitation? Although he did still feel remorse. "I'm sorry." He dropped his head, almost wishing he was dead. Lilinette sniffled, rubbing her nose as she stood beside him. When his other half was in emotional pain, she usually became very silent. Yoruichi finally sighed and stood, padding closer on silent feet.
"I know. It took a while for Kensei to calm down, but we did get the full story out of him. He admitted that Mashiro was about to set off some kind of kido explosion before you shot her. Everyone is still very angry with you but we understand. However, we have to know. How did you know she was under outside control?" Yoruichi asked. "Kisuke has checked all of us for abnormalities but we don't know what we're looking for."
"Oh, that." Starrk hesitated a moment. How to explain? "You remember what I told you about the incident with the numero-thing that almost devoured Tigre?" He'd told her about it but left out the part about his strange revelation. He hadn't really thought it was important but then, he'd had no idea there were lingering effects. Yoruichi nodded. "It punched a hand through Lilinette's chest." Her eyes widened a bit at that. "I grabbed her and we partially merged. We saw… something very strange. It was like seeing the fabric of reality." He said, trying his best to explain. "Now it seems we can call up that sight when we want to… it's rather unnerving though. There are many things that are impossible to understand." Keeping that 'sight' active for too long made Starrk feel like his brain was creaking. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. "When I looked at Mashiro I saw a red bug, right here." He pointed to the back of his neck. "It was fused with her spine and controlling her actions. If you bring the other Visored to me I can check them for you." He offered and Yoruichi nodded, a touch pensively.
"We'll think about it." Her tone was reserved and Starrk looked down. He imagined that the Visored didn't want to go anywhere near him. "The records of the Red Queen from the Kuchiki archives didn't mention this."
"Times change. And I think, looking back on it, perhaps they did. They mentioned how the cult members had changed and gained strange abilities. I wonder if they might have had these things in their bodies." Starrk said tiredly and Yoruichi tilted her head to one side, considering it. "They just didn't know exactly what was happening."
"Hm, that could be true. Well, I think I've taken enough of your time for now. Unless there's any important news?" She asked and Starrk shook his head. The only interesting news he'd gotten was a report about Ichigo's condition – he seemed to be getting better – and a rather cryptic message from Shunsui, something about his clan wanting a favor from them both. That clearly had nothing to do with the Visored and the other escapees. Starrk had no idea what was behind it, but he imagined he'd find out when he got back. "Can I have those ashes?" She asked and Starrk nodded, pulling the bag out. He carefully tied a few knots in it, making it easy for the cat to lift in her mouth. She vanished then and the Coyote looked after her mournfully. Lilinette tugged on his arm and he looked down at her.
"It's not your fault Starrk. Really, it's not." She whispered and he closed his eyes for a moment.
"I know." He whispered. He did know that. He'd had no choice… but it still hurt him, cruelly. "When did I become a killer Lily? I never wanted to be this way." Even the hollows that had attacked him and his family… he'd never killed them, not once. Of course, he hadn't known how, but even if he had would he have done it? Starrk wasn't sure. Killing just wasn't part of his nature.
"When I ate you, Lupe." Lily said and he blinked, realizing that she was crying. It was soundless but tears were slowly trickling down her face. "Hollows are killers, we have to be. I'm so sorry. I was the one who wanted revenge and stuff, but you never did. You shouldn't have been this way and it's all my fault."
"Oh Lilinette." Starrk embraced her, cuddling his other half as she sniffled quietly. "It's not your fault. It was just fate. Or maybe we can blame kami." He added and that made Lilinette quietly giggle, as he'd known it would.
"Blame Aizen, you mean? He wasn't even kami then and gosh, Starrk, I can't see how he had anything to do with us going hollow!" She said and he smiled. She was right, that was one thing they could never lay at Aizen's feet. "Maybe we could blame him anyway. Nah, blame the old Soul King! If he hadn't fucked us over so bad maybe he'd still be alive, yah?"
"Could be." Starrk agreed, cuddling her close. "If those shinigami had sent out a taichou to take care of us…" It had probably felt like overkill to them, though, having a taichou come to send on a particularly obstinate plus soul. But one of the shinigami who had tried had been a fukutaichou and Starrk had crushed him just like the others. A taichou's power would have been required to corral his runaway reiatsu. "Ah well. We're here now, we're both hollows and that's just how things are." There was no point in lamenting it further. The guilt would still sting at him, but Starrk knew he needed to let it go. Lilinette nodded before speaking.
"Can you finish your drawing, Starrk? I want to see us together. Those were such good times, when we were ghosts together." She requested and Starrk's eyes went dark for a moment as he remembered. How sad it was, that the best time in both their 'lives' had come after they were dead. Shaking away that pain he reached for his paper and pencils. He'd finish that drawing for Lilinette then work on something else, something more cheerful. Perhaps a drawing of Toshiro and Guadalupe.
There was no pain attached to his children, not yet.
Starrk let his eyesight drop into that red filmed, twilight world again. It didn't take very long before he blinked and shook his head.
"Everyone is fine." This was the last group of the Visored and other escapees. Hiyori was glaring at him and Kensei just looked tired. Starrk was sure he was in great pain. "I cannot tell you how sorry I am." He said quietly and Hiyori spat on the ground in front of him. Starrk just kept his attention on Kensei. He knew the fiery girl would always hate him, this had just validated her feelings.
"I don't know how to feel about you anymore." Kensei did sound exhausted. Starrk looked down, swallowing. "You saved my life and then you killed my fukutaichou. She might have driven me crazy, most of the time, but I did care for her." His grief was tangible. Starrk wished he could reach out, do something to comfort the man, but he knew better. He was the cause of that pain, there was nothing he could do to ease it.
Lilinette, though, was a different matter. She might be his other half but she also appeared to be a young girl. She hugged Kensei for him and the shinigami stiffened for a moment before slowly putting his arms around her.
"Oi! She's just part of him, Kensei!" Hiyori protested but the other Visored shook his head.
"Be quiet, Hiyori." He said. She scowled and suddenly swiped at Lilinette, who was forced to let go and jump back. "Hiyori!"
"Stay away from him." She hissed at Lilinette, who just ran back to Starrk, sniffling. He put an arm around his smaller half and gave the smaller Visored a frown. "You've done enough!" She spat and Starrk sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. It was a measure of how badly they felt, that Lilinette wasn't cursing or threatening the girl, just huddling against him. Kensei shook his head.
"I think we're done here. Come on, Hiyori." He said and the two of them left, although Hiyori kept sending them glares as she walked. Starrk ignored her, concentrating on comforting his smaller half. Lilinette was sniffling and he knew it was partly his fault. They were feeding off each other, deepening their grief and guilt. They had to get over that. The emotion was deserved but ultimately, it did no good.
Just like Kensei, they had to go on.
Byakuya shuddered internally as a tongue swiped his throat.
He'd been very grateful for his reprieve from Yammy's horrid attentions. Unfortunately, that reprieve was over. The tenth and the first had both returned from their stint in the Living World. That meant he would be raped again and likely repeatedly. Yammy was rarely satisfied with just once, especially after a long period of forced abstinence.
"Yammy… if you're going to demand I come here, it would be nice of you to pay attention to me." A slow, lazy voice drawled and Byakuya looked up in surprise. Starrk was leaning against a nearby wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing his original uniform, which was far more concealing than the newer jackets he favored. He looked sleepy but Byakuya caught a glint of bright intelligence in those grey eyes. It made him wonder why he'd never noticed it before. The other times he'd seen Starrk, he'd seemed uninterested in everything around him. Now, beneath his sleepy demeanor, Byakuya was getting a completely different feeling from the Primera. "Now, what do you want? Your note was rather cryptic." Byakuya doubted Yammy could do 'cryptic' intentionally. From Starrk's dry tone, he felt the same.
"I want one of your pets." The brute stated baldly and Byakuya flinched at the thought. It was wretched enough being forced to have sex with this monster. To be forced to see one of his fellow taichou being raped, forced to participate… the very thought made him shudder in disgust. Fortunately, Starrk didn't much care for the idea either.
"We've already discussed this, Yammy. I am not interested in sharing my pets with you. You're too rough." Starrk said, an edge of warning to his calm voice. But Yammy wasn't one to catch subtleties and he thought he had something to work with.
"Yeah? Well, what if I tell Aizen about how you were standing there chatting with those fucking Visored?" Yammy taunted and there was a flash of surprise and something else on the Coyote's face. Fear? But everyone dreaded Aizen's temper these days. "Why didn't you just blow the fuckers up, hey? You did good with that first chick. What the fuck's wrong with you, Starrk? You're all talk, no action."
"They just came to trash talk, Yammy." Starrk said, dropping his arms to his sides as he straightened. "It was nothing important and any fight endangers the towers. What were you doing watching this? You were supposed to be guarding your own towers." Starrk said and Yammy just shrugged.
"Eh, I had the monitor shit of Szayel's. And those bugs are getting thin on the ground." He said and Starrk shook his head slightly, as if disagreeing with that assessment. Byakuya wondered what the things looked like, although he'd seen the pictures from his own archives. After Starrk and the others had gone, he'd looked up the Red Queen. "I bet you'd get in a lot more trouble than me. Aizen knows you're a fucking talker, always trying to yap your way out of a fight." Yammy taunted and Byakuya bit his lip, looking down. That was certainly true. Starrk closed his eyes and rested a gloved hand in his hair. Byakuya had the horrible feeling that the Coyote was about to give in. He was notoriously lazy, it would be the path of least resistance to give in the Yammy's demands.
"I refuse." That made him blink and Yammy looked confused that his ploy hadn't worked. Starrk lowered his hand and opened his eyes again. They were cold and stern, matching the expression on his face. That look made Byakuya certain of one thing. The Coyote wasn't lazy anymore. "My pets are not suitable for you. Juushiro is too delicate and Shunsui would not be to your taste. I'll do it myself." He said flatly and Byakuya swallowed at the thought. That meant… Yammy was the one to put it into words.
"Hey, you can't! You said you'd kill my pet if you tried!" He said and Byakuya wondered if Starrk actually considered that acceptable. The Primera sighed before shrugging.
"I might, I might not. He's like Grimmjow, just on the edge of being acceptable for me. Mmm… but I have an idea. Szayel can easily make me a retaining collar. I can use that." He said and Byakuya frowned. While it wasn't a problem for shinigami – their reiatsu was far less destructive – he understood the Coyote's problem and how it worked. Reiatsu exploded violently at the moment of climax and for hollows, that could easy kill a weaker partner. For a retaining collar to stop that, it would have to be extremely constricting. Yammy understood that and laughed.
"You'd do that? Shit, you wouldn't have any fucking hierro! You couldn't even do a bala! Why in fuck would you do something like that?" The thug asked and Starrk's eyes flicked to Byakuya for a moment. He wasn't sure what he saw in those grey orbs. Sadness? Something tired and pained. Then the Coyote looked back at the tenth Espada.
"It's called compassion, Yammy. Nothing you would understand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to speak to Szayel." He said before reaching up to scratch his hair. "I'll send you a butterfly when it's ready. I would imagine it will be about a week." Starrk said and Yammy nodded.
"Yeah, fine. If you're crazy I don't care and I'd love to stick my cock in your ass." The thug said with a leer and Starrk's expression tightened for a moment, disgust flashing across his face. Byakuya could understand that perfectly. He felt the exact same way. Although it only made the Espada's conduct more baffling to him. Did he truly care for Juushiro and Shunsui enough that he would subject himself to this? Byakuya had already known that other Espada ran their households differently than his 'master' did, but he would never have imagined an arrancar degrading themselves this way. Starrk showed himself out without a word and Byakuya stared after him, speechless. Then that tongue swiped him again and he shuddered. Yammy didn't care if the movement was an expression of disgust rather than desire and he was quickly shoved onto his belly. Byakuya set any thoughts of the Coyote aside as he prepared himself to endure another brutal rape.
He could only survive the present. He had no power to affect the future.