No Greater Burden
Chapter Thirty-Five
It was their last day at the reservation. By late afternoon, they would begin their journey home, leaving behind the vast oceans of grasslands, the unforgiving heat, and most of all, their Cheyenne friends, whose futures were so uncertain. Michaela rose early to get a head start on packing their belongings, relieved to find the task on this end was much easier than it had been when they first set out. A little while later, she was joined by Sully, who helped her finish packing, and then together, they loaded the trunk and all their supplies into the wagon.
With everyone awake and ready to leave, and all of their belongings secured, they rode the short distance to the reservation. Upon arriving, the wagon was left in the rear of the clearing behind Cloud Dancing's lodge, where his wedding ceremony would be held in just a few hours. There was one important stop they needed to make before returning for the wedding.
All four adults, two children, and a wolf walked across the reservation toward Running Wolf's lodge. When they reached the front of the lodge, they noticed it was more austere and drab than it had been only a week ago. It had lost all the little touches that had made it a home. Gone were their blankets, the beautiful, decorated robe, wooden carvings, and the pine table they ate their morning meal at each day. All had been given away to the Washita families as reparations. As it was another hot, dry day, with no breeze, Sully was surprised to find that no one was outside and that the door of the lodge was shut. Exchanging a wary glance with Michaela, he knocked on the door. His fears were allayed when the door opened and Night Crane stood before him, a wide grin across her face.
Night Crane stepped outside the lodge to greet them, New Promise in her arms. "It is good to see you. We must stay inside now to avoid the stares and perhaps worse." She glanced uneasily past her friends, across the grassy area, assessing whether anyone was lingering nearby to gawk at them, or to perhaps do something far more menacing. Since the council hearing, they had rocks thrown through their window and insults hurled at them. Satisfied they were safe; she poked her head back inside the lodge and called to her husband, letting him know they had visitors. In seconds, Running Wolf came to stand beside his wife. With a broad smile on his face, he clasped Sully's arm warmly.
Michaela reached for Night Crane's hand. "We came to say goodbye."
Even though they had been expecting the news, Night Crane and Running Wolf shared a silent look of disappointment. With her hand still in Michaela's, Night Crane noticed Katie and Josef looking around for Eyes Like the Sky. She turned her face in their direction. "He is not here. He went with Live in Hopes to the river to catch turtles. But, he will not want you to leave without saying goodbye. If you go now, you can catch up with them."
Josef looked up at his mother with pleading eyes. In the bright morning light, the blue in his eyes seemed to reflect the sky. "Can we, Mama?"
"You may, but come right back after you say goodbye," Michaela said, concerned they would be late for the wedding.
"I'll go with them, make sure they get back in time." Brian thought he should keep an eye on his siblings, knowing how easy it was for children to lose track of time, and how anxious his mother was to stay on schedule. In return, he received a smile of appreciation from his mother.
Running Wolf crouched down to place his hands on Katie's shoulders. "Do we have you to thank for sending our son a friend?"
Katie lowered her eyes to the ground as she felt adult stares boring into her. "I thought they'd like each other," she said in a church-quiet voice, only audible to Running Wolf.
"Thank you. It has made it easier for him here." Running Wolf brought his large arms around Katie and drew her close for a warm embrace. Michaela's eyes misted at hearing the compassion her daughter had shown to her friend. Sully was proud of Katie, but Live in Hopes had impressed him, as well. He faced the more difficult challenge of remaining here and offering friendship to Eyes Like the Sky, when so many of the other children had chosen to ostracize and ridicule him. When Running Wolf released Katie, he noticed a small wolf at her feet, sniffing him, assuring she was all right. "Who is this?"
"Trapper," Josef announced beaming. "Wolf sent him to me. He got his foot caught in a trap and I did what you said. I helped him, and Mama made him all better. Now he's comin' home with us." Josef spoke in a rush. When he finished telling the story, he threw his arms around Running Wolf, sad that the time had come to say goodbye.
Running Wolf held Josef tight to his chest. There was a warm bond between the two of them. He had Josef to thank for bringing their two families together. How different his destiny might have been if they had never met. In the time since he found him lost in the woods, he hadn't seen Josef look so happy. The tiny wolf had started him on the journey to forgiving himself for Wolf's death. "I will miss you, my little friend. Promise me you won't go wandering away from your parents on the way home."
Josef glanced up at him, squinting from the sun. "I promise. I'll miss you, Running Wolf." He hugged him one more time.
"We better go if we're gonna get back in time." Brian reached for his siblings' hands and all three of them headed in the direction of the river to say goodbye to Eyes Like the Sky and Live in Hopes.
Night Crane watched as Brian, Katie and Josef disappeared down the path toward the river. "They have generous hearts. As both of you do. We will miss all of you."
"We'll miss you, too," Michaela said. "Very much."
"When do you leave?" Running Wolf asked. As he looked between Michaela and Sully, a deep sorrow pooled in his chest.
"This afternoon. We can get a half day o' ridin' in 'fore the sun goes down," Sully replied, wishing they had more time together. Since the council, he hadn't visited with Running Wolf as often as he would have liked. He had been absorbed in his own crisis with Cloud Dancing and his concern over Michaela. Their friendship had begun to get back on track, but since it was new, lacking the deep roots he had with Cloud Dancing, it needed more cultivation to fully recover from being uprooted by Running Wolf's past. "I wish we had more time."
"There would never be enough time. There are no words…" Running Wolf's voice vibrated and then faded into nothing. He found it impossible to come up with the right words to thank Sully and tell him what his friendship meant to him.
Sully rested his hand on his shoulder. "There aren't."
"Sully, have you spoken with Cloud Dancing?" Running Wolf's tone was tentative, almost timid.
Sully read the concern etched across his face. "We're all right. After we leave here, we're goin' ta his weddin'." Sully could almost see his entire body ease at the news.
"I was friends with Two Voices as a girl," Night Crane told them, as she placed the baby down in a basket for his nap. "Perhaps, in time, we may find our way to become friends again."
"Cloud Dancin' ain't as angry and he don't blame ya. Give it time," Sully said, pushing the hair that had fallen in his face over his right shoulder.
Night Crane stared off in the distance. "I said terrible words to him. I meant them when I thought he wanted Running Wolf dead. But after his vote on the council, I wanted to speak with him, to thank him, but I didn't know how."
Michaela placed her hand on her arm. "We all said things we regret."
Sully gave her a look of compassion. "Michaela's right. The past week we all said things we wish we didn't. Words wrapped up in that much hate an' anger are more about gettin' the hurt out than what's real. If you're gonna move on, ya gotta let 'em go. That's what me and Cloud Dancin' did. You'll figure out the right time ta talk ta him."
Dorothy had been standing quietly for some time in nervous anticipation of the wedding. She had come to say goodbye to Night Crane, more for a distraction than any deep sorrow at leaving her behind. Though she had become very fond of the young woman, Dorothy's connection to her wasn't as close as Michaela's. Since they had met the Indian couple, her best friend's bond with Night Crane seemed to grow steadily stronger, sending tiny sparks of jealousy coursing through her. She looked forward to having Michaela all to herself again. But, before she left, there was one question she had for her. "Night Crane, I was wondering….wondering about Two Voices," she hesitated feeling foolish. "Will…I mean…do you think," she stammered, embarrassed by the question in her mind that wouldn't rest until she had an answer. "Will she and Cloud Dancing be happy?"
Night Crane noticed the genuine concern in Dorothy's eyes and wondered why she cared so much. She searched her childhood memories for words that might reassure her. "It is true, Two Voices is younger than Cloud Dancing, but she has been through much. She survived Washita, the loss of two husbands and a son. As a child, she was serious and far older than her years. I do not believe their age difference will matter. They are alike in their losses. Any Cheyenne girl would be honored to be chosen by a man of Cloud Dancing's status. I believe she will be a good wife to him and he will be good to her."
"I'm glad. Thank you." Dorothy found only small comfort in the answer as the jaws of jealousy gripped her once again. Some days it was easier to accept their separate lives. It was particularly difficult today, the day of his wedding. "I hope both of you will be all right here. I know Cloud Dancing, if you do what you said to help the Cheyenne, he'll forgive you in time."
Night Crane gave her a warm, polite hug. "Goodbye, Dorothy. I, too, believe, in time, it will be easier for us. Thank you for your support." Night Crane then turned to approach Michaela as the tears she had been trying to hold back filled her eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to you. You have been my good friend, and a true Medicine Woman to me. I would not have been as strong without your support. Go safely and take care of your wonderful family."
Michaela embraced her warmly, awed by how easily she had stepped into her life and taken up residence in her heart. How she would love to have her as a friend in Colorado. "I will treasure our friendship. Please write to us. Perhaps one day we will see each other again."
Night Crane brought her hand to her face, wiping her tears. "I would like that."
With one hand Sully clasped Running Wolf's arm while his other hand was on his shoulder. "Are you gonna be all right here?" he asked, surprised by how hard it was to say goodbye. In a short time, Running Wolf had become a good friend. Though Sully wasn't sure he would ever make peace with his decision to scout for Custer, he had let it go. All that mattered now was the man Running Wolf had become since then, and his commitment to the welfare of the Cheyenne.
"Goodbye, my friend. I will miss you," Running Wolf said, drawing Sully into a bear hug that communicated profound gratitude for his friendship. After a long while, he let go and offered an answer he knew Sully would understand. "All that matters is that Night Crane and I are together, with our children. I will do my best for the Cheyenne and the rest will get easier in time." He paused to regain his composure and lighten the mood. "Travel safely. I will not be there to pull you from a cliff."
Sully chuckled. "We will. Take care o' yourself and your family. We'll see all o' ya again someday."
Cloud Dancing stood in front of his lodge, dressed in his finest clothes for the occasion of his wedding. He wore the wedding shirt that Michaela had tanned and sewn for Sully, and given to him after Washita, as a gift for teaching her about his medicine. His leggings were made of soft elk skin decorated with quillwork and beads and fringed at the bottom. Around his neck, he wore a necklace made of beads and eagle feathers to give him courage on his next journey into marriage. At his side was Sully. He, too, was dressed for the festive occasion, wearing the light tan buckskin shirt that Michaela had made and given to him on their tenth wedding anniversary. On his feet were the moccasins she had given him the other night in the cave. In the bright light of day, they were even more impressive than he remembered.
The sky was an incredible deep shade of blue, the endless expanse broken up occasionally by puffy, white clouds. It was as hot and dry as the days had been throughout July, but the air was clean and everything seemed to sparkle. A small group of elders and their families, and all of Two Voices family were assembled to witness the ceremony. Michaela, Brian, Dorothy, and the children stood to the side, directly across from Sully and Cloud Dancing. Even Trapper was in attendance, as Josef was afraid he would disappear into the woods if they left him alone in the wagon. From the slope of the small hill where they were gathered, a rough-legged hawk rose above the grassy plains, his loud cry seeming to call everyone to attention.
Cloud Dancing was surprised by the extent of his nervousness. Having been married before, he knew what to expect, but it had been a long time, over ten years, since he had shared his life with a woman. He had grown accustomed to his solitary life, and in the past few days had become acutely aware that this union was far different from the one he had entered into with Snow Bird. That marriage, he had chosen for himself, to a woman who understood and complemented him perfectly. This one was for his people, to fulfill a higher calling. Snow Bird had been so different from Two Voices. She was strong, outspoken, and grounded him with her gentle humor. Two Voices possessed a quiet strength beneath her youthful vulnerability and together he was confident they would build a good life working on behalf of the Cheyenne.
Sully's presence calmed his nerves and his support bolstered his confidence. He was grateful his brother could stand beside him as he embarked on this next milestone in his life. It hardly seemed possible that he could have ever dishonored and trampled over all that Sully had meant to him and the Cheyenne. He still felt a cold stab of shame and remorse at his spiteful words. Over the past few days, the time they spent hunting and talking had healed the deep wounds, and restored the bonds of their friendship, as if nothing had ever come between them. He knew the sturdy foundation, upon which their friendship had been built and nurtured through time, allowed it to withstand the impact of such an emotional earthquake, leaving it stronger in its wake.
The booming of the drums carried a song of celebration through the air as Two Voices rode toward Cloud Dancing's tepee on a horse led by her mother. She was dressed in a beautiful doeskin wedding dress, decorated with elaborate beadwork and a breastplate of long ivory porcupine quills. Ornate jewelry decorated her wrists and hands, and a large turquoise stone hung from her neck. In her right hand she held a fan made from the wing of a red-tailed hawk. When the horse came to a stop in front of him, Cloud Dancing helped her to the ground and held out his hand. Her smile was open and bright as she took his offered hand and went to stand beside him. They faced each other with their left hands clasped together in hopeful anticipation of what was to come.
As Dorothy watched the couple standing before each other, she ached with affection for him. It was really over. There could be no more wondering, hoping, or asking what if. A sorrowful resignation settled in her gut as she realized that this trip had delivered the closure she thought she wanted. It hadn't been the outcome of her late night fantasies, but in reality, anything other than a final goodbye was impossible.
Observing the joy on the couple's faces brought a rush of tears to her eyes. She fought hard to control them from spilling over, just as she fought to squelch the hot pangs of jealousy that strangled her insides. The wedding gift she most wanted to give Cloud Dancing was to remain strong and wish him the very best in his new marriage.
Cloud Dancing had brought out the best in her. Dorothy could be petty and selfish at times, her opinion easily swayed by the crowd. But, with Cloud Dancing, she became more open-minded and in touch with a world outside herself. She liked herself more when she was in his company. During the long trip home, she would find a way to embrace what she had learned from having him in her life, and come to terms with the empty void his absence had created.
Strong Bow stood before the couple. Though the Cheyenne were usually married without an officiator, the chief had wanted to be present, and say a few words out of respect for Cloud Dancing's status in the tribe. With their daily life on the reservation a constant struggle for survival, he encouraged the tribe to revel in celebrating the infrequent and hard-earned occasions of happiness.
Strong Bow lit the pipe filled with a braid of sweet grass, inhaled, and then fanned the smoke toward the lodge, offering prayers for the couple. The prayers sounded warm and melodic, filtering through the air like a song. They were prayers for their happiness, for their lodge to be blessed with many children, and that they may enjoy a long life together. Then the pipe was passed around for others to recite a prayer for the couple. After saying a few final words, they were married. Cloud Dancing took both her hands in his and leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers in a brief, affectionate kiss.
Sully was the first to congratulate the couple. He wished Two Voices much happiness with his friend before he turned and drew Cloud Dancing into a warm, tight embrace. "Congratulations," he said, patting him on the back.
Cloud Dancing held onto Sully with all the strength in his arms, unsure when they would see each other again. "Thank you, my brother. It meant a great deal to me that you were able to stand beside me. More than I could ever express."
When they separated, Sully kept his hand on his shoulder. "Glad we could be here." Unable to find the words to say goodbye, Sully fell into silence. They both looked at each other for a long moment, the expressions on their faces communicating more than any words. Finally Sully found his voice. "This ain't goodbye."
Cloud Dancing felt the constriction in his throat. "No, it is not goodbye."
Michaela interrupted them to give her best to the couple and to face Cloud Dancing for the last time before they left for home. "I never know how to say goodbye to you."
He brought her into his arms, hugging her warmly. "It is not goodbye. In my heart, I know we will see each other again. Thank you for all you have done for us and for the medicine."
Michaela hugged him back tightly. "You are more than welcome. Be well." When she stepped out of Cloud Dancing's embrace, she reached for Sully's hand, squeezing it to silently communicate that she understood how difficult this moment was for him. He gave her a faint smile of gratitude. Together they watched as Cloud Dancing said goodbye to Brian and the children, even bending down to scratch Trapper's head.
Dorothy wiped away a tear that had slipped down her cheek, despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. With her heart knocking in her chest, she took several deep, consoling breaths before she joined the others in congratulating the couple. After she offered best wishes to his new wife, Dorothy turned to Cloud Dancing. Several moments of silence passed between them as she struggled to push aside her loss before speaking. "I truly hope you will be happy Cloud Dancing."
He saw the sincerity in her eyes and took her hand in his. "That means a great deal to me."
"Goodbye, Cloud Dancing." A friendly squeeze of his hand was the most intimate contact she was capable of, fearing what being in his arms for the last time might stir.
Cloud Dancing seemed to understand this silent agreement and patted her hand. "Goodbye, Dorothy." As certain as he was that he would see Sully and Michaela again, he was just as certain that this was the last time he would see Dorothy. Though they would continue to care and learn about each other from their good friends, she would never make this trip again to see him and he would never visit Colorado Springs. "Take good care of yourself."
"You, too." She gripped his hand one last time before letting go.
Cloud Dancing accepted the well wishes from the many people in his tribe gathered in attendance. Then he waved goodbye again to his good friends, wishing them a safe journey home. When most of the crowd had drifted away, he turned to his bride, took her by the hand and led her into their lodge to enjoy their first afternoon and night together as husband and wife.
After the couple had retreated into the tepee, Sully ushered everyone to the wagon. When he had lifted Josef into the back to join his sister, he noticed Live in Hopes walking toward them.
"I came to say goodbye," Live in Hopes said to Sully, though his eyes darted around looking for Katie.
Sully patted him on the back, amused by his attempt to hide the real reason he had come. "It was real good seein' ya again. Take care o' yourself." He turned toward the back of the wagon and raised his voice. "Katie, come out o' the wagon. Someone wants ta say goodbye ta you."
Live in Hopes politely said goodbye to Michaela, Dorothy and Brian before Katie and Josef had climbed out of the wagon. He smiled at Katie, but first turned to her brother. "Josef, you're all right for a little kid. Don't forget to practice what you learned in all those Cheyenne classes."
Josef beamed up at the older boy. "I won't."
Live in Hopes withdrew a large rectangular piece of wood from his bag. "I have something for you."
"For me?" Josef said, pointing to himself.
"For what you did." Live in Hopes handed the wood to Josef, revealing an intricate design of the face of a wolf carved on the surface. Under the face were the words, Wolf Helper. "You're the real Wolf Helper."
Tears, that always seemed to be close to the surface when he thought about Wolf, collected in his eyes. This time, though, his sad tears mingled with happy ones because, for the first time since Wolf died, Josef felt like he had done something right. "Thank you. I'm gonna take real good care of Trapper." Josef said, throwing his arms around Live in Hopes and squeezing him tight.
Live in Hopes hugged Josef back. "I know you will." Then he stepped toward Katie, aware of the eyes of her parents on both of them. He held out a colorful beaded necklace for her. "I will miss you."
Katie bowed her head forward so he could put the necklace around her neck. Turning around to reach into the wagon, she withdrew her book, Robinson Caruso, and handed it to him. "We didn't get to finish this one, so I want you to have it and think of me while you're reading it."
"I will." He reached over to hug her.
She kissed his cheek and held him tight, tears streaming down her face. "I'll miss you, too," she whispered into his ear.
Sully was moved by the close friendship that had formed between his daughter and Live in Hopes. He felt incredible pride in his children for how they embraced the Cheyenne during their time on the reservation. It was hard to leave, harder than even he had anticipated. He said goodbye to Live in Hopes again and watched the boy walk away, wondering what the future held for him.
After once more settling the children into the back of the wagon, Sully helped Michaela and Dorothy into the front seat. Michaela grabbed the reins while Sully and Brian mounted their horses, trotted to the front of the group, and led the way for the start of their journey home.
To Be Continued...