Okay so with this chapter done it gets me about half way through the requests.
I'm sorry that I haven't done it all in one big chapter but to be honest, that will kill me... dead.
Le Author is not in a patient mood at the moment.
And to those people who sent me present requests AFTER the date I had put down and AFTER reading the last chapter I put up...
I will try and do it...
Mainly because I feel bad leaving you out... Even if it does piss me off to no end lol.
Umm by the time this is chapter is up the new story 'Itachis Advice Column' should also be awake.

Oh yeah I almost forgot...
I had a few people recently (and I mean more than one) message me\cuss me out because I haven't been doing a disclaimer at the beginning of all of my chapters...

So um... To displease the minority... I shall continue not doing disclaimers... Because I think writing on a site called FAN FICTION DOT NET kind of gives you a hint that maybe... just maybe... I am not the author in disguise making up ridiculous and stupid things because it amuses others...
Foolish people.

Okay, I'm done...

The issue with the hair clippers had been resolved shortly after the problem presented itself.
For it seemed Christmas wasn't quite going as Deidara had planned who upon being hit with a Slenderman doll and then catching a glimpse of the shaver, promptly attacked Hidan in a fit of terror.
Amusement had ensued.

Significantly calmed when the imminent threat of having his hair shaved off had passed, Itachi shrank back into the corner next to Kisame and began to play with his sock puppet, which he had called Steve for no adequately explored reason and occasionally glanced up at Deidara and Hidan.

Sasori and Kakuzu watched their partners fighting with distaste, shaking their heads every now and then at a particularly violent movement or a significantly mean threat-

"-wont be so happy when I cut off your head with a toothbrush!"

"OUCH! Dont pull my fucking hair you psychotic little shit!"

...Like those ones.
Rolling his eyes in boredom, Sasori turned back to the pile of gifts, noticing Konan glancing into a box and blushing like a schoolgirl.
Curiosity piqued, Sasori wandered over to her, getting a glimpse of some red and black material before the lid was slammed back onto the box and Konan looked up at him, a mixture of embarrassment and guilt crossing her face.
Sasori raised an eyebrow.
"Konan."
The blue haired woman grimaced then, knowing that conversation with Sasori was inevitable if he was in the mood for it.
Glancing up to him she gulped and waited for him to continue.
"...What have you got in there?"
Konan blinked owlishly and glanced around the room for possible escape routes.
Evidently, she found one because when Sasori turned to see what she was looking at, she disappeared.
Scowling, the puppet master picked up the piece of paper that had fallen from the box, flipping it over to read the scrawled message:

Dear Konan,
I really think you should take advantage of your surroundings and put these to good use.
(Hopefully with Pein)
Sincerely, Ramla

Ps. I didn't know what colour you liked but red and black always looks sexy in the bedroom.

Sasori tilted his head and furrowed his brows at the message.
Sexy?
Just what the hell had Konan gotten anyway?
And why was she going to use it on Pein?
In all likeliness, Sasori decided, he didn't want to know.
Besides, he had just caught sight of a present marked for him.
Beaming, the puppet master lifted up the black box and shook it a few times, frowning when he heard frantic scraping coming from the inside.
God forbid someone has sent me an animal... I think I will open the card first...

Dear Sasori,

Let's make this short. You are my favorite Akatsuki member because of your badassness, similarity to me, and yes, life's goal is to piss us off with annoying Akatsuki members and lack of birthday presents.

So why not piss life off back?

With your birthday present.

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas,
Scorpio.

Oddly flattered, Sasoris lip twitched slightly in what could have passed as a smile...
Only for it to fade into a mask of horror when he opened the present.

If he was to tell the truth, Hidan kind of liked fighting with Deidara.
Maybe it was because Deidara was the only one who would get so angry that he would eventually reduce himself to flailing on the ground and screaming like a girl rather than use actual fighting tactics.
This worked well for Hidan because to summarise, that was pretty much how he, himself fought on a regular basis...
Only he was immortal... So he could get away with shit like that.
Ow fuck...
Hidan winced slightly as Deidara got a good headbutt in and proceeded to return the favour by pinching him on the nipple.
Little bastard, why I outta-

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!"

Their attention immediately caught, Hidan and Deidara ceased their fighting in time to look up and watch with furrowed brows as Sasori jumped onto a table and screeched all sorts of ungodly things.

"GET THEM! HOLY FUCK! GET THEM! HIDAN! YOU ARE IMMORTAL! KILL THE LITTLE FUCKERS BEFORE THEY BREED AND WE GET A MILLION OF THEM IN HERE!"

Hidan was about to reply with something quite mean (because at this angle he couldn't really see anything) until he caught sight hundreds of little scorpions crawling out from what looked to be a half opened present.
Kisame stood from his area in the corner and called across the room, "They are just scorpions, Sasori."
The puppet master jerked towards Kisame, still standing on the table and glared at him,
"JUST!? JUST SCORPIONS!? LOOK AT THEM!"
Kisame glanced uncertainly at the tiny arachnids who at this point in time, seemed content enough to just crawl under something shady and curl up happily to sleep or something.
Biting his lip in what could have been sympathy, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Shark replied,

"You aren't... scared of them are you?"

Hidan sniggered into his hand and Deidara coughed to cover up a laugh as his partner turned a few shades paler.
"O-Of course not. I just don't want them... In my... presence..."

"You have arachnophobia." Pein deadpanned.
Hidan and Deidara cackled at this new found information while Sasori sulked on the table and glared at them.
Whether they took pity on him or because they hadn't yet sated their thirst for imminent destruction, Deidara and Hidan leapt into action, swiping at the small creatures with sharp pointy things and blowing them up all the while hyperventilating as they pointed and laughed at the puppet master.
Sasori bit his lip in fear as he watched them destroy the remaining creatures and scowled when Deidara called out,

"Your NAME means 'Scorpion'! How the frig can you be afraid of something you were named aft- STAY STILL THERE IS ONE ON YOU!"

Sasori closed his eyes tightly and squeaked as he felt his partner swipe one of the creatures off of his cloak, his sense of relief flooding away when Hidan began cackling.
Oh he was going to kill them later for laughing at him...
Kill them and then take them out and buy them whatever they wanted.
That is the plan...


Short chapter again.
Part three will be up soon!
Till then don't forget to rate, review and leave your hideous compulsory complaints after the beep!
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!