ERIC

I wake with a start and look at my ringing phone. I look at the clock and it's only five AM and I can't think of who would be calling me this early since Sookie is right beside me. I say hello and the first uttered "Bror" sends me spinning. I had gotten up from bed to leave the room so I didn't bother Sookie but my knees weaken and I fall to the floor on the side of my bed. "Bror?" he says again because I didn't answer.

"Sander?" I whisper, afraid to hope that I am not dreaming.

"Eric," he says and my heart bursts sending pain throughout my body. I want to throw up but I'm happy so it makes no sense. I want to weep but no tears come. Nothing I'm feeling makes any sense.

"Bror, Jag har saknat dig(brother, I have missed you)," he says.

"Sander." It's still the only thing I can say. I pull myself off the floor and walk out of the bedroom to have a conversation with my brother for the first time in years.

I think I'm in shock because I don't hear Sookie come up to me. I don't know how long I've been sitting here. All of a sudden, she sits next to me and gently takes the phone from my hand. She reaches to stroke my face as I turn my eyes to her.

"Baby, what happened?" she says, looking into my eyes, her face etched with concern.

"Sander," I whisper once I find my voice and she looks grief stricken. "He called me," I choke out.

She smiles, the sadness gone from her face. "Honey, that's great! Is he okay?"

"He's clean, Sookie. He wants to come see me and Annika. He's been clean for a year. He says that when he heard he was going to be an uncle, he decided his life needed to change." My brother wants to be my Annika's uncle. My brother is clean and healthy, not dead in a ditch. My brother is coming to see me!

"Oh, honey, I'm so happy for you," she says, throwing her arms around my neck.

I'm so happy! I want to do something with this feeling but I don't know what so I do something else that makes me so happy. I make love to my girl. Feeling her body around mine is the best kind of bliss and I'm lucky that she seems to sense what I need and gives it to me. She is always happy to give me what I want and I love her all the more for it.

"What about your mom?" Sookie asks gently as we lie together after, caressing each other's skin.

"He talks to her. He, um, sees someone with her. A counselor." I don't know how I feel about that. I will have to think about it some more.

Sookie's eyes light up. "Oh, that is such a good thing!" she says with her hand on my cheek. "That's so good for them!"

"It's part of his program," I say quickly in case she gets any ideas about me going to talk to a shrink. I don't think I could do that.

"Will you tell me about your brother?"

"Can I tell you tonight? I...It's sometimes hard to think about him." I know she's been curious about him for a while but thinking about my little brother brings some really terrible feelings to the surface. I can't do it now when I have the whole day to get through.

As if she wants to save her daddy from his own personal hell, Annika wakes up and starts to cry. She cries now in the morning instead of being content to talk to herself for a while.

"I'll get her," I say and jump up to put my boxers back on.

"Du vill bara att gå upp och gå, eller hur prinsessa?(You just want to get up and walk, don't you princess?)," I ask her little face when I pick her up. She immediately kicks her chubby little legs so I will put her down.

"Dada!" she says.

I kiss her cheek and tell her she has to wait until we get downstairs to walk. This is all she wants to do these days. She walks from the couch to the chair and back again all day. Or from Sookie to me and back if we sit on the floor with our legs open. Considering she will be one in less than two weeks, I shouldn't be surprised but it feels like yesterday that I was up feeding her all night and wrapping her tightly in blankets.

"Din farbror ringde idag. Vill du träffa honom?(Your uncle called today. Do you want to meet him?)," I ask Anni as I change and dress her. I have to practically wrestle her into her clothes because she just wants to get down to practice her new skill.

"Da," she says. Down. She uses this word almost as much as Dada.

That's how I know she still really misses Sookie—she wants to be held by her still for a long time when she comes over. She lays her little head on Sookie's shoulder and then pops up to look at her face, says Sookie's name, and then lays her head down again. She does this over and over and it makes Sookie laugh. Every time, Sookie says 'yeah, it's me' and I melt a little. I love to see my two girls together. It still does funny things to my stomach.

As soon as I finish wrestling the little alligator into her clothes, I bring her down so we can eat breakfast. We have some errands to run today for Annika's birthday party next weekend. We also need to pick up some things for our trip to Bon Temps in two weeks. It will be warm down there and Annika does not have any warm weather clothes in her size. Pam asked if she could take Annika clothes shopping with Sookie but if that happened, I'm afraid of what she would come home with. Does Jimmy Choo make baby shoes? Does Burberry make little dresses? Ugh, I know way too much about fashion thanks to Pam's incessant chatter on the topic. I should not know what Louboutins are.

"Sookie, what do you want for breakfast?" I ask, once we are downstairs. I put Annika on the floor by the couch and she immediately toddles off to find Sookie. They are almost inseparable when we are together. I wonder if Annika will like Sander. He'll be staying here for almost the whole month of April.

Annika is tenacious and she doesn't mind falling as many times as it takes to reach her destination. Sookie says she gets her determination from me. I like that. At least I passed on something good.

"Want to make waffles?" says Sookie, coming from the kitchen and walking straight to Annika. Anni stops walking to lift her arms to Sookie.

"Uh!" she requests and Sookie picks her up.

I'm really fucking proud of all the things she says. I feel like she's probably the smartest baby on the planet. When I tell Sookie that, she pats my arm and smiles big, telling me that I am absolutely right. Now I really have to watch my language. Annika is always listening and I'm sure the next time I drop an f bomb in front of her, she will repeat it back to me. Or worse, to some mom at the music class Haley takes her to. Then they will think I'm a horrible dad and won't want their kid to hang out with my kid for fear of bad influence. When I told this to Sookie, she smiled big and patted me then, too. I think that must just be what she does when she doesn't want to laugh at me. But I don't want the kid from the single dad household to be thought of as a bad influence. Annika will be different enough because she doesn't have a mom. Well, except for Sookie. Sookie is pretty much her mom but not really. She does everything a mom would do except she's not here all the time.

I'm still the single dad raising the little girl on his own. People either pity me or act like I'm this great person when really I'm just doing the best I can. Annika is happy, though, and Haley says her music teacher loves her and thinks she's smart and friendly. So, I am doing something right. A lot right, according to Sookie and I actually kind of believe her. Watching Anni develop into this little person that I took care of and loved and taught, makes me think I kind of know what I'm doing.

"Waffles, Eric?" Sookie asks again.

"Sure, waffles!" I say. Sookie has the best recipe for waffles and then she puts whipped cream and strawberries on top and I eat them while fantasies of where else I could put whipped cream play out in my head. And she wonders why I hum through breakfast. Mmm, whipped cream boobies. Almost as good as the chocolate boobies I had last week.

"Eric, do you think I don't know that you want to squirt whipped cream all over my breasts?" She whispers the word 'breasts' for Annika's sake.

"Whatever do you mean?" Shit, am I that obvious?

"Uh, you look at the can with sex eyes and practically drool while looking at my chest when I put some on your waffles. And then you hum while you eat them. You always hum when you are really happy to be eating something."

"I don't hum when I eat you," I say and then scoot past her quickly to start taking bowls and ingredients out for her. She makes that exasperated noise I hear so often when I'm cheeky with her and follows me into the kitchen after she puts Anni in her high chair.

"Wicked. You are so bad," she says, coming up to kiss me.

"You love it," I whisper back before I grab her hair in my fist and deepen the kiss. I walk her backwards until her back hits the counter and murmur in her ear, "You know, we still haven't christened this kitchen. I would love to squirt whipped cream all over your breasts and lick it off. Then I would move lower and do the same thing."

"Yeah, that sounds like fun. I could squirt some on you too."

"You could do that right now if you want." Annika can't see us from around the corner where she is munching her cheerios.

"Mmm, I could...but I'm making waffles right now," she says as she steps away with an evil smile.

She starts to put the ingredients in the bowls and I walk up behind her and hug her which is pretty much my position when she is cooking. She says it's hard to cook with a 200plus pound barnacle clinging to her but she does it anyway. I'm clingy, what can I say? As I stand behind her with my face in her neck and hair, I keep thinking about my conversation with my brother earlier.

"I still can't believe my brother called me. My brother, Sookie. He's okay!"

She puts her whisk down and turns around to kiss my chin and hug me. "I am so happy for you, Eric. I can't wait to meet him. Does he look like you? Do you have a picture of him?"

"Uh, he kind of looks like me. He's tall but his hair is darker. He looks like Mom." He's lucky in that regard. He doesn't have to look in the mirror and see my father looking back at him.

"And you..."

"I don't," I say.

She kisses me softly as she smoothes her hands over my hair, ears, and jaw, effectively petting my whole head. She does it to soothe me and it works every time. At least I'm aware of how easily my mood can be manipulated. I can also do the same thing to her, which just proves to me how connected we are. I am an expert at taking away her stress when her studies are difficult. She calls me her Swedish stress smasher and says I need a superhero costume with a triple S on it. I assumed she meant because of our sex fikas but she said it was just my presence that makes her happy. That's pretty awesome.

"Well, you're beautiful," she says. I don't know why she always says that. It sounds funny.

"Yeah. Are you ready for the waffle maker? I'll get it heating up."

She looks at me for a second and her eyes see right into my soul I think. "Yes, please," she says, giving me a little smile. I know she holds back what she wants to say to me a lot. I know she wants me to talk more about things that bother me. I'm working on it. Really.

After waffles, which I did not hum through just to prove I am not always so predictable, we get dressed and get in the car because the Swedish bakery where I want to order Anni's cake is about an hour away. I've never taken such a long drive with Sookie and it's nice to just spend the time talking to her. But halfway through our drive, Annika gets crabby because she can't see anything and nobody is talking to her. We have some crazy kid's music on that I'm going to be humming for days but Anni wants someone to talk to.

"Sookie, want to drive and I'll sit in the back with her?"

"Really? You'd let me drive your...whatever this thing is?"

"Tesla," I say chuckling. Sookie is so not into material things, she doesn't even know what I drive.

"Tesla, okay but it's a bit too fancy for me!"

"Well, it's no Corvette."

"Aww, did you have to give up your Corvette?"

"Yes." I know I'm scowling and I know Annika is worth more than a stupid car but I loved that stupid car.

"Well, this car is pretty cool!" I love how she's trying to cheer me up even though she doesn't care at all about either car. "I don't really want to drive it though. I can sit in the back with Anni."

"Will you? Thanks!" I pull over at the next place I can and Sookie crawls into the back seat. I cringe because she is stepping on my pristine leather but then her ass is sticking up and my hands take off toward it.

She makes this weird high pitched yip when I pinch her ass and I nearly spit out the water I just took a sip of. I'm shaking with laughter when I notice that she is not laughing at all. She looks pissed. Shit.

"Sookie, I'm sorry. Are you mad, angel?"

"I'm fine, Eric. Just drive, okay."

"Did I hurt you? I was just playing." Fuck. I am such an asshole. She looks really upset. I get out of the car and go around to open her door and pull her out. As soon as I pull her against my body, I can feel her heart beating wildly in her chest. "Angel, did I hurt you? Please tell me why you're upset. I am so sorry!"

She presses her face into my chest and I pet her hair and drop a kiss onto her head. "I don't want to talk about it," she mumbles into my shirt. At least that's what I think she said.

"Okay, you don't have to but is it...are you mad at me?" There is no way that I can expect her to talk if she doesn't want to when she is so careful not to push me. But I can't stand the thought that she is mad at me.

She looks up into my face and gives me a weak smile. "I'm not mad at you. Can we drive?" she asks in a very small voice. A voice that makes me want to open my coat and wrap it around her body to protect her from whatever is making her so scared. I hold her for another few seconds before I reluctantly let her go and get back into the car. I smile at her in the rearview mirror and she looks away and out the window. I don't know what to do. I don't like this feeling. I can't stand her sadness.

"Eric," she says from over my shoulder, "Speed up, baby. Everyone is passing you."

Oh, shit, she's right. I'm going about 50 when I should be going much faster. "I'm sorry. I'm just...sorry."

"Annika is asleep, do you want me to sit next to you?"

"Please."

She climbs through the seats again and sits down next to me, taking my hand. "I'm fine. Okay?"

I give her a skeptical look and she laughs. That sound, like her touch, soothes the feeling in my chest like I can't breathe. I know I just have to let this go because she doesn't want to talk about it but this fucking sucks. Is this how she feels when I keep her locked out of my feelings? Shit. Not knowing what upset her, not knowing how to help her—it's making my chest ache and my stomach hurt. I can't do the same thing to her. This is the worst feeling. I can't do this to her.

The rest of the drive is pretty much silent. Anni is asleep so I change to a regular music station and Sookie just looks out the window. I keep glancing over at her and she smiles at me when I catch her eye but she seems so far away right now. It's scaring me a little.

Once I park at the bakery, I turn to Sookie and take her hand. "Sookie, I feel...I think I made you sad and I feel like shit. I know you don't want to talk about it and I can respect that, I just...this feeling, like I can't do anything to help you when I love you so fucking much...it's...I just feel like shit, basically." I laugh nervously because I feel really awkward for some reason. I feel like I'm an intruder into her sadness that has nothing to do with me, but that I want to take away nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, Eric—"

"Don't apologize to me, Sookie. This is my fault."

"This isn't your fault. It's just...it just is. I'm okay and I can't really get into it right now. Let's just go eat some cake, okay?" She smiles big but her eyes don't crinkle so I know she's not really happy but I will let it go.

I pull Annika in her carseat out of the car because she's still asleep and lug the heavy thing into the bakery.

"It smells like heaven in here!" Sookie laughs.

"Oh my god," I groan, "Let's live here!" This place smells amazing! I want to lick the walls!

"Hi, can I help you?" says the woman behind the counter. She has a Swedish accent so without thinking I dive into Swedish and tell her I need a birthday cake for my daughter. I want a princess cake, which I think Sookie will love.

"Oh, sorry for the Swedish!" I tell Sookie. "I want to order a princess cake for Anni. Do you want to taste one. I see a couple."

"What is it?"

"It is, without a doubt, the best cake on this planet! Sponge cake filled with jam and custard, topped with a bunch of whipped cream and marzipan. It's a Swedish traditional cake. Want a slice?"

"Heck yes!" she says with a big and genuine smile. This is the smile I love and it evaporates my ache just by looking at it.

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Looks like they both have some things to talk about and now that Eric knows a little of what it's like to be on the other side, hopefully he will try to be more forthcoming with Sookie. But we get Sander! Eric is happy, how about you?

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