I believe in nothing
Not the end and not the start
I believe in nothing
Not the earth and not the stars

100 Suns by 30 Seconds To Mars

Is This Our Goodbye?

"Grandpaaaa!" Tyson whined from his nestle of blankets on the couch. "Could you make me snack, please?"

Ryuu, who had been passing the living room whistling an upbeat tune, took a few steps back and popped his head around the doorframe to find his grandson grinning cheekily at him. "Pleaseeee?"

"Y'know T-bone, the doctor said you could start moving around on your crutches after two days. And it's been four," Ryuu responded with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"Oh, but I'm just in so much pain!" Tyson grasped at his heart dramatically. "Everything hurts!"

"You're yapper seems to workin' just fine." He eyed the empty plates and juice boxes littered around the sofa. "And your stomach is back to normal."

"Grandpa! I'm fragile right now!"

"Fragile my tush," Ryuu grumbled as he gathered up the empty plates and stacked them one on top of the other. "You've already scoffed enough to feed a whole country. Ain't even time for tea yet!"

"I'm recovering!"

Ryuu snickered and ruffled his Grandson hair fondly with his free hand. "Well, keep up the good work, ma homie."

Tyson swatted his hand away like it was a pesky fly buzzing around his ears. The untidy mop of navy blue hair now stood in an even messier style and Tyson jutted out his bottom lip while attempting to flatten it.

"I miss my cap," he sighed.

"We can getcha' another one," Ryuu answered as he picked up the rest of the scattered rubbish around the sofa.

"But I want my cap," was the mumbled response and Ryuu could only give a little laugh in return, knowing that no words could comfort his Grandson throughout the mourning period of his beloved cap.

Leaving the teenager to sulk, Ryuu continued whistling from the same note he had stopped on while maneuvering himself and the rubbish he'd collected into the kitchen where he found Bruce making a cup of coffee.

"Yo home dog! Make us a cuppa' tea while you're there!"

It was hard not to detect the anger in Bruce's movements. The way he exhaled sharply through his nose, slamming the cupboard doors shut and the cup hit the work surface with so much force Ryuu was surprised it didn't shatter. Silence reigned over the room while the two relatives completed their tasks with their backs facing each other. Ryuu began to hum cheerfully whilst he loaded the dishwasher. He did not have to turn around to know that this was infuriating his son even more; he could practically feel him bristling.

"So, I suppose yer still angry with me then, sonny?" He asked nonchalantly and wasn't surprised to be met with strong intake of air that could almost have been mistaken for a growl. He'd been treated to the silent act from Bruce ever since the four Grangers had left the hospital late on Friday night. It was Tuesday now. Almost four full days of angry words and accusations silently manifesting and Ryuu knew they were about to be set loose.

"I just don't understand what the hell you're thinking?" Bruce snarled suddenly as he stirred the contents of his mug. "Why are you acting so carefree? Making jokes and such about a serious issue!"

"Would it really help anyone if we were to cry and be all negative? Would it help Tyson?" Ryuu replied smoothly without batting an eyelid.

"God-damn it, Dad!"

Bruce slammed his hand down onto the counter; the spoon now sitting motionlessly in the mug. Ryuu only blinking softly as he watched his son trying desperately to regain control over his emotions. Bruce breathed heavily before taking one large inhale, holding it for several seconds and exhaling slowly.

"My kid was battered and you act as though you don't even care."

Ryuu lowered his eyes, setting his gaze to the floor. He didn't know whether he felt hurt and insulted by that comment or simply feel sorry for his son's lack of understanding. He supposed he'd just settle with both.

"If you believe that, Bruce, then you really don't know your old man," Ryuu said eventually bringing his gaze back to meet Bruce's own. "And to be honest, I don't think you even know you own kid all that well either."

If you had to describe the expression on Bruce's face right now; you could only say he looked like Ryuu had hit him hard with his kendo sword. His lips were parted and eyes widened. He spluttered something incomprehensible as though he were tossing words around in his mouth; his tongue not quite sure which ones to use in retaliation. Ryuu offered his son one last pointed look before taking his off-white cup of tea by the handle and retreated back into the living room.

Bruce remained in the same stunned position for several seconds; his feelings hurt and pride insulted. He was only snapped out of his stupor upon hearing his father loudly exclaim, "yo T-dawg, hows about we get take-out tonight? I'm starved an' I'm cravin' for a pizza!"

The house was filled with Tyson's delighted cheers, sounding not at all like someone who had been grievously assaulted less than four days previous. How Tyson and Ryuu could remain in such good spirits was a mystery to Bruce when all he wanted to do was find the one responsible for Tyson's injuries and throttle them. It was extreme, but Tyson was his son and he wanted justice! How they thought it was okay to allow the perpetrator to get away punishment free was preposterous. And Hiro had firmly agreed with him.

The weekend had rolled by in hazy mix of memories and dreams for Kai. Several times had Leana and Anthony entered his room asking, demanding and downright pleading for the teen to come downstairs and eat only to be met with mumbled replies stating that he perfectly fine where he was. Reluctantly each time the pair would relent and bring plates of hot meals and snacks to his room even though he had not asked for anything. To their relief he ate and drank everything they'd given him although not until they'd left the room. Hours later when they would come to check on him they'd be met with empty plates and cups whilst he reclined on his bed, arms crossed over his chest and eyes closed. Whether he was asleep or not Leana and Anthony could only speculate because Kai answered neither of them when they called to him. All they could do was remove the plates from the bedside table and shut the light of when they left and hope he recovered from whatever had transpired five nights ago.

Kai had not meant to worry them. But then, he did not lend any time to feel bad about it either. He didn't even care that he hadn't seen his Grandfather's face since the morning of the fight on Friday. It was Wednesday evening now. He'd spent the past few days alone because he needed the time to clear his head and organize his thoughts. And there was a lot to go through. In the past he had easily managed to arrange his views; it was usually a simply process of labelling things as 'relevant' or 'waste of time' and that had worked for him. But that was prior to the Bladebreakers. Now he found it intensely difficult to shove every memory and feeling of them down onto an unused shelf in his mind. They just kept popping back in that annoying fashion like they always have done when he tries to sneak away for some privacy. 'Whatcha' doin' Kai? Why are you on your own? Come join the team! …Oh, come on! Don't be such a grouch!' He could hear their damn irritating voices right now and he hated that they brought a little smile to his face. Although he couldn't imagine they'd welcome him back so enthusiastically if he was ever inclined to pay them a visit… with what he did to Tyson…

Kai wondered if his ex-teammate was okay. It had been dark and he was overcome with rage and stress but he clearly remembered all the blood. How it ran down Tyson's face, stuck to his hands and splattered on his hoodie. He really did a number on the dragon wielder and as compassionate and tolerant as they had been with him in the past; there was no way they would forgive him for such a violent act. Hell, Kai was half surprised Bruce or Hiro had not been banging on the front doors of the mansion. And there couldn't have been anything in the news because his Grandfather checks the newspapers very thoroughly and knowing that Kai had come home very muddy and lightly battered on Friday night – he would have easily connected the dots. Now Kai was pretty confident that his Grandfather wouldn't give the slightest damn if Tyson – or any of his other teammates – were crushed under the wheels of a double-decker bus however if the police were to get involved and link the incident back to the Hiwatari's – who were still struggling to put their name back in the public's favour – then Voltaire would certainly make sure his Grandson would pay the price for adding further tarnish to their reputation.

Kai blinked suddenly. Teammates… damn he did it again. Ex, ex-teammates. He still kept referring to them as his friends or partners even though he'd firmly made the decision to cut them out of his life. It certainly wasn't the best start and –

The bedroom door opened and none other than Voltaire stepped through.

Kai sat himself up straight, his eyes trained on his Grandfather as the man closed the door behind him. In his hand was a thick manila envelope that appeared to have been already opened.

"Have you finished brooding?" Voltaire asked with a slight sneer, striding towards the foot of the bed. Kai swallowed thickly and only offered a nod in return despite the fact that he wanted to scowl. He wasn't brooding. "Good. I hope whatever issues you've had with your friends" – there was that sneer again – "has been resolved because you'll have to make your farewells soon."

As Kai furrowed his eyebrows in confusion; Voltaire tossed the envelope on top of the bed sheets where it landed with a soft thumph! His eyes flickered back and forth from it and then to his Grandfather before Kai eventually took it in his hands and pulled out the contents. There were several slips of paper which he barely glanced at in favour of turning his attention to what seemed to be some kind of brochure. The words which decorated the glossy front page read –

"Whitney Prep School?" Kai spat with disdain. The picture on the front below the title was of a building which Kai could only presume was the school and underneath that was the caption: 'One of the most prestigious schools in the country!'

"You start next month," Voltaire stated unbothered by the outraged expression on his Grandson's face as he flicked open the brochure and read the introductory page. "And I will not accept any misbehaviour from you this time. I had to pull a lot of strings to get you a place, especially since the school year had already begun."

"It's on the other side of the country!" Kai interrupted as if he had heard nothing his Grandfather had said.

"Correct." Voltaire responded simply. "Your uniforms will arrive by Friday and I will need you to try them all on so we can confirm the correct sizes. I should receive your exact starting date sometime soon, until then I expect you to keep up with your studies here."

Kai could only gape at him. This… this was completely unexpected.

"You're just going to send me away? Again?"

Voltaire's eyes narrowed sharply; he did not miss the tone in Kai's voice when he said again. It was accusing and reproachful and it stirred Voltaire's emotions in a discomforting way.

"You have to complete your schooling -"

"Why? I'm already ahead. I could take my exams now."

"Whitney will look impressive on your records," Voltaire brushed him off without batting an eyelid. "And considering you have collected a few blotches during the past couple of years you need something notable to level the scales."

Kai forced himself not to cringe. Yes, expulsion never looks good on anyone's record but was the only solution to send him to a prep school on the other side of the country? Surely there were decent schools closer! Besides why did he even need a piece of paper that said he graduated from a prestigious school when he was due to inherit a rich and powerful company such as the Hiwatari Enterprises? Not that he was looking forward to it but what he did from now until then was irrelevant as far as Kai was concerned.

"Any reason why you couldn't have picked a school in Tokyo?" Kai asked with a touch of sarcasm.

"Watch your lip, boy," Voltaire snarled. "Read through the booklet and get up to date on your studies." He turned on his heel and marched towards the door, grasping the handle to pull it shut behind him. He closed the conversation; "just do as I tell you without argument."

As the door clicked and Voltaire's footsteps could be heard fading away all Kai could do was close his eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. Calm down, don't get angry. It doesn't affect anything anyway. And it didn't. He'd already cut himself off from his friends so leaving the city they lived in was – if anything – only going to help him avoid them. He drew himself up onto his feet and began to pace his room. No, no it did matter. The whole reason for separating himself from the Bladebreakers was to repair the relationship with his Grandfather. That was hardly going to happen with hundreds of miles between them.

He suddenly felt unbelievably restless, hands running through his already untamed hair. With no plan or direction, Kai found himself out of his room and jogging down the stairs whilst shrugging on his hoodie. Someone – maybe Anthony – called his name as he opened the front doors, slipping out and closing them quickly behind him before he could be stopped.

And then he was running, and damn did it fucking hurt. His body may have been stronger than it was five days ago but he was still recovering. His ribs ached instantly, causing his breathing to become harsh and ragged by the time he was barely thirty feet away from the front gates to the mansion. But whatever emotion was stirring within him – he still had trouble distinguishing them after spending years ignoring and pretending they didn't exist – was acting as some sort of obstruction preventing his mind to detect the psychical injuries plaguing his body. He knew it was stupid, that he was only prolonging his recovery time by forcing his overworked body to more physical exertion; but somehow he simply didn't care. He needed out of that house. He needed air. He needed to breathe.

He hadn't been taking any notice of where he was going. The things around him slowly became more dense and cramped; the roads smaller and the horizon blocked by buildings that began to grow taller and taller. He must have been running a long while if he was out of the suburbs and entering urban territory. Taking a sharp turn he cut across the street he was running down, a horn from a car blaring noisily behind him as he managed to power himself out of the way of oncoming vehicles. It was just after 5pm, the working day finished for most and the roads were already crowded as workers hurried to leave the metropolis. If he had continued in the direction he had been previously running in then no doubt Kai would have been ground to a halt by the crowds heading for the subways, packed tightly together like cattle on a wagon destined for the slaughter house. So he took to the back streets, navigating through the winding labyrinth of alleys until he reached an opening that took him to a quieter side of the city.

He did not stop running immediately despite the fact that his breathing was extremely ragged and beads of sweat collected upon his brow beginning to roll down his temple. But eventually after a few more twists and turns down streets he did not take the time to recognise; the pain flaring in his ankle and ribs got the better of him and Kai came to a grinding halt. Gasping, he leaned over, hands bracing his upper body on his thighs as he shut his eyes and focused on not passing the fuck out.

When he finally reopened his eyes he took a moment to glance around him and found himself throwing his head back with a humourless laugh.

Oh irony, you absolute utter bitch.

He found himself standing at the bottom of the steps leading up to the sightseeing spot on the cliff top. Typical. The very place where his fight with Tyson had started.

"Damn it," Kai mumbled running his hands through his hair that he had not washed in several days. Consequently it hung lank and felt greasy to touch. A frustrated sigh fell from his lips; one which he couldn't tell if it aimed at himself, his Grandfather, Tyson or the whole stupid situation he was in. Probably all of them.

He wasn't sure why he didn't just walk away but then again he didn't understand half of what he did nowadays. Although he'd made a point to ignore whatever the hell Tyson or the any of the others had to say about his Grandfather, sometimes he found himself thinking about their words. Why did he do it? Why did he stay with a man who obviously didn't consider his wellbeing to be a priority? Why did his Grandfather put him in the Abbey? Why did he hit him? Why did he try to kill him?

When he reached the top of the steps, Kai immediately looked out over to where the ocean met the cloudy grey sky. He was breathing heavily again - the climb having taken a lot out of him - but the shivering and shaking in his hands was caused by his thoughts. Slowly, he approached the cliff edge; those trembling hands coming up to grasp the railings and Kai realised at that moment that they were not a very good barrier. Anybody could tumble over the edge here. A small child runs too close the edge and trips. A teenager trying to look clever by standing on them losses their balance. A grown man is forced over by the strong and open winds that frequented the area. And then there were those that were not some tragic accident. Someone, if inclined to do so, could easily climb over the rails – three steps is all it would take – and let gravity do the rest.

Kai looked straight down to where the unsettled waves crashed against the rocks and grimaced. There were better ways to die. If one were to jump here they would probably miss the rocks and land straight into the deep waters. Was immediate death certain in that case? The fall would certainly cause some damage, broken bones maybe, but then what? Flailing, panicking, attempting to scream but receiving a mouth full of sea water before the waves dragged you under. Everything is darker under water and your eyes would only see light like it was at the end of a tunnel. A tunnel that you could not reach the end of. You'd grow weaker with every second deprived of air and when your lungs were full to bursting with water the light would fade like you were being dragged further and further away from the end of your tunnel…

He'd always wondered why they said you went into a light in death when it was the exact opposite.

That's what had happened to him anyway. He went into the dark that is.

At first he'd been able to see his Grandfather's face rather clearly, even through the restless water that swam above his eyes as he thrashed. He'd tried, aggressively, rigorously, to knock away the hands that gripped his shoulders keeping him pinned down, pinned underneath, but he grew weaker and weaker as his brain was starved of oxygen. With his movement becoming sluggish, Kai had done the only things he could think of doing. He'd leaned backwards thinking he could reach the floor with his hands and - using the last of his strength – push himself up or at the very least away from the force keeping him under.

But he hadn't been able to reach. The bottom of the tank had been far out of touch.

It was in the moment when he was hit with gut-wrenching fear. When he realized there was no miracle, no spectacular stunt he could pull off.

He was going to die.

He could no longer see his Grandfathers face although it was so close. It was too dark. His vision had become tunnelled and at the end of it was a light that was rapidly fading with his strength. One last shuddering breathe and then nothing.

Kai blinked himself back to reality, his gaze still focused down to the bottom of the cliff watching the waves roll and knowing that the seabed lay far, far below.

It made him feel physically sick.

Truth be told, he loved the ocean. At least he loved looking at it, especially when the wind was almost non-existent and the water appeared motionless. It was soothing, tranquil and seemed limitless. It gave Kai the impression of freedom. But the depth frightened him. It was the same with any large body of water where he knew his feet could not touch the bottom while his head remained above the surface. It wasn't necessarily drowning that he was afraid of – although that was part of his phobia – but sinking. The thought of descending into a lightless abyss and having nothing to grab a hold of.

Kai pushed away from the barrier and slowly distanced himself from the edge of the cliff, his stomach churning unpleasantly. It had been over a year since that incident with his Grandfather in the tank. Kai sneered to himself; fucking tank, dumb name. Why couldn't they just call it what it was? Then again, it sounded more mysterious and ominous than simple calling it a pool. And Kai was not about to admit to anybody that he was scared of a swimming pool. He'd already made a fool out of himself with Bruce and Hiro when he was still stuck in Tyson's body. No doubt Hiro would have told Tyson about that episode by now and then Tyson would have gone on to tell the rest of the brat pack.

He was honestly surprised that they hadn't figured it out by now. Tyson exempt of course. But the others – Kenny especially – should have put two and two together by now. They had seen how he had reacted when the ice began to crack out on Lake Baikal; he'd been petrified.

If there was one thing that Kai missed about that dark bitbeast it was the confidence and omnipotence it provided him. With Black Dranzer in his hand, Kai had felt unstoppable. Nothing in the world could frighten or control him. That's why on that day he picked Lake Baikal for his showdown with the Bladebreakers. Boris thought that he had him under control so commanding a Biovolt officer to fly him half way across Russia without any authorization had been his act of defiance against Boris. And then there had been his Grandfather who had always had a brilliant method of twisting and using his weaknesses against him. He chose Lake Baikal, the largest and deepest freshwater lake in the entire world, to stage his battle and what was supposed to be his triumph. It was his way of telling his Grandfather that he no longer feared anything. A bold salute in the form of a raised middle finger; fuck you, you don't control me anymore. It was supposed to have been liberating.

But then it all went to shit.

He lost. And all the confidence and bravado came crashing down. And he was slapped with the reality that he was a tiny, tiny boy stood upon the deepest fucking lake in the world, separated only by a sheet of ice that was beginning to crack. And just as the soles of his shoes froze to the ice; he too froze with crippling fear.

But they saved me, Kai thought as he slowly made his way back to the steps as he clearly remember the gloved had that reached out to him and the voice that begged him to come back to them. They forgave me.

It suddenly dwelled on Kai what danger he had not only put himself in, but them as well. Fuck, he could have killed them all. But still they forgave him. Brushed everything under the rug and welcomed him back with open and loving arms. His Grandfather would never do something like that. His Grandfather would probably kill him for less. In fact, hadn't he already?

Out of the corner of his eye, Kai spotted something on the ground and he paused mid-step. Letting go of his depressing thoughts Kai let out a laugh, one that was – for a change – actually amused. Lying lifelessly next to the path of steps he was currently traveling down was a cap, red and blue colours just about visible under the layer of barely dried mud that covered it.

Tyson's cap.

Kai vaguely recalled that the dragon-wielder had not been wearing it after he'd been followed to the warehouse and assumed he must have lost it sometime during their confrontation up here. Kai smirked as he scooped down – ignoring his aching and protesting body – and plucked the cap up from the ground, batting it several times through the air to try and shake off some of the filth. It didn't have much effect and the cap didn't seem any less dirty. Nonetheless, Kai held it up in front of his face and expected it fondly and a small smile teasing his lips.

Tyson absolutely loved this stupid cap. It was beyond Kai's comprehension. Firstly caps were as lame as hell but if he was forced to own and wear one then he could have certainly picked out a more appealing one than this.

The smile faltered a little as Kai wondered if Tyson had noticed his beloved cap was missing. Stupid question really… of course he would have. He'd probably be crying over it.

The thought made Kai chuckle somewhat. He folded the cap as much as he could and shoved it inside the large pockets on his hoodie whilst vaguely wondering if he was bipolar or something. His emotions were yo-yoing. One minute he was enraged, the next broody and now he felt… lighter. Like something had been lifted from his shoulders. He still felt burdened, like he was carrying more than he should have been capable of but somehow he felt like he could balance it a bit better.

This was his goodbye. There was nothing formal about it and he would probably be on the other side of the country settled in his new school before the Bladebreakers even knew about; which was probably for the best. He had a strong feeling that this new resolve would crumble if he were to see their faces again. Especially Tyson's. He would just end up back at square one; torn between them and his Grandfather.

His fingers curled around the cap as he walked. At least now he had a little memento to take with him. He hoped Tyson wouldn't mind too much.

His farewell gift that wasn't really a gift.

Two year hiatus? What two year hiatus?

I'm terribly sorry… again… But it's Valentine's Day! It's a day for love, so love me and forgive me! I promise the next chapter is in works already and I have week off soon which I'll definitely get in a few hours of writing. The storyline will start moving again with several confrontations coming.

If you don't hate me too much, please leave a review.

Cherry

P.S. I revamped and updated chapter 12 last year because it disappeared for some reason.