An instrumental version of "This is Halloween" plays throughout the old theatre room with the red curtains dangling from the stage. Suddenly, the curtains moved and out came ... Penfold? What is he doing here? Where's Murray from the infamous Cooper Gang?
Penfold: Good evening, ladies and gents. In case you're wondering why I'm here instead of Murray, turns out that he's got a heist to pull off with his buddies in Bombay so he asked me to take over from here during the third episode of Nomicon's Nightmare Tales. Like always, we will show you brave readers three scary tales in one chapter, unless otherwise, one scary tale to save time.
K.C. (off-stage): And if you're reading this, Usuario Nicolas, you've been gravely warned.
Penfold: Er ... what she said. Anyway, I've been asked to tell you youngsters that the following special is very scary, with stuff that might give you nightmares. Just thinking about this holiday gives me nightmares all the time. The reason I am saying this is because there are some people out there who have very strict religions, are overprotective of their kids or just generally afraid. If you are one of those people, I advise you to either close the window (and by window I mean the internet with this webpage in it), click the go-back button to a previous webpage, open up a new window or, unless it's not posted already, skip this and move on to the next chapter.
Silence.
Penfold: C'mon, I dare you.
Still silence.
Penfold: Chicken!
Penfold began to flap his arms and cluck like a chicken. Then, someone using the computer closed the website and opens up YouTube to watch a funny cat video.
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K.C.'s voice: Penfold, did you just call everyone 'chicken'?
Penfold's voice: No, K.C.!
It was a dark and stormy Halloween night in Norrisville as a red 1975 Ford LTD Station Wagon speeds through the streets of Norrisville. The mysterious vehicle finally stops near the entrance of Norrisville High in which its surroundings are covered up with fog. The door to the driver's seat opens and out came a drunk Peter Griffin in his Captain America costume. Also coming out of the car were Cleveland in his Hulk costume, Joe in his Iron Man costume and Quagmire in his Hawkeye costume. Like Peter, they were drunk.
"Hey, I wonder if there's any hot babes around." Quagmire spoke in a drunkish manner. "I could sure use some Halloween sex right about now."
"Cool it, Quagmire." Peter, also in a drunken state, told Quagmire as he pulls out a bag of rotten eggs. "There's still time for Halloween sex after we egg this crummy, retarded school. I mean, what good is that school anyway? James Wood High is a lot better than this."
"Rumor has it that there's an 800-year old sorcerer imprisoned under the school." Joe added. "I feel bad for the students going there."
"Sorry or not, we've still got a school to egg!" Peter cried as he and his buddies throw rotten eggs all over the school. "That'll teach them not to be so retarded all the time!"
Minutes later, Norrisville High was covered with rotten eggs.
"Now for some Halloween sex." Quagmire cried in a horny tone. "Giggity, giggity, giggity!"
But before the four drunk men could get inside the car, a rustling noise was heard from the distance. Several leaves fly past Norrisville High.
"Did you guys hear that?" Cleveland panicked.
"It's probably just the wind, Cleveland." Joe assured the black man.
But the rustling noise continued. Quagmire began to shiver a little. "I think we're not alone."
The rustling noise stops and in the fog walked a silhouette. For every seconds, the silhouette gets closer and closer to Peter, Cleveland, Quagmire and Joe. Peter, still drunk, was the first to recognize the silhouette.
"Hey, fellas! Is that Shedder coming towards us? Y'know, the guy who hates the teenage mutant ninja turtles or something?"
The fog began to clear up, allowing the four drunk men to see things clearly.
"I don't think that was actually Shredder, Peter." Quagmire told Peter, his voice growing horny. "It's just a hot raccoon babe dressed as the Shredder."
And he was right. Standing in front of the four drunk men was K.C. Cooper in her Shredder costume, and she did not look happy.
"No one messes my town and gets away with it." K.C. hissed with such venom, sounding much like the Shredder. "Hit the road!"
"Are you a cop?" Quagmire asked. "If so, you should wear a sexy cop costume that goes with your hot body instead."
If none of those men are out of their drunken states, they could see the flames burning out from K.C.'s eyes like hell. It looks like she was pissed.
"I'm no cop nor slut, asshole!" K.C. yelled at Quagmire, her voice getting much venomous within minutes. Her right hand glows a fiery red as burning flames emerges from the palm of her hand. Her eyes glowed red with flames burning out of her eyes. Looking at K.C. made Peter, Cleveland and Joe shiver with fear. Quagmire remains his usual pervert self.
"Damn, you're on fire, baby!" Quagmire whistled. "We should have some Halloween sex!"
Without warning, a huge fireball hits Quagmire in the face. He screamed as he runs around in circles, trying to put out the fire on his hair and costume. "OW! IT BURNS! GET IT OFF OF ME!"
While the drunk pervert runs around screaming as fire continued to burn him, Peter, Cleveland and Joe are still shivering in fear as K.C.'s entire body is now covered in burning flames. There was so much venom within her eyes.
"W-w-w-who are you s-supposed to be?" Peter cowardly asked K.C.
The fiery raccoon replied with another dose of venom in her voice. "I'm your worst nightmare, fatass!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Peter's screams were left unnoticed as an innocent Halloween party was being held at K.C.'s Military Antiques Shop on the second floor - K.C.'s apartment. Lots of spooky decorations are all over the apartment from floor to ceiling. A lot of guests are here with their creative Halloween costumes. Sitting on two couches were Sly in his pirate costume, Bentley in his mad scientist costume, Murray in his Thor costume, Penelope in her witch costume, Danger Mouse in his vampire costume, Fifi in her mummy costume and, surprisingly, Stiletto in a costume that proves to be unidentified at the moment.
"... and the escaped maniac was calling from OUTSIDE THE HOUSE!" Dimitri, in his rapper costumes, tries to tell the group a scary story but to no avail. "Actually no ... INSIDE THE HOUSE!"
The group groaned as they threw soda cans at Dimitri who takes a seat at the armchair.
"That was an awful story!" Bentley cried. "It's hurting my brain!"
"Si, it's a-terrible!" Stiletto agreed with the intelligent turtle. "Barone can tell a-better story that that!"
"There's no way you're winning the bet." Danger Mouse smirked, just as Penfold in his bunny costume approaches him.
"Cor, what bet, chief?" Penfold asked the group.
"Whoever tells the scariest story wins the pot, Penfold." Sly explained to Penfold as he shows him a large pile of candy on the table. "Our Halloween candy."
"Oooh!" Penfold cried in awe.
"And whoever tells the worst story (probably Dimitri) has to wear their costume until Christmas." Murray added. "And by Christmas, we mean the second episode of Nomicon's 12 Tales of Christmas."
"Oooh, sounds like fun!" Penfold sits on an empty seat beside Murray. "Count me in!"
"Your turn, Fifi." Sly said to Fifi. "Ante up."
Fifk smirks as she walks up to the table and dumps her candy onto the pile.
"Okay," Fifi began. "We open on the Weinerman family driving along a twisty mountain road ..."
The Shining Weinerman
On a foggy Tuesday morning, the Weinerman car is traveling along a twisty mountain road.
"Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there." Mort told his family with enthusiasm.
"Howard, did you remember to lock the front door?" the mother, Martha asked Howard who was busy listening to music on his iPhone.
Howard quickly stops his iPhone and facepalms, completely forgotten about locking the front door. "Dammit!"
()()()()()
On a foggy Wednesday morning, the Weinerman car is traveling along a twisty mountain road.
"Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there." Mort told his family with enthusiasm.
"Howard, when you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door too?" Martha asked Howard who was busy playing a handheld game.
Howard pauses the game and facepalms again, also forgotten about locking the back door. "Dammit! Dammit!"
()()()()()
On a foggy Thursday morning, the Weinerman car is traveling along a twisty mountain road. This time, Mort didn't say anything with enthusiasm and the family are silent.
"Oh no!" Heidi gasped. "We forgot to turn off the family computer!"
No one answered. Howard was busy playing his handheld game, Mort was driving, Martha was reading a magazine and Uncle Clive was drinking beer.
"What about the computer?" Heidi asked her family.
Howard scoffs. "What about it?"
After many long hours of driving, the Weinermans saw a very large mansion located in the mountains from a distance.
"There it is," Mort cried with enthusiasm once more as the car pulls up in front of the mansion. "We're finally here."
As the family hop out of the car, McFist and Viceroy approach them.
"Oh joy." McFist cried upon seeing the Weinermans. "The Hebrew slaves I've captured have arrived."
"Sir, they're the new winter caretakers for the lodge." Viceroy corrected McFist. "And I find your comment to be very offensive."
"Yes, Viceroy." McFist replied. "They worked hard and they play hard."
McFist looks at the Weinermans. "Allow me to show you the ropes before getting into your jobs."
The Weinermans follow McFist and Viceroy inside the lodge where they are given a tour of the lodge. Believe it or not, the lodge is huge. Like a castle. A lone person could live in this place like a king.
"Viceroy, tell them what you know about the lodge!" McFist ordered Viceroy.
Letting out a sigh, Viceroy turns his attention to the Weinermans. "This lodge has quite a long and colorful history. In the late 1800s, this lodge was built by a rich Canadian settler who lived in this place like a king. He would often bring visitors into his home, but for unknown reasons, said visitors never came out of the lodge."
"Has anyone tried to solve the mystery ever since?" Martha asked Viceroy.
"Many tried, none succeeded."
As the group continue to walk down the hallway, they stop in front of an elevator. On its own, the elevator doors open and out came a river of red liquid that reach up to the group's ankles, flooding the main floor.
"Oh boy." McFist cried nervously as he played with his fingers. "Those rats have been getting into a collection of rich red wine lately."
"Wine?" Uncle Clive spoke as he bends down and began drinking the red river, much to the other's disgust.
Is it clean, sir?" Mort asked McFist who gives Mort a huge smile on his face, the biggest Mort has ever seen.
"I guarantee you that the wine's 100% clean and doesn't smell bad!"
Matha looks around and notices that Heidi isn't with the group. "Has anyone seen Heidi?"
()()()()()
Outside the lodge, Heidi explores the beautiful garden where a hippo groundskeeper is busy watering parts of a hedge maze. Little does Heidi know, her consciousness began to read the hippo's mind.
Get a hold of yourself, Murray, you gotta protect that family. One of them is going to go insane and kill them all during a snowstorm.
"A snowstorm?" Heidi asked the hippo, Murray.
Murray jumps upon hearing Heidi's voice and looks straight at her eyes. He gasps. "You read my thoughts! You've got the Shining!"
"The Shining?" Heidi asked. "What's that?"
"The ability to read minds at will." Murray explained. "Look kid, one of your family member's going to go insane and kill all of you. If that happens, just use that ... power of yours to call me and I'll come and help you."
Before Heidi could say anything, Murray vanished.
()()()()()
Meanwhile, Viceroy walks into a dark basement with a pair of scissors in his hands. With only a flashlight to guide him, Viceroy makes his way to the wall where he sees two wires hooked up. Looking to make sure no one was looking, Viceroy cuts both wires. Satisfied, Viceroy keeps looking in the basement until he sees two crates of beer. Putting the scissors away, Viceroy picks up two crates of beer and leaves the basement where he sees McFist waiting for him outside the lodge. He had a wicked look on his face.
"Yes, by cutting of TV cable, internet cable and the beer supply, I can ensure an honest winter's work out of those Jews."
"Sir, you really need to stop being offensive to the Jewish community." Viceroy told McFist as he puts the beer crates in the trunk of a limo. "Do you even stop to think that maybe doing this that caused previous caretakers to go insane and murder their families?"
"Maybe, but there's more to that than this." McFist replied as he and Viceroy enter the limo. "Tell you what, Viceroy. We come back and everyone's dead, I'll give you a raise."
And then, the two men left for the winter.
()()()()()
Inside the lodge, the Weinermans are making themselves a home. Howard is on the computer, but when he tries to open up the internet, the webpage didn't load and instead, Howard notices an error message that tell him that the internet is disconnected.
"This is wonk!" Howard cried. "Can't even get in touch with Cunningham on Facebook!"
()()()()()
Uncle Clive is in the kitchen, getting something to drink. However, when he opens the fridge, there is no traces of beer being there.
"No beer?" Uncle Clive cried. "This is bogus!"
With nothing to drink, Uncle Clive returns to the living room where he saw Howard sitting on the couch.
"Internet disconnected?" Uncle Clive asked Howard who nods.
"No beer?" Howard asked Uncle Clive who also nods.
"Well that leaves us to watch TV instead." Uncle Clive spoke.
"Sounds good to me." Howard agreed with his uncle as they turned on the TV. "How about that game show channel?"
But when they get into the game show channel, all they see is static. Uncle Clive tries a few more channels, but all he and Howard saw are statics.
"Bogus!" Uncle Clive cried.
"The cable's out!" Howard cried. "Worst vacation ever!"
"Howard, there's plenty of things you can do to keep yourself occupied." Mort told Howard with enthusiasm.
"And you really need to stop drinking beer for a while." Heidi said to Uncle Clive.
Just the thought of not being able to drink beer makes Uncle Clive go crazy. "I'll kill you!"
With Howard, it's the same, except thinking about not watching TV or using the internet makes him go crazy. "I'll kill you all!"
"Uncle Clive! Howard!" Heidi tries to stop her uncle and brother from going crazy.
Fortunately for the family, Uncle Clive and Howard are relieved from their brief madness. "Sorry."
"Well, I'm going to find something to do. Maybe I'll check out that weapons collection." Howard said as he and Uncle Clive left the room the family are in.
"I'll come with you too." Uncle Clive followed behind as the door closes, but opens again when Howard's head pops back in with an evil look on his face.
"See you later …" And then the door shuts again.
"Heidi, is either one of them going to kill us?" Martha asked Heidi.
"We're just going to have to wait and see, Mom." Heidi replied
()()()()()
Meanwhile, at a deserted lodge bar, Howard and Uncle Clive sat on one of the bar stools, waiting for service. As if their eyes aren't imagining weird things, a ghostly Chris McClean, host of Total Drama, materializes behind the bar.
"So, what'll it be, fellas?" Chris asked Howard and Uncle Clive.
"Give me a beer!" Uncle Clive cried desperately.
"Is there Wi-Fi in this place?" Howard cried as well. "I'm desperate for internet right now!"
"I guarantee you 100% that I have beer and Wi-Fi in me, and I can give them to you both." Chris replied with a grin. "But it's gonna cost you …"
"I don't care!" Howard grabs Chris by the collar. "I'll take it!"
()()()()()
Days have passed by and winter have come to the lodge. A terrible snowstorm has occurred and the Weinermans are trapped inside the lodge until the storm clears off. Lately, both Uncle Clive and Howard are acting strange.
One day, Heidi was in her room reading a magazine when without warning, her powers began to show her a vision. In her vision, Uncle Clive is walking outside of the lodge in a bad weather. His eyes look hallucinated as if he is seeing things from his imagination. She could hear him whispering the word "beer" over and over again.
Uncle Clive, get back inside! Heidi's thoughts mentally warned Uncle Clive.
Unfortunately for her, Uncle Clive did not read her thoughts back. Without thinking, Heidi runs out of her room to go outside. By the time she reaches the hallways, she saw a pair of twins standing in front of her. Both of them wore red cheer-leading outfits with white high-heeled boots. Both of them have very lightly blonde hair that reached to their shoulders, both have light skin tones and both have dull teal eyes. The only difference is that the twin on the left has a beauty mark under her right eye.
"Join us, Heidi." The twins chanted the words repeatedly to Heidi.
Then, Heidi gets another vision, more like a look into the past where instead of seeing the twins looking at her, she saw the twins lying dead on the floor, covered in their own blood.
"He's going to kill you, Heidi." The twins chanted at Heidi. "Kill you all."
Another vision pops up into Heidi's head. This time, she sees the same river of red wine flooding the hallways and making their way into the elevator. Scared of seeing her visions, Heidi realizes that it wasn't red wine that flooded the hallways. It was blood.
And Heidi screams.
()()()()()
Outside the lodge, Uncle Clive freezes to death after staying outside for far too long without warm clothes to wear. Chris' ghost appears and laughs at Uncle Clive's demise.
"That was awesome!" Chris cried between laughs. "All this for a beer? Man, this dude has no life. Literally."
()()()()()
Meanwhile, Mort walks into a darkened room, looking for Howard.
"Howard?" Mort cried. "Howard!"
But he saw nothing but a large desk and a typewriter on it in the center of the room. "Hmm … what he's typed might be a window into his sudden madness."
Tension grows the closer Mort is to the typewriter. He sighs as he slowly lifts the paper from the typewriter and reads it.
Feeling fine.
Mort sighs in relief. Howard was okay. But this was proven to be wrong when lightning strikes, every time it strikes, it reveals the words "No TV and no internet make Howard go insane" scribbled all over the walls repeatedly. Mort was horrified.
And if that wasn't bad enough, Howard bursts in with a mad look on his face. "HELLO!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Mort screamed so loud that even the late Uncle Clive could hear it from outside.
"So what do you think, father?" Howard spoke in a monotone to his father as he flickers the lights on. "All I need now is a title."
Approaching closer and closer to a scared Mort, Howard continues. "I was thinking along the lines of No TV and No Internet Make Howard ... something, something."
"Go insane?" Mort timidly asked his son.
"Don't mind if I do!" To Mort's horror, Howard makes crazy noises and faces and once he's finished, he charges at his father. Mort runs over to whatever he can uses to threaten his insane son - a baseball bat.
"Stay away from me, Howie!" Mort cried at Howard who backs his father slowly up some stairs.
"Give me the bat, father!" Howard warns Mort as he keeps backing him slowly up the stairs. "Give me the bat!"
Without even thinking, Mort swings the bat at Howard and all of a sudden, the bat hits him, causing his son to fall down the stairs, unconscious.
()()()()()
Several minutes later, Mort hauls Howard's body into a cold storage room. Despite his skinny appearance, Mort is surprisingly strong.
"You stay here until you're well-behaved and no longer insane." Mort told Howard as he walks out of the room. "I'm sorry, but this is for your own good."
And then, Mort closes the door behind him. As soon as Mort left, Howard regains consciousness.
"Ow, that's fucking hurt!" Howard cried as he feels his head. A twisted smile formed across his face. "They'll pay ..."
Noticing an ax lying in the corner, Howard's smile grew more twisted. His mind is now filled with a desire to kill, mixed with insanity.
"They'll all pay."
()()()()()
Meanwhile, the remaining members of the Weinerman family all sit around peacefully eating dinner.
"I hope Howie gets better." Mort spoke silently.
()()()()()
Outside the door, Howard chops his way win with an ax. Once finished, he lets his head through the hole.
"Heeeere's Howie!"
However, the room Howard was trying to get into was empty.
"Dammit!"
()()()()()
Howard chops through another door, and pokes his head inside.
"Hooooward Weinerman!"
Instead of seeing his family, Howard saw old man Herbert.
"Hi, Howard." Herbert spoke with a high-pitched, very soft voice with a sight whistle lisp. "I'm Herbert."
"Dammit!"
()()()()()
For the third time in a row, Howard chops through another door and poles his head inside.
"I'm Justin Bieber, I'm Kayne West and I'm Snoop Dogg!" Howard yelled as he holds a ticking stopwatch. "All this and Eminem tonight on Much More!"
This time, Howard succeeds on finding his family. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The rest of the family got out of their seats and began to run away from Howard. This insane individual is out to get blood and won't rest until everyone is dead. They noticed a door nearby so they quickly run through it. By the time everyone but Howard went through, Mort closes the door tightly and locks it to prevent Howard from getting them. They run through the hallways and kept going until they run into the lobby and hid behind one of the thick, dark curtains by the windows. Outside, a terrible snowstorm occurred and blocked most of the lodge's entrances. They're trapped.
"It's hopeless." Mort frets. "We're trapped inside and Howie's out there to get our blood. What do we do?!"
"Don't worry, Dad." Heidi assures her father. "I can use my ... Shining ... to call Murray."
Heidi takes a breath and starts to concentrate on her powers.
()()()()()
Meanwhile, in a small shack not far from the lodge, Murray was watching the news from his handheld TV. Just then, his brain began to hurt as if someone is trying to read his mind.
"Uh oh! The pretty lady and her family are in trouble!" Murray cried as he runs out of his sack and throws his TV into the snow. "I'm coming to the rescue, pretty lady!"
He made his way through the snowstorm in order to get to one of the lodge's entrances.
"Alright, Howie!" Murray yelled as he enters the lodge. "Show me what you got!"
Unfortunately for Murray, Howard was hiding behind the corner. The moment Howard saw Murray, he made his move. He drives an axe into the hippo's back who then screams in pain.
"Is that the best you can do?" Murray asked Howard before collapsing onto the floor, dead. The family was horrified.
"I wish he didn't die that early." Mort cried. "He's got a life ahead of him."
While still having the murderous look on his face, Howard pulls the ax off of Murray's bloodied back and walks towards his family menacingly with the ax.
"Must kill family." Howard drones.
Fearing for their lives, the family run outside into the snow, but the snow was too much and too thick, their chances of escaping was slim as Howard gains on them. Heidi collapses onto the snow and notices the TV Murray had thrown out earlier. This was her chance. As Howard raises the ax high above his head to chop his family into bits, Heidi holds up the TV into her brother's face. "Howard, look!"
"Television!" Howard cried upon looking at the TV, letting the ax fall into the snow, allowing Heidi to let her brother hold the television. "Friend, teacher, secret lover."
The more Howard is focused on the the TV, his urge to kill his family began to fade away until it disappears from his head entirely. The family sighs in relief.
"Come, family." Howard spoke to his family. "Sit in the snow with Howie and let us all bask in TV's warming glow."
Seeing how harmless he is, the family sits close to Howard as the entire family watch TV.
" ... and then, the family froze to death and when McFist and Viceroy came back to check on them months later, Viceroy was given a raise." Fifi concludes her story. "Now that's a story."
The group is impressed with Fifi's story.
"That was pretty awesome." Danger Mouse complimented on Fifi's story.
But Stiletto wasn't.
"Eh, I can tell a-better story than a-that." Stiletto said to Fifi with such cockiness coming out from his beak.
"Oh really?" Fifi asked Stiletto. "Then why don't you put your candy where your mouth is!"
"So you want me to eat it?"
Both Fifi and Penelope facepalms at Stiletto's sudden stupidity.
"She means put your candy on the table, idiot!" Penelope snaps at Stiletto.
"Oh." Stiletto walks up to the table and dumps his candy onto the pile. He looks at Sly. "Uh, does a retelling of an old poem counts as a story?"
Sly looks at the group who nods at him. "I guess so."
"Okay." Stiletto spoke again as he pulls out a book written by Edgar Allen Poe. "The poem I'm a-retelling is called McFist's Raven. Eh, once upon a midnight dreary ..."
... while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore. Sorry for my rudeness. I believe I am a wealthy gazillionaire who goes by the name Hannibal McFist. While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"Tis some visitor," I muttered. "Tapping at my chamber door - only this and nothing more."
"Are we scared yet, DM?" Penfold asked Danger Mouse.
"Shush, Penfold." Danger Mouse replied. "He's establishing mood here."
Ah, distinctly I remember it was the bleak of December; and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow, vainly I had sought to borrow from my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Marci.
"Oh Marci ..." I cried.
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Marci - nameless here forevermore. The silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each emerald curtain thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before. So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door. Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door. This is it and nothing more."
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer.
"Sir?" said I. "Or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; but the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, that I scarce was sure I heard you."
Here I opened wide the door.
"This better be good." Dimitri muttered.
Darkness there and nothing more.
"You know what's scarier than nothing?" Dimitri asked Stiletto.
"What?" Stiletto asked.
"Anything!"
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token. And the only word there spoken was the whispered word,
"Marci!"
This I whispered and an echo murmured back the word,
"Marci!"
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning. Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely." said I. "Surely that is something at my window lattice. Let me see then what thereat is, and this mystery explore. Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore. Tis the wind and nothing more!"
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there stepped a stately blue-eyed raven of the saintly days of yore. His feathers the messiest of tyrian purple. Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he. But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door, perched upon a bust of William Viceroy III just above my chamber door. Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then, this tyrian bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said. "Art sure no craven. Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore. Tell me, tell me what thy lordly name is on the night's Plutonian shore!"
Quote the raven, "What the juice?"
"Eh, quit it, Murray!" Stiletto yelled at Murray for interrupting the story. "The raven says 'nevermore' and nothing else."
"Fine." Murray shrugged as Stiletto continues.
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore. For we cannot help agreeing that no living being ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door. Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door, with such name as Nevermore.
"Other friends have flown before. On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."
Startled as the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken.
"Doubtless." said I. "What it utters is its only stock and store, caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore. Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore of 'never-nevermore'"
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling. Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of the bird and bust and door; then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore. What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore meant in croaking 'nevermore'?
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing to the fowl whose fiery sapphire eyes now burned into my bosom's core; this and more I sat diving, with my head as ease reclining on the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp - light gloated over, but whose velvet violet lining with the lamp - light gloating over, she shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer swung by the angelic Bash Johnson whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried. "Thy God hath lent thee - by the angel he has sent thee respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Marci! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost, Marci!"
Quote the raven, "Nevermore."
"Prophet!" said I. "Thing of evil! Prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore. Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, it shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Marci - clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Marci?"
Quote the raven, "Nevermore."
"Ugh! Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked upstarting. "Get thee back into the tempest and the night's Plutonian short! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! Quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quote the raven, "Nevermore."
"Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door."
Quote the raven, "Nevermore."
"Why you little ...!"
"Uh-oh!"
I lunged for the raven, who flitted off. I chased the raven across and around the room, but it remains barely out of my reach.
"Come back here you little raven!" I shouted, making a mess of my chamber.
I threw a potted plant at the raven, but the wretched raven dodged it and hit me on my bald, blonde head. I continued to chase after the raven, but it seems that the raven have plucked books from the self and dropped each and every one of them on me until I chased the raven no more.
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting on the pallid bust of Viceroy just above my chamber door. And his sapphire eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, and the lamp-light over him streaming throws his shadow on the floor. And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted - nevermore.
"Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha." Quote the raven.
"The end." Stiletto concludes his story.
"Cor, that was pretty scary for a minute." Penfold spoke. "But not enough to beat Fifi's Shining Weinerman story."
"That wasn't scary!" Dimitri boasted. "Not even for a stupid poem."
"Actually, that poem was written in 1845." Bentley noted. "So back then, it was scary for most people."
"You're lucky Dimitri's story was the worst, else you'd be stuck in your costume until Christmas." Murray told Stiletto. "While we're on that subject, what the juice are you supposed to be?"
"I am ze Clyde Barrow! One of ze best American outlaws in history." Stiletto replied before turning his head to the rest of the party. "Eh, Fedora!"
A female crow with long brown hair lifts her face out from a bucket of water filled with apples and looks at Stiletto. She was dressed as Bonnie Parker. She approaches Stiletto and speaks with a Southern accent. "Hi, Stiletto."
"Do you want to rob a kiss with me in the closet?" Stiletto asked in a seductive tone.
Fedora gets what Stiletto's talking about. Taking her hand, Stiletto escorts Fedora into the closet. Once inside, Fedora closes the door and the group could hear kissing noise being made from inside.
"Er, anybody got a story to tell?" Penfold asked the group.
As if on cue, K.C. shows up at her own apartment with a huge sackful of candies hauled over her shoulders. She looked tired.
"Ugh. What a night!" K.C. groaned as she approaches the group. "At least I made it to the party though."
"What were you doing out there?" Danger Mouse asked K.C.
"Some drunk idiots from Quahog decided that it was the perfect time to egg Norrisville High, so I have no choice but to teach them a lesson and earn myself a prize afterwards." K.C. explained while holding up the sack. She looks at the group again. "What were you guys doing anyway?"
"Cor, we're playing a scary-story game." Penfold replied. "Whoever tells the scariest story wins everybody's candy!"
"And a-whoever tells the worst a-story has to a-wear their costume until a-Christmas!" Stiletto added, glaring at Dimitri.
"How about it, cousin?" Sly pressures K.C. "You in?"
Not saying a word, K.C. responds by harshly throwing the sack onto the candy pile, informing the group that she is accepting the challenge.
"It all took place in Norrisville High." K.C. began. "Just like any other school day ..."
Is Detention On The Menu?
It just like any other school days in Norrisville High. The students were being teenagers, the teachers were being grumpy old people. Even the fact that the ninja protecting the school from monster attacks is considered normal in Norrisville High. At science class, Mrs. Driscoll was giving her class a boring lecture, save for the really smart students. Randy was bored like crazy, but he knew that he needed to get his grades up. As he gives himself in to listening Mrs. Driscoll's boring lecture, a small folded piece of paper lands on Randy's desk from his right.
Looking at his right, Randy took notice that it was Howard who gave him the paper.
"Pass it to Morgan." Howard whispers to Randy.
"But I'll get caught." Randy defends himself.
"Don't care. What's really important is that Morgan gets that note." Howard silently scowls at his friend. "So quit being a shoob and give her the fucking note, Cunningham."
Looking at he left, Randy saw Morgan sitting next to him, also bored out of her mind. "This is boring."
Randy makes sure to check to see if Mrs. Driscoll's back was turned to the class. If she sees him passing notes in class, he is certain that he'll be dead. He then looks at Howard. He'll probably won't speak to him anymore if he doesn't give Morgan the note. He looks at his teacher.
Good. Her back is turned for a minute. Now's his chance.
Very carefully, Randy proceeds on to passing the note to Morgan, but just about mid-way ...
"Passing notes in my class, Randy Cunningham?" Mrs. Driscoll's disappointed voice broke Randy's concentration.
Randy slowly turns away from Morgan and sees his pissed-off science teacher standing in front of him. Before he could react, Mrs. Driscoll had snatched the note off of his hands.
"I'm afraid you've got yourself a week's worth of detention." Mrs. Driscoll told Randy. "Hopefully, you will learn that passing notes in my class is unacceptable."
Randy said nothing as he gets up from his seat and walk out of the classroom. Howard probably won't forgive him for this.
()()()()()
The walk to the detention room only took Randy about 5 minutes to get there. Norrisville High is a pretty big school. Randy couldn't help that he was upset at Howard for getting him into this mess. Oh well. He'll have to give him the talk later after school.
But when Randy finally makes it to the detention room, he saw from behind the door the room is filled with misbehaving teens. It was so filled up that most of the students were pressed against the windows. Some have little to no oxygen left, and just thinking about it reminds Randy of his fear of sarcophaguses.
"Over here, mister!" The band instructor, Jane yelled at Randy while holding a ruler in the palm of her hands. "The detention room is dangerously overcrowded so you'll have to serve time in the cafeteria."
"Oxygen … running out …" A little boy wheezed from the detention room.
"You should have thought of that before you throw spitballs at the teacher!" Jane yelled at the boy.
()()()()()
Unfortunately, the cafeteria is also filled with misbehaving teenagers. It only took Randy about a minute to find a seat available for him – a spot between Sierra and Bash. Randy was happy that Sierra was there to talk to, but he was upset that Bash was there to probably bully him.
"What got you landed in here?" Sierra asked Randy who sat in-between her and Bash.
"Howard." Randy replied. "Wants me to give Morgan the note during science class."
He looks at Sierra. "What did you do to get detention, Sierra?"
"Same reason you're here." Sierra answered. "Howard wants me to give Morgan the note during Latin class."
Randy frowns. "If we survive this, I'm giving Howard the talk."
"You and me both, Randy." Sierra placed her right arm around Randy, pulling him close. "You and me both."
Somewhere in the cafeteria, Principal Slimovitz and Jane are surveying the room.
"The cafeteria is also filling up badly, Jane." Principal Slimovitz said to Jane. "I'm not sure how long we can keeps this up."
"Well that makes two of us," the lunch lady informed the principal as she approaches him with a pot full of stew. "Thanks to James Wood High borrowing some budget money from us without permission last week, I'm down to using welfare meat!"
"And what's welfare meat exactly?" Jane asked the lunch lady.
"Circus animals, cat hair and dog poop." Principal Slimovitz and Jane cringed at the lunch lady's answer.
"Would it be wonderful if there's some sort of … common solution to both of our problems?" Principal Slimovitz asked the lunch lady.
The lunch lady just walks away from Principal Slimovitz and Jane, giving them a sarcastic chuckle. "When pigs fly."
The closer the lunch lady walks towards the table that Randy and Sierra are sitting, Bash had an idea stuck in his head.
"Watch this, shoobs." Bash whispers to Randy and Sierra as he sticks his foot out by the side.
Randy and Sierra watch as the lunch lady comes to their direction, but she fails to see Bash's foot sticking out and she ends up getting tripped, causing her to spill some of the stew onto Bash's shirt. Some of the kids laughed at Bash's prank, even if it backfired in the end.
"HEY!" Bash yelled at the lunch lady. "You owe me a new shirt!"
"Bash Johnson!" Principal Slomovitz yelled at Bash as he grabs him by the arm. "This is by far the worst-"
His speech was cut off when he felt some of the stew in his hands. Letting go of Bash, Principal Slimovitz starts licking the stew off of his hands. To his surprise, it taste … good. Actually, the stew tasted better with Bash in it. This gives him an idea.
"Uh, Bash," Principal Slimovitz spoke to Bash in a calm and collected manner. "Why don't you … assist the lunch lady in the kitchen?"
"Fine." Bash grumbles as he walks away with the lunch lady. "But she owes me a new shirt!"
()()()()()
In the kitchen, Bash is forced to clean the inside of a life-sized pot. But the more Bash cleans it, the more meat tenderizer the lunch lady keeps spilling inside.
"How am I supposed to clean this big pot when you keep putting stuff in it!" Bash yelled at the lunch lady who instead of answering him, she simply closes the pot shut.
Bash was not happy. "I ain't working in the dark!"
()()()()()
"Lunch is ready!" the lunch lady cried as she gives each teacher in the teacher's lounge an unusual hamburger.
One by one, the teachers took a bite from their hamburgers to see what they taste like. To their surprise, the hamburgers are … delicious.
"Mmm, mmm, mmm. This burger tasted so young and full of life." Jane compliments on the burger before turning to Principal Slimovitz. "What's with the good grub all of a sudden?"
"Well, I think it's time I tell you and everyone else in here a little secret of mine." Principal Slimovitz announced which caught the teachers' attention. "Do you remember me telling Bash Johnson that I'd make something out of him one day?"
The teachers gasped. Did he really kill Bash Johnson? Did Principal Slimovitz turned Bash into a delicious hamburger that tasted so good, everyone wants more?
"Are you saying that you killed Bash, cooked him and served him for lunch?" Mrs. Driscoll asked Principal Slimovitz.
"As harsh and twisted as it sounds, but it's true." Principal Slimovitz replied with a confident look on his face. This was rare for him to be unusually confident. Sure he has some cheery, go-luck moments, but this … this was new.
"And from the looks of it," Principal Slimovitz continued. "It seems that both of our problems have been solved."
()()()()()
At lunchtime in the cafeteria, the lunch lady was busy serving meals to the students. It was the usual, except this time, the lunch lady began to serve students unusual hamburgers. Some of the students take a first bite of it and they instantly fall for the hamburgers. Some came back for seconds, thirds, even fourths of those hamburgers.
Randy and Sierra were waiting for the lunch lady to give them their meal when Sierra notices that something seems missing.
"I wonder where Bash is today?" Sierra wondered before looking at Randy. "Not that I'm fond of him or anything but, it's not like him to miss the oppurtunity to beat people up for lunch money."
"I'm pretty sure he's skipping school." Randy replied as the lunch lady gives Randy an unsual hamburger. "That's what Bash would normally do."
Before Randy could take a bite of his hamburger, a pudgy hand with tiny fingers swipes the hamburger off of Randy's hands. Both Randy and Sierra turned and saw Howard eating what used to be Randy's hamburger.
"After what happened in science class, Cunningham, I get to eat this, not you since I'm not the one who got caught." Howard told Randy with his mouth full. "Besides, it's totally fair."
But before Randy could say anything to defend his case, Principal Slimovitz approaches the group, noticing Howard eating the hamburger.
"Now that's your 8th helping, Mr. Weinerman, but snatching a hamburger from another student is against the lunch rules." Principal Slimovitz warned Howard with a stern and somewhat greedy look on his face. "I'm afraid you'll have to report to detention."
Howard whined in-between bites. "For how long?"
"Oh, I think 10 minutes a pound should do it." Principal Slimovitz whispered so quietly that neither Howard, Randy no Sierra could hear him.
()()()()()
Two days later at school, the number of students attending Norrisville High is smaller than yesterday's. Those that were sent to detention were never heard of again. Neither Randy nor Sierra heard anything from Howard, Bash and everyone else who were in detention. Even Cindy was never heard of again since this morning. What they do know is that Cindy was caught smoking in the girls' restroom and the next thing they knew, she got detention. They don't know how long she's been there but they do know is that they might not see her again.
First Bash, then Howard and now Cindy? Something is not right.
"Doesn't it seem odd that Howard's got detention two days ago and then just yesterday the cafeteria's serving us a new food called Weiner Dogs?" Randy asked Sierra.
"Yeah, even two days ago, Bash got detention and then out of nowhere, these hamburgers showed up on the cafeteria menu." Sierra added.
"Something is definitely not right." Randy muttered. He must be desperate to find answers. He wants to know why students are getting detentions and are never heard of again.
"I know what you're going to say, and you're right." Sierra spoke again, placing her hand on Randy's shoulder. "We've got to get to the bottom of this!"
()()()()()
In English class, the number of students showing up have been gradually reduced to five. The only ones that showed up are Randy, Sierra, Julian, Doug and Debbie Kang. In front of the class, Mr. Bannister have mysteriously gained a lot of weight and is having troubles moving around and his breathing have become a bit wheezy. Hardly moving a lot, Mr. Bannister wrote something on the board with his fat, pudgy hands that were unable to maintain control of the chalk.
"For you homework tonight, you are to eat a stick of caramel."
The five students exchanged looks.
"Since so many of our students have been giving permanent detentions." Mr. Bannister hiccups mid-way. "We've merged everyone into a single class. I trust there are no objections from either one of you."
The remaining students stayed silent until Doug ended up sneezing so loud that the other students have to move away from him.
Mr. Bannister huffs and turns his sights on Doug. "Detention."
Doug could only groan as he is forced to leave the classroom. As Randy, Sierra, Julian and Debbie Kang work on their schoolwork, Julian notices Mr. Bannister reading a magazine. On the front of the cover was what looks like Julian's decapitated head on the plate with an apple in the head's mouth.
Horrified at what he saw, Julian taps Randy and Sierra on their shoulders.
"You must listen to me, my friends." Julian whispers to Randy and Sierra. "Any one of us could be next. What do you say we escape?"
Both Randy and Sierra quickly nodded as they quietly got out of their seats. Getting on all fours, Randy, Sierra and Julian crawl towards the door and silently open it wide enough for them to escape. Once in the hallways, Randy, Sierra and Julian continue to find an escape route. They sneak past the detention room, only for curiosity to get the best of Randy who went back to the detention room and slowly lifts his head up to let him see what was happening inside.
He'd wish he had not seen that in the first place.
Sierra and Julian noticed and they too take a look in the detention room. Like Randy, both of them wished they have not seen it in the first place.
What Randy saw was horrifying. There were some kids locked in cages, some forced to eat an excessive amount of food until they are bloated and ready to be butchered, and there were some kids that are already dead and had their organs removed. Either way, it's a good chance that Randy may never see Cindy again.
And I didn't get to tell her how I really feel ... Randy thought sadly.
In one of the cages, Randy saw Bucky shaking the cage, trying to get out. When a hammer bangs on the bars, Bucky instantly stops shaking. Looking up, he saw Principal Slimovitz.
"Easy there, Bucky. You'll only make yourself tired and stringy." Principal Slimovitz said to Bucky. "And it won't be good for you to become food."
And then, a shadow emerges over Randy, Sierra and Julian. Turning around, they saw the lunch lady who had an insane look in her eyes. Her outfit was drenched with blood and she was holding a butcher's knife. They screamed.
"Don't worry, kids!" Murray runs towards Randy, Julian and Sierra from nowhere. "I'm coming to rescue you!"
Unfortunately for Murray, Principal Slimovitz was hiding behind the corner. The moment the principal saw Murray, he made his move. He drives an ax into the hippo's back who then screams in pain.
"AHH!" Murray cried. "I'm bad at this!"
And then he collapsed and died. The only option Randy, Sierra and Julian could think of now is running away. So they ran. Instead of running away from a crazy lunch lady and a menacing principal, they are running away from almost every single teacher in school – all of them are in zombie-like states where instead of eating brains, they want to eat students.
"Must eat students." The teachers chanted as they chase Randy, Julian and Sierra.
Unfortunately, Julian couldn't run fast enough and before he knew it, he tripped and fell. Randy and Sierra stopped to return to their fallen friend, but Julian stops them.
"Don't! Save yourselves!" Julian cried before the teachers surrounded him and was stabbed to death by the lunch lady.
Randy and Sierra have no choice but to continue running. When the teachers are out of their sight, the run to the clock tower and closed the door shut.
"No one can get us from here." Randy told Sierra once they were inside the clock tower.
But just as Randy had said that, a hand breaks through the door, trying to grab either the teens or the doorknob.
"I was wrong." Randy cried as he and Sierra run upstairs. "RUN!"
The door eventually breaks down and a swarm of teachers began to chase Randy and Sierra.
"Can't they rest for once?!" Sierra cried.
"Not likely." Randy replied. "They won't rest until they get our blood."
Up to the end of the stairs, Randy and Sierra are cornered to a corner when the teacher are slowly gaining up on them.
"We're trapped." Sierra cried.
Randy looks around frantically, looking for a way to escape. Beside him, he notices that the window was opened.
"Through the window!" Randy cried as he grabs Sierra's wrist and was about to go through when they noticed the height.
It was a long way down from here.
"What do we do now?" Sierra cried again.
Randy sighs. "We have to jump."
"What?" Sierra was now beyond scared. "We won't make it!"
"Or are we?" Randy pulls out his ninja mask from his pockets. Sierra eventually understands what Randy was talking about as he puts on the mask and turns into the Norrisville Ninja.
The ninja pulls Sierra closer to him as he lets his scarf catch a pole from a distance. "Hang on!"
And just like that, the ninja jumped, with Sierra clinging onto him. All the teachers could do is growl as their victim escape.
"Yes!" Sierra cried happily as she and the ninja landed safely onto the ground. "We're safe!"
But just as they were about to walk away, they instantly fall deep into a dug-up hole where leaves began to fly upwards and fall down afterwards. Deep within the hole, the ninja and Sierra are unconscious while inside what looks like a huge black pot. Up on the surface, Catfish Booray smiled evilly at his prey.
"Now we're gonna make some nice, juicy burgers!" Catfish Booray sneered evilly. "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
"-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP! Excuse me." K.C. burps by accident before concluding her story. "Anyway, that's my story."
The entire group, even Dimitri, were astonished by K.C. story. Not only that, everyone at the party were very impressed.
"K.C., that was awesome." Danger Mouse was the first to compliment K.C.'s story.
"Cor, I agree." Penfold added. "A story like that deserves all the candy."
"Hear a-that, Dimitri?" Stiletto taunts Dimitri. "Looks a-like you're a-stuck in your costume until a-Christmas!"
Dimitri grunts in response.
"Thanks, guys." K.C. replied. "I'm glad you like it."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" a scream was heard from outside.
"Was that Peter screaming outside." Sly asked K.C. who simply nods.
The group then look at the readers. "HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYBODY!"