AN: Hi GUYS! Merry Christmas and happy holidays! I swear I'm not quitting on this story. I will update if it's the last thing I do...

However, I thought this chapter would be a Christmas present from me to you, my lovely, supportive, awesome readers. So without further ado, I present Chapter 37.

Cruel Reflections

All characters belong to Cassandra Clare

Chapter 37

Magnus' point of view

Work was a good distraction…except when it wasn't. All had been going well. It was a busy and bubbly Saturday night at Jessie's. The music played comfortingly in the background as the warm space filled with voices chattering away all of Magnus' worries. He made drinks left and right and lost himself in work. The only problem was that work never seemed to last long enough. Sooner than he would've liked, he found himself gathering his things in the backroom and waving goodbye to Sophie, who was in charge of closing up.

Magnus walked home under the yellow light radiating from streetlamps. All the snow had melted away and spring was persistently coming alive. He fiddled a cigarette between his fingers before deciding to light it. He was replacing one craving with another. He'd gone through packs of cigarettes in record time ever since the break with Alexander had started. He was beginning to forget why he ever thought going on a break was a good idea. Still, he had some kind of steel resolve inside of him that kept him from picking up the phone and calling Alec, just to see how he was doing.

He was nearly done with his smoke when he reached his front door. He was about to dump the cigarette when a sudden movement startled him.

"Hi."

Magnus brought the cigarette back to his lips and inhaled the very last of the smoke puffing away into the mild night air. "Hi."

Magnus narrowed his eyes and looked over the boy with golden hair. He stood in the dark with an aura radiating confidence and a huge ego, but something about Jace Wayland was different from when Magnus had last seen him. Gone was the façade of cockiness replaced by…good intentions?

"I'm here to talk about Alec," Jace stated, pulling one of his trade mark smiles.

"I'm not interested," Magnus said, throwing his cigarette away. He began opening the door when Jace calmly placed his hand on his forearm.

"I'm fairly sure that's not true, Sparkles."

"Don't call me 'Sparkles'."

"Come on. This 'break' is ruining my life, not to mention Alec's. My best buddie is all depressed because you decided no more make out sessions was a good idea," Jace scoffed and shook his head. "I mean, when is no make out sessions ever a good idea?"

Magnus tried to hide a smile. The guy was amusing, he'd admit that. "Look, I don't think it's a good idea."

"That's why you're talking to me, Jace Wayland, the king of bad ideas," Jace said and spread his arms in a grand gesture.

"I'm tired and grumpy," Magnus offered.

"No need to state the obvious," Jace remarked. "Now let's go in. I wanna pet your kitty."

Magnus sighed as he beckoned Jace to enter. He closed the door behind them firmly, still mulling over every slight tinge of innuendo audible in his voice. "Yes, I forgot what a traitor that rat catcher was." Magnus eyed his beloved pet cradle happily into Jace's arms. The golden boy hugged the ball of fur and scratched the Chairman's chin.

"Who's a good kitty? You're a good kitty? Did you miss me?" Jace cooed at the animal, making Magnus take a double take.

He cleared his throat and got rid of his jacket. "So, did you come here to steal my cat or talk to me about Alec?"

"Both," Jace answered with a smile. "But in all sincerity, I think you guys need to stop this break."

"And why do you think that. Share your no doubt marvellous train of thought with me, oh, won't you!" Magnus exclaimed, sarcasm seething from his words. He should have just stayed at work.

"No need to be crass," Jace said, putting the cat down. Chairman scurried into the kitchen to munch on kitty kibble while Jace and Magnus sat down in the living room. Magnus again threw himself onto his armchair, leaning against one of the hand rests.

"I know you're, eh, not particularly fond of me, yeah, let's put it that way," Jace continued.

Magnus nodded.

" –Which is fine, because we can't all love each other," Jace added, "But I know you are very fond of Alec. And he needs you."

"What Alec needs is time to sort out his problems and his feelings," Magnus said painstakingly slowly. "He doesn't need me messing up his relationship with his family or being there all the time so that he doesn't even know what life without me around feels like. How is he supposed to know if he loves me if he never gets to look at the big picture?"

"Firstly, you're not the cause of Alec's problems with his family. They've been there for at least the three years I've known him and my guess is for more. Second, we don't like the big picture. We're not making five year plans. We're living now and here. We're living, feeling creatures. And trust me; the only thing Alec will remember about this break is how much it hurt." Jace stared at Magnus, his golden eyes uncomfortably careful.

Magnus bit his lip and cringed. He hated knowing that he tried to do good, but it was all turning around on him.

"And if I may add, Alec is going to need you now more than ever."

"Why?"

"He told me Maryse is gonna tell Robert this weekend," Jace said, sounding like he'd suffered a defeat. A part of Magnus wondered if the guy had gone head to head with Alec's mother. He could say a lot of things about Jace Wayland, but he had to give the guy credit for being a good friend.

"Is it really going to be bad?" Magnus asked, feeling the crippling kind of guilt knock on his door. He had a feeling remorse and regret we're in line as well, just waiting for their turns.

"Presumably catastrophic," Jace said, nodding solemnly. He now sat on the floor rubbing the Chairman's fluffy belly. "I mean, Robert Lightwood has this aura about him. He can just radiate disappointment. Did Alec tell you about Izzy's pregnancy scare?"

"Yes, that was a while ago," Magnus admitted. "I haven't paid much thought to it since then."

"Well I guarantee you Isabelle Lightwood has," Jace huffed sadly. "I'm not even supposed to know this, and I'm not even sure if Alec knows all of this, but as you may be aware, girl's talk."

Magnus nodded in thought, signaling Jace to continue.

"Well, Isabelle spilled her guts to Clary. She went on and on about how shitty things are for her at home. Robert still treats her like some huge fuck up. She's been on edge and there's no end in sight."

"Oh," Magnus gasped.

"Alec's mom is pretty chill if you compare the two, but even she can't make that house a happy home when Robert is on a rampage," Jace said, his voice sounding small. "And even though Alec hasn't admitted anything to me, I know he's scared."

Magnus swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. He sighed deeply and covered his temples with his hands. "How is it that when I try to do good, I mess things up?"

Jace gave him a knowing look and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it's because you end up trying too hard, thinking too much."

"Yes, thinking is always bad; it's like jumping off an airplane with a faulty parachute."

"So will you at least talk to Alec?" Jace asked.

"I don't know…I need to think about it," Magnus admitted.

"But you just said…"

"I know what I said," Magnus snapped. "I need to sleep on it is what I meant."

Jace raised his arms in a gesture of defeat. "Hey, sleep all you want."

The room suddenly became very quiet. Only Chairman Meow's purring was audible. Magnus glanced around his house. The room was so familiar; filled with color and spices, pictures of his beloved friends and a portrait of his mom. There were no pictures of Alexander. He let doubt slip into his soul. Had he unconsciously purposely not committed to Alec? Was he looking for a way out? Was he building walls up again?

"So…do I, like, leave now?" Jace's melodic voice snapped him out of his gloomy thoughts.

Magnus pursed his lips and reluctantly got up from his seat. "Are you too tired to drive?"

"Well…I do feel a fatigue taking over me, despite my looks I am just human," Jace said, trying out a sly grin.

"Fine. You can sleep on the couch down here. There's food in the fridge and I'm sure that traitor of a cat will keep you company. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed. I warn you, don't bother me."

"Wow, thanks. You got it Mr. Sparkles!" Jace exclaimed animatedly. The Chairman let out a small meow in the process.

Magnus shot them both a dirty look.

"Sorry," Jace said, looking sheepish, "I forgot."

Magnus shook his head and trotted upstairs. "Sparkles," he muttered under his breath. "Never thought I'd hate the word 'sparkles'".

It certainly wasn't the first time that Magnus had been up at four o' clock in the morning, tossing in his bed after a night of something you couldn't even call sleep. He'd been up every hour, waking because of strange dreams revolving around his family and Alec. The last dream he'd seen had been the one to permanently prevent him from sleeping. He'd seen himself growing old and lonely and bitter. Everything he strived not to be.

The problem about waking up at four o'clock in the morning, is that there's not much to be done at four' o clock in the morning. Unfortunately, Magnus felt like he needed to resolve things right this moment. He itched for action, to do something, to patch all his scars and there was only one person he wanted to do that with. He hadn't fooled anyone and now it had come time to admit that he had not even fooled himself. He knew in his heart that this 'break' was the wrong thing to do. He wanted it to be the right thing, but he had to face the facts and admit to defeat. Maybe the break had been about more than just Alec's issues. It had also been about Magnus' problems. God, knows he had enough problems to go around. Alec's situation had been so dramatic, a perfect cover for Magnus' own insecurities. The weight of the situation crushed onto Magnus, making him feel feverish and sick. He crawled out of bed, putting on his silk dressing gown and feeling his way into the bathroom in the dark. He flicked the switch on the wall, bringing bright fluorescent lights to life. He was shocked by his own reflection. After splashing water on his face, he looked like he was melting, melting under the pressure of decisions. His tawny skin looked pale and pasty in contrast with the rich plumb colored silk. "You stupid, stupid, stupid man, what have you done?" He whispered. "I'm gonna call him. I'm gonna call him right now."

Magnus emerged from the bathroom, rummaging through his bedside table, his hands itching for his phone. His palms were sweaty and his hand shook as he scrolled for Alec's number and pressed dial. He waited in absolute silence. The sound of the dial tone seemed inappropriately loud and as the beeps kept coming without anyone picking up, they started to sound like taunting screeches. "Fuuuck," Magnus whined as he finally stopped the call. "Maybe it's too late. No, it's too early. He isn't awake. He'll call you back. Don't worry." Magnus tried giving himself a pep-talk, but it didn't work. He was too embarrassed to try and call again so he climbed back into bed phone in hand and pulled the covers up to cover him wholly.

Wallowing in his misery, he began scrolling through pictures on his phone. He was looking for a specific picture – Alec on the beach in Greece. It was the first picture of Alec he'd ever seen. It was the one that had made his heart flutter and his world go upside down. He stopped scrolling as he found what he was looking for. He stared for a while, taking everything in, afraid he'd forget every detail too soon. He had been to Greece and seen the white beaches and turquoise water, but the whole scene just looked infinitely more beautiful with Alexander in it. A drop fell onto the screen of Magnus' IPhone. He blinked and wiped it off. "No, you do not get to cry. You've brought this onto yourself," Magnus scolded himself. He had no idea how to fix this. Would Alec even take him back if he apologized for his foolishness? Of course he would, he was so sweet and willing to believe the best in everyone. Was it right? That Magnus could earn his forgiveness? Didn't he need to suffer as well?" "Oh, God! I cannot believe that obnoxious Oscar statue of a boy is right and I'm in the wrong," Magnus silently sobbed. "You've really done it this time, Bane." Another droplet smashed against the dimly lit screen. As Magnus tried to wipe it off he accidentally clicked a link on the photo, sending him straight to I F.R.I.E.N.D.S. He inhaled sharply. He thought he'd gotten rid of the whole application to save space on his phone, but apparently it had survived the great cleansing. "Oh," he smiled, reading through his contacts list. The name 'Peaches' stood at the top of that list. Magnus couldn't help himself. Maybe it was the nostalgic flair he had always carried in his heart or maybe it was a desperate four o' clock in the morning try, but he began typing.

Glittery Kitty: Hi.

Magnus waited, anticipation growing by the minute. After half an hour he sighed and slumped on his bed. It was no use. What reason would Alec have to answer him? He began drifting into the dangerous seas of sleep. He could feel the foggy tentacles of it slowly wrap around his thoughts. He was just about to drift into unconsciousness when a beep woke him up so thoroughly he almost jumped up. Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he clicked to see what had caused the noise. "Please be Alec, please be Alec, please be Alec…" he muttered.

Peaches: Hi.

Magnus sighed in unbelievable relief. What should he reply? He let his fingers fly over the keyboard.

Glittery Kitty: I'm so sorry, Alexander. I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am. I've been a fool.

A moment passed. Magnus waited for a reply. He wondered briefly if he should write more, explain better.

Peaches: Are you drunk?

Magnus blinked. A reasonable question, but why would that be the first thing Alec would ask?

Glittery Kitty: No. I'm as sober as I'll ever be.

Peaches: Then I'm going to kill you.

Magnus' heart stopped. He froze entirely. It was like someone had poured ice water down his throat. A shiver ran over him as he pressed four icons with the utmost care.

Glittery Kitty: Why?

He had plenty of answers for that question of course. He just wanted to know which one Alec had picked. Just so, you know, he could suffer correctly.

Peaches: I hear nothing from you for God knows how long and the first thing you say is 'Hi'.

Glittery Kitty: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think. I haven't been thinking.

Peaches: I'm hurt.

Glittery Kitty: I know. So am I. And I know it's because of me. I've caused us unnecessary suffering. Can we…Can you let me try to fix this?

Peaches: You can't fix this.

Magnus swallowed and tried not to let salty tears escape his eyes. He wiped his eyes with his arm and turned back to his phone.

Peaches: Because if there's anything I've learned during being away from you it is that we can't fix things alone. I need you. And I'm willing to bet that you need me too. I'm still mad, but I need you.

Magnus stared at the text in the dark. The screen was the only light in the room. It hurt his eyes, but he wanted to read that message over and over again just to make sure it was real. The white light burned, but it was nothing compared to what he felt in his heart. Warmth spread through his entire body forcing him to let out a sob. He was ready to cry like a little baby.

Peaches: Magnus?

Glittery Kitty: I don't think I've ever been surer that I love you Alexander Lightwood.

AN: Ya'll know how much I love Cliff Hangers right? You can forgive me? Yes, of course you can. I'll try to update as soon as I can. In the mean time, you guys are welcome to let me know what you thought of this chapter! Also because it is Christmas, I'm going to write a 500 word snippet for the person who comes up with the most fitting song for Magnus' little four o' clock in the morning breakdown. Just leave your suggestion in the reviews and I'll get back to you ASAP. Hope you're all having a wonderful Christmas or just enjoying the winter weather.

Love Always, Alexandra